Beautiful You

Jesus ... Single Like Me: He Knows What It Feels Like to Be Alone

2010-08-06T12:00:00.000+07:00

Jesus lived his life as a single adult till his death. Because he lived his life as a single adult, he understands every aspect of what you and I are experiencing today. This seriesexamines the "singleness" of Christ in relation to our singleness with the hope you will be encouraged to walk this journey you have been given. A journey that not only leads to the cross for our salvation but to his resurrection for our future.

Jesus Knew What It Felt Like to Be Alone?

I have tried and spent most of my life trying to do everything myself. I am the oldest of three younger brothers. When I was young, I had a father who was rarely home. So from an early age, I took on the responsibility of taking care of myself not to mention my brothers. Starting at the age of 8 I had a paper route plus other ways to make money. Not because it's good for kids to earn money, etc. but because I felt I had to, to take care of myself. This led to a pattern of self-reliance. Sure, my mom was there but she was very busy having to take care of everything in the home. She slowly designated certain activities to me as a way to help her. I quickly learned to do a lot of things on my own. I knew down deep my basic needs would be met; however if I wanted anything else, I would have to find a way to get it myself.

My parents' eventual divorce only led to even more self-reliance, a journey that led toward feeling isolated. Even though my mom remarried a wonderful man, a man who brought a sense of safety into our home, I had already learned to take care of myself. I felt no one understood me. No one could really relate. No one could meet my expectations, including myself sometimes.

This need to control my life, to take care of myself, was out of fear, fear of being alone. I wanted to be safe and know it would all be okay. I wanted someone else to take care of me for a change. I wanted to stop having to work so hard. I stayed weary in the fight to take care of myself. The more years that passed, the more alone I felt. Every time I had to attend another friend's wedding or get a birth announcement or hear about their move up the corporate ladder, it only emphasized my feelings of being alone. No one was there to help. No one could truly understand my pain. No one was there to take the load off. So I learned to carry the load, that is, until I met Jesus.

Jesus understood what it was like to carry a heavy load. Jesus was also the first born in his family. I am sure he remembers the responsibility of taking care of his siblings, helping his parents, etc. not to mention learning a trade to help support his family. The long days of hearing his siblings cry or fuss, or his mother too tired to clean up the dishes, or his father so busy with work that he had to do some of it to help out. Jesus probably felt like I did as a child that things didn't always seem fair. Because he was fully human, I am sure he also felt alone.

Jesus' understanding of being alone continued into his adult life. Jesus started his public ministry with the huge task of calling his disciples. These were men who time after time abandoned Jesus. (Luke 22:4-46). Not because they meant to hurt him, but because they were human. Most of us think of our own needs first. Due to our selfishness, we forget others who are lonely, hurting and need Jesus. Jesus had a huge task of teaching these men (and the many who followed) who he was and why he was here. He taught them a lifetime of knowledge so they would continue his ministry. What a burden on Jesus! So much to do in so little time. So much to do with men who at times forgot who he really was and why he was here. Jesus, I am sure, at times felt like no one was getting it. Was he alone in this battle, this journey? Would these people EVER get it? Do we get it?

Jesus spent the last years of his life, doing whatever it took to get us to understand who he is. That he died for us. That he knows the incredible burden we feel. He may have at times felt alone, not due to him but due to his disciples (even due to us today), but he was NEVER alone. He totally relied on God for all things. He knew from the beginning that without total reliance on God, life would not have purpose. Christ came—ready to take on our load, our burden, and our sins, so that in doing this we would never be alone. Our total dependence on Christ means that you are not alone.

So okay, I hear you Lord. I know I need to depend on you and not me. I know you died for me. I know you said to bring all my burdens to you, all who are heavy laden (Matthew 11:28).

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." This sounds good, Lord. But how can I just give it all to you when I am so used to doing it all myself? How can I trust you? I mean, Lord, do you truly understand how I feel? I am afraid, Lord. I am afraid you will abandon me like some of my friends and family. So, you see, it's just easier to keep doing it all myself. Then I know it will get done. Then I can control the pain, the hurt and rejection."

Then Christ stretched out his hands, and looked into my heart, and whispered," I did this for you, Kris. You don't have to do it anymore. I won't ever leave you. I will never stop loving you. You are so beautiful. I made you. I made you to depend on me. I made you for a relationship with me. Again Kris, you don't have to do it anymore." Then I heard, "kerplunk." That was my load; it's gone. "But Lord, I, I, I ..." "Kris, it's all going to be okay."

Jesus, as a single, as a human, as my Savior understands what feeling alone is all about. The devil tries to make us feel that WE ARE alone. But you have to keep reminding him of the truth. We ARE NOT alone. So every time you begin to feel isolated, misunderstood, and even frustrated, carry it to God. Lean on him for all things. Tell him what is going on in your life. The world can sometimes make you feel like you are alone. Maybe it's due to the truth or a lie, but no matter what we can be assured we are not alone. We have the Lord, our Savior. Thank you, Jesus.

Questions for Discussion or Personal Exploration:

1. When you were young, did you ever feel alone?

2. As an adult, do you ever feel alone? How?

3. What are some positives and negatives of being alone?

4. Read and discuss John 16:32.

5. Read and discuss Matthew 9:2-13.

6. Read and discuss John 8:29.

7. Read and discuss 1 Timothy 5:5.

8. Read and discuss Matthew 28:20.

Application:

Start today to pray and ask the Lord to reveal his truth to you. What in your life are you not giving over to him? What are you still trying to carry yourself? Does carrying this burden create more isolation in your life? He is there, waiting to give it all to him, waiting for your total reliance on him. Waiting to lead you in victory. Can you hear him whisper?

Source: Crosswalk

It's Going To Be Ok. Keep On Going!

2009-10-29T20:27:00.004+07:00

The major difference between average people and achieving people is their perspective of and response to failure. In other words, how I see failure going in, how I respond to failure coming out. Now, we want learn three lesson about it!

Lesson no 1

I have also discovered about failure and problems that our perspective changes tremendously if it is someone else's problem with failure, versus my problem for failure. It's the old joke, major surgery, minor surgery. You know minor surgery is when it's on you and major surgery is when it's on me.

My dad loves to tell this joke about two men who were talking.

One guy says, "I lost my job."

The other guy says, "Well, it could be worse."

The guy says, "My house burned down."

The other guy says, "It could be worse."

"My wife just left me," he responds.

The other guy says, "It could be worse."

What do you mean it could be worse? You just keep saying it could be worse, it could be worse!

The other guy says, "Well, it could have been my job, my house, and my wife."

Isn't it amazing how we can encourage people during their difficulties, failures, and problems and tell them it's going to be okay, but then when it's us, when we're right in the middle of it, all of a sudden we're saying, "Wow, this is tough, this isn't easy. Man, where did all those easy answers go?"

Lesson no 2

Many famous people have been written off as failures. Albert Einstein's parents thought he was mentally handicapped. His teacher became so frustrated with him, she asked him to leave school, and she wrote, "Einstein will never amount to anything." Fred Astaire kept over his fireplace a memo that had been written by an MGM testing director that said, "Can't act, slightly bald, can dance a little."

Abraham Lincoln's fiancé died, he failed in business twice, and was defeated in eight elections before he became president. Richard Bach, who wrote "Jonathon Livingston Seagull," was turned down by 18 publishers before one finally took a chance on him, and during the next ten years, 7 million copies were sold. Wayne Gretsky, perhaps the greatest National Hockey League player ever, when he entered into the hockey league, the report on him was, "He's too small, too slow and probably won't make it in the NHL."

Henry Ford went broke five times, and when he finally put together his first car, he forgot to put a reverse gear in it!

Lesson no 3

A little kid in elementary school was in bed and he was reading a new book about one of his favorite heroes. He loved the hero in this series of books. He's about halfway through the book when he becomes greatly concerned because terrible things are happening to the hero. He's tied up and they've kidnapped him. So, the kid's somewhat worried. Is the hero going to make it? Finally, he can't stand it anymore.

You've done this before, haven't you? I've done this before. You know what he did, don't you? He goes to the back of the book and reads the last couple of pages. He could tell the hero was going to be fine and the hero wasn't going to be captured. So now he goes back and reads the rest of it.

As he's reading, the hero is still in trouble. But, he's smiling as he reads and he's saying to his hero, "It's going to be okay. You don't know what I know, but it's going to be okay."

You don't know what God knows in the midst of your problems and failures, but let me tell you something, it's going to be okay! (from John Maxwell)

Taken from HERE

Enjoying the Earth without Loving the World

2009-10-28T21:14:00.000+07:00

by Gary Thomas
Taken from Boundless

Quick question: Do you consider the world to be a mother or a prostitute?

I'm serious.

Do you see the world God created as a giant temptress, waiting to lure us away from true faith and devotion, or do you see it as a mother who nurtures our faith and disciplines us toward pure devotion and abundant life?

There's a "catch" behind my question, of course. The Bible presents the world in both lights. Various passages warn about the world's allure, while other passages celebrate its abundance and goodness. The great question is how do we reconcile these two apparently opposing viewpoints?

Unfortunately, many traditions focus on one in exclusion to the other. Most often, we choose the negative: The world is a threat, a menace, a temptress. Such traditions deeply suspect any enjoyment in this world and seriously undercut the beauty and goodness of God's creation. They speak as if our job as imprisoned souls is to deny any sensual experience of any kind — and certainly any pleasurable sensual experience — lest we lose our appetite for prayer, worship and Bible study.

Recent traditions of Christianity have had, in my view, a very slanted and negative view of the world, in a way that injures our souls, opposes abundant life, and dishonors the God who created a wonderful place for us to live.

When John tells us not to love the world or anything in the world (1 John 2:15-17), and James tells us that friendship with the world is hatred toward God (4:4), they do not instruct us to despise the sound of a baby's laugh, the taste of cold watermelon on a hot, sunny day, or the drama of achievement; instead they warn us away from finding our happiness, meaning and fulfillment in social systems, polluted appetites, or actions that antagonize God. John makes this crystal clear when he says in his Gospel that God himself loves the world (3:16) and when in one of his letters he defines the world's sinful cravings as lust, boasting, and wayward desires. In other words, the Bible condemns polluted pleasures.

The problem is that we take the Bible's condemnation of the "world" as condemnation of the "earth." This serious mistake has unfortunate consequences to our souls and our view of life. Much of the "world" stands against God and rebels against Him; God created the earth to reveal Himself to us and to provide a place where we can enjoy Him.

Open Windows

I am bold enough to believe that God created this earth not to tempt us, but to reveal Himself to us. Even this fallen world provides windows through which we may glimpse the One who created it.

In her wonderful book Cold Tangerines, Shauna Niequist describes how becoming pregnant made her almost mystically alive to the world's truest and purest pleasures:

One of the best things about being pregnant, I think, is how vividly I taste and feel and smell things. A soft chair can truly make me believe that all is right with the world, and sweet corn and ripe peaches just annihilate me with their flavor. Lavender soap can make me almost pass out with happiness. I have never been so easily and deeply satisfied.

God's design displays utter brilliance. I can't imagine a more intelligent thing for a creator to do than to make a pregnant mother — who is literally re-populating the world — intoxicated with the beauty of life. If she's going to prepare the way, why not make her an enthusiastic fan?

And yet so many Christian teachers persist in setting God's earth up against God's Kingdom — as if the two always oppose one another. We celebrate redemptive activities like prayer and worship, but then pit them against other human realities like marriage, exercise, traveling, reading for pleasure, and laughter.

Don't get me wrong; the hearts of healthy believers naturally gravitate toward worship, singing and thanksgiving. All of these good things bring great joy and pleasure.

God isn't just our redeemer, however; he is also our creator. He made us and He made this world. So when we participate in this world as He made it, we celebrate him every bit as much as we honor Him when we do things that reflect His redeeming work. In fact, it insults Him to deny the glory of His creativity. When we speak of God only as Savior, we use Him as a rescuer — but He is much more than that. He invites us to truly enjoy Him and all that He has made, no longer using God merely to enjoy the world (setting us free from addictions, reclaiming our finances, restoring health), but also using the world to enjoy God.

This is a call to embrace the world in a way that may seem radical to many Christians. How can it honor God to ask him to solve our problems, fix our families, and remove the stain of sin — while ignoring what He delights to create, color and fashion? This is as foolish as someone learning to play the guitar simply to develop stronger and more nimble fingers, or taking up playing the flute so that he can improve his ability to breathe. It misses the beauty and poetry of the entire exercise, reducing this world to a utilitarian throwaway bereft of the mystery and wonder of an infinitely creative and generous God.

I grow weary with the teaching that, even for the redeemed, this good world that God created competes with Him instead of pointing me to Him. I weary of the thinking that separates pleasure from God; as if I'm supposed to "love" God more than I love engaging in a favorite pastime, like running, or enjoying a bite of chocolate. What a bizarre comparison! The fact is, I enjoy chocolate because God gave me taste buds, and any pleasure I derive from eating it is a pleasure designed and sustained by God.1 I can talk about enjoying running or eating chocolate as temptations toward idolatry, or I can talk about them as acts of worship, acknowledging and celebrating the God who makes physical exertion or eating that chocolate both possible and enjoyable. "To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure" (Titus 1:15).

Though this is becoming less common, I tire of pastors who seem to always talk down sexual pleasure. God designed us for sexual pleasure, then He gave us neurochemicals and hormones that make us want to keep going back again and again — of course we're interested in sex! God made us that way; instead of condemning the desire, let's help people build lives seasoned, strengthened and blessed by holy sexual intimacy, seeing it as a wonderful and generous gift by a pleasure-minded and pleasure-giving God.

One contemporary writer sets up this dichotomy between love for God and enjoyment of the world in typical fashion:

But will Jesus be enough? The world seems to offer so much more, so much easier, so much faster. Is there in the beauty of all that Jesus is and offers sufficient joy to keep my soul satisfied and to stem its search for other delights?

It sounds perilous even to suggest that Jesus "isn't enough"; but the above quote sets up an unnecessary contradiction. How does it dishonor the beauty of Jesus to also seek the delights of art, human fellowship, and God-given joys? Jesus doesn't stem these delights; He focuses, sanctifies, and increases them. He created the "best wine ever" for a friend's wedding; He told his followers to look — really look — at the birds of the air and the flowers of the field. He laughed with His disciples and He wept when death took a friend away.

Redeemed by Jesus, I am finally set free to truly enjoy and participate in the things of this earth without becoming sinfully entangled by them.

That, in fact, is the point of this verse from Ecclesiastes: "When God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work — this is a gift of God.... God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart" (5:19, 20b). Look carefully at what God's inspired Word really says: When God gives someone possessions and enables that person to enjoy them — this is God's gift.

The ability to truly enjoy food without becoming a glutton; the ability to handle sensual pleasure without becoming a fornicator or adulterer; the ability to truly laugh, in a healthy way; the ability to manage wealth responsibly and without becoming proud or selfish — these are "creator" blessings that also require the redeemer's touch.

When the Bible says God "enables" us to enjoy them, we can fairly assume this enabling as a second work of grace. Some people who don't honor God may have such things, but not the grace to truly enjoy them. For them, the world may well feel more like a prostitute than a mother.

But not so for the redeemed! Given all this, doesn't it seem far more profitable to teach the church to thank God for good pleasures, rather than to obsessively fear that somehow we must compare and contrast our appreciation for a beautiful painting or a stirring piece of music with our enjoyment of reading through the Psalms and meditating on God's loveliness? God wants both acts to point us toward Him.

The contradiction between the world as prostitute or mother resolves itself in the love, acceptance, and mercy of a forgiving God. When God turns my soul toward Him, many of the very things that used to lure me away from His presence now become causes of celebration and stimulants of vigorous worship. Where before food might have captured my heart, now it captures only my taste-buds and makes my heart sing for such a generous God. Where before acclaim might have captured my soul, now it humbles me and leaves me standing in awe of such a capable God. Where before family might blind me to the eternal, now it gives me a picture of what it means to be part of his heavenly kin. While earthly pleasures aren't ends in themselves, they can effectively serve as signposts to God and doorways to gratitude and spiritual intimacy.

The Jesus Behind the Pleasure

And yet, all the time, I hear the common questions of guilt-laced piety: Newlyweds ask me if it's possible to love their fiancé "too much." Young mothers worry that they may love their babies more than they love God. I hear from believers who feel convinced that, if they play the piano, God will crush their fingers if it becomes "too important," or, if they're really into their jobs, they better volunteer at church or God will send them to the unemployment lines. While most of us don't verbalize these ideas, how often have we thought them?

The church has mastered the art of chasing joy out of virtually every human endeavor.

As just one example, let me explain the spiritual violence we do to young mothers when we shame them for feeling overwhelmed with love for their baby, in a way they may not feel, in that particular moment, for God. Neurologists now understand that when a woman nurses her newborn, her brain releases extra doses of oxytocin and prolactin, neurochemicals that trigger profound feelings of intimacy and a rush of emotional love. In fact, nursing also triggers the release of oxytocin in the infant. In the God-designed act of nursing, mother and child are all but melting into each other, overcome with intense feelings of adoration, intimacy, and closeness. Their brains ping with positive, pleasurable feedback. Scientists have found this chemical reaction to be so overpowering that mother rats chose their newborns over cocaine.

Our creator designed this interaction, and brilliantly so. In a season of life that calls young women to so much work — changing diapers, sleep-deprived nights, dealing with incessant crying and unpleasant smells — it's a mark of God's genius that He also provides for unusually intense emotional bonding.

When that young mother puts down her child and picks up her Bible, there's no way, on a neurological level, that 1 Samuel — and probably not even the Song of Songs — can evoke the same release of oxytocin. Making a young mother feel guilty about this — as if something is wrong with her — goes against God's created order. Explaining what's happening from a neurological perspective will help her understand why she feels so close to her child and perhaps not as close to her husband or even her God.

A more proper response is to teach young mothers to enjoy the intimacy of nursing and use it as a basis for persistent gratitude and worship. Instead of setting these feelings up as something to repent of, the church can urge women to embrace them as one more generous gift from a loving creator.

Here's another example, this one for young singles. How many times are singles told that they have to stop really "wanting" to get married before God will bring them a spouse? This stupidity not only depicts a taunting, teasing God (finally giving us something only after we've stopped wanting it), but it also undercuts the beauty of true marital intimacy, designed by God and generously given to us by God.

Keep in mind, Adam walked with God, enjoyed God, worshiped God, and talked with God far more intensely and directly than we do today. And yet it was God who said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Gen. 2:18).

Catch this: God is literally telling Adam, "It is my opinion that the way you are living — just me and you — is not enough, at least not for now. It isn't good for you to be here with just me and no companion, so I'm creating someone else, a woman, with whom you can share your life and relate to me together."

Brothers and sisters, God told Adam, in one sense, "I'm not enough." Those aren't my words; they're His.

In some lives and in some situations, there will be "only Jesus" — God may take away our spouse, our children, our home, seemingly every enjoyment. And in those situations, yes, we will find that He is, really and truly, enough. But I believe wisdom teaches us such lives are invitation-only, to be entered into only under God's providence. They are not to be pursued as self-imposed obligations. The early church chastised young believers who sought martyrdom; it's one thing to humbly surrender to ultimate persecution. It's another thing entirely to arrogantly exalt yourself into heroic piety, primarily because you want to prove your maturity.

If you want to get married, good for you — that's a sign that you're willing to surrender to God's good, creative order. Don't let others make you feel guilty about it; do everything you can to find a suitable mate, asking for God's help without worrying about offending Him because you deeply desire what He, in fact, designed you to enjoy.

Having said all this, of course it is possible for us to put a person (a child, a romantic attachment, a friend) or a pursuit ahead of God; the Bible presents this as a real threat. We must hold all pleasures with a submissive hand. God makes no secret of how He uses pain, disappointment, difficulty and dryness to shape us into the image of His Son; Christianity will always sing the song of self-denial. But if we teach redeemed Christians to use feelings of love and pleasure to point them to God instead of competing with God, we can use the things of this world to help cement their faith, instead of loosen it.

I love the way C.S. Lewis handled this with a young reader who worried that she loved the Narnia character Aslan more than she loved Jesus. Lewis quite rightly replied that she loved the Jesus in Aslan; everything that drew her to Aslan was the spirit and character of Jesus, so she didn't really love Aslan more. On the contrary, Aslan merely demonstrated the beauty of Jesus in a way that she could understand it.

Marathon Mania

Imagine my surprise when I read one of my favorite Christian authors and he warned about people with empty souls who do things like "have affairs or run marathons." To date, I've run seven marathons, and am scheduled to run two more this fall and one next spring. I never knew doing so was due to having an empty soul.

In fact, I believe the opposite. Running offers some of my most enriching, soul-satisfying times of worship. I will never forget finally making it to the Boston marathon. Near the end of the race, as I turned left onto Boylston street, just 200 yards from the finish, I prayed every step of the way, enjoying that moment with God, reliving the years of my pursuit to be in that race, thanking him for making it possible. People were stacked eight deep along the sidewalk, but I kept looking up into the sky and may have appeared to be a mad man. I was all but oblivious to the human pandemonium and was instead intensely focused on my God, who made all this possible.

I can even imagine, in my old age, thinking back on my life and praying, "Remember, Lord, when we ran our first Boston marathon together?" because that's the kind of relationship I have with God. He is my truest friend (John 15:15). I'm inspired by the words of King David, who testified to this: "The LORD be exalted, who delights in the well-being of His servant" (Ps. 35:27). "He [God] brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me" (2 Sam. 22:20).

It is so sad to me that many Christians view God as, not exactly their enemy, but their accuser, their protagonist, constantly setting up temptations and challenging their heart, faith and integrity with almost gleeful delight.

God created an earth that, yes, has its points of temptations; but when we are touched by His Spirit, led by His hand, and guided by His word, that same earth can lead us to enjoy precious times of intimacy, develop souls overflowing with gratitude, and even lead us to worship the creative God who so brilliantly put all of it together.

There are times I practically burst with contentment and satisfaction; when just the right song comes onto my iPod during an autumn run in the woods; when the family is together, laughing and talking and eating a good meal; when my wife and I enjoy a soul-bonding time of intimacy; when I'm in the middle of a book that is keeping me enthralled; when God has used me, sinful me, for His ministry purposes; I think of how wonderful God is, how kind our Lord is to us, to provide us with such rich pleasure, such holy and pure enjoyment.

The more I surrender to God, the more I see this earth — and even the things of earth (food, sex, achievement, relationships, music, entertainment) as a nurturing mother, and less as a prostitute trying to lure me away.

Stop trying To Fix People

2009-10-19T19:28:00.000+07:00

You know what our monstrous mistake is?
We try to fix the people in our life.
Oh, I see it everywhere.
Everywhere I go, I see people complain about the people in their life.

Wives complain about their husbands.
“Bo, please talk to my husband. He eats too much.”
“Bo, can you help me? My husband watches too much TV.”
One frustrated wife told me, “Bo, please advice my husband. He doesn’t have a one romantic bone in his body. Last year, he gave me a bar of soap for Valentines Day. The brand? Mr. Clean.”

But husbands complain about their wives too.
“Bo, please talk to my wife. She’s gastadora.”
“Bo, help me with my wife. My wife is always hysterical and historical. She remembers all my past mistakes, including date, time, and place.”
One husband told me, “My wife is so talkative. If the universe paid 1 centavo for every word she said, I’ll be the richest man in the world today.”
Another man said, “My wife is always angry. When she’s angry, she causes global warming and the melting of the ice caps in the North Pole.”

Parents complain about their kids too.
“My kids are too messy.”
“My kids can’t focus on their studies.”
One mother said, “My kids are so lazy. If given a chance, they’ll ask someone to breathe for them.”

And everywhere I go, I also hear many kids ask me to fix their parents.
“My parents are too strict.”
“My parents are too corny.”
“My parents are too kuripot.”
One girl told me, “They allow me to swim only if I wear a long gown.”

All over the world, people want to fix people.
Let me tell you why…

Are You Sick Of Comparasonities?

First of all, you want to fix people because you love them.
But sometimes, our motives aren’t pure. Sometimes, we want to fix our loved ones because of shame. We’re ashamed of what other people will say about our kids, our siblings, our spouses, and our parents.

Another reason of our “fixing other people” tendencies is we’re afflicted with the disease called comparisonities.
Humans like to look to the other side of the fence to see if it’s greener.
Someone told me that marriage is like going to a restaurant. After you ordered your dish, you learn what the other table ordered, and suddenly regret what you ordered.

Believe me, this urge to compare causes so much misery in marriages.

If you always compare your wife’s body with Beyonce or Angel Locsin, she can’t compete. Or if you compare your husband’s salary with Manny Paquiao’s earnings, he can’t compete.
Many times, we compare our spouse to someone who doesn’t exist. For example, we fantasize about Hollywood stars who aren’t real. Because all their blemishes were removed by photoshop and a huge PR company.

Even the pretty officemate who seems so gorgeous on the outside may actually be your worst nightmare the moment you live with her. You really don’t fall in love with her. You fall in love with a projection of how you imagine her to be.

Even parents are guilty of this.
Motivate Your Kids In Other Ways

We have a tendency to compare our kids with other kids.
We even verbally share our comparisons in the hopes of motivating him.

I overheard one mother tell her little boy, “Junior, why can’t you get good grades like your sister? She gets straight A’s in all subjects. But you’re highest grades are Recess and Lunch.”
Parents compare their kids to their classmates, their cousins, and even to themselves when they were young. Their sermons begin with this famous line: “When I was young, I wasn’t like you…”

Kids cannot flourish in an environment where they are being judged. Kids flourish in an environment of appreciation. They need to know that their parents accept them for their uniqueness.
Parents, stop comparing!

And there’s also another disease that causes us to fix people.
The Virus of Criticalities

I’ve met people who have a strong critical spirit in them.
I pity them so much. Once afflicted, they become very miserable people.

These people think God created them to criticize others. All day long, they look for the faults of the people around them.
But behind this critical spirit towards others is really a critical spirit toward oneself. In fact, the critic pulls down others so that he can hide his own failures.

Let me now tell you what you should do.

Question:
Do You Want Less Stress and More Joy?
Do you want less stress in your relationships?
Do you want less fights?
Do you want less wrinkles?
Do you want more joy?

My solution is really simple: Stop trying to fix others.

Big clarification: In my message today, I’m not talking about the big sins. Like marital abuse, alcoholism, adultery, and all the other major violations against the Ten Commandments. I’m also not talking about tolerating the sins of your kids. I’m not teaching you to say, “Wow son, you’re very good in stealing. Perhaps you can be a Congressman one day.” (I’ll talk on “tough love” on the sixth instalment of this series, Relationship Reborn.)
Today, I’m talking about idiosyncrasies, eccentricities, personalities, and persuasions that make your loved one very unique.

If you’re not going to fix people, what should you do?
Appreciate them.

I’ll now explain a mystery.
What You Like And What You Don’t Like Maybe One And The Same Thing

I have mixed feelings about my cellphone. My relationship with my phone is ambivalent. I like it and I don’t like it.
There are days when I think it’s the greatest invention since peanut butter. And there are days when I want to fling it into the mouth of a volcano.

Here’s what I noticed: The very features that I like are the very same features that I don’t like. Absurd but true.

Why do I like my phone? I like the fact that I can call up the 954 people in my phone directory anytime. Useful when I have a flat tire, when I need a prayer, or when I’m on the rooftop because of Typhoon Ondoy.
Why do I not like my phone? I don’t like the fact that these 954 people can call me up at anytime—even when I’m lying on a hammock in a tiny island far out in the Pacific Ocean.
Why do I like my phone? Because I can bring it everywhere I go.
Why do I not like my phone? Because I can bring it everywhere I go!

Question: Have you ever had the absurd experience of leaving your cellphone at home and having to make a U-turn to come back for it? Nuts, right? Cellphones are now like one of our kidneys. You can still survive if it gets lost, but it’ll be risky.

I repeat: The very things that I like are the very same things that I don’t like.
Funny, but this is also true with our relationships…

Why Did You Fall In Love?

Don’t be shocked, but the very thing that made you crazy for a person will be the very same thing that will drive you crazy in the years to come. I’m not kidding.

If you fell in love with your wife because she was bubbly and the life of the party, today, you want to zip her mouth so that there would be world peace.
If you fell in love with your husband because he was quiet, strong, and steady as a rock, today, you want to curse him for being so cold and unresponsive—like you’re talking to a rock.
If you fell in love with your wife because of her stunning beauty, today, you find yourself pulling your hair in the car, waiting for her because she takes 3 hours just to dress up and put on her make-up.

Remember: Every strength has a weakness.

My friend Jon Escoto says that “a weakness is really a strength applied inappropriately.” (As another friend loves to say, “You’re right in the wrong way!”) You can’t have only one side of the coin. You have to have both.

Why My Wife Married Me

One day, I had a very serious talk with my wife.
“Sweetheart, I want you to be completely honest with me,” I said to her. “Aside from the fact that I look like John Loyd and Piolo Pascual put together, what else made you marry me?”
After laughing out loud and rolling on the floor, she finally said, “Sorry Bo, your looks weren’t the reason why I married you. I married you because you have such a big heart for God.”

But I bet if you ask her today, “Marowe, what are the difficulties of being married to Bo?” she’ll tell you, “Because Bo has such a big heart for God!”
She will explain to you, “Our schedule isn’t normal. Our entire married life isn’t normal. Bo runs 9 non-profit organizations. He’s constantly stretched. He travels a lot.” She’s accepted that as her lot in life.

Here’s something she’s also accepted: When we have our weekly dates, she already expects it to be interrupted. Many times, a total stranger would approach me, cry on my shoulder, and ask for prayer. In the middle of the busy mall, I hold an instant mini-healing rally—because the moment people see me praying for one person, people fall in line.

She’s come to accept this reality as part of the set package called Bo Sanchez.
She’s accepted the fact that when she married me, she also married the people I love—the flock I care for.

Why am I telling you all these?

Stop Trying To Fix People

To repeat my million-dollar point: If you want to have happy relationships, you’ll have to stop trying to fix people and start appreciating them.
Jesus said, “Love your neighbor”; He didn’t say, “Fix your neighbor.”

Two reasons why you need to stop fixing people.
First, you can’t.
Second, I’ve realized that people are like old houses. If one thing gets fixed, another thing gets broken.

Let me tell you what I mean by appreciate.

Two Levels Of Acceptance

The first level of acceptance is tolerance.
The second level is appreciation.

Let me tell you a story.

Jean came up to me one day and said, “Bo, can I share something with you? My story might help women you talk to.”
Jean said that her husband is addicted to watching basketball. She told me that it drove her insane. “Brother Bo, there was a time when his passion for watching basketball made me so angry. I would nag him, I would throw pots and pans in his direction, I would hide the TV remote control—just so he can’t watch.”

She told him, “I think basketball has become your god. And the churches you attend are NBA, PBA, PBL, NCAA, and UAAP. All you talk about is basketball.” And her husband would answer back, “Foul yan.”
“But after a couple of years,” Jean said, “I just gave up. I realized that nothing was going to happen. That he will never change.”

That was the day when Jean began to tolerate her husband’s passion for basketball. Whenever she saw him sitting in front of the TV watching a game, she felt less irritation in her heart.
But one day, Jean had a bigger epiphany.

That fateful morning, Jean’s best friend called her up crying hysterically on the phone. Through many tears, she said that she discovered her husband was having an affair. After an hour of trying to comfort her, Jean’s friend said, “I wish my husband was like your husband, Jean—so faithful to you.”
That one sentence was like a slap on her face.
She woke up.

Jean realized she was blind to the great blessing that her husband was to her.
Because she was so focused on his basketball addiction, she never appreciated how faithful her husband was to her.
She also began to count the many ways he was a wonderful husband: He was hard-working, he loved the kids, he went with her to her prayer meetings, and he was sweet in his own manly, clumsy way.

Today, she sometimes joins him watching basketball.
She still doesn’t appreciate the game. She told her husband once, “Why don’t they just give one ball to each team?” But she enjoys being with her wonderful husband now.

That day, Jean moved from tolerance to appreciation.
And that was the day her marriage became very happy.

Are You A Judge Or A Painter?

What I’m sharing with you is so earth-shaking, I should be charging you a million for divulging this secret to you.
Believe me, if you apply this secret into your life, you will change your entire life—radically. You’ll have less stress. You’ll have less fights. You’ll have more peace. You’ll be more joyful. You’ll feel and look younger by ten years.

It was Dr. James Dobson who said that before you get married, you should have both eyes wide open. But after the marriage ceremony, close one eye.
What does he mean? Before you get married, you should be very careful in evaluating your future spouse. Check everything. Values. Background. Preferences. Reactions. Beliefs. Examine everything!
But when you get married, stop evaluating. Stop critiquing.

It’s now time to stop fixing the other person and start appreciating the entire person in his totality.
Remove the robes of the courtroom judge. Instead, put on the robes of a painter capturing the beauty of a scene. An artist simply accepts what is and nurtures a gratitude for what is there.

When you accept the other person and become grateful for him, a great miracle happens: The person learns to accept himself too and thus bring healing of his Heart Wound. Changes begin to take place spontaneously.

You can never fix anyone.
Because fixing is an inside job. Never forced from the outside.

Yes, you should inspire. You should guide. You should teach. But you cannot force.
At the end of the day, the only thing you can do is to love the person by creating space for the other person to fix himself.

Your Assignment
One of the ways to show gratitude is to simply to say it.
Here’s your assignment for this session: Go to 1, 2, or 3 people in your life and thank them for the blessing that they are to you.

Be specific. Write them a letter of gratitude.
Thank your wife for the small things she does for you.
Thank your husband for going to work everyday.
Thank your mother for the way she serves you.
Thank your child for being a wonderful child.
The next time a loved one presses your clothes, or takes out the trash, or fixes the car, or takes care of the baby, appreciate them in your heart and in your words.

I promise: Gratitude will be like oil in the engine of your relationship.
Your relationship will function in a whole new level.

Final Story:
“I Love The Perfection Of Your Imperfections.”
Let me end with one of my favorite stories.

One day, a wife came to her husband with a magazine in her hand, “Darling, this article is wonderful. It describes a little activity that we can both do to improve our marriage. Can we do it together?”
“Sure,” her husband said.
“It says here that for one day, each of us will separately write a list of what areas we want the other to change. Little annoyances, little irritations, etc. And then tomorrow, we share this list to each other. Deal?”
“Deal!” the husband smiled.

That day, the man sat on the living room with paper and hand. The wife went to the bedroom and did the same thing.

The next day, over breakfast, the wife said, “Game? Can I start first?”
“Yes,” the husband said.

The wife pulled out three pages. Single spaced. Font 8. It was a long list. She began to read her list. “Darling, I don’t like it when you do this…” On and on, she read the little ways her husbands annoyed her.
The man felt a sting in his heart. The wife noticed this and asked, “Do you want me to continue?”
“I can handle it. Go on,” the man said.
So the wife continued to read.
Finally, the woman said, “Okay, it’s your turn.”

The husband pulled out his piece of paper and said, “Yesterday, I asked the question what are the changes I want in you. But hard as I tried to think, I couldn’t think of one thing.” He then showed to her the empty piece of paper in his hand. “Because to me, you’re perfect in your imperfections. I’ve accepted who you are—strengths and weaknesses. And I love the whole package. I love the mix. You are a wonderful person and I love you so much.”
The wife began to sob, rolled up her three pages in her hand, and beat her husband on the head, “Bwiset ka!” And hugged him tight for a very long time.

May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez

Are You Malnourished for Love?

2009-10-19T07:17:00.001+07:00

Change Your Life By Changing Your Relationships

Today, I start a new 7-week series entitled Relationships Reborn.
Here’s why you need to take this series with me: I believe that if you change your relationships, you change your life.
Because if you squeeze out the essence of life, you realize that life is all about relationships. Your happiness, your success, your health, and your dreams depend on relationships. Give me a person with very happy relationships and I’ll show you a very happy person. Give me a person with miserable, dysfunctional relationships and I’ll show you a very miserable person.
I’m going to spill the beans here and tell you the central message of the next seven weeks: Relationships need renewal or they die.
In fact, not only the relationship will die, but a part of us will die. Why? Because you have a Heart Wound that can only be healed by love—a love that can only be found in relationships.
So you want to change your life, keep reading.

Are You Malnourished For Love?

Have you ever seen a malnourished child?
I believe you have—you just didn’t know.
Here’s the problem: When you hear the word “malnourished,” you automatically think of the starving kids in Africa you see in pictures. A child living in a famine-stricken dessert that has absolutely nothing to eat.
But there’s a second type.
The person could be your next door neighbor. He doesn’t look malnourished. He could even be fat. And yet, amazingly, he is malnourished.
Because he’s eating the wrong type of food.

Let me stoke your imagination....

Let’s say you love cotton candy.
And you decide you eat nothing else but cotton candy.
Cotton candy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
What would happen to you?
Your hunger will disappear. You’ll probably have lots of energy from the sugar. But over time, you’d be killing yourself. Because you’ll be terribly malnourished.

Spiritual malnourishment is very similar.
If our bodies hunger for food, our hearts hunger for love.
Food is the fuel of the body. And love is the fuel of the soul.
Without food, our bodies die. And without love, our hearts die.

There are people today who feed “cotton candy” to their souls. I want you to look at this list below.
What is common among these people?
· Judy Garland (47)
· Jimi Hendrix (27)
· Janis Joplin (27)
· Marilyn Monroe (36)
· Elvis Presley (42)
· River Phoenix (23)
· John Belushi (33)
· Heath Ledger (28)
· Michael Jackson (50)

Two things are common among them.
First is that they’re all dead.
Second is that they all died of a drug overdose.
Most of them were taking either illegal or prescription drugs for years.
Most of them had the world in the palm of their hands. They had everything—money, pleasure, fame, cars, homes, and excitement. They had fans that would worship the dirt on their shoes. I remember 4 years ago, someone bought the used chewing gum of Britney Spears on Ebay for $514. (That’s P25,000 for someone’s spit.)
But that’s not the love that will fill a human heart.
Again, that’s like eating cotton candy the whole day. Your heart won’t get nourished.
Let me tell you why.

The Wound In Your Heart
Every human being has a Heart Wound. We’re all wounded people.
We may look strong on the outside. But deep inside, we have a Heart Wound that must be healed.
Note that some people have a deeper Heart Wound than others.
Perhaps they had an alcoholic father or a very selfish mother.
Perhaps they came from a broken family.
Perhaps they were abused as kids.
Don’t be shocked, but filling up your Heart Wound is the most basic motivation of all that you do. It’s also the reason why people are addicted to drugs and alcohol and money and sex and power and food and fame and romance.
Let me tell you three tragic stories.

The Crazy Things We Do Because We Want To Fill Our Heart Wound
Zeny (not her real name) is a twenty-seven year old beautiful and intelligent woman. She’s a brilliant marketing manager in her company. But her superior IQ and brilliant logic flies out of the window when it comes to love.
She jumps from one romantic relationship after another. The moment her boyfriend breaks up with her, she gets hooked into another relationship. Zeny will grab the next guy available, like a woman drowning and gasping for air. Even if that guy was a serial killer.
If there’s no guy available, she’ll get a girl and get into a lesbian relationship. Because Zeny just can’t stand being alone. But despite having all those guys and girls chasing after her, she’s terribly unhappy.
Why? Because all that is cotton candy.
I also remember Jake, a forty-eight year old multi-millionaire. Jake has many companies under his name, many beautiful cars, many beautiful homes, and many beautiful girls.
But Jake is terribly unhappy.
Why? Because all that is cotton candy.
My third example is more confusing.

Not All Religious Activity Can Nourish The Heart
When you mention the words “spiritual malnourishment”, people instantly think about people who don’t receive God’s Word—because they don’t attend religious activities.
Well, what about Yolly?
Yolly is a forty-four-year old woman who is immersed in religious activities. She goes to Mass in the morning, reads her Bible during lunch, and attends her prayer meetings, doctrinal classes, and novenas in the evening. In between, she prays the rosary.
But unfortunately, Yolly is one of unhappiest people I know.
One day, I realized why. Because everytime Yolly prayed, she always heard God tell her, “You’re a sinner. You’re wicked. You’re dirty. You’re not worthy of my love…” Yolly was projecting her own self-hatred onto God. Her God was judgmental and always angry. All her spiritual activities were her way of appeasing this God.
Friend, your Heart Wound won’t be healed by religious activities. Your Heart Wound can only be healed by an experience of God’s love found in these religious activities.
In other words, it’s love found in a relationship.

What Your Heart Wound Is Longing For
When we fill up our Heart Wound with sex, with money, with drugs, with romantic relationships, they don’t work. Because there’s only one thing that will heal your Heart Wound.
As corny as this may sound, that thing that we long for is love.
That’s why another term for Heart Wound is “Love Tank”.
If you want to function well in life, your Love Tank must be filled.

When I meet someone who has problems handling life, it’s usually because the person has an empty Love Tank.
It could be the jobless person who doesn’t have self-worth.
It could be a millionaire who doesn’t have friends.
It could be a people pleaser who has no backbone.
It could be a guy controlled by his fears.
It could be a person who is having marital affairs.
It could be a drug addict.
It could be a girl who jumps from one jerk to another jerk.
It could be a greedy politician who has come to believe in his own lies.
I’ve realized that all these people have empty Love Tanks.
They’re desperately finding a way to fill up their wound and are doing it in the wrong way.
Let me tell you now how to heal your Heart Wound.

What Kind Of Love Can Heal The Wound?
At the end of the day, the love that can heal your Heart Wound is love that is found in relationships.
Your relationship with God.
Your relationship with yourself.
Your relationship with others.
Friend, your relationships will determine your happiness and success in every area of your life.

So let me ask you a big question: How are your relationships today?
How is your marriage?
How are your relationships with your parents?
How are your relationships with your kids?
How are your relationships with your siblings?
How are your relationships with your friends?
How is your relationship with God?
How is your relationship with yourself?

If you tell me that your relationships are happy and deep and blessed, then in my book, you have everything.
No doubt about it. You’re one very successful person.
Why You Need This Series, Relationships Reborn, some of you may be saying, “Hey Bo, I’ve got lots of relationships! But why is my Heart Wound not being healed? Why is my Love Tank not being filled?”
Here’s the big problem with relationships: They’re organic. They’re not inanimate objects. They’re living, breathing things.

Let me give you an analogy.
There are two types of toys: Battery-operated and wind-up.
Some people make the mistake of thinking that relationships are like battery-operated toys. They think they could just slap a double A battery in their relationship and viola, off it goes, humming its tune forever.
But that’s not how relationships work. They don’t go on autopilot.
Relationships are like wind-up toys.
If you don’t wind it up, the ballerina stops dancing and playing music.
When your relationships aren’t working, it’s because you’ve not been winding them up.
What am I saying?
Relationships need renewal or they die.
And dead things can’t give you love and heal Heart Wounds.

Let me end with one last personal story.
Death Will Tell You What Is Most Important
Three weeks ago, I flew to New York. Reason? I was invited to the 64th General Assembly of the United Nations. I know, it sounds like a joke. But it isn’t.
I’m in the harvest season of my life. For 30 years I was planting, and I’m now receiving a deluge of blessings. This was one of them. A giant one.
Being inside United Nations, seeing the Presidents, Emirs, Sheiks, and Prime Ministers of 192 countries blew my mind.
Not only that, but I stayed in Waldorf Astoria, one of the most luxurious hotels in the world. And guess who was staying with me in the same hotel? President Barack Obama and a few other Heads of States.
Of course, they stayed in humongous suites found on the upper floors. Mortals like myself stayed in regular room.
For breakfast, I got the buffet of bread and fruits which cost $38. I also ordered one soft-boiled egg which cost an astounding $8. My gosh.
The experience was surreal. I was in the cusp of luxury, staying in the centre of the world, seeing Presidents of the world, and eating $8 eggs!
No doubt about it, that trip was definitely a high point in my life.

And yet, here’s my reflection: I’m totally sure that on my deathbed, I won’t remember this experience. At all.
I’ll remember instead the hug that my son gave me, his little fingers at the back of my neck.
I’ll remember the times I dated my mother in her old age, the drive going to the restaurant, the two-hour conversations we always have.
I’ll remember how early on in our marriage, my wife and I had our romantic dates in cheap fast-food joints—and still had to choose with care what we ordered because we couldn’t afford all the items there.
I’ll remember how I took care of orphaned children for a year, living with them in a bamboo hut.
In other words, I’ll remember those moments in my life when I gave love and received love.
Because at the end of the day, that’s what life is all about.

I’ve realized that if you fail in your relationships, you fail in life.
That’s why I’m inviting you to work on your relationships…

Assignment: Pick One Relationship In Your Life That You Want To Renew and Refresh
Reading this article will do nothing for your life. But if you apply what you read, it’ll create miracles. Therefore, I’m giving you an assignment.
I want you to choose one relationship in your life that you want to deepen and strengthen. Perhaps it’s your relationship with your mother, or your sibling, or your husband, or your child, or a friend.

May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez

Sweetest Memory

2009-09-18T04:27:00.001+07:00

When I thought about what is the sweetest memory in my childhood, I instantly remember about my grandpa (in memoriam)... It's not that the others (my mom, dad and grandma) didn't love me well, it's just that my grandpa left such a sweet and unforgettable memory in this little girl's mind.

He is the one who picked me up from school when I was in first grades of primary school.
He is the one who read me English fairy tale books and translated them, lately I realized maybe it has triggered my interest in English :)
He is the one who accompanied me singing songs from my Sunday school (literally, he sang together with me), sometimes he mimicked me singing :).
Sometimes he accompany me when I have to stay late at night to study for tomorrow's exam.
I saw him treated my grandma so good... I have once wished I wanted to have a husband like him in the future...

Sometimes I wish he is still here on earth... I miss him...
At least he had become a right man figure to me
Guess I will have a husband with good traits like him :)

Men: Lust-Driven Beasts?

2009-09-08T09:48:00.005+07:00

DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS

I have a couple of questions about sex. Actually, a couple questions regarding what I commonly hear about sex from Christians. I'm a 24 year old man and I'm not married. I'm a virgin, so the only things I know about sex (other than the biological/mechanical aspects) are what I've heard other Christians tell me. I hope to be married someday. What I talk about here is always with that in mind.

Everywhere, without exception, I have been told that when it comes to love, men are interested in sex and women are interested in romance. That men are visual and women relational. That is the more balanced view found in various books.

The view that I hear from the people all around me is that men are lust-driven beasts interested only in women's bodies, and women are pure-minded and are interested in forging interpersonal connections and building intimate attachments.

First, about man's desire for sex.

As only one being, I cannot refute the stereotype of men that I commonly hear. However, I CAN and DO refute it being applicable to me. I am NOT JUST a lust driven beast only interested in a woman's body. I DO want to have a close emotional attachment to one woman (if the Lord chooses to bless me with a wife). I DO want to be an intimate confidant with her. I would love the chance to practice romance. However, I also want a wife "to have and to hold." Does this last part mean that I'm still a lust-driven beast, but just domesticated a little?

Everywhere I have read about modesty, dating, courtship, marriage, relationships, sex ... they all focus completely on men's struggle with lust, while giving the impression that a "concession" has been granted for the sex drive in marriage. The entire focus is on the terrible consequences of the male sex drive.

It's really hard to control. It will cause you all kinds of problems. It will continue to do so for as long as you're breathing. Girls will continually have to be wary around you because "they know what you're thinking." As such, they also have to be so very careful to keep you from stumbling. Oh, and as a side note, God has taken pity on you and said you are allowed to let a little steam off in marriage.

I was under the impression that Satan was incapable of creating anything. That means God must have designed the male sex drive. Didn't He originally make it good?

If my attitude sounds bad here, it's because this hurts. A lot. On many occasions, I have had it said to my face, "Yeah, well you're a guy and everyone knows that guys are perverts" or variations on that thought.

Question 1: Why do I have to go around feeling ashamed and having people think of me as a disgusting pervert simply because I desire something (in marriage) that God invented?

Next, about a woman's desire for sex.

This one, I really have no idea about. I could claim some knowledge about the stereotype of men. I cannot do that about the stereotype of women; I'm not one.

Several married men and women have said that women are fairly indifferent/apathetic about the sight of the male form at best, and repulsed by it at worst.

If God wants me to be married, I am very much looking forward to being with my wife and being able to admire the beauty that God has blessed her with. The female form is beautiful and pleasing (is this just the lust-driven beast speaking again?). Women as a general rule have no similar desires? What do they mean when they say that a guy is good looking or cute?

They also told me that they will "be with" their husbands because the Bible tells them to (in the case of some), or the more caring/godly ones will do it simply to please their husband and because they know that HE enjoys it.

I heard one speaker say that men give love to get sex and that women have sex to get love. This sounds horrible and selfish! I already said that I want to love a woman (I am NOT just a lust-driven beast)! However, I DO also want a woman. If a woman wants to love a man, does she also want him?

Question 2: I want a wife. I want a wife who also wants me. Is this wrong? Weird? Naive?

I've heard these things all of my life. Over the past few months, I've heard so many pastors, speakers, married men and women, books, Web sites and blogs say these things that I'm coming close to despair.

AM I just a lust driven beast? If so, I don't want to inflict myself upon some girl. Am I right, and these stereotypes wrong? I'm hoping so. If they ARE true ... should I despair? Should I stop praying that God would give me a wife, and start praying for the gift of celibacy?

REPLY

Wow. You've asked what requires a book to answer, but I'll do my best to summarize.

Quickly, no, I don't think you're a pervert or lust-driven beast, at least not that I can tell from how you've described yourself. Your desire for sexual intimacy within the biblical context of love is God-given, so don't be ashamed. So let's explore how we should think about these things.

We can't answer your question until we understand something critical about marriage as God intends. For all of its "practical" benefits — sexual pleasure, happiness and health, etc. — marriage, and intercourse, is not first about that.

I cannot emphasize this enough. If marriage is ultimately and primarily for me and my needs, or her and her needs, if it is primarily about us, about self, then I will always struggle with disappointment, because there is never enough for me. Never.

I use the words primarily and ultimately purposely here. Clearly, biblical marriage benefits me, and as such it is a great gift to me, but it is not first and foremost about me (or my spouse).

Paul teaches in Ephesians that the mystery of marriage is this: It is primarily and ultimately about Christ and the Church; it is a living, breathing human parable on display to the whole world about the relationship between Jesus and His Bride.

Understand that intercourse can't be detached from the whole of marriage in a biblical relationship; it's part of the whole of two people becoming one, but let's focus on it for a moment and explore at lease one way that it illustrates this Christ/Church love.

There are few actions that illustrate a total giving of oneself to another like the act of intercourse. When rightly lived out, it is an act of completely giving oneself away, a total abandonment to, and complete trust of, another. Sound familiar?

Christ gave everything of Himself for the Church. We are to give ourselves completely to Him. "Greater love has no one than this," He said, "that someone lay down his life for his friends." The throbbing heartbeat of the cross of Christ is a complete emptying of one for another, the complete giving of oneself for the good of the other. It is in losing our lives that we find life.

This is biblical marriage, and intercourse, at its best. It is the polar opposite of the world's idea of a sexual relationship (and much of what you described negatively). The world says sex is about take. Our old nature wants to make it about us. At best it is a game of give and take, of scorekeeping, of what's fair! And sadly, as you've testified, many Christians have bought the world's way.

But that isn't God's way. That doesn't illustrate what Christ did for His Bride. Paul goes as far to tell the Corinthians that if you're married, your body is not even yours anymore. It belongs to your spouse.

Because that is how Christ loved.

If a husband makes intercourse about taking, or if a wife makes it a short-term loan of her body for a moment, they miss the incredible, indescribable beauty of it. They're just using one another to get whatever it is they need out of it.

Intercourse in the context of biblical love (giving yourself away wholly) is what glorifies God. It is a falling into another's arms in total trust and abandonment, a receiving of another completely, wholly, flaws and all. Again, a powerful human illustration of the work of Christ on the cross and our response to Him.

I've painted a beautiful picture of intimacy, but note that my wife and I are still — after 16 years — growing in this, and I assume we'll continue to grow more into this in the years ahead. We didn't stand before the minister, say "I do," and suddenly give ourselves perfectly to one another. Oneness starts there and is hammered out over a lifetime.

We were clueless when we started. We are, however, much further down the road than we were 16 years ago, even five years ago. Sadly, we know many Christians who after many years of marriage only view intercourse from take and scorekeeping — from self. What they don't realize is that only in giving away do we find the pleasure we were looking for all along. The mystery of God's kingdom! It is in giving that I receive, not in taking!

A final thought. To give oneself away to another person in such a way as I've described here requires great trust in the One who brought you together with this other person. Does He know what He is doing? Do we trust that He can heal when we stick our heart out there to another human and get hurt (because even in a growing Christian marriage, both husband and wife will experience hurt)?

Do I believe that God is big enough to catch me when the other person doesn't? Only in completely abandoning ourselves to Him first can we give ourselves in this way to another. And giving ourselves away to another, especially in sexual intimacy, is a beautiful way for us to express our trust in Him.

There's a lot more to say on the topic, but I hope this gets some wheels turning for you.

Blessings,
JOHN THOMAS

(Taken from Boundless.Org)

About Dreaming

2009-09-08T09:07:00.000+07:00

Dreams: are they just a lust of our mind or are they really exist and need to be fulfilled?
I don't get it... (-_-")

Lately I'm dreaming of traveling abroad... This is a bit weird, considering that I have never wished that I would go abroad in the past, at all... I was just content with my city and my country, while some people I know really want to go abroad for vacation. But now I feel the same desire (-_-")

Sometimes I still don't understand, are certain dreams really need to be fulfilled (we must strive and try everything legal to pursue them) or they are just merely temporary lusts? Yes, lust... 'Cause they might be born in our mind out of a boredom, or just as an expression of our deepest wish to be "free"? Free from everyday routines and tasks... to refresh our mind and soul, to feel and experience the new environment, meet new people, learn new culture... even if it's just for a while...

I guess that maybe sometimes people need to add new vocabularies to the brain, fresh perspectives, to refresh our "human library"... to feed our thirst of new knowledge...

...at least that's the way I feel...

But unfortunately, not everyone can get their dreams to go traveling... They stumbled upon the costs, their family, their current job, all things that make their dreams harder to reach.

Then I think... if our life is not about us but about God (because we are His possession), I'm questioning are those kind of dreams worth to be pursued?

Certainly, if I think about the wholeness of life, like it is written in Ecclesiastes, everything is meaningless... it's true. 'Cause no matter how much we can get, no matter how great is our pride, no matter how many places we can visit and "conqueror", anything you name it... at the end, they will be all meaningless... because our true life is not meant for this temporary world, but later, in the eternity (Ecclesiastes 3:11)... That's why we can never be satisfied with the earthly things...

But another perspective, through all the process to achieve and experience our dreams, we can learn about His love, His almighty power, we can learn how to relate with God and also with other people the right way... Isn't that what God wants us to experience? Isn't that what God's goal for us to achieve? He wants us to be more alike with Him and also make every people His disciples. How we can fulfill God's goal in our life? By relating with God and others...

...and traveling is just one way among so many other ways...

Hmmm... I wish I can go travel to everywhere someday... not for the sake of traveling itself, but for a deeper purpose...

Memories

2009-08-30T03:01:00.001+07:00

I thought I've had enough of you
Thought I wouldn't be missing you this much
Yes... you...
The ones dancing around in my mind

Time had taken me away from you
And everytime I remember you
The warmth of love and the little things that had happened
Make me want to re-write the past once again

I thought I've forgotten about you
Thought you had dumped in the garbage
Yes... you...
The ones leaving scar in my heart

Time had taken me away from you
And how I want to leave you right there
But you just can't...
Because you're also part of my journey

All of you...
You made me learn about love
You made me learn about forgiving
You made me see my God within my previous foot prints

Sweet...
Bitter...
It doesn't really matter anyway...

N-O R-E-G-R-E-T
'cause I know that He was with me along the way

It's the one that truly matters...

(by Fay)

Only Hope - My Prayer Now

2009-08-22T13:55:00.001+07:00

There's a song that's inside of my soul.
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold.
But You sing to me over and over and over again.

So, I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours, I pray, to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope.

Sing to me the song of the stars.
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again.
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours, I pray, to be only Yours
I know now, You're my only hope.

I give You my destiny.
I'm giving You all of me.
I want Your symphony, singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours, I pray, to be only Yours
I pray, to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope.

Winners Never Quit???

2009-08-19T07:35:00.001+07:00

(By Dan Miller)

We’ve all heard the old adage, “Winners never quit, quitters never win.” Is that really true? Does that mean that if you’re driving from Detroit to Miami and you suddenly realize you’re actually headed for Savannah you would simply continue on? Or even speed up? Or just “try harder?” Of course not – you would immediately correct your direction, even if it meant going back to Atlanta to get back on the right road.

Why is it that in jobs or businesses people often believe that if they just persist, somehow things will get better? And that they need to be loyal and never show signs of “giving up?”

In this week’s 48 Days Podcast I answered this question from Margaret:
“I would like to know what to do when you are working so hard and everything seems to continue to fail. Do you change plans or what?”

I QUIT

Quitting a job does not mean that you’re quitting your commitment to provide for your family. Quitting a business does not mean that you are walking away from the thrill of controlling your time and income. Quitting a ministry or non-profit organization does not mean that you’ve given up on your desire to change the world or help the less fortunate.

Your job, business or ministry are just tactics to accomplish your bigger vision. Your “purpose” or “calling” define the big goal. If your job is clearly a dead end, it makes perfect sense to quit, take your skills to a better fit and release your ability to provide for your family. If your business is failing, learn from the experience and start in a new direction. I constantly have areas in my business and personal life that are on the bubble. If they are not proven successful in a very specific period of time – they’re gone – I quit but keep moving on to success in other ways.

Here are my recommendations:

* If your job provides nothing for you but a meager paycheck, plan to quit and be gone in the next 30 days.
* If you have been running your business for one year and after expenses it’s only netting you $500 a month, quit and find a new venture.
* If you started a non-profit and after two years you find that you are spending 80% of your time on administrative work and have no real economic model for continuing, consider linking arms with an established organization.

Winners quit – they quit quickly and often.
Yes I know we hear that quote about nothing matters but persistence, but if you are a duck trying to climb a tree, all persistence will get you is web feet that are to sore to even swim well. Have the maturity and guts to quit the ineffective things in your life.

While we’re at it, ask yourself if these well-known adages are always true:

1. The customer is always right
2. Everything happens for a reason
3. Never judge a book by its cover
4. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks
5. Absence makes the heart grow fonder
6. Better be safe than sorry
7. Good fences make good neighbors
8. You can’t have your cake and eat it too

Don’t let commonly accepted clichés misdirect you from the unique path you are on.

PS: What do you think about this?
Because I've been thinking of this lately... about quitting my meaningless job and really work on something suits my passion and my skills...

Life Support

2009-08-19T05:41:00.002+07:00

(by Brenna Kate Simonds - Boundless)

One afternoon, I thought, "I think I'm bored." Then I thought, "Is that really possible — being the mom of a very active toddler?" Then I thought maybe I was depressed. After sitting down and having a good cry, I figured out what I was actually feeling.

I was lonely.

I had recently had a miscarriage. If you had asked me a month before that loss if I had a good support system, friends I could call if I needed something, I would have absolutely said yes.

But having the miscarriage changed something. I had plenty of people who e-mailed me after the miscarriage to say they were available if I needed anything, or that they had been through something similar. I did follow up with two of these people and tried to connect, but that never happened.

Maybe it was pride, or shame, or just plain grief, but I couldn't seem to reach out to others.

I think everyone struggles with disconnect. It seems to have gotten worse now that you don't have to pick up the phone, write a letter or make a coffee date to connect with someone. The age of message boards, e-mail and Facebook gives me this false sense of security, that I have all these friends and I know what's going on with them and they know what's going on with me — people I rarely or never see for any kind of "face-to-face" interaction.

I've come to realize that's not what Jesus had in mind when He talked about sharing life with other believers.

The tragedy of the miscarriage sent me in search of what it looks like to have a sufficient support system in one's life, as well as what some of the obstacles to that are. This is something I had been thinking about for a long time in the ministry I do with those dealing with sexual brokenness. We are constantly emphasizing the need to be connected with other Christians, specifically as we grow in our faith.

One day, a ministry participant asked me point-blank, "So how do I make friends? How exactly can I get connected?" To those of you who have experienced the disconnect and loneliness that I just shared, you already know it's a more challenging question than it initially appears to be. So I set out to practice what I preached and find some tangible ways to connect.

Even before Facebook, our society for quite some time has tended to breed isolation, independence and individualism. In my curiosity to discover the origin of this disconnect, I came across an anthropology book that studied familial trends in the United States. The anthropologist concluded:

A pervasive theme of American child-rearing ideology is independence, which can be considered under three headings: separateness, self-sufficiency, and self-confidence. The emphasis on separateness begins at birth among middle-class Americans, with the allocation of a separate room to the neonate, requiring him to sleep in his own bed removed from others in the family.

The author goes on to say,

Parents begin to emphasize sharing only after the child has become habituated to eating, sleeping and being comforted alone, on his own terms, and with his own properties — which he has become reluctant to give up. (From Childhood Socialization: Comparative Studies of Parenting, Learning and Educational Change by Robert A. LeVine)

It's no wonder we struggle to connect! To admit we might need others is seen as weak. Pick yourself up by your boot straps, take the bull by the horns, pull yourself together — all of these clichés reinforce the belief that we need to take care of and fix ourselves.

This train of thought breaks down when the rubber hits the road, and can result not only in loneliness and frustration as we try to meet all our own needs, but also in increased illness. In the Alameda County Study, researchers followed 7,000 people over the course of nine years. The most isolated people were three times more likely to die than those with strong relational connections. Three times!

Another study was done where 276 people were infected with a virus that produces the common cold. People with strong emotional connections did four times better fighting off illness than those who were more isolated. As one of my favorite speakers, Sy Rogers, would say: "True for the body, true for the soul." How we work biologically can be a direct analogy to how we work emotionally, relationally and spiritually.

There have been many times when being in relationship with others has positively changed me. I think of my first Bible study leader. The first time we met for lunch, I told her everything about me — my struggles with same-sex attractions, self-injury, disordered eating, and so on. I fully expected her to be disgusted and run out of the restaurant. But she did exactly the opposite. She lovingly welcomed me not only to Bible study, but also into her life. Through her, I learned that I could truly love a woman, be in close friendship with her and not be tempted to be in a sexual relationship with her.

I think of my therapist of three years. She continually reminded me of who I was in Christ, and gently challenged my faulty ways of thinking. My friend Judy taught me how to really experience the depth of grace.

I need people. Think of Jesus. In a mystery we can't completely understand, He was fully God and fully man, with all the power and knowledge of God, and with all the needs and temptations that we have. Yet there were times when He specifically requested that the disciples, and in particular John, James and Peter, accompany Him somewhere, pray with Him, just be with Him. If He needed people, then I certainly need people.

So we know we need to be connected. How do we get connected?

Remember that no one is normal. Normal is a setting on the dryer. It's a hair type or a skin type at the drug store. I used to be afraid of people who appeared to be "normal"; I was sure they wouldn't be able to relate to any of my weird, "out there" problems.

Then I realized when actually getting to know some people I thought were "normal," that everyone has something they'd prefer to hide. After all, people in the Bible aren't "normal" either. I'm fairly certain that even those who managed to not slip up too bad were not viewed as "normal" in their day. Truly connecting is accepting people "as is," as they come, and asking them to do the same.

Meet people in groups

Imagining walking up to someone and asking them to hang out can be intimidating, even to this extrovert. Soon after the miscarriage, my husband and I joined a small group, with toddler in tow. It was one married couple, singles who were recent college graduates, and one older woman, and us. They were very accommodating of us and our child.

I also started having moms groups in my home. I went through my e-mail address book, and invited every woman who was a mom, no matter what her age. I also helped organize a gathering of moms from my online moms group.

Maybe your church has some small groups based on common interests. If not, you could start one. Meeting people in groups helps me to get a feel for different people. I'm drawn to people who are honest, who don't worry about what other people might think, who seem comfortable in their own skin.

In groups, we can look for people who are healthily vulnerable. Jesus was transparent, but there was a level of transparency He reserved only for certain people in His life. Not everyone needs to know all our business, but a few people need to know most of it. Find people who are not afraid to be weak, who talk about sin and struggle in an honest and redemptive way.

Make relationships top priority

As I tried to reach out after the miscarriage, I found that people, myself included, really struggle with living a life where trying to have coffee with a friend doesn't requires planning three months in advance. If I really want to connect with people, I need to make room in my life and my schedule for them.

This is an increasing challenge with every life change. In college, it's easier to connect because you live and study with the same people every day. Then you graduate and have to be more even more purposeful about finding time to connect. Then add marriage and family to the mix, and it gets even crazier.

My husband and I have had to get more creative in connecting. We try to invite people over for meals. Eating is something we have to do anyway. Don't be afraid to use your imagination when trying to make relationships top priority.

I need more than a single best friend

After the miscarriage, I realized that of the three people I considered to be my closest friends, only one lived within a reasonable distance from me. In their book Boundaries, Cloud and Townsend write,

We all need more than God and a best friend. We need a group of supportive relationships. The reason is simple: Having more than one person in our lives allows our friends to be human. To be busy. To be unavailable at times. To hurt and have problems of their own. To have time alone.

Jesus had 12 good friends, His Apostles, but He also had three intimate friends whom He took with Him certain places, such as the transfiguration, and the raising to life of the dead girl in Mark 5. At the Garden of Gethsemane, He had the nine other disciples sit at a distance while Peter, John and James went further into the garden with Him.

Be realistic

Friendships take time, and they take work. Disagreements are an ordinary part of relating, and yet people tend to run at the first sign of conflict. I recently heard a pastor say, "If you agree with someone 100 percent of the time, one of you is unnecessary." I've found I need my friendships to be secure and valuable enough to be worth the discomfort of honesty and disagreement.

Even Jesus' intimate friends displayed human failings, such as Peter denying he even knew Jesus. Jesus was patient, and Jesus forgave. He expected His friend to be human, and humans make mistakes.

John 10:10 says "the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." I have a real enemy, whose purpose is to steal, kill and destroy. It's interesting to me that part of his first assignment was to break the perfect relationship that Adam and Eve had, not only with God, but with each other.

The enemy doesn't want me to have real relationships. Within a few days of having two moms groups at my home, my son got horribly sick for two weeks, probably a bug he picked up from one of the kids who came over. The enemy tried to discourage me with thoughts like, "That's what you get for having all those germs in your home!" That's when I need to start praying. I remind myself that in this age of false connections and pseudo friendships, I've yet to meet someone who doesn't struggle with finding solid, meaningful friendships.

Relationships take risks, they take time, but I need them in order to thrive. Following Jesus' example gives me courage to persevere in pursuing the kinds of relationships that Jesus had.

What Kind of Daddy Do You Have?

2009-08-18T10:33:00.002+07:00

(by Bo Sanchez)

A college student in Manila called up his Mom in the province.
“Mom, I need money,” he asked. “Can you send money over please?”
“Sure,” the mother said. “By the way, there’s a Math textbook you left here at home. I’ll send it over with the money.”
“Uh, oh yeah, Ok,” her son answered.
His mother sent the money and the book.

Later that day, the father asked his wife, “How much money did you send?”
She said, “I sent two checks. One was a P1000 check and the other was a P100,000 check.”
“What?” cried the father in shock. “That’s huge!”
His wife smiled. “That’s okay Honey. I taped the P1000 check on the cover of his Math textbook. I then inserted the P100,000 check somewhere in chapter 25 of his Math textbook. Believe me, he won’t find it.”

Your relationship with God is like a Math textbook. Because I believe the biggest blessings of God for your life are in “chapter 25” - when you go beyond the surface and go deeper in this relationship with God.

My goal today is to bring you to chapter 25 in your relationship with God.
Let me tell you how.
I want to start a new series today I’ll playfully call, OMG! If you don’t know what that means, LOL. (For those my age who didn’t grow up with chat and IM and facebook: OMG! means Oh my God and LOL means Laugh out loud.) For the next five weeks, I want to help you get to know God more—which will deepen your trust in Him. And the more you trust Him, the more you’ll be open to His blessings for your life.

I’ve met a lot of people who don’t trust God because they don’t know Him. They’re confused with misrepresentations of who God is.
Here’s what I learned: Your problems are big because your God is small.

Before Anything Else, God Is Daddy

I just arrived from the US the other day.
It was my shortest trip ever: Four days!
But I had to do it.
I was there to meet a very special man who was a spiritual mentor to Presidents, Kings, Prime Ministers, and other heads of government. In other words, he disciples them to follow Jesus. He’s awesome.

This spiritual giant has been working in the United Nations for the past 25 years. Each month, he holds 30+ face-to-face meetings with heads of government, ambassadors, and other high-level officials, guiding them how to lead their country using the Bible. So for three whole days, I sat around his table (we were just four students—myself, two bishops, and a secretary general) to learn one thing: How to disciple Heads of States. It was mind-blowing.

So on my way back, I felt very important too.
I mean, how couldn’t I?
I spent three days with a guy who takes phone calls from Presidents and Prime Ministers before he has breakfast. How cool is that?

But the moment my plane landed in Manila, everything became clear to me. I knew the first Heads of States I would meet. That entire day, upon arriving from the airport, I spent time with the two Kings who’ve conquered my heart since I saw them: My two boys—ages 9 and 4.

Together, we did very high-level, critical, world-changing, life-altering work.
We drew robots and airplanes.
We played with little cars.
We played a video game (I lost, as usual).
We jumped around the coach.

Why did I spend the entire day with them?
Because I believe that before I’m a preacher, writer, leader, missionary, and businessman, I’m a father.

And I suspect that God will say the same thing. This is just my personal opinion. I think before God is supreme judge and king of kings of the entire universe, He’s a Father. That’s why when someone asked Jesus, “Teach us how to pray,” He answered, “Say this: Our Father…”

The original word that Jesus used for “Father” is Abba, which doesn’t really translate to Father but Daddy or Papa. It was what a little baby would call his father.

But as I played with my boys yesterday, I began to think of all the other children who don’t experience what they experience. And I believe that one of the reasons why we don’t know God as Father is because of the wrong fatherhood we’ve experienced. Specifically, I thought of four of my friends: Emmanuel, Grace, Dulce, and Fides. I’ve changed their names to protect their privacy. But unfortunately, their stories are true.

Invisible Fathers

My friend Emmanuel’s father was a lawyer. Later on, he became a judge and was promoted all the way to the Supreme Court. Emmanuel was proud of his father. But when our conversations became intimate, he’d tear up, and tell me that he rarely saw his father. When he woke up, his father was rushing out for his breakfast meetings. In the evenings, his father wasn’t home yet.

Emmanuel grew up knowing his father was an important man doing very important things. But as he grew up, he realized he wasn’t one of these important things his father did. Years later, Emmanuel came to know God in a personal way. Yet for years, he wondered how important he really was in God’s heart.

Autistic Fathers

Some fathers are physically present at home.
But they don’t engage their kids.
Instead, they’re wrapped up in their own world. Either watching TV or surfing the web. That’s why I call them autistic fathers.

Many years ago, I met Grace. She told me that as a child, her goal in life was to make her father smile at her. Because he never did. Oh, she would find him laughing with his barkada. But never to her.

One day, she came home with very high grades on her report card. In her heart, she hoped that perhaps today, he would smile at her. But when she gave him the report card, all her father did was look at it for two seconds, grunt, tossed it back, and went back watching TV.
Not one word of affirmation or appreciation.
Her little heart was crushed.

For years, Grace had a hard time imagining that God was pleased with her. She always imagined God having a perpetual frown on his face.

Cruel Fathers

Dulce’s father is the most barbaric father I’ve ever heard of in my life.
When she was 3 years old, he raped her.

Years later, she always had this nightmare of her head being pushed into a toilet bowl. She realized why. Because her father warned her not to tell anyone of the rape or he’d drown her in the toilet.

For the next ten years, for the slightest mistakes (such as a spilled glass of milk), her father would whip her with his belt until blood flowed. When he was lashing her, her mother would tell him, “Don’t hit her below the knees!” So that the wounds would be covered by her skirt.

He would then grab her ankles, hang her upside down, and bang her head on the floor. He would do this for thirty minutes until she stopped crying and was a lifeless rag in his hands. He would do this each week for ten long years.

Here’s the absurd fact of this story: Until the day he died, her father was an elder and deacon in church. To everyone else, he was an angel. Upon arriving home, he was the devil incarnate - and no one knew.

Dulce is now an adult but suffers massive physical, emotional, and spiritual torments. She has gone through 9 surgeries in various parts of her body. Her doctors discovered micro-strokes in her brain, caused by the head banging she suffered as a child. But her emotional pain was even more severe than her physical pain.

I’m happy to say that Dulce enjoys an intimate relationship with God. God has healed and continues to heal her. But it took years of healing and learning to trust a tender loving Father.

Unfaithful Father

Fides was still a small child when she saw her father walk out of their house carrying his suitcase. At that time, she didn’t know that he was abandoning her, her mother, and her two brothers for another woman.

Unlike her brothers who rebelled and got into drugs, Fides became even more obedient. She became even more responsible. Her school grades shot to the moon. Everyone praised her for being such a good girl.

Later on, Fides realized she blamed herself for the separation of her parents. Inexplicably, she believed that if she were only a better girl, her father would have never left. And for years, she secretly hoped that if she became that better girl, perhaps her father would come back.

For years, Fides’ relationship with God was also about buying His love. She would always try to be good to try to please Him—so He would love her. She had this constant fear that if she made one mistake, God would abandon her too.

May The Real God The Father Please Stand Up?

For many Christians, it’s so much easier to pray to Jesus. After all, He died for our sins. He’s the sweet one. The Father was the mean guy who sent Jesus to die on the cross.

And for many Catholics, it’s so much easier to pray to Mother Mary than to God the Father. Because they believe Mary is more merciful than God. If you can’t go through the front door, go to the back door - Mary has the key.
Which is utterly preposterous.

We have these difficulties because we don’t know who the Father really is.
The Father and the Son are one. And Mother Mary is a beautiful reflection of God’s love for us.

May the real God The Father please stand up?
I changed the names of our four real-life characters. I chose each name deliberately to show you who God the Father is: He is Emmanuel, Grace, Dulce, and Fides.

Daddy Is Emmanuel

A tribe in Africa had a very scary manhood ritual.
When a boy turned 12, the entire community gathered around him for this once-in-a-life-time chanting and dancing ceremony. The elderly women painted red die on his face. His mother gave him a beaded necklace. And the tribal chieftain handed him a long knife with a carved wooden handle.

By nightfall, he was blindfolded and led by six men into the middle of the forest. Once deep inside, the men left him. Alone. In total pitch darkness. The instruction was simple. Survive until dawn, and he gets accepted as a real man in the tribe. But the young boy knew very well that the forest was an incredibly dangerous place. It was the home of tigers. Snakes. Bears. Hyenas.

And so for the entire night, this scrawny little 12-year-old boy was now all alone in the forest. The entire night, he held his knife trembling in his hand. Not for one moment could he rest. Try as he might, his eyes could see nothing but shadows around him. In his imagination, every little sound—even a leaf swaying in the wind—was a wild animal ready to pounce on him at any moment. The whole night, he could hear his heart pounding in his chest.

When his terror overwhelmed him, tears ran down his cheeks. He wanted to shout, “I’m just a little boy! I’m not ready yet to be a man!” But who could hear him now? He was all alone. But after many hours of fighting his fear and exhaustion, his eyes could see more clearly. Dawn was approaching. The first shafts of sunlight pierced through the thick canopy of leaves above him. That was when the little boy felt something move behind him.

In terror, he turned around.
And there, standing tall on a rock behind him, was the towering figure of a fierce-looking man holding a long spear.
The boy shouted, “Daddy!”
The father smiled.
“When did you arrive?” the boy asked, “Are you here to pick me up?”

The father said, “Before you arrived last night, I was already here. I stood guard, protecting you the whole time. I never left you for one moment, my son.” Daddy is Emmanuel - which means God with us.

Friend, I don’t know what darkness you’re going through right now. Perhaps you’re praying for your child who is on drugs. Or your husband is having an affair. Or you’re having financial problems right now. Remember that in your darkness, God is with you. He will never leave or abandon you. When you’re in pain, God embraces you and feels your pain. He weeps with you. Because Daddy is Emmanuel.

Daddy is Grace

When I think of Grace giving her very high report card to her father - and all he did was grunt - I remember my own experience with my report card. When I was in grade school, my report card had red marks. (At least, it was colored. Yours was just black and white.) Because I failed in Math and Pilipino.

That day, I went up to Mom and showed her my report card.
All she said was, “Show it to your father.”
Gulp. Oh boy. I walked up to Dad and gave it to him.
He read it, nodded his head, and handed it back to me, and said, “Son, just study some more.”
No spanking. No scolding. No disapproval.
He then said, “Let’s eat.”
That’s why for the rest of my academic life, I kept failing. (Hehe...)

I guess Dad knew that my brilliance wasn’t in academics. It would bloom elsewhere. (Ahem.)
I thank God for having parents who loved me whether I performed in school or not. They just loved me, period. Unconditionally.
Daddy means Grace. Grace means gift.

Two weeks ago, my son Bene came up to me and showed me his Math exam. He was sad because out of 100 points, he got 92. I couldn’t help but laugh. Because if I got 92, my mother would have fainted. Because when I was a kid, out of 100 points, I would get 36. One time, I got 28. I would show those test papers to Dad. And all he’d say was, “Just do better next time.”

Grace means “free gift”.

Here’s my point: You don’t have to please God so that He loves you. He loves you as you are. He accepts you totally. I don’t care what sin you committed. I don’t care how many times you’ve done it. God loves you and will forgive you of your sins. It will be this love that will bring you to repentance and a new life. Because Daddy is grace.

Daddy Is Dulce

Dulce means sweet.
I believe God is the sweetest Daddy in the world.
A few years ago, I was in a preaching tour in the US.

I remember one big event. After the last song, I was signing my books. There was an unusually long line of people who wanted my autograph. In front of me were four ushers telling people to wait for their turn.

That was when someone ran past the long line of people, squeezed himself in between the ushers, and ducked underneath the table. He then climbed on my lap, handed me a bottle of water, and said, “Please open, Daddy. I’m thirsty.” Bene was four years old at that time.

Obviously, I stopped signing books and opened his bottle.
How could Bene do that? Because he was my son and I was his Daddy.
He was confident that I wouldn’t reject him. He knew that I loved him more than the entire world.

This is what Jesus meant when he taught us the “Our Father”.
Like Bene, we too can run to God, climb on his lap, and ask for what we need.
Because Daddy is dulce.

Daddy Is Fides

I like to believe I’m a good father.
But I’m nothing compared to Dick Hoyt and his love for his son Rick.
In 1962, while baby Rick was in the womb of his mother, he was strangled by the umbilical cord—causing a lack of oxygen in his brain. He suffered cerebral palsy and couldn’t speak or control his arms or legs.

As an eight month old baby, doctors told Dick and his wife Judy to place the child in an institution. “Because he was going to be a vegetable all his life,” they said. But the parents refused and brought him home. Dick promised that he would try to give his son as normal a life as possible.

Fast forward today: Dick learned that Rick loved sports. After a lot of pain and exercise (Dick wasn’t athletic), he pushed Rick in a wheelchair in a 5 kilometer run. After the Run, Rick said that while he was in the race, he didn’t feel an invalid.

That was the start of a great adventure. Today, this father-and-son team has participated in 66 marathons and 229 triathlons.
While running, Dick would push his son in a wheelchair.
While swimming, Dick would pull him in a rubber boat.
While biking, Dick would carry him at the front of his bike.
When I watched the life of Dick and Rick Hoyt, I saw a glimpse of God’s love. This is the Father’s love for you.

I don’t know about you, but I must admit that I’m handicapped in many areas of my life. I’ve got weaknesses I still battle to this day. But in this adventure called life, I’ve experienced my God pushing me, pulling me, and carrying me in his arms. I know God does the same to you.

Fides means faith. The root word for faithfulness.
God has faith in you. He believes in you.
Daddy is fides.

Next week, I’ll talk about God as Leader.
May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

Choose to Live Extraordinarily

2009-08-13T07:37:00.002+07:00

(By Cliff Young - Crosswalk.Com)

This profound statement was made by the man who led a resistance during the Wars of Scottish Independence, depicted in the movie Braveheart. He was speaking not to seasoned warriors, but rather fellow farmers, tradesmen and landowners, as he challenged these simple men to step out from their rather routine lives to do something extraordinary—to stand up and fight against the tyranny of the English.

Likewise, God calls each of us—many out of what we think are our mundane everyday lives—to do something extraordinary, to really live for Him.

“We pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God” (Colossians 1:10).

Braveheart was shown at the outset of my church’s men’s retreat to encourage and inspire us, the biblically-called leaders in our church, to not accept the status quo of life but to lead and to live a life abundantly.

As believers and as Americans, we are blessed to have endless freedoms, a lengthy life span and the knowledge of eternal life. This gives us the foundation and capacity to change the world, if we choose. However, Ralph Waldo Emerson cautions, “It is not length of life, but depth of life.”

Who and what are you living for? How deep are you choosing to live your life?

A Life Worth Living

Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.
—William James

I recently saw a heartbreaking, yet encouraging short video called 99 Balloons where this statement was extraordinarily lived out. It can be viewed here.

This documentary chronicled the story of Eliot Mooney, a baby stricken with Trisomy 18 or Edward’s syndrome, a genetic disorder. Most fetuses diagnosed with this illness rarely survive to birth, Eliot did.

His parents, Matt and Ginny Mooney, lived by the aphorism, “You can’t change what happens, it’s all about how you choose to live your day.” What they chose was to celebrate each day of the life of their son, documenting it with a letter to him.

The Mooney’s story is not only inspirational, but serves as a lesson for us to receive and live every day as a gift from God.

Their story has been viewed by millions of people, and in Eliot’s short life of 99 days, he has probably touched more lives around the world than many of us will in 99 years.

Oftentimes it is difficult to find any positives throughout a day (especially from the media), and it becomes almost customary to focus on the negatives in our life. However, don’t allow your circumstances to dictate how you see your life or how you live your life. Our outlook, even in the direst of situations, can inspire, encourage and lead others to greatness.

“I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received” (Ephesians 4:1).

Invest in Others

Focusing on ourselves will never reveal our life’s purpose.
—Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life

Through his best-selling book, Pastor Rick Warren changed the way many of us looked at ourselves by reminding us our life is not about us.

However, in the midst of all of the challenges we face each day—professionally, relationally and economically, it is sometimes difficult to take our eyes off of ourselves and to focus on a greater purpose. It’s similar to driving in a snow storm at night. Most of your attention becomes fixated on the falling snow in the headlights, rather than on the road and where you are headed.

I am reminded of a man who was personally and professionally in financial ruins. He was trying to support his family, had no money to his name, deficient funds in his business and was told he was worth more dead than alive. His name was George Bailey, the banker and protagonist in Frank Capra’s movie, It’s a Wonderful Life.

At the depth of his despair, George cried out, “Dear Father in Heaven, show me the way.” Despondently, he resigned himself to the thought, “I wish I was never born.” Through an angel named Clarence, George was given the chance to see what the world would have been like had he not been born.

Like George, have you ever wondered if you really mattered? Felt insignificant as an adult? Questioned if your life has made a substantial difference?

A sense that we don’t measure up due to a lack of something (i.e. spouse, family, material possessions, thriving career, looks, money, etc.) is just a misguided thought from the enemy to destroy our confidence and faith. Our indiscriminate feelings of doubt, inadequacy, unimportance and irrelevance are tools he uses to keep us from living our lives to the fullest.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal” (Matthew 6:19-20).

Besides storing up treasures, we shouldn’t be worrying and consuming ourselves with gaining treasures on earth, but rather investing into people’s lives and souls, which are treasures in heaven.

On George Bailey’s journey through a world void of his life, he made a significant discovery. He had positively impacted many people’s lives and changed a community for the better through his honesty, kindness, and concern for others. Although he didn’t possess a great deal monetarily or materially, he had the respect, support and love of family and friends.

The antithesis to George Bailey in today’s world is Bernie Madoff, the billionaire financier who committed the largest investment fraud in history. He defrauded nearly $65 billion from his clients and with it purchased treasures on earth for himself. At his recent sentencing, not one person stood up nor spoke up for him. He is currently serving a 150-year sentence in federal prison.

If we were afforded the gift of seeing what our life has meant to the lives of others, I wonder how many of us would be surprised at how even a small act of kindness or word of encouragement had impacted those around us. It may even encourage us to do more, to the point of living more purposefully.

What I find most exciting (and agonizing at times) about living a life as a believer are the unknowns, stressful as they are. However, when I am able to take my mind off of myself (and my worries), cherish and celebrate each day, and search for opportunities to touch and impact others, the anxieties of my unknowns seem to fade away. I begin living outside of my comfort zone and within God’s. I begin to live an extraordinary life.

May you live every day of your life.

While You Are Waiting

2009-08-04T05:34:00.001+07:00

There are moments in our life when we feel like we're in a waiting room.
Moments between our previous achieved goal (or finished journey) and the next destination.

Those are moments when daily things happen as usual... but there's nothing (according to our point of view) happen regarding to our next goal...
No open door ...yet
No shining chance ...yet
No signs...

...Everything just feels so silent...

And we don't know what to do
Sometimes even feel useless because it feels like we're idle

That's what I'm (kind of) going through right now

But He reminds me that it's not my idle time
Instead, this is a time for me to keep learning things I want to learn
Time for me to strengthen my faith muscles
Time to discern which thoughts I can allow to stick in my mind and thoughts I should throw away

Usually idle times ease a great war in our mind
...and it's not a chance to give up nor to be ignorant
But it's time for us to make sure that we're doing everything we can (in wisdom)
So that we will come out as a winner in Him

So...
Let's build and strengthen our body now
So that in time
We will be able to fly high

"Blessed [is] the man who trusts in the LORD, And whose hope is the LORD. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, Which spreads out its roots by the river, And will not fear when heat comes; But its leaf will be green, And will not be anxious in the year of drought, Nor will cease from yielding fruit."
(Jeremiah 17:7-8) - NKJV

Jiayouuuu!!!!

Doubt About Yourself?

2009-08-02T17:00:00.002+07:00

There are moments in my life when I doubt about myself...
Doubt about my ability...
Doubt about my heart's motivation...
Doubt about everything in me...

But suddenly God said softly...
That every time I doubt about myself, it's the same with not trusting Him
Because He is The One who has unlimited power upon anything, and anyone...
Despite of the thing's or person's limitations

If He can rise a dead person who is totally don't have anything
...no ability ...no consciousness ...no control over himself at all
I mean, he's not even breathing...
How a whole lot more He can do with a living person who truly wants to live right and wants to please Him, even though he is having many limitations or have made many mistakes?

He is right... just as always...
That every time I doubt myself, actually I doubt about His power...
...and of course, His unfailing love...

I definitely can surrender all my hopes in Him...
and He who have started His works in me will make sure it will be done until it is perfectly finished...

^.^
Jiayou my friends!

The Little Things Called LOVE

2009-08-02T11:35:00.001+07:00

It's when my dad repaired my watch, though many times fail but he kept trying until it was fixed well... I remember that moment everytime I wear my watch and look at it...

It's when my mom bought me chocolate fried cookies when she saw it at the store because she know I like it...

It's when my parents called me just to tell me to take good care of myself...

It's when God cheers me up by letting me go to Sinar Supermarket, to touch the soft furs of rabbits and hamsters sold there =p

*I'm learning to see and feel love in the little things*
^.^

Learning to be Patient and Keep The Faith

2009-07-28T18:48:00.005+07:00

Yesterday, when I was reading an email (Kerygma mailing list) about patience, suddenly Holy Spirit reminded me of this scripture:

Exodus 14:
18 And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD, when I have gotten me honour upon Pharaoh, upon his chariots, and upon his horsemen.
19 And the angel of God, which went before the camp of Israel, removed and went behind them; and the pillar of the cloud went from before their face, and stood behind them:
20 And it came between the camp of the Egyptians and the camp of Israel; and it was a cloud and darkness to them, but it gave light by night to these: so that the one came not near the other all the night.
21 And Moses stretched out his hand over the sea; and the LORD caused the sea to go back by a strong east wind all that night, and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided

I just thought, actually God could make the sea dry land and divided the water just in a blink of an eye. I mean, He is God... He created the earth land with the grass and trees and fruits, plus the seas in just one day! Dividing waters in one sea should be easier and faster... but why did it take all night?

I don't know the answer, only God knows what He has done...
and I just think that only God knows what He is doing now in my life...

Well... honestly... lately (it's been a few months really) I have questions in my mind... God wants me to learn some lessons for sure... and when I think about the scripture, plus I read a good quote that said,

Be patient just as God is patient.

Then I think about all events when God really shows His unbelievable patience to human... I just speechless... This is just as usual, He always make me speechless and amazed by His way to keep me think about Him... ^.^

Just now, He reminded me again about Joseph.

When I was in Lippo Cikarang (my previous chapter of life), God also reminded me of Joseph. My journey is kind of similar with his journey. When I was in Lippo Cikarang, I thought it's similar with times when Joseph was separated from his beloved Father (I was separated from my family and all the familiar things before) and taken to a totally strange land. That was so similar (except the fact that I wasn't sold as a slave like Joseph =p). But I work there, and eventually find my interest in writing and internet.

Now... when few months ago I began to questioning about my current work, I was reminded about Joseph (again!) when he was thrown into the jail for a crime he didn't commit (he was accused for raping attempt to Potiphar's wife). In the jail, Joseph met the king's personal servant and chief cook. After he told the meaning of their dreams, he said to them as his own effort to get out of the jail, "But when these good things happen, please don't forget to tell the king about me, so I can get out of this place. I was kidnapped from the land of the Hebrews, and here in Egypt I haven't done anything to deserve being thrown in jail." Joseph just want to be free, and it's a fair demand because he didn't do the crime. Just be free from the jail, it's a simple request, is it too much to ask?

But what is the result of his own effort? It is said in Genesis 40:22-23, "Everything happened just as Joseph had said it would, but the king's personal servant completely forgot about Joseph." (Don't you think it's a bit illogical? I mean, how could he forgot about Joseph after what Joseph had predicted really happened in reality??? It's really God's intervention)

Joseph had to spend 2 more years in the jail before God make a way for Joseph to get out of jail (not just get out, but a lot more that just be a free man!) and promoted to be governor of all Egypt! What a day! That happened in just one day!

I see that one big difference in Genesis 41:16, "Your Majesty," Joseph answered, "I can't do it myself, but God can give a good meaning to your dreams.

Two years before, Joseph defended himself and protested about his condition, about things that considered unfair by his own judgement... He did all he could to be free, but nothing happened until God said that it was time for him to get out and fulfill his destiny...

I have to admit... I did what Joseph did... I tried to defend myself to others, I thought that what I'm going through right now is not fair... this is not what I expect... this is not what I deserve... I ask questions to God... But the result is nothing... There are days when I can control myself to be content and grateful, but there are also days when I'm still questioning, "What am I doing here, really?" ...like today...

God has His own reasons, and I believe it's a very good reason, He has a special purpose in my life, just as everyone else's life... and I know that there's nothing I can do to make Him move before its time... there's nothing I can do to make Him open a new way for me to escape from my process of character molding... He doesn't want me to (just) be a free person, He wants me to fulfill my destiny, a bigger purpose, just like Joseph.

Thank you God... I don't know what lies ahead of me... but like my friend's status on Facebook (I'm really amazed by His ways, He can remind me through anything!), I say:

I'm grateful for everything that had happened, for everything that is happening now, and for everything that will be happen... because I know You're The One who holds my future...

The Radio Announcer

2009-07-22T05:47:00.000+07:00

God is the original Radio Announcer while we are the radios.
We should tune ourselves on the right frequency to get His voice be heard out loud...

Talking Singleness

2009-07-15T09:44:00.001+07:00

(by David Barshinger - Boundless.Org)

I recently sat down with Mark and Sarah, two friends who spent a longer time being single than they had anticipated. They'll celebrate their third wedding anniversary this summer, but they remember well the season of singleness, and shared candidly about their experience.

* * *

David: Mark, tell me a little about your experience with singleness and dating?

Mark: I dated two girls seriously in college and one after I graduated, but I spent six years without a girlfriend before meeting Sarah. I was very interested in girls and being in relationships, but I didn't have a good context for what I was looking for.

Did you struggle with six years of singleness?

M: It was a real challenge to interpret and ask, "Where's my life headed?" I was just out of college, still living with parents, and focused on, "What is life going to become?" The challenge was to be patient and trust in God, to be in that time and bear up under it. And it was increasingly difficult after my failed relationships to believe I could be in a successful one.

Did being single affect your relationships with other people too?

M: It did. I wondered, "How am I supposed to have community?" I spent a lot of time alone. And the real hurdle was how to have faith in the midst of that loneliness.

I gained weight, became increasingly introverted and depressed, and grew cold toward others. I kept people at arm's length because I was feeling hurt and down. My way of coping was trying to control every relationship I had.

Looking back now, do you see any blessings in this period?

M: Though I wasn't happy with it, I was able to focus on building some skills at work and with my career that I needed to work on. It forced me to learn to live on my own because I had lived in codependent relationships.

Eventually, it forced me to admit to God and to other people, "I need some help here. I can't keep trying to do things the way I'm doing them." And it prepared me to be in a good relationship with Sarah.

How so?

M: It squeezed me to the point where I said, "If I don't talk to someone about this, I don't know what's going to happen." I went to a Christian counselor and got into a mentoring relationship with a pastor, which prepared me for relating appropriately with others and with Sarah.

Speaking of your wife ... Sarah, tell us a little about your story.

Sarah: I dated a guy on and off in high school and college for four years, and I was sure we would get married. When we weren't dating, I was miserable, trying to figure how I could get him back. When we were together, he seemed perfect, but I kept wondering, "Why isn't he perfect?" Finally I broke it off.

What did you do after that?

S: I dated here and there. And I read Mark of a Man by Elisabeth Elliot, which helped me define what I was looking for.

But when I wasn't with somebody, I was so despairing. I thought, "I am such a weird person, I'm never going to find the right person."

Early on in college, I thought, "How could God make anyone single? How could he punish them like that?" Then I graduated and wondered, "How am I going to meet people?" During this period, I vacillated: One day, I was settled — "I'm fine by myself" — and the next day, I despaired — "I'm never going to be with anybody!"

Finally, I came to grips with the possibility that I could be single for the rest of my life. I said, "God, you are enough and with you I can survive." After that point — and it took a process to get there — I felt freed from being desperate for a husband.

Now after you two eventually met, you dated for a year and a half. Then you got married, nearly three years ago. As you think back on your period as singles, did you face pressures or expectations that made it harder?

M: I remember when I was in college, people kept saying, "Don't get married, don't be in a relationship all the time." Then at a certain age they starting saying, "Why aren't you married?" I was told, "You need to be married before you're 30."

I think too that the church is culturally — though not spiritually — established around American perspectives on family and marriage, so people communicate in terms of couples and singles. But I hate the word "singles." It describes people poorly. The single person becomes just a tag at the end, which is so hurtful.

S: For me, the dynamics of hitting your fourth year at a Christian college raised the inevitable question: "So who are you going to marry after you graduate — because, of course, he's here." It was the last-minute scramble. And I saw a lot of people getting together because of that pressure who didn't seem compatible. I wondered, "How many will divorce?"

As you watched your friends getting married, how did you deal with that?

M: You have to expect that as friends get married, there will be a natural change. It's a little naive not to expect it — and after all it's a biblical principle, leaving your parents and cleaving to your spouse (Gen. 2:24). They have to separate from other things.

I could have done a better job of looking for other relationships as my relationships changed. I didn't see any natural methods beside joining a softball team — which I did, but it didn't help.

I also could have tried harder to network with people and say, "Look, I'm struggling with relationships and community; can you help me figure out ways to build that stuff in my life right now?"

And I could have thought outside the box to use my time, because you have a lot of time. I could have gotten a master's degree. Taken a six-month or yearlong sabbatical from work for a missions trip. Gotten a second job to pay off bills. I wasted a lot of time waiting for life to happen for me.

S: But when you feel that way, it's so hard to get motivated.

M: Yes, but those events would have provided community without making the search for a mate the priority. I'm reminded that we need to "seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness" (Matt. 6:34). Personally, I became introverted and self-focused.

S: It's true — when you're serving others, you're not looking at yourself.

M: Sometimes you need something out of the ordinary to help you, because you can't get out of a rut yourself. But God is at work no matter what. God used it for good — He redeemed it.

And what role did your Christian faith play in living through singleness?

S: For me, it was a comfort. I trusted that all things were perfectly timed and would be good. Still, I often didn't understand. I would wonder, "Why did I have this relationship? Should I not have had this relationship?" I had lots of why questions, and they don't all get answered when you're married.

M: Church can actually play up the despair aspect of being single. Often I despaired because of what was going on in my church and the way people related to me, not despite it. I think relationships can be exalted to some high place.

S: Yeah, it always seems like single people are the add-on. There's no category for them. Churches serve families, but if you're single, you're waiting. What about the Pauls out there who are single?

Is there a way the church can do better here?

M: The church could focus on where people can be serving, even if they're not married.

S: When I was single, it would have been beneficial for me to have mentors, not simply teaching me to be a good wife, but to be a godly woman. But the single is often being prepared for the next step rather than for living now.

M: The church can also focus more on integrating people, not basing integration on your relational status or organizing groups around demographics.

As you think back over these years, did anyone say something that just didn't help?

M: Yes: "You're going make somebody such a great husband someday." Blah!

S: Another thing I heard was, "Just wait, it will happen; you'll forget this time period ever existed." And I thought, "But that could be a big chunk of my life!"

How about any advice that really worked?

S: In high school, both my mom and dad said, "Just be friends with lots of boys and lots of people. Get to know better what you're looking for."

M: Someone encouraged me to concentrate on improving myself. Focus on the Lord and growing spiritually. Find a way to serve.

A good paradigm-shifting question is to ask, "What's the next step — beside marriage — that God has in mind for you that you can focus on?" We need to broaden our thinking to see how we can be more useful to him for his kingdom's sake. You can find wonderfully fulfilling things to do if you have that mindset.

S: And that's often how you end up meeting people too.

As we wrap things up, what suggestions can you give other single Christians who want to be married for dealing with the challenges of singleness?

S: Do things to grow your relationship with God. No matter what you're doing, you should do that. Marriage is not the end-all.

It also helps to read personality books and birth order books, so you can get to know yourself and learn how to better relate with others.

I did some traveling too, and I'm so glad I did. If I didn't do that, I would be so sad.

M: If I could go back, I would tell myself to make the most of each day. Even with praying faithless prayers, just keep praying them. Often my prayers were pretty weak, but the truth is that God sustains us.

And in the darkest moments, when you're feeling all alone, even if all you've got is just a little bit of faith, exercise it. Hold on to that mustard seed of faith.

Dancing Past Regrets

2009-07-15T09:39:00.002+07:00

(by Cindi McMenamin - Crosswalk.Com)

Linda stared across the table at me, her eyes filled with tears.

“If only I hadn’t married him. If only I had just waited on God a little longer. But how could I have known?”

The tears spilled out, along with her regrets from the past several years.

Linda was raising two children alone since her husband left a year earlier when he decided he no longer wanted the responsibility of taking care of a wife and children.

Linda had spent the past year recounting her “if onlys”, beating herself over the head for not having figured out when she met him that her husband was the kind of man who would eventually leave. Yet I was there at Linda’s wedding ceremony years ago and I, too, never would have seen it coming.

Shortly after my conversation with Linda, I got a call from Becky. She was lamenting over her upcoming 20-year high school reunion, and couldn’t believe she would be attending it single. “How did I miss God’s plan for me?” she asked, in frustration. “I can’t imagine He’d want me to live out my life by myself.”

I looked at my watch as the phone call came to an end. I was almost late for an appointment with Terry, who was agonizingly lonely in her 25-year marriage.

Linda. Becky. Terry. And sometimes you and me. We all forget, at times, that God knows all things – even the miserable things in our lives -- and can still bring the tangled threads of our lives together into a beautiful love story revolving around us and Himself. Yet we, as women, continue to blame ourselves and stress that we didn’t get God’s Plan A for our lives. And instead, we fear, we’re living out the dreaded Plan B.

Have you ever considered that it’s no accident that you are where you are today? Whether you’re single and still waiting to be married, married but feeling alone, widowed earlier than you thought, or divorced and regretting that you somehow missed “God’s best”, none of it takes God by surprise. Your Maker, who fashioned you in your mother’s womb, knew the circumstances that would play out in your life to cause you to feel frustrated, or alone. The Psalmist says God has written out our days in a book before we ever came to be. That means He has a plan – and purpose – in what we sometimes see as our pain or plight.

God doesn’t have a Plan A for the majority of women – to get married and live happily ever after—and then a Plan B for the rest of us, which leaves us feeling that somehow we missed Plan A. No, God looked down through the corridors of time and knew what each of us would need to become more intimately connected with Him and then He ordained our days – overseeing our circumstances, directing our paths, and providing enough of Himself to be available to us when we feel we’re at our wits’ end – so that we would live that story and find Him as our all in all.

In Psalm 139, David sang this about the God who made him and planned out his life:

“You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.”

Then David went on to say this about the Divine Writer of our life story:

“How precious are your thoughts about me, O God!
They are innumerable!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up in the morning,
You are still with me!” (verses 16-18, NLT)

The Writer of our story and the One who has ordained all our days loves us intimately. The number of precious thoughts He has toward us cannot even be measured! That means God not only has our life story planned out, but because He loves us immeasurably, that story is truly a good one…one of loving kindness and hope. So we don’t need to be doubled over in disappointment and shame, thinking our lives are past the point of ever turning out well. We don’t need to live with regrets that we made certain choices that messed up our lives. We can, instead, dance past those regrets knowing that God is still in charge and He knows the plans He has for us, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11b).

Will you go through this day differently knowing that the Writer of your story has precious thoughts of you too numerable to measure? And will you trust Him today that He has this chapter of your life already resolved and is waiting for you to see the benefits of trusting Him as you live through it?

You can rejoice today knowing that your circumstances are no accident in the eyes of an all-knowing, all-seeing God. And because your days were written out in His book before you were born, He has already planned the “happy ending” that still lies ahead of you. Don’t’ give up on God because your story in His book is only half-lived. Trust the process. Trust your Maker. And rest in the fact that the Writer knows exactly what’s ahead and can get you safely to the “happily ever after.”

Unpredictable

2009-07-13T09:16:00.001+07:00

Life is unpredictable
That is the most common fact

You really can't predict your future based on the present time.
You can't predict of who you will become in the future based on who you are right now.

Remember the metamorphosis of a caterpillar to become a butterfly.
Do you see any body property of a caterpillar that shows you that he will (definitely) someday become a butterfly?
No signs at all!
But yet every caterpillar transforms into a butterfly.

Remember Joseph's promotion to be a second Egypt leader after he stayed in the jail for a crime he didn't commit.
Do you see any clear signs of Joseph's former condition as a prisoner that makes you think he will be able to get out of the jail and become an important person second to Pharaoh?
No positive signs at all!
Even the chief wine-servant and the chief bread-maker were totally forgot about him after they have been released...
But yet, at its time, Joseph was promoted to be a second leader after Pharaoh.

Even in God, our life is still unpredictable...
But He had promised:

"For without doubt there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off."
(Proverbs 23:18)

and...

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."
(Rome 8:28)

...as long as we keep following Him.

He is able

...and nothing is impossible in His plan for us.

Jiayou!!!

Nothing Else Really Matters

2009-07-08T04:57:00.001+07:00

When you realized that time has no brake
He will keep moving on without a care of what you want
When you count the running seconds
They have their own race without your compromise

You know you can't deny it
and you can't do anything to stop it

The only thing you can do is to find
What is the most precious thing in your life
So you won't miss it
...won't let it slips away

It's your family...
Your dad who leads you, teaches you, and gives you courage to live boldly
Your mom who gave birth to you, takes care of you, and always support you
Your siblings who share early life under the same roof...

When you know that you don't have much time left
You will know instantly....
That nothing else really matters to you
Not the things, but the beloved people matters most

...So use your time wisely...
'coz there's no turning back

* by Fay
(inspired from what happened yesterday - my friend's mom was RIP... and from "Click" movie)

If We Are The Body - Casting Crowns

2009-07-07T07:06:00.000+07:00

This is a deep reflection...

If You Lost Something...

2009-06-09T01:04:00.001+07:00

Last night I wrote comments on my friend's status on Facebook. He wrote, "Usually, if something is taken away from us, it means there is something better that will be given to us, right?" I gave 5 comments and after wrote all of them I just thought that those comments are good to share, so I can also remember them.

First comment
If something is taken away from us, it means that thing is not good for us, God wants us to receive the best, a better one...

Second comment
If something is taken away from us, it means that thing is already expired, maybe God see that we don't need it anymore for the next phase of our life. Or, He might see that it can ruin our focus, or it has the potential to turn our hearts away from Him and The Truth...

Third comment
If something is taken away from us, it means maybe it is time for us to bless other people, because God may see that there is another person who is more in need than us and He wants us to be a blessing mediator. He might wants us to learn to let go...

Fourth comment
...Eum... "taken away from us"? Do you think that we really "own" that thing? 'Coz the truth is, everything is belong to God, we are just His managers, He is The only Owner of everything... Then how can we say, "This one thing has been taken from me"?

Fifth comment
Okay dude... this list can go on and on... but I wanna go to sleep now... hihihihihi... Good night... May God peace be with you and your family... Look at them before you sleep, aren't they the most precious treasures that God has given into your life?

Those comments moved me right after I have written all of them... It is like a reminder for me too... We can not see things the way they are visibly seen, because there is certain reason or certain purpose beyond them, beyond our understanding... and we need to completely trust in Him for that...

Thank You God... =)

I'm Not Alone

2009-05-30T15:17:00.000+07:00

Lately I'm thinking about something related to my present condition... There are so many thoughts, concerns and worries... I even don't know why God let me go into this condition... it wasn't my choice and absolutely not something I asked for... and why can't I be / do just like others in my second family? Why can't I be succeed like them?

...Then I chatted with a woman, she is going through a similar situation like me, but she had passed her critical time I guess, so now she can fully surrender it to God while she is keep doing her best and still hoping for the next best. While me? I guess this is my critical point =p I have a lot of questions and "what if"... and also "if only". My imagination can be a bit wild sometimes =p But I can see that the only choice I could pick right now is just surrender...

And just now, I remembered one of my old friend who has a little bit similar condition, so I texted her and she confirmed about what she feels and think, the same like I do... We strengthened each other and agreed to keep our hope in Him...

It's a relieve to know that we are not alone in the journey... There are other people who experiencing the similar condition and that moves me to keep striving and not running away... and that's the beauty of God's family... we acknowledge each other and we help each other... It's one special blessing for me =)

Thank You Dad... ^_^

Believe in the BUT

2009-05-22T05:21:00.001+07:00

"Most assuredly, I say to you that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; and you will be sorrowful, BUT your sorrow will be turned into joy"
(John 16:20 - KJV)

Weeping and lamentation are common for everyone in certain parts of life. Maybe it is when we lost someone we love, when our best friend disappoint us, when our beloved one betrays us, when we lose our job, when we get unfair or injustice acts from others... The list could go on and on...

One thing to remember is that we live in a fallen world because of sin. BUT we must keep in mind that God still has control over our life.

We may fall BUT we have the ability to rise again.
We may stumbled BUT He will help us to step back again.
We may become weak BUT His love and words are our very own strength.
We may feel that we lose hope BUT our future is still in His hands
We may feel despair BUT He is able to turn our mourning into joy if we let Him to

There are things that happen out of our control, and we can't predict precisely about tomorrow, not to mention years ahead today... BUT we can trust our life in our Father, whose Love has been proven through His Son, Jesus Christ... The Only Son that He gave us to be a Savior, so He can live in us and we live in Him, as a part of His Kingdom, His children... He never leaves us alone...

"Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the LORD."
(Psalm 31:24 - KJV)

Be strong and hold on to His unfailing promises!

Ultimate Love Will Set You Free

2009-05-11T09:38:00.001+07:00

I don't feel a thing
No 'cause I don't need to
I'm just okay
If numb is a normal thing to live

Few things had happened in the past
Got the hurt, the anger and disappointment
...and I just couldn't bear another one
I made a promise not to let my heart be broken again

So I let others know that I was tough
...that I was strong and happy
and my life was just good enough
...for myself

Leaving the dreams and bitterness
I was building the defense system
Hoping that it would be enough to keep away others from hurting me
...enough to make them know that they can't take advantages of me

I was right...
No strangers dare enough to interfere
It seems what I've been set up has made me safe
...but slowly my heart is turning to numb...

I can't laugh
I can't cry
My defenses have frozen my heart
It's not only closed the gate from tears, but also from love

Father help me...
I've made a mistake...
What I meant to protect myself has crushed my own ability to feel
Heal me 'cause You're the only One who can...

Nothing can erase the previous journey...
...nor the memories...
But heart can be restored and renewed
When the ultimate Love comes and washes the pain away

Apart from You I stood alone
Apart from You I gave my best efforts
Apart from You... they meant nothing
Now I know... Apart from You... I can't do a thing...

False love can make you cry
False love can make you laugh
But only true Love can set you free
True love can make you able to discern the right from wrongs

Father I open my heart gate
Fill me with Your True Love...

Double Standard = Insecurity

2009-04-27T08:20:00.003+07:00

Yesterday because of a conversation among my friends, I realized that I have a problem... which is a relieve because I've been feeling uneasy and have unspeakable questions on my mind about certain things in my life. Now since I have known the root of my problem, I can start to put His Words to me into action...

Yap, He has already given me the solution before I knew what exactly my problem is... You're so amazing God... Thank You...

The root of my problem is because I have my own standard about how things should be like in my life. There are few areas where I still hold on to my own standard and when my current condition doesn't reflect that standard (I don't achieve what I thought I should have achieved by now or I don't be in a position where I thought I should have been by now), I get confused, insecure, and begin questioning myself and God.

It's true what has been said in Isaiah 55:8, "'For My thoughts [are] not your thoughts, Nor [are] your ways My ways,' says the LORD".

It's undeniable fact that each of us have our own standards about the best timing, the best achievement, the best job, the best income or salary rate, etc... Although what we have is probably a good life standard (at least according to our point of view), but still... often it doesn't in line with His standard. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, no matter how big our hope (and how often we pray) to achieve something that goes with our standard, it just can't happen in the present time...

And the questions begin to rambling around in our heads...
"Am I too late to do this thing? Why didn't I do this earlier?"
"Have I been so stupid before? Maybe it wouldn't have to be this way if I tried harder..."
"Have I made a mistake and careless with my previous decisions that brought me to this position right now?"
"Did I lack of motivations? I thought I should be better than my dad, but look at me now... I even couldn't make him proud of me..."

Maybe you also have similar or other questions...
Well, I think the main problem is that we don't get what we want/wish, based on our standard...

We might be forget that our life is a life we live in Him... It means, if we grow in His truth and grow to become closer in our relationship with Him, naturally, His thoughts will be our thoughts, and we will be able to easily surrender our thoughts/will/hope that isn't come from Him. This is possible because we are created according to His image.

So, the only one standard we must hold on to is His standard...
If we keep our eyes on Him and keep growing in His love and His truth, then, no matter what mistakes we have done in our past, He will lead us in His way to fulfill our destiny according to His plan. This is very possible since He is the Only Mighty God who always in control...

So there's no reason for us to be despair and stuck in our place right now with a painful headache because we think we are the one who have to fix and keep up with everything. In fact, we just need to do the first thing first, and the rest will follow... =)

Watch Your Self Talk and Apply Gratitude

2009-04-25T04:45:00.001+07:00

Our self talk often goes undetected. Words we tell to ourselves like:

- I can't beat his/her skill
- I am a miserable man/woman, and always be like that
- I hate her/him for hurting me, no, I can't forgive her/him
- I'm a shy person, and I'm gonna stay this way
- she/he is so annoying, why can't she/he listen to me and do what I suggest?
- This trouble is too big, I can't handle this, whatever!
- etc

Our self talk could be about ourselves, our husband/wife, our friend, other people, or about condition/situation. It could be a condemnation, assumption, thoughts, or things we say to control our actions and reactions. And like any other talk, it could be positive or negative. But the most important thing that we should ask ourselves whenever we realize that we have our self talk is, whether it is in line with God's truth or not.

I has just realized that I have many wrong self talks, assumptions, jealousy, self-pity, and ignorance... If I didn't examine my self talk, they would go unnoticed for sure... and I would lose my chance to check myself and to fix my mindset.

Yesterday I read someone's writing, he shared about what he was doing to examine his self talk. He brought a little notepad and a pen, and he wrote every self talk that went on his mind about everything. How he was surprised to found that he had bad thoughts about his marriage, his wife, his job, and everything else... those little thoughts could sum up and become bigger and bigger, and at the end it has the potential to break or corrupt his own life...

We have to master our mind and submit it to God. Beside apply His words of truth into our mind, we have to make sure that we have a gratitude mindset.

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Paul is not telling you to be thankful for all the bad things that happen in your life, but rather we are to be thankful in our circumstances. There is a major difference between being thankful for every situation in life and being thankful in those situations. He challenges us to find reasons to be thankful even in the worst of struggles. Your circumstances might not change, but your attitude toward them can change, and that will make all the difference

We can simply focusing on the many things in our life for which we can be thankful. And making notes of them might help a lot... since we tend to forget the simple things...

You know, there are times when I ask, "What Your will for me God? Please lead me and show me Your will in my life..." I usually ask that question on specific things, but after I read that verse, apparently He had answered the basic of my question... His will for me is to have a gratitude life...

a Second Chance

2009-04-11T14:28:00.001+07:00

Special Mention
(Source: Kerygma Mailing List)

“But go, tell His disciples and Peter, ‘He is going ahead of you to Galilee; there you will see Him, just as He told you.’” – Mark 16:7

Peter is one of my favorite Apostles. He loves Jesus yet he has done a lot of things that, if he had done them to another person, would have ended their relationship immediately. Peter was a person who was fiercely devoted to Christ that he was willing to do everything for Him. (He even cut off another person’s ear when Jesus was about to be arrested at Gethsemane.) He also said things that he wasn’t sure he could fulfill. (He said he would never deny Jesus but then renounced Him not once but three times a few hours later.)

Still, Jesus loved him and forgave him enough for the angel to tell the women at the tomb to inform Peter specifically that He is risen from the dead. How’s that for second chances?

I like Peter a lot because he reminds me of myself — willing to follow Christ, yet falling into things that I know are bad and that hurt Him. Yet even so, Jesus still forgives me and assures me that He loves me even if I do not deserve it at all. (*by Tina Matanguihan)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I got the above email this morning. And the bold sentence has poked me, it made me realize that I still have a scar in my heart that was caused by a person who said things that he wasn't sure he could fulfill (and at the end it has been proved that he couldn't fulfill the things he had said at the beginning).

But the fact is, I'm just the same with the person who has wounded me, I do need a second chance too... and I have received it from Him... Why wouldn't I also give a second chance to this person?

I wanna be like You, Father... please help me...

In a Blink of an Eye

2009-03-27T12:49:00.001+07:00

Am I doing enough?
Because I feel all I’m doing is meaningless
Am I being enough?
Because I feel that everyone else is better than me

I’ve been hurt
I’ve been unconcious
I’ve done foolish things
I’ve made many disappointments

Few times I fell
Few times it seems like I’m going to be drowned
How can I runaway from this bad dream that has been haunting me?
How can I breath and be free?

In a blink of an eye
I see You…
My fears can’t hold me from reaching out to You
Cause I’m so hopeless…

In a blink of an eye
I see myself walking on Emmaus road
I didn’t see that You’re with me all along
and now I know…

In a blink of an eye
Everything comes on my sight
You are near… and Your love is real
Asking my faith to be set into You alone

Sometimes journeys reveal themselves
…just in a blink of an eye

Joseph's Prosperity: When God Turns Evil to Good

2009-03-23T05:10:00.001+07:00

(by David Friedman)
Source: Crosswalk

He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. Psalm 1:3

Joseph’s life was one filled with wrongful accusations and betrayals. He was betrayed by his brothers, falsely accused by his master’s wife, thrown into prison and left to languish there for years. Yet when Joseph surveyed his circumstances, he was able to proclaim with boldness that what others meant for evil, God had used for good:

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children (Genesis 50:20-21).

This can be as true for us in our lives and careers as it was for Joseph. As a young man, Joseph did not yet have the character to sustain the destiny that God had revealed to him through his dreams. But the history of God’s remedy for Joseph’s character gap surfaces a key principle: Prosperity and promotion in his life and career came through a constant decision to trust God and serve those around him in humility.

God has to take us through circumstances that will wean us off of acting in the flesh so that He can move us to act out of His Spirit. God uses our careers to test where our identities and trust are really rooted. We should thus embrace those difficult coworkers or situations that God places in our life as His crucible for character growth so that He can position us for His abundance.

I once managed a project with a team member who was one of the most difficult individuals with whom I have ever worked. I decided to obey the words of 1 Peter 3:8-9, which states:

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

I served this individual and prayed for God’s blessing on him and, as it turned out, God used the situation to open the door for a whole new chapter in my career. If you walk in love, God will turn your circumstances around.

Despite the betrayal and backstabbing that Joseph endured, the Lord was always with Joseph, and he prospered. God had promised greatness for Joseph, yet even though he found himself working for a prison guard and condemned with a baker and a cupbearer, he chose to serve those around him. This provided the window for God to turn around his situation.

In the end, Joseph was released from prison for interpreting the pharaoh’s dreams. At the age of 30, he was put in charge of the whole land of Egypt and was second only to the pharaoh. By this time, Joseph had the character to leverage the information that God had revealed through Pharaoh’s dream.

God gave Joseph wisdom on the future trends in the grain markets that allowed him to both prosper and later save the country. In essence, he was the first grain futures trader. Ultimately, there would be enough food to feed his family when they arrived and, in particular, his brother Judah, who was carrying the line of Christ.

This Joseph Principle can work for each of us: Choose to serve and God will open the door and turn evil circumstances to good in your life and career.

Point to Ponder

Trusting God completely and serving others in any situation will open the door for God to bless us with new opportunities.

Questions to Consider

1. Do you feel that your skills and gifts do not fit with your present work situation?

2. What is a simple way for you to live out God’s will in your career based on the example of Joseph’s life?

3. Does your character line up with your skills? Do you believe that God can prosper you in every situation as He did in Joseph’s life?

Dificulty Reveals Our True Qualities

2009-03-18T00:13:00.001+07:00

This thought came into my mind when I was listening (and also comparing) some of Youtube singers in singing the same song =p Yap, I have 2 favourite female singers =D They're so good, their voices are amazingly great!

That was after I listened them sang some songs that have quite high difficulty level (such as high pitch, fast pitch changes, etc) yah termasuk cengkoknya juga hihihi... But I had listened them sang some "easy level" song before and I hadn't thought they're that great! In those "easy" songs, their voices sound a bit average with other singers.

So I was reminded again... that one's quality can only be seen in a difficult situation.

One's extraordinary ability, character, and talents, can only be revealed in an extraordinary condition.

Moral of the story: Don't give up easily, coz extraordinary or unique or even hard things can bring out the best in you, if you give a right response ^.^

Jiayouuuu!!!

I'm Yours

2009-03-15T19:20:00.001+07:00

Before I am awake...
I was just a body made of dust
Lying on the ground
Frozen and pale...

Then Your breath blew life into me
...in a blink of an eye...
I'm alive...

Your faithfullnes has been giving me
everything I need to grow...
and Your unfailing love
...is like an eternal flame
shining throughout my life

You've been so patient...
and Your forgiveness is uncountable

...there's nothing else I can say...
I am truly Yours...

Not Alone

2009-03-12T05:46:00.000+07:00

(by Anne Sims)
Source: Relevant Magazine

I know, I know. You’re already looking for holy, sanctimonious, snobbish “it’ll be worth the wait when your prince (or princess) comes and makes it all worthwhile.” Not so, I say. And it’s not easy for me to say that at all. I’ve been married seven and a half years, was single for 27 before that, and I’ve been thinking lately about what it means to be single. Don’t get me wrong, here. I’m not looking to be free of my husband … not at all. Seven and half years later, I think we’re finally getting to the good stuff. We know each other way less than we thought we did on our wedding day, and much better than we did that next morning when we woke up as Mr. and Mrs. We’ve been through some really tough stuff together: We’ve both had surgeries, mine minor, his less so. We’ve struggled to pay bills—really scary ones, like the one from the IRS. We make an odd couple—both tremendously damaged by our childhoods, and healed in some painful and wondrous way by one another. But I digress… Singleness. I never valued it when I had it. My goal was always not to be alone, and since I make friends with male people more easily than with female people, that meant I was “not alone” with male people quite a bit. Emotional intimacy was easily had, and I mistook that more than once for love, and that led to sex and the giving away of bits and pieces of myself.

And the older I get, the more I wish I hadn’t given so much of myself away. I wish I’d learned to like myself better as a single person, valued myself more, given more of my heart to God and less of my body to men who didn’t love it like I should have. The older I get, the more I realize how deep God’s love is, and how like a father I have broken God’s heart in the past—not irrevocably and not with rejection, but with sadness for how little I thought of myself, how much of myself I gave that I can’t get back, how little I trusted myself when I was so determined not to be single.

By the time Ben and I married, I had grown up a little. I’d sort of given up on not being single, and was working on learning to love my single self. We actually had a very deep conversation about how we were not dating at this point in our lives, over a dinner that started as a convenient grab-a-bite-after-class and was, by the end of the evening, looking more and more like a date. I liked myself, and so I didn’t just jump at the chance to date someone, to be “not alone.” I found that because I valued myself and had a sense of who God was calling me to be, I felt freer to hold back, to be “wooed,” to wait for a sense that this time it would be the time to give my heart definitively and not try to buy love with the rest of me.

What I think about singleness is this: It’s a time to come to know who you are, to be at peace with yourself and with God. It’s hard to feel all that comfortable when you know you’ve left bits and pieces of your self and your soul behind, and failed to value them the way God does. But they can grow back.

Singleness for me was mostly years of failing to understand that true love doesn’t ask for my soul, but receives it, shares it and grows it. It was years of failing to realize that I had “true love” in my platonic friendships and in my relationship with Christ and in my family, and that it was time to stop looking elsewhere for love. And singleness was the incubator in which I grew up, from a childish seeking for comfort anywhere I could get it, to finally feeling that in Ben I’d found a love and acceptance only God had felt for me before. It was years of learning to face myself in a mirror and see contentment reflected back.

So yeah, I’ve been thinking about singleness. Part of me misses it, but only to the extent that I failed to value it when it was mine. There’s freedom there, to travel and to think out loud, to take the crazy job or paint my toenails purple (he hates it when I do that). You can eat what you want and watch the ball game without worrying about what anyone else wants to do. Singleness was right for me for a time. It’s been right for my best friend all along—she’s my age, and, I think, secure enough in God and in herself to enjoy it while it lasts, while staying open to the possibilities of being not-single. It’s right for another friend, who find it to be her calling in life, to be satisfied with who she is and comfortable in her own skin.

Singleness is about adventure, self-esteem and growing up. And it’s about you owning your soul, until it’s time to give it away to the one who gives it back to you, with theirs. Here’s my word of wisdom from the other side of singleness: It’s who you are when you’re single that sets the course for who you’ll be all your life. Be whole, and yes, holy—don’t give yourself away. You’ll miss the pieces you let go.

"Apart from Me... Nothing."

2009-03-10T09:43:00.001+07:00

(by Austin Pryor)

Jesus was man as God intended. He not only showed us what God is like, but what man is supposed to be like. He showed us the kind of life God had in mind for us when He created man — a life of worshipful dependence.

In John 5, Jesus said He was hard at work: "My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I, too, am working" (v. 17). But it turned out that His working was quite unlike the self-sufficient, self-motivated kind with which we are familiar in ourselves and others.

He went on to explain the secret of His working: "Jesus gave them this answer: 'I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does'" (v. 19). "By myself I can do nothing; I judge only as I hear..." (v. 30). "I do nothing on my own but speak just what the Father has taught me" (8:28a). (Emphasis has been added in Bible quotations throughout.)

The key to understanding Christ's sinless perfection, then, is not to focus primarily on the way He avoided doing what was wrong, but rather on His positively accomplishing what was right — He lived a life of total dependence on the Father.

And then he made us this stunning promise: If you will depend on me the way I've depended on the Father, then I will be to you what my Father has been to me. Your power source. Your wisdom. Your holiness. Your motivation for self-sacrifice. "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose" (Philippians 2:13).

This is wonderful news! It means we don't have to keep trying (and failing) to make ourselves "good" Christians. We can't do it. He never said we could. But He can. The God who invited you into the Christian life is also the God who wants to live it out through you. "The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it" (1 Thess. 5:24).

And so Jesus could say in John 15: "No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing" (vv. 4-5).

Fruit-bearing is the result of being filled with the Spirit, yielding to the Holy Spirit and allowing Him to empower you with the adequacy of Christ.

How adequate is He, anyway? Would Christ be adequate as a spouse? A parent? As an employee? Or, turning to the financial realm, how about as a household money manager? Would He be able to live within a budget, save for the future, and give generously? Yes, of course! He would be without peer in all of these roles and thousands of others.

So, as you consider how to maximize your family life, your work life, your financial life, and your ministry life this year, ask yourself these questions: How much can I do apart from Christ? Nothing of value. But how much can Christ do through me? Everything of value. He is limited only by the measure of our being available to His Spirit.

In The Saving Life of Christ, Major Ian Thomas expressed it this way:

The Lord Jesus Christ claims the use of your body, your whole being, your complete personality, so that as you give yourself to Him through the eternal Spirit, He may give Himself to you through the eternal Spirit, that all your activity as a human being on earth may be His activity in and through you; that every step you take, every word you speak, everything you do, everything you are, may be an expression of Christ, in you as man....

That is what Paul meant when he said 'For me to live is Christ.'... It is for you to be — it is for Him to do. Restfully available to the Saving Life of Christ, enjoying the richest measure of the Divine Presence, a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself, instantly obedient to the heavenly impulse — this is your vocation, and this is your victory!"

"I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, if anyone steadfastly believes in Me, he will himself be able to do the things that I do; and he will do even greater things than these, because I go to the Father. And I will do [I Myself will grant] whatever you ask in My Name [as presenting all that I AM], so that the Father may be glorified and extolled in (through) the Son (John 14:12-13, Amplified).

Source: Crosswalk

What are Your God-Given Abilities?

2009-03-10T09:40:00.000+07:00

(by Dan Miller)

Remember when God spoke to Moses at the burning bush? God told Moses he wanted him to go back to Egypt and lead the people out to the promised land. Moses looked and said – “You’ve got to be kidding – I’m not the person for a job like that.” God assured Moses he would prepare the way and he would provide some pretty convincing miracles. Still Moses had a hard time believing he was up to the task. He pleaded – “I can’t speak well, I don’t have a college degree, I’m a convicted felon – please, send anyone else!”

Now here we have someone with an obvious opportunity. Wouldn’t you like for God to lay out such a clear plan for you; and to promise success in advance. That wasn’t good enough for Moses. He kept trying to convince God he didn’t have any of the necessary requirements for accomplishing this big job. Moses said “they won’t believe me. I don’t have anything to qualify me for doing something great.” God said, “What is that in your hand?” If you don’t remember, it was his shepherd’s staff, which turned out to be a pretty significant part of his leadership. He turned it into a snake, parted the Red Sea with it and did some other pretty cool stuff.

If you think you’re stuck, don’t have any unusual talents, don’t have the right degrees, and don’t have the credibility to have people take you seriously – let me ask you a question: “What do you have in your hand?” What natural talents do you have? What is it that you do with excellence? Do you make beautiful candles? Delicious bread? Encourage the elderly? Grow stunning flowers? Handle your children with grace? You get the idea – just look at what you have right in front of you.

With God’s help you may already have everything you need for greatness. Don’t balk when you hear your call!

Source: Crosswalk

Employment Security in an Insecure World

2009-03-10T09:21:00.000+07:00

(by Kevin Brennfleck and Kay Marie Brennfleck)

“Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10

What is the difference between job security and employment security? It has to do with who has the power. Job security is external; the power lies with the employer. The boss, or company, decides whether or not you will continue to have a job. In contrast, employment security is internal; it resides within you.

Develop Your Personal Brand

A key to developing employment security is knowing your value to a current, or prospective, employer (or client). The things that make you special are the components of your “personal brand.” For example, what do you do well? What are your most marketable skills, and how can you “prove” them? What knowledge or experience do you have that are assets in the job market? What personality and character traits do you have that distinguish you? Take a moment right now to jot down at least five things that make you valuable to an employer or client.

Management expert Tom Peters is credited with coining the term personal brand in his 1997 article, “The Brand Called You.” In that article, he stressed the importance of knowing what makes you different from others:

Start right now: as of this moment you're going to think of yourself differently!... You don't "belong to" any company for life, and your chief affiliation isn't to any particular "function." You're not defined by your job title and you're not confined by your job description. Starting today you are a brand….[A]sk yourself…: What is it that my product or service does that makes it different?

Many people need some help identifying their personal brand, especially if they find it difficult to see their strengths objectively. Often what we do best comes most naturally to us, and we may therefore take it for granted, thinking, “That’s not so special. I bet most people can do this.” Get some outside feedback from work associates, friends, or a professional career counselor to help you identify what makes you valuable to others.

Seek to Serve

Knowing and being able to communicate your God-given strengths to others is a core element of employment security. Whether you are in a job interview, performance review, or marketing your services, you will serve the employer or client best when you portray an accurate picture of what you can do for them. Most people downplay their skills and abilities (sometimes because of a false understanding of humility), and therefore miss having the opportunity to use their skills to meet another’s needs. God has given you gifts to serve others. To serve employers or clients fully, however, you need to know what your strengths are and be able to convey effectively how you could use your skills and abilities to meet their needs.

Source: Crosswalk

Why I Dumped Johnny Depp for a Sensitive Guy

2009-03-10T09:18:00.001+07:00

(By Julie Ferwerda)

I sheepishly admit, there was a time when I had a fascination for guys (and pirates who wear eyeliner) like Johnny Depp—virile, adventurous, untamed, unpredictable, and very male.

There was something mysterious and compelling about a guy like that … something that left me wanting to be the one to bring out the tender guy hidden somewhere beneath the rough exterior, yet able to hold onto the wild and daring man without.

It didn’t take long in the dating world to discover that this man is only a fabrication of the Hollywood mind. My experience taught that there was no recklessly alluring rogue by day and sweet sensitive romancer by eve. When I happened to locate one of those high-testosterone all-male males, there indeed was a “package deal” involved. Get a guy like that, I observed, and you’ve got a guy who’s addicted to adrenaline—snowboarding the avalanche zones, kayaking treacherous waters, stalking mountain lions and grizzly bears for his trophy room, or surfing the pipes in shark-infested waters—usually at the expense of any meaningful relationships. In fact, the conquest of a variety of women is typically part of the pleasure-seeking game for these kinds of men. The slightly tamer varieties are still out seeking thrills on four-wheelers, fishing boats, or snowmobiles, at every opportunity, leaving little time for relationships.

Now please understand, I’m not being critical of noble-hearted men who seek outlets for their inherent and wonderful wild side, as John Eldredge is famous for writing about in his book, Wild at Heart. In fact, these activities for many men are a great way to relax and unleash their God-given passion and it’s inspiring to watch them in action. Many great men can balance their family responsibility and personal lives with their leisure. No, I’m talking about the dangerously intriguing Johnny Depps of the real world—the unattainable-of-heart kind of men that certain women pursue with the hopes of locating redeeming qualities behind the bad boy mask. And I’m talking about the women (like I used to be) who believe that is the kind of man they must reform … this untamed man who refuses to be caged by love or responsibility. Enter “Bryce.”

When I tried to coax the tender-hearted companion out from Bryce, a man who made a game of recklessly pirating the hearts of women—I found quite a different scenario than the attentive romancer I’d imagined. Not only was his life characterized by unabashed selfishness, when he did have spare time in between his recreational outings, he’d either be glued to ESPN Sports Center, or else immersed in his latest hobby. When I complained about feeling neglected or told him I wanted some bonding time, he’d generously offer a corner of the couch so I could watch the NBA playoffs with him. It always seemed to be about his things, his interests, his activities. And if I opted out of his “leisure” activities, he would try to feign disappointment while phoning his cronies a bit too eagerly (most of them acted like pirates and a few even smelled like them). And if I felt like he neglected me, his narcissistic lifestyle left no room for the God he said he revered.

After a cycle or two of enduring these kinds of guys, it was time to jump ship. There had to be other options to my Depp-fetish. But what? Hanging out with landlubbers for bowling and Scrabble was probably fine in a friendly kind of way, but not for a long-term relationship. Where was the balance for an adventurous date and potential life partner?

Then I met Steve. On our first marathon phone conversation, he cried. I’m not talking mist-up-and-sniffle-once-or-twice. He was in the middle of telling me about something sad going on in his life, and he just cut loose in an all out voice-quivering, tear-shedding, snot-blowing sob. Whoa. I was instantly suspicious. Was this behavior normal? Was it macho? Was Steve “confused” about his sexual orientation? He didn’t seem to be effeminate or anything, but this was not typical behavior for the Johnny Depp of my previous dating relationship. And I certainly didn’t want to trade in one extreme for the other.

As we continued to date, it didn’t take long to confirm that this guy was very male, but in a different kind of way. He loved sports, but didn’t watch them or play them to extremes. He was really into downhill skiing and could take on runs that made penguins nervous. He liked all kinds of guy things, like fixing cars and playing around on computers, but when it came to how much attention he devoted to all those things, he was strangely balanced.

While he did have some aggravating male qualities like being very competitive and displaying male answer syndrome on occasion, he had another side too. He liked to shop, doing dishes, and he enjoyed hanging out and chatting with “the girls.” He loved taking walks in the sunset, and he could occasionally tolerate chick flicks without wincing. Best of all, he truly made time to develop his daily walk with God, without any input (nagging?) from me.

Suddenly it all made sense. This guy was all male, but he was also in touch with his sensitive side and he could actually show it when the occasion called for it. He was very comfortable with his sexual identity and didn’t have anything to prove. He could be a man rustling around in the garage with power tools one minute, and then move into the kitchen to hang out with the girls the next. With that delicate balance in his life, it occurred to me that when it came to a true masculine role, he demonstrated some of the characteristics of … Jesus!

Now this kind of guy would make a great husband, I thought. In my history of dating, it had never occurred to me to look for this kind of balance, but suddenly I realized that’s what women really want. Even if they don’t know it yet, they want the guy that’s all guy but who can let down his guard and be sensitive too, because those kinds of guys make the best life companions. And once I put it all together, I wasn’t about to let this one go—I’d be crazy to let a man get away who liked doing dishes!

All this is to say, that if you’ve been attracted to the Johnny Depp kind of guys like I used to be, be cautious about the ones who won’t make true companions. There’s such a thing as too much of a thing. Look for balance. While you want a guy that’s somewhat wild and untamed at heart, you might have to trade off some for a responsive guy who makes a great best friend.

I’ve been happily married to this sensitive hunk of a guy now for nine years, but I do have one little complaint. I still haven’t convinced him he’d look hot wearing eyeliner. Aaarrgh!

Source: Crosswalk

Decoding "He's Just Not That into You"

2009-03-10T09:16:00.001+07:00

(by AJ Kiesling)

On a Friday night in early February I drove out to meet a girlfriend for a movie, bringing my teenage daughter Claire along for the event. Running late, we circled the parking lot like vultures until we finally found a space.

Why the unusual crowd, I wondered as we speed-walked to the front of the theater to buy tickets. When we rounded the corner, I stopped cold. A line of nearly 100 people stretched from the ticket window down the length of the sidewalk. The movie we had come to see had been out for a couple of weeks, so what was all the fuss about? It didn’t take long to find out. That night a new film was debuting, and I realized in one sweeping glance down the sidewalk that the buzz generated by the book of the same name had carried over to the box office. And why shouldn’t it? After all, we can’t get enough of trying to figure out the opposite sex. The movie’s title: He’s Just Not That into You.

Billed as the ultimate date movie, the film promised an entertaining two hours delving into the lives of contemporary singles struggling to find love—and often “getting rejected by seven different technologies” in the process, as one character (played by Drew Barrymore) laments. But the movie also looked upbeat, funny, a romantic comedy that all of us could relate to with wry humor. Certain we wouldn’t make our intended show, I texted my friend and told her Claire and I would have to opt for another movie—and we chose a later showing of the one everybody else had apparently come to see.

A few years ago I actually read the book He’s Just Not That into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo at the urging of a friend. Considered a “tough love” manual for decoding guy behavior and speech, the book was helpful, if not always hopeful, and the trailer for the movie version hinted at a playful, tongue-in-cheek look at men's and women’s hits and misses in the dating game. Claire and I found seats and settled in for an enjoyable night at the movies, but as the story unfolded something very different happened. It started in the pit of my stomach, a slight nauseated feeling not unlike the sensation of having been punched in the gut and unable to catch your breath. As the characters loved and laughed and cried their way through complicated relationships, I sat frozen in my seat, trying not to process what I was feeling. But later that night, back at home, I allowed myself to put a name to my unusual reaction to the movie. I will call it simply familiarity.

In the film’s storyline, one of the hip male characters befriends a woman and gives her free advice on how to decode what men say and do to arrive at what they really mean—which, sad to say, is often the opposite. Repeatedly, the woman is dismayed to hear that so many of the casual and outwardly encouraging messages men send (like the notorious “Hey, I’ll give you a call sometime”) actually mean HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. The irony is that the male character himself later misreads his own signals (breaking all his rules) and realizes he’s falling for someone.

The reason why this movie hit me so hard is because it sums up in one word what I find so patently wrong with our modern singles culture: namely, insincerity. Trying to read cues from the opposite sex for signs of interest is one thing, and probably as old as the human race, but outwardly saying one thing when you mean another is a form of deceit. No good thing can come of it, so I wonder: why do men and women do this so often? Men are often lauded for being up-front and meaning what they say, while women are considered the more subjective gender, layering their true intent in an onion-skin of hidden meanings. Yet ironically, in the movie, the whole premise is that men say and do one thing while really telling a woman “I’m just not that into you.” The women, in contrast, scramble to decode this male-speak with sometimes comical, sometimes heartbreaking results.

In everyday exchanges, men are definitely more straightforward and seem to mean what they say, but in the strange “mating dance” of the dating culture, a peculiar transformation happens. In an effort not to hurt a woman’s feelings perhaps, they do the very thing that winds up hurting more than honesty—uttering words that are utterly insincere. I can imagine the rash of responses I will get from male readers decrying how many times a woman has said or done things to falsely encourage them, yet being myself a woman with a bedrock core of honesty, this is unfamiliar territory to me. I think back over times when I’ve told someone—or been told by someone—that “I’m just not that into you” (in kinder words) and remember feeling relief at knowing, or telling, the truth. A person can deal with the truth; what’s not so easy to deal with is a combination of gestures and words that say “green light” when you really mean “red light.”

In the interest of fostering a more sincere dating landscape, I propose two simple ground rules:

* Say what you mean, not what might “get you out of jail free” in the moment. If you reach the end of an awkward first date and realize you don’t want to see that person again, it is acceptable to shake their hand and say, “Thank you for coming out to meet me. It was very nice meeting you”—yes, that’s a social nicety, but it’s on par with saying “have a nice day” and a far cry from the false “I’ll give you a call sometime” when you have no intention of ever seeing the person again.

* Don’t pull a disappearing act. This one is the absolute worst and is most often encountered in online dating, though it applies to regular dating as well. I’m not talking about a non-reply to someone you’re not interested in. To me, it’s perfectly acceptable not to reply when you have no interest at all (many people get dozens of online inquiries in a single day). But when you’ve already established contact and shown a level of interest in someone, it is more honorable to offer a word of closure than to pull an abrupt disappearing act. The world of online dating is rife with abuse of this nature because it’s so easy to “disappear” behind a veil of anonymity, but we must remember that real human hearts lie on the other side of our computer screen.

The bottom line of this issue for me can be summed up in a scene from another movie, You’ve Got Mail, starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. Hanks’ character Joe Fox is coaching Kathleen Kelly (Ryan’s character, whom he’s falling in love with) on how not to take business matters too personally, but she gives this classic rebuttal: “What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn't personal to you. But it was personal to me. It's ‘personal’ to a lot of people. And what's so wrong with being personal, anyway? Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.”

Source: Crosswalk

a Long Process

2009-03-05T10:18:00.002+07:00

Source: Mailing list from Bo Sanchez - Kerygma Family

People nowadays would prefer to accomplish many things within a short period of time. They treat time as something very precious and valuable. Some of them would even prefer to shorten their meal times by eating instant and ready-to-eat food so that they can save time. Students also have a quick, easy and instant access to information through the Internet. This would require them a smaller amount of time to spend in research. These are just some realities that make our lives more convenient. These realities spare us from waiting for a long time to accomplish things through the long and traditional processes.

But there are certain tasks in life that require us to take the long process and wait. And I think this is what Jesus was referring to when He said, “Ask and it will be given to you, search and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you.” When Jesus said these words, He does not mean that we can easily get what we pray for, just like eating instant noodles. When we come to meet Jesus in prayer and ask for something, He does not readily give us the answer to our prayer. Instead, He gives us certain situations in life that form part of the process in achieving what we pray for.

Why does God want us to undergo the long process? Perhaps it is because He wants to teach us something that we might miss if He would readily give us the answer to our prayers. It is the waiting and going through the process that matter most. We are not mere passive recipients. And this is what Jesus taught us.

In the desire of God to save us from our sins, He chose to undergo the long process of becoming man like us. He chose to suffer and to experience the excruciating pains as He was nailed to the cross. God had the option to save us by just a single stroke of His hand. But He did not choose that. He chose to wait and to undergo the long and hard process so that people may truly learn and believe in Him. Fr. Joel O. Jason

Reflection Questions:
How willing am I to wait and to choose the long process?

Waiting

2009-03-05T10:18:00.000+07:00

God Works in ALL Things

2009-03-03T18:44:00.000+07:00

If you are a believer, don't be confused about circumstances that you have to going through right now... Keep your eyes on Him and keep your mind on His promises.

One sometimes meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it...
Sometimes our mind is like water... When it's agitated, it becomes difficult to see.. But if you allow it to settle, the answer becomes clear...

Because:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. ...in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." (Romans 8:28, 37)

^_^ Jiayou everyone!

The “Me Time” Myth

2009-02-10T13:37:00.000+07:00

(by Amy Roberts)
Source: Crosswalk

I once heard a talk show host give a very compelling argument for why moms need time away. He said mothers give and give to the point of empty. They must refuel themselves so they can continue to give.

It sounded quite reasonable to me. Then why did my search for this hallowed “me time” always leave me feeling as though I needed more? While taking time for myself, I definitely felt refreshed, but the moment I got home and realized the sink was still full of dirty dishes and I would still have to give baths to all the children before the night would be over, I wanted to head right back out the door.

This left me feeling sorry for myself. Why couldn’t I have one night where I wouldn’t have to do the same things I do every night? Why couldn’t I come home to a spotless and trouble-free place where dishes were washed and children were in bed? Why did I have to go back to my duties so soon? To punish those who were making my life difficult, I would loudly sling dishes and be curt and hurried with everyone until I could get children into bed and escape to the sewing room or the computer for the remainder of the evening.

The next morning, feeling dissatisfied with the amount of me time from the evening prior, I would take my coffee, sit at the computer, and completely ignore my daily duties. I would get irritated with the children because their antics were cutting into my time. I was stressed and edgy and desperate for more. My children would call out for me and I would answer, “She’s not here right now.”

Then, I began staying up much too late in order to squeeze in more alone time. I dreaded going to bed because it meant waking up to children’s needs and a disaster of a house.

I became increasingly upset by my husband’s time off from work, along with the business lunches and the business trips. To compensate for the perceived unfairness of the situation, I chose to do nothing on weekends: no laundry, no dishes, no parenting. Soon, my weekends were spilling over both ends and into the weekdays. All of this only served to overwhelm me even more and feed into my desire to escape.

In a moment of clarity, as only the Lord can offer, I saw my behavior for what it truly was: selfishness. Along with this epiphany came the conviction to quit seeking Me Time.

Me Time is a myth. It is an unattainable, always interruptible, never satisfying piece of junk psychology. Me Time, by its very name, suggests that who we are during the daily grind is not who we truly are. It begs us to search for fulfillment outside of the titles of “wife” and “mother.” It accuses precious little ones and God-given spouses for suppressing us. It reduces motherhood to a disease in which little dirty faces and endless monotonous tasks slowly suck the life out of us. It says we can never be refreshed by spending time in the presence of those we care for day in and day out. It points out a perceived hole in our world that needs to be filled, a tank that must be refueled, a monster that will swallow us if we neglect to feed it Me Time.

The more we indulge the thought that we are somehow owed this time away, the more we will seek after it. The more we seek after it, the more every little opportunity afforded us to take a break will seemingly end too quickly. The everyday life of being a mother will become drudgery. We will dread every aspect of this role. We will snap at our children any time they try to draw us out of our precious time alone. Not getting this time will ruin our day, and if we do manage some time away, we will despise the re-entry.

However, with any lie, there is a certain amount of truth hidden within. There is an emptiness within us that needs to be filled, but only God can fill what you are aching for.

“The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.” Lamentations 3:24–25

Our time away should be spent seeking Him. Anything else we try to fill that emptiness with will fall miserably short. Likewise, the company we seek during our time away should be spent with people who are about the business of edifying and strengthening us in our role as wife and mother, not tearing at the very foundation of our home. We will never gain anything but resentment from the counsel of those who encourage us to seek self.

We must cease to see the role of wife and mother as a job we put aside at the end of the day. We must do our daily tasks cheerfully, as unto the Lord. We must learn to enjoy being home with our families. We must find contentment in serving others. We should spend more time drinking in the beauty of our children, searching their eyes, holding their hands, being Mom. When we do feel neglected or overworked, we must immediately seek the Lord to refresh us and keep us from sin.

There will be days when we are afforded opportunities to do things alone or with other women, but if we are content in our God-given role, we will no longer cling so tightly to these moments as the only way to save our sanity. Our need for Me Time will fade as we begin to see motherhood as a blessing not to be escaped, but embraced.

Dollar Menu Opportunities

2009-02-10T13:24:00.000+07:00

(by Mary Beiver)
Source: Crosswalk

“What’s a dollar menu?” a friend’s son asked us years ago as we went through a drive through.

“It’s what we choose our dinner from,” I answered.

“My family doesn’t do discount stores,” a girl told a friend of mine this week “WE don’t shop in such stores, and I won’t go in.”

My children are well educated in dollar menus and discount stores.

Each day, we learn of other friends or family who have lost jobs. It’s harder to be the parent facing limited income and higher bills – and hungry kids who just outgrew their clothes.

We may not realize this is a blessing for our children. In my childhood, I lived in two worlds. The first had excess, privilege, and easy spending. In the second, I had a paper route at age ten, bought all my own clothes in middle school, and left home at 18. I was given the gift of living in vastly different circumstances. Each had its own challenges.

In this downturn, we can teach our children to be frugal, self reliant, compassionate, and careful with dwindling resources. Gardens may have more food than flowers this year. We learn to celebrate the dollar menu when we have the chance to enjoy it.

We teach our children by our example. They can learn lessons: don’t waste food, spend money you have, buy used and secondhand items, and live within your means. If we eat out less, we can eat in more. The more often we eat meals as a family, with our kids, the less likely they will succumb to temptation as adults. Our hard times now equip them for challenges tomorrow.

My husband and I have owned a small business the past 9 years. We’ve known disasters and blessings. God has been with us in all circumstances, most especially years ago when our home and business burned and we lost almost everything we owned.

Years after Almanzo and Laura Wilder lost their home in a fire, they had boxes for their table and chairs. When they started their apple orchard, they had to work 5 years to turn a profit and took countless odd jobs. Almanzo described their work:

“I think that one thing that has made my orchard a success is that I took individual care of each tree. What that particular tree needed it got. Wife and I were so well acquainted with the trees that if I wished to mention one to her, I would say "that tree with the large branch to the south," or "the tree that leans to the north," etc. The tree that leaned was gently taught to stand straight so that the sun would not burn the bark....The trees came into bearing at seven years old, and the apples were extra well colored and smooth skinned. I have had apple buyers and nursery men tell me that my orchard was the prettiest they ever saw, and my Ben Davis are different from any I have ever seen in being better colored and flavored and in the texture of the flesh.”

Twenty years after they bought Rocky Ridge Farm, the Wilders realized their dream of a self-sustaining farm with dairy, poultry, and fruit and a dream house. Decades later, during the Depression, Rose used her tough childhood knowledge of gardening and food preservation to feed her friends and neighbors.

The twentieth century was the Century of Stuff. We spent money we didn’t have to get Stuff. Then Stuff didn’t meet our needs, so we borrowed more to get new Stuff. Our friends and neighbors got better Stuff, so we ditched what we had to get more in debt for more Stuff. Our homes got too crowded because we had Stuff, so we needed to buy a bigger house, which needed to be filled with more Stuff. The Stuff turned into shackles.

Our world was built upon sand that has collapsed.

Our children can learn not to worship at the False Temple of Stuff. They can learn to distinguish a want from a need. They can honor and worship the one true God and his Son, our Savior. The less distracted we are by Stuff, the more we can see, hear, and experience God.

They will also learn creative problem solving. How do we fix the food chopper after it breaks instead of throwing it out to buy a new one? Can we used milk that’s started to sour for baking? How many meals can a single roast stretch to feed?

Blessings can come from great crises. This year, our kids helped earn the tuition for different classes they took. They learned new skills in the process and suddenly wanted to make the most of their opportunities.

We may face a lifetime of shifting circumstances. God can take all of them and make good things happen. Now’s our chance to show our kids how we can be richer with a simpler world. We have centuries of examples of American ingenuity and tough pioneers.

Less stuff and more God is a good thing. Our struggles now – and our responses to them – can give our children a legacy of character and skills which can impact the world in ways we can’t imagine.

“Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:18

How Gratitude Leads to Business Growth

2009-02-10T13:03:00.000+07:00

(by Jerry Bowyer)
Source: Crosswalk

I have a friend who was always trying to talk me into being part of his next business idea. Media, finance, health care—it didn’t matter which sector, he’d always say the same thing, “Jerry, it’s gonna be bigger than Microsoft.” I’d always nod and smile. Then I would change the subject back to the insurance firm that he already owned. How are your profits? Who’s your best producer? Are you controlling your costs? I knew that would end the conversation pretty quickly, because talking about the business that he already owned was boring to him. It shouldn’t have been; he’d built it from nothing and was beginning to break into the middle tier of his industry. He never made it, though; he’d siphon all his best people off to his whim of the month, left the running of his core business to one of his mediocre guys, and, in the end – bankruptcy. The problem, I think, was ingratitude.

I know a lot of guys like this: I have another friend who repeatedly tried to recruit a top manager who would be able to take over the business quickly so my friend could move on to other more exciting ventures. He’d hire some young hotshot and in a year or so, the hot shot would leave. “I don’t know why these guys keep leaving, Jerry.” He’d say to me. I told him it’s because he keeps trying to leave, leaving the available successors with the impression that this job wasn’t worth much. Then they’d jump ship. He finally figured out that he had a first class, highly successful company, and was thankful for it and got focused again. The company is doing great now, and he’s hiring far better performers than he’s ever had before.

Another guy I know founded a highly successful state-level news analysis television program, but that wasn’t enough for him. He wanted to start more of them. He imagined sticking pins in a map, until the map was filled with pins. The bone-head got overextended, ran out of money, and had to ask his wife and kids to help him turn the company around. In the end, he became grateful for what he had, and cared for it, and it grew. That last guy, by the way, is me.

Ingratitude, I’d say, is the most common reason for entrepreneurial failure. The studies say that businesses fail because they are undercapitalized, or because they don’t have enough cash flow to pay their debts. But behind those financial indicators, I see a character flaw: an undercapitalized business (if it’s a good business idea) is just a pre-capitalized business. Somebody was unwilling to wait, work and save or sell shares while in their current job for long enough to create the new job.

It’s not just a problem for start-ups. Established businesses suffer from ingratitude as well. After all, debt grows when businesses operating costs grow faster than their customer revenue. The owner ceases to be grateful for his current customers and switches his loyalty away from the real men and women who currently do business with him and toward the imaginary men and women who he hope will do business with him when he makes it big.

When my oldest son was about ten I bought a little plastic toy frog for him. While we were driving home from the store together he started complaining about it. Let me see it, I said. I took it looked it over and said “you’re right, not good enough for you”, and I threw it out the car window. In our house, I told him, when you complain about something, you lose it.

1900 years ago a traveling Rabbi wrote a letter to a small community of Jews who lived in Rome. Rome had, by that time, torn down even the vestigial organs associated with the Republic and had become a full-blooded dictatorial empire. Many philosophers and statesmen offered whispered explanations for the fall of the Republic, but I think the Rabbi’s letter got to the essence of it “They did not acknowledge God, neither were they grateful”. The Romans didn’t really know what they had inherited and therefore when Julius Caesar offered them peace and plenty without toil in exchange for republican legal institutions, they heartily accepted.

The foundation of asset management is gratitude. If you’re grateful for something then you’ll appreciate it; if you appreciate something then you’ll care for it; if you care for something then you will (more than likely) get more of it. In other words, if you show appreciation for the assets under your care, they’ll probably return the favor and show appreciation for you.

Don't Compare Your Life Away

2009-02-10T12:54:00.002+07:00

(By Cliff Young)
Source: Crosswalk

I am a highly experienced comparative individual. I have the tendency to compare anything to everything, and with the advancement of technology, I have developed this “skill” and applied it to many areas of my life.

However, this ability is not something that is always favorable in the Lord’s eyes or positive for me as a person.

“Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive (1 Corinthians 10:23).

Comparison shopping is useful. Tracking and comparing your personal skills and abilities to the past in order to reach higher goals is worthy. However, comparing yourself to others or what others have in a material sense is neither beneficial nor constructive.

I don’t believe I am the only one who possesses this propensity to compare.

* We compare our lives to the lives of those who are also single (or married).
* We compare where we live to where our friends live.
* We compare what we drive to what the person beside us is driving.
* We compare what we wear to what celebrities wear.

We compare how much (or how little) money we have to how much others have.

Why do we (or at least I) do these things?

When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise (2 Corinthians 10:12).

Comparison living isn’t a new way of life. In fact, we can find examples all the way back to the beginning of time.

Adam and Eve compared what they had to what they could have by eating the forbidden fruit (Genesis 3:1-7).

A rich man asked Jesus how to receive eternal life and compared what he had, had to do and had to give up to be perfect and have treasure in heaven (Matthew 19:16-21).

The disciples compared themselves to each other when they asked Jesus, “Which of us is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?” (Matthew 18:1).

We almost innately compare ourselves to one another. We desire what we do not have (and lack appreciation for things we have been blessed with), we judge others for what they possess, and, as a result, we don’t seek to understand God’s specific will for our own lives.

Lack of Contentment

Brewing a lack of contentment is the strategy of every major marketing department. Their goal is to convince us what we currently have is no longer acceptable (or up to date), and what they are trying to sell us is what we need. With the amount of money the average American is in debt and the discontent we seem to have in relationships, in our jobs, and in life itself, they appear to be succeeding.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:12-13).

Paul shares from a jail cell that true contentment is not dependent upon what we have or don’t have; it comes from our relationship to Jesus. If we compare what we seem to be missing to others who seem to have what we want, we will never be content. As a result, we may never realize the plans the Lord has for us individually nor appreciate the blessings that we have been given thus far.

Judging Others

A consequence of consistently comparing ourselves to those around us is the unfounded judgment of others. We see a material possession, a physical ability or a relationship that we yearn for and we draw conclusions about the person and how they were able to acquire it. We question, “Why them and not me?” We ask, “What did they do to deserve it?” We wonder, “How can we have what they have?”

Earth has nothing I desire besides you (Psalm 73:25).

King David had everything in the world a person could desire; he had power, fame, homes (palaces), influence, relationships and money. Through it all, he discovered nothing on the earth was more important or more desirable than following God. David was a man after God’s own heart, and tells us to focus our thoughts upon matters of the Lord rather than on things of the earth.

If we live our life centered on God and our relationship with Him, we will not be as quick to compare ourselves to those around us and be less likely to judge others for what they have.

Seek to Understand

Being the first child born to Adam and Eve, Cain did not have anything to compare himself to. However, when his younger brother Abel was born, sibling rivalries were created.

(At harvest time) Cain brought to the Lord a gift of his farm produce, while Abel brought several choice lambs from the best of his flock. The Lord accepted Abel and his offering, but he did not accept Cain and his offering. This made Cain very angry and dejected.

“Why are you so angry?” the Lord asked him. “Why do you look so dejected? You will be accepted if you respond in the right way. But if you refuse to respond correctly, then watch out! Sin is waiting to attack and destroy you, and you must subdue it” (Genesis 4:4-7).

Was Abel favored over Cain? Why didn’t the Lord accept Cain’s offering? What right response was the Lord looking for?

It was by faith that Abel brought a more acceptable offering to God than Cain did. God accepted Abel’s offering to show that he was a righteous man (Hebrews 11:4).

Cain’s rejected offering was in response to his lack of faith and unrighteousness. God gave Cain an opportunity to remedy the situation; however, instead of listening to God and looking within his own heart to seek understanding of the situation, he took his anger out on his brother and killed Abel. Cain blamed Abel as the cause of the Lord’s displeasure, not himself.

God’s lesson to us is not about the material possessions we have or even in the material possessions we offer up to Him. He doesn’t care about the things of the earth or how we compare to one another. What God cares about is our own faithfulness and our own righteousness, irrespective of one another.

Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else (Galatians 6:4).

Our goal is to stay within the boundaries of God’s plan for us (2 Corinthians 10:13).

It is easy to look at someone else and want what they have, pass judgment, or blame them for our disappointment. However, God wants each of us to take responsibility for ourselves. He gives each of us the opportunity to respond in the right way. Let us not compare our lives to others, rather let us live it according to how God guides and directs each of us individually.

Paul gives us some final counsel:

Everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I may have Christ and become one with him (Philippians 3:8-9).

Why Will 2009 Be Any Different?

2009-02-02T09:21:00.001+07:00

(by Kathleen Hardaway)
Source: Crosswalk

Have you made New Year’s resolutions in the past and they didn’t last? Are you looking for something that will work, something that will help you move forward with accomplishing your goals?

What changes would you like to see happen in this New Year? During the past presidential election the most popular word used among the candidates was CHANGE. People desire change in our country and also in their own personal lives. Ask anyone, “Is there something in your life that you would like to change?” Most will easily begin giving you a list of things they would like to see changed.

How about you? What changes would you like to see happen? Have you given up on certain areas in your life? I want to encourage you: DON’T GIVE UP!

Have you ever wondered why change is so hard? I have. I think about it a lot. Certainly there are countless reasons why so many people fail at bringing about change. We’re now seeing Oprah continue in her battle with keeping her weight off. She appears to still be looking for the answers in this area in her life.

There are countless books on weight loss, exercise, financial bondage, relationships, and reaching your dreams. These subjects seem to always find themselves on the best sellers’ list. We purchase these books because these things dramatically affect our lives.

I personally own books on all of these subjects and have found them helpful. But I have also found that all the knowledge in the world on a subject will not make you change. Why? Satan has one goal for your life:

"The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy…” (John 10:10).

Satan desires to destroy your life in any way that he can. And one of his biggest ways is to keep you discouraged. He would like for you to continue to believe thoughts like: “I will never change, I’ve always been this way, this is as good as it gets; I’ll always be single, there’s no hope for my marriage, my children.” On and on the lies flood your mind. Lies, all lies. Change these lies to “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13). Cling to this verse when the fiery darts come. Stand on the fact that change is possible.

Change happens every day, with singles who find their mates, with broken marriages, with messed up teens, adolescents, and even with seniors. I have a good friend whose parents were dramatically changed and found the Lord very late in life. Change is possible for everyone, at any time.

The key to change is to recognize when Satan begins to speak his lies to you. Do you ever hear yourself say, “I’m stuck. I’ve never be able to do this before; it’s just to hard”? Do you feel stuck, as if change will never happen? Maybe you’ve never been able to make this change before. Remember, it’s never too late. We know “with God all things are possible” (Mark 10:27). Making change can be hard, but not impossible. You must believe this.

Look back over the past year at the changes you made. What are some of the good things that happened in 2008? Thank God for all that He has blessed you with this past year. I had some disappointments, but I also had some unexpected blessings. How about you?

What will make 2009 any different? Write a plan for the year. If you don’t set a target, most likely you won’t hit one.

* Begin in prayer. Set aside time to seek the Lord about what He would have you do over the next year. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5). Be sure and ask Him.
* Make a list of three short-term goals that you want to accomplish in the next three months.
* Make a list of three things you want to accomplish in the next six months.
* Write down your Dream Goal for 2009. (Write one Dream Goal and the plans for accomplishing it.)
* Put these lists on your refrigerator, on your bathroom mirror, and on the calendar you use. If you place these goals in all three places, they will be constant reminders of the goals you desire to reach this year.
* Start a support prayer group for the year. Meet at least once a month. Encourage one another and pray for each other.
* Select the person who will be your accountability partner through this year. Give them your list of goals. Weekly go over the goals and share your progress for your first your three-month goals, then your six-month list, and your Dream Goal.
* Celebrate each goal accomplished.
* Remember that each goal is important to God. It’s important to Him how we spend our time.

“Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is” (Ephesians 5:15-16).

When you sit down to watch TV, ask yourself, “Is this really the best use of my time?” Certainly there is a time to relax and possibly watch some television. But watch out, as it can be one of the biggest time wasters. Start being more conscious of how you’re spending your time.

My friend, may the Lord bless you mightily this next year. Remember, He rejoices as you’re walking in righteousness and as you’re accomplishing goals that impact His Kingdom.

“Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I d forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:12-14).

How To Know What You're Good At

2009-01-25T19:10:00.000+07:00

(by Marshall Allen)
Source: Boundless

My first job after graduating from college was at a retail store that sold mountaineering gear. But I didn’t do anything cool, like play on the climbing wall or rap with customers about high-tech backpacks. I was “inventory boy,” stuck in the basement, unloading trucks and stocking shelves. My nine months on the job felt like nine years. Hour after hour, I price-tagged fleece and sorted water bottles, all the while feeling my passion for life sucked from my soul.
I’m guessing we’ve all had jobs that didn’t fit our skills and interests. Many of us have spent hours wondering what we should be doing vocationally to pay the bills and find fulfillment. It’s almost as if asking, “What should I do with my life?” is a rite of passage to growing up.

By the grace of God I stumbled into a career in journalism. But that was after spending five years in ministry, including three years in Africa. I loved full-time ministry and God used it to dramatically shape my faith and thinking. But it wasn’t until I was 29 and became a journalist that I felt my vocation ideally suited my interests, personality and skills. I’m fortunate to have found what I believe is my long-term career, but I also know many others who have had a much more frustrating search. Fortunately, resources are available to help.

Authors Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton wrote Now, Discover Your Strengths to help people understand themselves, so they can achieve personal and professional success. Buckingham, senior vice president of The Gallup Organization, and Clifton, a prominent psychologist, want people to be aware of their natural talents so they can turn them into strengths that can be utilized in everyday life. They believe that when we utilize our talents we’ll achieve the highest levels of excellence and achievement, while experiencing the most satisfaction. It’s like finding a way to do the things you love, the things that come naturally.

Many of us try bettering ourselves by identifying our weaknesses and then working to correct them. But Buckingham and Clifton take a different approach. They believe it’s a waste of time for people to try and fix their weaknesses. That would be like me spending years to become a master of retail inventory when I’m a people-person who’s lousy at working alone. Buckingham and Clifton say we should only give as much attention to our weaknesses as is necessary to prevent them from undermining our strengths.

To help readers pinpoint their strengths they offer an online survey at www.strengthsfinder.com. (One code for accessing the test is included in each book.) They define “talent” as “any recurring pattern of thought, feeling or behavior that can be productively applied.” For instance, if a person is inquisitive, charming or competitive, she can apply these talents productively. The Strengths-Finder survey helps people find their talents —the areas where they have the greatest potential for a “strength,” defined as “consistent near perfect performance in any activity.”

I didn’t have high hopes for the Strengths-Finder survey because personality tests usually disappoint me. It seems like they just rehash self-reported information. Before I took the test, I skimmed the 34 Signature Themes – they could also be called talents – identified by Buckingham and Clifton. I anticipated that Belief would be one of my primary Signature Themes, because it describes a person who has enduring core values like ethics, faith and family. I also assumed, given my love of writing and storytelling, that Communication would be one of my primary Signature Themes. I was wrong on both counts. And I was impressed with the test. I think the results pegged my personality in many ways, which is both scary and intriguing.

It took me about 30 minutes answer the 180 questions on the test. The results, featuring five of the 34 Signature Themes, supposedly represent the way I naturally think, feel and behave. My five: Includer, Woo (which stands for “Winning Others Over”), Responsibility, Activator and Input. The names of the Signature Themes may seem like psychological mumbo-jumbo, but the authors do a good job of describing each one, making them easy to understand.

Buckingham and Clifton say we can use three clues to identify or confirm our talents: yearnings, rapid learning and satisfaction. Our yearnings reflect a physical reality that show how our brains are wired. “So no matter how repressive the external influences prove to be, these stronger connections will keep calling out to you,” they write. Rapid learning describes the feeling of your brain lighting up when you learn a new skill that suits you. “…If you learn it rapidly, you should look deeper,” they say. “You will be able to identify the talent or talents that made it possible.” The final clue is satisfaction. When you operate within your talents, it feels good.

When I studied the description of my top five Signature Themes, then compared them to my life experience, I could see the truth in the descriptions. The Signature Theme Input describes a person who is inquisitive and excited by the world’s complexity and infinite variety. That’s why I find writing so stimulating. As a journalist I’m confronted daily with realities – everything from crime, homelessness and celebrity success – that challenge my assumptions.

I see my propensity to be an Includer almost every day, too. When a new person came to my school, or now when a new employee comes to my office, I feel an immediate need to introduce myself and make them feel welcome. I don’t do it out of obligation, but because I enjoy meeting people and helping them integrate into the mainstream. I’ve also seen that some of my greatest moments of shame came from betraying my natural instinct to include others. As an adolescent, I remember joining a group in bullying some poor kid; I still regret that.

According to Buckingham and Clifton, a person’s Signature Themes have little to say about what field he should be in, although they do offer some guidance about roles. The Gallup Organization conducted more than 2 million interviews to develop the book and survey, and found people with similar talents often excelled in very different fields. Also, people with different talents can excel in the same roles. The authors say the primary truth is that “you will be most successful when you craft your role to play to your signature talents most of the time.”

If there’s one critique I have of, Now, Discover Your Strengths, it’s that it left me wanting more. The book and online survey fulfill their promise – they identified my natural talents and encouraged me to focus on them. But the book didn’t tell me how to apply my talents to life so they become strengths. I want Buckingham and Clifton to show me steps I can take to turn my Signature Themes into skills I can use in everyday life. Realistically, this is probably asking too much of any book, and the authors have given their readers a good launching point. I have the rest of my life to figure out how the rest.

Career VS Calling

2009-01-25T18:29:00.001+07:00

(by Gary Barkalow)

During the 1998 World Soccer Championship, Nike ran a commercial with no narrative and only one phrase at the bottom of the screen. The scene begins with a man setting the timer on his watch, opening his front door and starting to run. Suddenly, runners, one after another, representing different countries, begin to appear behind him. Struggling to maintain his astounding position against the world's best, he pushes past his known limits. The commercial ends with him sprinting down the alley he started on, toward his front door. He runs up the front porch, opens and closes the door, hits his timer button on his watch and slowly walks further back into his house, never looking back. The commercial ends with the phrase, "What are you getting ready for?"

Whether you're a freshman registering for your first spate of classes or a senior filling out job applications, that question hangs heavy in the mind of most students. What does your future hold and what courses should you take to prepare for it? I've heard of students covering seven or eight majors in the course of four years, finally settling for one in a desperate attempt to graduate on time. Why is it so hard to choose a major? Maybe because you feel like you're being forced to commit to a life long career path. But what if you get three years out from college and decide zoology wasn't such a glamorous vocation after all?

As important as this decision seems, there is more at stake than good money and self-fulfillment on the job. God is shaping you for something bigger. In Ephesians, Paul reminds us that "we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" (Ephesians 2:10). God has something specific in mind for you — your calling. And the decisions you make about your major, your job, even the way you spend your time flow from knowing what your calling is.

Know Your Own Heart

The call of God is both universal and personal. He desires intimate relationship with all of his creation — a universal longing that none would perish. Yet, when you heed that call, there is a deeper plan to discover — a specific assignment only you can complete; "the Lord has assigned to each his task" (1 Corinthians 3:5).

You are unique among God's creation. In addition to His universal commands (do justice, love mercy, etc.) He placed in you a call that is unlike any other. "The call of God ... is implicit," wrote Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for His Highest. It's "like the call of the sea, no one hears it but the one who has the nature of the sea in him. It cannot be stated definitely what the call of God is to, because His call is to be in comradeship with Himself for His own purposes...."

The Fat Eagle's Fate

In 1984, I was in the opening ceremonies of the Olympic Games. Los Angeles. The entertainment capitol of the world. Everyone expected it to be one of the most spectacular opening ceremonies to date. Plans included the flight of an American Bald Eagle from the western rim of the L.A. Coliseum, around the perimeter, to the top of the Olympic Rings at the playing of the National Anthem.

The choreographers hired one of the top Hollywood trainers to work with the eagle. But, he ran into several problems. First, the eagle was a member of the distinguished endangered species list and extremely hard to find. The trainer found only one in captivity. Second, the eagle — misfortunately named Bomber — had not flown during his 12 years of captivity. He looked more like a Butterball Turkey than a eagle. After two months of intense training, Bomber journeyed to the coliseum for several trial runs.

Tragically, the stress of the rehearsal killed him. Actually, he died of vascular collapse and an acute bacterial infection. In the words of the trainer, reported in Time magazine, "The eagle had been fat and coddled for years and when finally called upon to behave like an eagle, he failed."

In this life, there is something you will be called to do. Through the enabling of the Holy Spirit and your passion and gifting, God is equipping you to do His will. Are you training? Are you ready? When it's time for your flight, will you be toned and strong, or coddled and fat?

Unlocking the Secret

Janey feels a "calling" to the mission field, Mark is driven to be a doctor, and Alyssa wants to go to the inner city as a teacher. But you're just happy to be passing biology. So you're thinking, Are you sure everyone has this overarching purpose in life, this so-called calling? How do you discover something you've never thought about, when it sounds as easy as holding the wind in your hands? God promised in the Psalms that He would guide us: "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you" (Ps. 32:8). In addition to spending a lot of time talking with God about His plans for your life, you can take your cues from the person He created you to be.

Your life is full of hints about your calling. They're woven through your dreams and passions and visible in what motivates you and what you're good at. First, you become aware of needs. You may find yourself thinking, Something needs to be done for the homeless and hungry in our city; for single moms left alone to fend for themselves and their children; for those who haven't heard a compassionate and clear presentation of the Gospel; for the outlandish policies government is making.

Over time, your interests narrow. You start thinking, reading and talking about one need more than others. You move from thinking about homeless shelters, to actually working in one. It's becoming intensely personal now. Eventually, if your heart is not "choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures" (Luke 8:14-15), you will find focus on one or two of those areas and be moved almost irrepressibly to action. You may start working full time for a homeless shelter, become actively involved as a board member or run for public office.

What needs weigh heavily on your heart? Is there an issue worth "pounding the table" over? Is there a problem you feel compelled to solve?

Trading Somersaults for Spreadsheets

You don't just think. You also do. What are you good at doing? God created us with the potential and nature to do His will — your calling is accompanied by the innate qualities and characteristics you'll need to live it. Your gifting includes spiritual gifts, natural abilities, acquired skills and personality traits — all of which God imparts and develops. Your gifts enable your passions. Without them, you'll be limited. That's why so much of life, especially in college, has more to do with what God is doing in us than through us. Our ability to grow and improve will determine our ability to fulfill our calling.

Typically, your gifting determines what you enjoy doing. When you are operating in the abilities God has created in you, for His purposes, you will experience joy. Mistakenly, we can sometimes feel guilty - not guilty about what we do enjoy but rather about what we don't enjoy. Again, God has put the desire in us to do certain things in certain ways.

Even if you're not living according to God's will, you will find joy when you use the talents God has given you - your "natural abilities." They are an intricate part of your design. This is true for most people. But that joy will be limited and meaningless.

Joy does not preclude hardship. Oswald Chambers said "God gives us a vision and then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of the vision, and it is in the valley that so many of us faint and give way." Struggles, frustrations, small steps forward, failures, misunderstanding, brokenness: unless these, too, are welcomed with a certain joy, the claim to being called has a hollow ring.

I was a gymnast for fifteen years with Athletes in Action, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. During my final year, I sensed that God was leading me to fulfill my calling somewhere else. I struggled with this because I enjoyed what I was doing and wasn't dreaming of doing something else. A friend of mine asked me several, very penetrating questions. He asked if I was passionate about evangelism. That was a tough question for me. After all, I worked for an aggressive evangelistic organization committed to reaching the world with the Gospel by the year 2,000. With a little bit of guilt, I admitted that, although I was committed to the importance of evangelism, I was not passionate about it. Then he asked me if I was passionate about sports. With a little embarrassment, I admitted that the only sport I was passionate about was gymnastics (and that was fading along with my back handspring).

Then he asked me what I really enjoyed about my work. I told him that I loved to help people and organizations find clarity and purpose in their work. That was a point of revelation. Suddenly, I could put my finger on what God had put in my heart to do. Shortly after we talked, Focus on the Family offered me a job that relied on these skills. I knew fairly quickly, by knowing what motivates me and what I'm good at, that God was moving me.

Before I started with Focus, another friend counseled me that God may be placing me in a new setting because my gifting and character needed to be stretched and developed beyond what it was in my current job. Both conversations proved critical to what I was to encounter. During my first year, I felt totally lost. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do or what I had to offer. I doubted every ability and interest I thought I had, even the belief that there was a calling on my life. I was so busy trying to fit in, to be somebody, to do something that was appreciated and needed, that I forgot who I was. If it wasn't for God, I would have lost my heart. God reassured me that He was in this to deepen my character. After twelve months, I realized that I needed to live from my heart, to bring who I was, not who I thought others wanted me to be, to the position and to God. It was at that point that my enthusiasm and sense of calling returned. My contribution to my position increased dramatically because I was working out of my passion and gifting, with a renewed sense of intimacy with God.

There are many tests, inventories and indicators you can take to learn what your spiritual gifts, personality type and abilities are. One of the most helpful things I did to bring more clarity to my calling was to identify several action words that describe what motivates me. These words create for me a sense of excitement and energy. You see, each person has a certain way of operating, a mode of action, that is unique. I discovered my "action verbs" by drawing a line down the center of a marker board. On one side I wrote the things I enjoyed doing — the things that energized me — over the past two years. On the other side I wrote the things I disliked; the things that sapped my strength. When my list was finished, there was a theme of common words that portrayed my heart in action. (You can do this exercise, too.)

Once you know your action verbs, review them frequently and see if they continue to represent your heart. When you have established several words that describe your enthusiasm and gifting, you will be better able to discern the opportunities that God is putting before you in alignment with your calling. In Matthew 25, Jesus tells us about a man who, in preparation for his journey, gave each of his servants an opportunity for investment and achievement. He did not give them identical opportunities, or talents. Instead, he gave each servant a portion consistent with their ability. In the same way, God gives us opportunities according to our abilities, which we will only recognize if we know what our gifting is.

The Ultimate Why

Discovering and developing your calling sounds like a lot of work. But it's worth it. Calling is essential to your spiritual life. When you live out of your passion and gifting, trusting God to lead you, you are truly alive. Bill and Kathy Peek write about it in their book, Discover Your Destiny.

When we are engaged in what God has called us to do, every part of our spiritual life comes alive. There's a reason to grow. We have a compelling reason to pray, to stay in close contact with our leader and Guide when we walk unfamiliar, threatening paths. There's a strong drive for fellowship, allies and friends, close at hand, because what God calls us to, we can't do alone. There's an undeniable need for worship, a clear vision of who God is and His commitment to meet our every need as we walk with Him into the future.

God has gifted you to do a work for which you are uniquely qualified. The Apostle Paul urges us to offer our bodies — our very selves — as a living sacrifice to God (Romans 12:1). This offering can't be made in some abstract way with pious words or religious acts. That is why, according to Os Guiness in The Call, "calling is the most comprehensive reorientation and the most profound motivation in human experience; the ultimate why for living in all history."

Now For The Not-Yet

2009-01-25T18:17:00.000+07:00

(by Rachel Starr Thompson)
Source: Boundless

I read a profound thing the other night — in a Charlie Brown cartoon, which is no surprise since I'm always reading profound things in the comics. Charlie Brown comes to Lucy's psychiatric booth to declare that he is depressed. Lucy takes him up on a hill, shows him the vast horizon, and begins to ply him with questions. Does he see all that room for living? Has he ever seen any other worlds? As far as he knows, are there any other worlds for him to live in?

Her final question: "You were born to live in this world ... right?" "Right," he answers — and Lucy hits him with the punch line. "WELL, LIVE IN IT THEN!"

Those are inspiring words. They really are. As a philosophical day-dreamer with a tendency to fatalistic attitudes, I relate very well to Charlie Brown. The idea that here I am, placed in this world for the express purpose of living in it, is almost revolutionary to me.

That is, it was almost revolutionary to me. Sometime in the last 10 years, during the gradual transition from childhood to adulthood, it started to sink in that God wants me to live. To live fully. To live well. And to live not only for a distant future in a heaven that is still far away — that is, the ultimate Not-Yet — but to live in the Now, to live on this earth in the best way I can, recognizing every day as a gift from God. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I wish that life should not be cheap, but sacred. I wish days to be as centuries, loaded and fragrant."

I am here, in the only world that has currently been given to me, and I'm doing my best to live in it. But it's not as easy as it sounds. The apostle Paul described life as a race, as a wrestling match, and also as a battle: He recognized that living, really living as God wants us to, is hard work. We fight sin within us, evil around us, and "spiritual wickedness in high places."

On top of all of that, we fight our own flesh. What do I mean by that? I mean that if we want to really live our days, loaded and fragrant, with purpose and holy joy, we need to fight our inborn laziness, our tendency to forget, our knack for centering on trivial, unsatisfying things, and our propensity to dig ruts and sit in them.

I teach writing, so my years are naturally divided into three distinct seasons: Fall Semester, Spring Semester, and Summer. The breaks in the year afford me a perfect time to reexamine my life. Every four months, I take a hard look at the paths I'm walking. I look especially hard at my habits, for they are the real direction of my life, no matter how many grand pronouncements I may make. Management consultant Peter F. Drucker says, "Long-term planning does not deal with future decisions, but with the future of present decisions." In other words, what am I doing now?

So. Here I am, at the brink of a new semester. It is time again to take stock of my life, to measure the worthiness of my goals, to see if I'm actually moving toward them, and to decide whether changes must be made. This every-four-month system is a good one, because it keeps my ruts from getting too deep before I see the need to leap out of them. In examining life, I want to measure the quality of the Now, but I also want to keep the Not-Yet firmly in mind. Am I living well today? And is the way I'm living actually going to lead to a good, God-honoring future — not just here, but in eternity?

First off, there's my spiritual life. When I examine this, I have to remember that spiritual life is neither really predictable nor actually controllable, because any real spiritual life is a relationship — and the other Half of the relationship rarely conforms to my small-minded expectations. That said, as the small half of this relationship, there are things I can do to keep it healthy.

Foremost among these is prayer. For many years I've had the nagging feeling that my prayer life was lacking. I prayed a lot, usually sporadically throughout the day, but I was always scattered and unfocused. I'd say "I'll pray for you," knowing that I'd probably forget to do so. Over this past summer, though, I made a change in my prayer life that has been revolutionary. I started scheduling prayer times. Short ones, just five, 10, or 15 minutes, five to seven times a day. I got the idea from a Boundless article, actually: Jim Tonkowich's "Hour by Hour: It's Always Time to Pray." I have already seen incredible fruit from this new habit in the Now, and I know it will bear more in the Not-Yet. This habit stays, and I'm making a renewed commitment to doing it diligently.

Mental life is another area to keep an eye on. Are you familiar with the verse that says, "Teach us to number our days"? I always figured it ended with something like this: "So that we may make a difference in this world." Actually, the whole verse says, "So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom" (Ps. 90:12). This is about spiritual life; it's also about our mental lives. I've realized that I need to attend to mine in a serious way.

I try to spend at least half an hour every morning reading my Bible with an open notebook and study references handy. I really want to tackle the meat of scripture, to wrestle with it, to ask questions and seek out answers, to learn how God sees the world and how I'm supposed to respond to that. I want to learn to think biblically. This isn't just for the Now — it's imperative for the Not-Yet. What I learn now, at this stage in my life where I'm able to invest time in study, forms my decision-making processes, my thought patterns, and my mental capabilities for the future.

You can see why this is hard work! Reexamining my life on a regular basis means that I refuse to allow my flesh the upper hand. I don't want to let attitudes, bad habits, or forgetfulness prevent me from really living. Of course, I mess up in all these areas just as fast as I articulate what I want in them. But that doesn't ultimately matter. As long as I get back up, I'll stay on the right paths.

Many other aspects of life bear examination. Work. Health. Recreation. Am I doing what God has called me to do? Am I doing it diligently, smartly, with joy? Are my current health habits going to help me in the Not-Yet, or are they more likely to land me with lifelong problems I don't want? Do I spend my recreation time actually re-creating — doing things that build me up — or am I frittering it away with activities I don't much care for? How about finances? Am I giving? Could I give more? Are my spending and savings in a healthy balance? Was all that Starbucks really necessary — a real blessing, or just a bad habit of letting money run out of my pocket every time I smell a latte?

Then there are relationships: the heart and blood of life. "Thine own friend, and thy father's friend, forsake not," instructs Proverbs 27:10. There's something tragic about a life lived in pursuit of personal growth, goals, and passions, while the people who make life worth living are overlooked. In every season, I want to love my family, my friends, and my God wholeheartedly.

Relationships matter for the Not-Yet, too. Not only does maintaining relationships now ensure that those people will still be there in the future, but it also changes me. Relationships shape us more than anything else. In the future, I want to be loving, loyal, diligent, and Christ-like toward others. That will never happen if I neglect the Now.

I wish life to be not cheap, but sacred. God has given us life: God wants us to live it. Christians do not need to live defeatist, fate-driven, circumstance-directed lives. We can make decisions and choices that will shape our lives for the glory of God.

I wish you the best as you reexamine the paths your feet are on. May they lead you through days that are fragrant, that are loaded, that present themselves to you each day as gifts from a glorious God.

Genious Blind Girl

2009-01-19T13:06:00.002+07:00

Just see for yourself... one of God's masterpiece... and definitely one of His beloved daughters...

Life's Most Important Choice

2009-01-15T12:48:00.002+07:00

(by Dr. Robert Jeffress)

Any student of the Bible might wonder why the book of Genesis devotes more space to Joseph’s life than to Adam and Eve, the first couple, or to Noah, the hero of the ark and the flood, or to Abraham, father of the Jewish nation. I believe the answer is that Joseph illustrates one of life’s most important choices: the choice to forgive.

Think for a moment what would have happened if Joseph had not forgiven his brothers. Imagine that when his brothers came requesting grain, Joseph had answered, “You want food? Funny you should mention that. Just today I was thinking about how much I wanted food when you left me for dead in that stinking pit.”

Had Joseph held on to his desire for vengeance and allowed his brothers to starve to death, the lasting consequences would have reverberated throughout eternity. Instead, Joseph’s remarkable story not only ensured the development of the nation of Israel, from whom Jesus Christ would come to save the world, but also serves as an inspiration and illustration for how we’re to bestow true forgiveness upon others.

True Forgiveness Admits That Someone Has Wronged You

How often have you heard the following advice: “Stop playing the blame game. Instead of concentrating on what other people have done to you, focus on the wrongs you have committed”? Such counsel, while sounding pious, is actually lethal to the process of true forgiveness. You cannot forgive another person without first acknowledging that they’ve wronged you. Lewis Smedes writes: “We do not excuse the person we forgive; we blame the person we forgive.”

Joseph understood the importance of assigning blame to his brothers. In his confrontation with them he did not act like a Pollyanna by saying, “Now guys, I know you didn’t mean to sell me into slavery. You were probably just having a bad day. Let’s forget this ever happened.”

Nor does he acknowledge his own partial responsibility for his childhood conflict with them by saying, “Brothers, there’s enough blame to share among all of us. Let’s allow bygones to be bygones and try and start over.” Instead, Joseph is painfully direct: “You meant evil against me.” Joseph was saying in effect, “What you did to me was inexcusable. You and you alone are to blame for the years of unjust suffering I endured.”

Nor did such a statement reveal unresolved bitterness in his life. With his next words — “but God meant it for good” — Joseph showed that he was focused not on his brothers’ offenses, but on God’s sovereignty over the situation. Nevertheless, Joseph understood that we cannot forgive people we aren’t willing to blame.

In the same way, before you can forgive someone, you must first identify who and what you’re forgiving. You must admit (at least to yourself) that an injustice has occurred.

True Forgiveness Acknowledges That a Debt Exists

Wrongs create obligations. A traffic violation results in a fine. A guilty verdict results in a sentence. A broken curfew results in grounding. Sin results in eternal death. “For the wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23). Usually we think of wages positively, but Paul uses the term negatively: Because of our sin we have “earned” eternal separation from God. Wrongs result in an indebtedness.

Joseph not only admitted that his brothers wronged him, but that they owed him for what they had done. When Joseph said, “do not be afraid” (Genesis 50:19), he was implying that they had every reason to be afraid! They deserved the death sentence for what they had done, and with a simple nod Joseph could have had them executed. Before either we or our offender can appreciate the freedom that comes from forgiveness, we must first understand the obligation that accrues from our offense.

Yesterday morning I was in a hurry to get to work and was doing about 70 miles per hour when I sailed past a patrolman. I’m not sure he noticed me. Or perhaps he did notice me and even recognized me and decided that it was “Be Nice to a Speeding Pastor Day” and let me off the hook.

But suppose the patrolman had turned on his lights and siren and stopped me. He would have reminded me of the speed limit for that stretch of road, then informed me to what degree I had violated that, as well as the penalty for such a violation. He might then have continued, “Although I should throw the book at you, I’m going to let you go this time. However, if I ever catch you speeding again …” But before “forgiving” me of my violation and deserved penalty, he would still have made it clear what that violation and penalty were.

Before we can properly forgive another person, we must accurately access what he or she owes us.

When you think of the word forgive, does someone’s name immediately come to your mind? In addition to identifying exactly what that person had done to you, I encourage you to calculate the debt he or she owes you for that wrong. Be severe as you think you need to be.

“Because of your affair, I should divorce you.”
“Because of your negligence, I should sue you.”
“Because of your actions, I should prosecute you.”
Remember, offenses always create obligations.

True Forgiveness Releases our Offender of His or Her Obligation

Only after we’ve identified the offense committed and calculated the debt owed can we truly forgive the other person. Remember that the word “forgive” means to release another person of his obligation toward us, as Joseph did. Instead of giving his brothers the death sentence they most certainly deserved, he formally released them from their debt by giving them a new land that they did not deserve:

“And you shall live in the land of Goshen, and you shall be near me, you and your children and your children’s children and your flocks and your herds and all that you have (Genesis 45:10).

In the same way, there needs to be a specific time when you formally release your offender of his obligation toward you. Whether or not you choose to voice your forgiveness to your offender, you can express it to God. Visualize in your mind the person who has wronged you. Admit to God that you’ve been hurt — deeply hurt — by what he or she had done to you. Calculate what that person owes you for the offense: money, separation, divorce, jail, or maybe death. Finally, let me encourage you to pray something like this: “What ______ did to me was wrong, and he should pay for what he did. But today I’m releasing him of his obligation to me. Not because he deserves it, or has even asked for my forgiveness, but because You, God, have released me from the debt I owe You.”

Source: Crosswalk

When Our Plans Aren't God's Plans

2009-01-14T20:50:00.002+07:00

(by Cliff Young)

Do you ever look at your life and wonder how you got where you are? Do you ever compare your life to your friends’ or neighbors’ lives? Do you ever wonder if you’ll ever reach those goals that you set for yourself or realize the dreams that you have?

Me too.

I’m a planner by nature … and by habit … and by profession. I like to know where I am, where I’m going and what’s going to happen. You can call it being in control or you can call it being a control freak. I’m not one who rebels against changes, but they should all be within the boundaries of MY plan.

Do you know anyone like that? Are you like that? Fortunately for me (and those around me) I’m learning to not be “that” extreme anymore. I used to think that I could plan out my whole life and live it accordingly. Oftentimes, my plans unraveled and I would find myself wondering …

Why did my plans go wrong?
Did I make a wrong turn somewhere that led me down this road?
Are my dreams not going to be realized?
Why me?!
According to Proverbs 16:9 (often quoted by “non-planners”), “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”

I not only “planned” my course in my heart, but also in my mind, body, spirit, on paper and on my calendar! By the time that I graduated from college, I had my whole life laid out before my eyes. One thing that I didn’t “plan” on being at this point in my schedule was SINGLE!

For many of us, our “plans” haven’t worked out exactly according to our calendars and PDAs. For many of us, it’s a constant adjustment to what we had “thought” or “planned.” For many of us, something happened that was totally out of our control.

So, how have you reacted?

Complain? Question? Curse?

Job didn’t “plan” on losing his family, his wealth, and his livelihood. He didn’t plan on being raided, having fireballs fall from the sky killing his livestock, having a tornado hit his family’s house killing his sons and daughters, and being inflicted with boils. He reacted to his situation as many of us probably would have (or do each day when the “unexpected” happens).

“I am disgusted with my life. Let me complain freely. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul” (Job 10:1).
“Why do you reject me, the work of your own hands, while sending joy and prosperity to the wicked? (Job 10:3).
“Cursed be the day of my birth, and cursed be the night when I was conceived” (Job 3:3).
Job’s wife, who was in the midst of the same suffering, said, “Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die” (Job 2:9).

If there was anyone who felt as if he had control over his plans and future, it would have been Job. Here was a man who, according to most standards, was a success. He had a large family, wealth beyond what any of us could imagine, and his health. Beyond that the Lord said, “He is the finest man in all the earth—a man of complete integrity. He fears God and will have nothing to do with evil” (Job 1:8). In other words, he “had it all.”

“But they do not know the Lord’s thoughts or understand his plan” (Micah 4:12).

At one time or another in everyone’s life, we all face disappointment and plans that don’t meet our expectations. If you ever think that you’re the only person on earth that has had their plans and dreams shattered, it only takes one episode of auditions from American Idol to confirm that “you are not alone.”

Emil Zatopek, Four-time Olympic gold medalist, may have prophesied about future American Idol contestants or many of us when he said:

“You can’t climb up to the second floor without a ladder. When you set your aim too high and don’t fulfill it, then your enthusiasm turns to bitterness.”

Lofty goals and aiming high isn’t wrong, in fact a lot of people probably don’t shoot high enough. The question, “How do you deal with disappointment and unfulfilled expectations?” arises when our standards aren’t met and the plans we make don’t work out.

I wonder …

How many of us have had our enthusiasm for something (or somebody) turn into resentment and bitterness?
How many of us still carry baggage from our childhood, from a former job, or from a past relationship?
How many of us are allowing disappointments from yesterday to impact our lives negatively today?
Outcome

Job wasn’t immune to speaking his peace. After many days of questions and complaints from Job, God answered him.

“Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorant words? Brace yourself, because I have some questions for you, and you must answer them. Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you know so much. Do you know how its dimensions were determined and who did the surveying? What supports its foundations, and who laid its cornerstone as the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy? Who defined the boundaries of the sea as if burst from the womb, and as I clothed it with clouds and thick darkness? …” (Job 37-41).

Job replied to the Lord, “I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you. You ask, ‘Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?’ It is I. And I was talking about things I did not understand, things far too wonderful for me?” (Job 42:1-3).

Are you discouraged, discontent, bitter? The disgruntlement and baggage from expectations not met can take away from the joy and the future that the Lord has, wants, and “plans” for each one of us. That joy often comes in ways we could never imagine or envision for ourselves.

Could the elder Abraham and Sarah have planned on conceiving a baby in their later years? (Genesis 21)
Could the barren Hannah have planned on her womb being opened so she could conceive a baby? (1 Samuel 1)
Could the widowed and childless Ruth have planned on remarrying a wealthy landowner and bearing a son? (Ruth 4)
How?

Despite Job’s outbursts of frustration and exasperation, he never lost faith and he never denounced God.

“At least I can take comfort in this: Despite the pain, I have not denied the words of the Holy One” (Job 6:10).

Abraham, Hannah, and Ruth never lost their faith either. They continued to pray and rely upon the Lord during their grief.

“Then Abraham prayed to God …” (Genesis 20:17).
“….For I (Hannah) have been praying out of great anguish and sorrow” (1 Samuel 1:16).
(Boaz to Ruth) “May the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge, reward you fully” (Ruth 2:12).
The interesting thing about Job’s case is that he never gets “answers” to his questions, but he does get a renewed vision of God, and died “an old man who had lived a long, good life” (Job 42:17).

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).

Many times you hear that passage quoted alone, but we really need to read on to receive the full instructions of that passage.

“’In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me. I will be found by you,’ says the Lord” (Jeremiah 29:12-14).

The Lord does not hide from us in times of need. Oftentimes, we may be so wrapped up in ourselves and the situation that we don’t even see the Lord in the midst of it.

The next time you find yourself feeling alone or on a path that you didn’t plan on, seek the Lord, take refuge in Him, and spend time in prayer. Ask Him to help you conform your “plans” to His plans for your life.

Source: Crosswalk

My Best Friend's Marriage

2009-01-10T16:30:00.000+07:00

(by Lee Wilson)
Source: crosswalk

If a close friend of yours has gotten married, you probably already know that this causes certain changes to take place in your relationship.

Perhaps you used to pop over whenever you wanted but now you have to call to get on the schedule. It seems activities together now must include your friend's husband or he's notified of plans. In many ways, it seems an intruder has entered your friendship. It's as though you have given up your right to an exclusive friendship with your long-time friend because now you must also befriend his/her spouse. Sometimes it seems you can't have one person without the other.

This is a common description of what happens when friends get married. Some of it is good and some is not. It is good that marriage brings two people together as one, but that does not mean that newlyweds alienate their friends. It also does not mean his wife must be with him at all the football games with the guys. As with most things in life, a balance does exist.

Here are my suggestions and insights for relationships with friends who have gotten married.

During the early days, give your friend time alone with his/her spouse. It might be difficult, but it will be best for them because they need time to develop the oneness spoken of in the Bible. (“And the two shall become one flesh …” Genesis 2:24 and Mark 10:8). They need a period of isolation for them to develop an identity as a couple. They will appreciate your respect for their privacy.

When the time is right, invite your friend and his wife (or her husband) to a movie, dinner or other activity. You will know the time is probably right not just when the two of them return from their honeymoon, but when they are once again participating in normal activities like going to work and church.

It is very important you involve the spouse because most newlyweds go through a period when one or both are insecure in their relationship. This is somewhat normal in the early stages of a marriage because of the seriousness of the commitment and the realization of the vows they have made to each other. The results are often feelings of vulnerability and jealousy.

When you involve the spouse, you are telling him/her that you are not a threat, but a friend. Likely, when the couple feels more secure, you will once again have some time alone with your friend without objection or insecurity from the spouse. It is, however, very important not to rush this.

Understand that you have not lost your friend, but that the conditions of your friendship have changed. The relationship between a husband and wife should be the most intimate and important relationship experienced by human beings. It takes precedence over friendships and even other family members. That is how God instituted marriage and all should respect that fact.

Though second place may not sound fair or encouraging, understand that your friend has not replaced you. Depending on the intensity of your friendship, your friend will likely never replace you, though her commitments and responsibilities have changed.

Preserving Your Friendship

Perhaps the best way to keep a friendship strong after one of you marries is to be the best friend you can be at that stage in life.

As time goes on, your friend could have children. If you are there to baby-sit or be a good role model for her children, you will be an important part of her life forever. Her commitment is now to her new family; therefore, showing respect and consideration to them is your duty as a friend in this new chapter of life.

If God blesses you with a spouse, your friendship will take on even new roles and dimensions as you extend the friendship between the two of you into your growing families.

If you remain a loyal and considerate friend, your friendship will likely continue and, perhaps, become even stronger as long as you value and are respectful of your friend’s marriage.

Will We Ever Get What We Want?

2009-01-06T22:23:00.000+07:00

Apparently... not...
At least not exactly like the way we want it...

Lately I've been thinking about few things... about my wishes and the reality... Then I tried to position myself as somebody else I know, well actually few of my friends.... It reminded me that almost all of them, yea... including me, are not getting what we want or wish... Reality doesn't go in line with our thoughts (and hopes) about how things should be...

in our family
in our relationships
in our job
in our financial condition
...in almost everything you can mention!

But as one of my friend said, "There's a way for everything..."
That's true... in Him, there's a way for every problem... for every trouble... for every struggle...

But the point is... by contemplating about this matter, I came to realize that we can't deny the fact that He is really God, The One and Only God of everything... He is God of our life, He created and had plans upon every life, every single person... We just have to remember that our life isn't about our agenda, but about His agenda. It isn't about our timeline, but about His timeline... not about what we want, but about what He wants... because we are His creations.

...even though what we want is a good thing, but if it isn't His plan upon us, then it's just our plan for ourselves... It's just that simple actually...

So, if we call Him "God", if we admit that He is our Heavenly Father, is it reasonable if we asked Him, "Why don't we get what we want???" or "Why don't we get what we want the way we want it???"

Isn't It About Time You Got Married?

2009-01-05T09:51:00.000+07:00

(by Wendy Widder)

I've got a few unanswered questions about my life. I'd like to know if I'll ever be a homemaker and homeowner. I'd like to know how to sell and buy, as well as manage maintenance on, a car as a single woman. I'd like to know if I'll ever walk down the aisle as the main attraction instead of as a member of the supporting cast. I've discovered, though, that I rarely have to ask questions like this. There are plenty of other people in my life asking them for me.

At a church event one evening, I was serving punch, stocking cookie trays, and cleaning up messes, when a mere acquaintance asked one. Punch ladle in hand, attention focused on stirring pink sherbet, I heard his voice. "So, isn't it about time you got married?" Glancing left and right with the desperate hope that he was speaking to anyone else, I slowly looked up. Nope, I was the lucky target, and he hit the bull's-eye.

"Isn't it about time you got married?" He voiced one of those questions that lurks in the heart of every single adult who desires to be married. It resides next to half a dozen others we've been asked over the years--questions for which we either don't have the answers or don't like the answers:

* Do you have a boyfriend?
* You're a nice girl; why aren't you dating anyone?
* How's your love life? [Would you dare ask a married person this?!]
* Are you looking for a husband?
* So, you're still single?
* Do you want to get married?

If you are single, you've fielded most of these and countless other remarks for which any answer seems inadequate. You've probably mastered the courtesy laugh and polite smile, and chances are you're an expert at shifting conversations away from your marital status.

While I laugh at both well-meaning friends and rude acquaintances for asking such bold things, they are really only voicing questions I have in my own head. I just don't ask them because I know there aren't answers.

If I'll marry, who I'll marry, when I'll marry, are some of God's question marks in my life, unknown obstacles in my race. That's the way God planned it. After wrestling repeatedly with these and other questions about singleness, I've resigned myself to the fact that God is the only One who knows the answers, and He's not telling. Most days I can live with that. Not everybody in my life has struggled through these issues, though, and so for them, I sometimes just don't fit into a preconceived mold.

One of my sisters is an expert puzzler. She holds the box in one hand and stirs through it with the other, looking for certain pieces. When she strikes, she's rarely wrong. Her practiced eye knows where pieces fit without even trying them. I love puzzles, too, and while I learned much of my skill from watching my sister, I can't compete with her prowess. I have a knack for picking a piece that looks like it should fit, but no matter how many times I try, it doesn't. I turn it and try again. Nope. I set it down in the corner of the board and when I come back to it, I think all over again that it must fit in that place. Like a dull-witted dog chasing parked cars, I keep putting the same right piece in the same wrong place. It makes no sense to me--how a piece with the right coloring and the right shape just doesn't fit.

To married friends and relatives, singles are sometimes those puzzle pieces. It looks to them as if we should fit in a certain place. In attempts to make us fit, they often ask bold questions. At times they answer their own questions when our responses fall short of what they hoped to hear:

* God has someone very special for you.
* You just wait--your day is coming.
* You'll make somebody a perfect wife.
* He just doesn't know what he's missing.
* You never know who you'll meet.
* I hope you meet someone special; I really want you to be happy.

Begging the forgiveness of my friends and family, I don't have nearly as many problems with the unanswered questions in my life as I do with their answers! I wholeheartedly recognize their good intentions. They never mean to be invasive or rude; they really want only the best for me. I love them for it, and I've learned to laugh at them for it, too.

Like I said, most days I can live with God's absence of answers. But sometimes, I allow myself to listen to the well-meaning advice of bystanders, and I choose to hear their answers above the silence of God. When I filter their pieces of intended encouragement through my emotional sieve, I want to believe them. I want to take their statements as divine wisdom.

Maybe time will prove their words correct in my life, but I can't afford to live with that expectation. If I do, chances are good I will park myself on the side of the road or hoist a heavy bag over my shoulder and squander this leg of the race.

Source: Crosswalk

True Forgiveness

2008-12-18T13:10:00.002+07:00

Recently I’ve been reminded about one unsolved heart’s matter… and it made me realize that for all along I haven’t completely forgiven a person. I thought I did, but it turns out that I haven’t finished the process…

This morning, I imagined about Him… He’s been through something similar, even harder ones…

I imagine He was looking to people, one by one, who raise their hands… shouted His name in great joy, when He entered Jerusalem by a colt…
I imagine He was looking to people who followed Him, who have been healed by Him, who have been fed by Him in a miraculous night, who have been taught by Him… The faces that expressed gratitude, amazement, and loyalty…
(Not to mention His “faithful” diciples…)

But later on, He saw the same faces, this time full of anger and disgust… They shouted His name, this time in hatred, while He was in Pilate’s court… He saw their faces when they picked Barabbas over Him to be set free, when they cursed Him and demanded Him to be crucified…
(Not to mention the fact that His diciples had left Him all alone because of their own fear).

And… don’t forget about Peter’s denial, in spite of what he had said just before (Luke 22:33). Imagine that moment when Jesus saw Peter straight in the eye (Luke 22:61)…

I just speechless about what was on His mind and His heart at that time… either towards Peter or other people…

He, who is blameless and sinless, can forgive us…
While we, the same sinful people, tend to keep other’s faults and find it hard to forgive them…
It’s kinda ironic, don’t you think?

Forgiving is forgiving. End of sentence.

There’s no “but” or “even though” or “only if”…
Because a true forgiveness arises from a broken heart that has been completely restored by His unconditional love…

He said that to love Him is to obey Him (1John 5:3) and He wants us to forgive others (1 John 2:9, 1John 3:15, Luke 6:37, and Col 3:13)

“For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.”

(John 13:15)

Being Real is a real Problem

2008-12-15T16:14:00.000+07:00

(By Gregory Spencer)
Source: Boundless

When I was a boy, I spent many afternoons with my legs straddling a wide white branch of a walnut tree. I fingered the dials and wheels of the plywood instrument panel I knew would one day take my brother and me to Mars.

During dreamy summer days, we might pose any number of profound questions to each other, but our favorite was, "If you had to choose, would you rather go blind or deaf?" The answer could not have been more obvious to me then. I would rather go deaf, sight being too precious to lose. For the sighted, seeing is usually the most defining sense.

How much more so in an image-saturated culture. Unfortunately, in our times, we have come to believe that seeing is all that is necessary for experiencing. This is what I call the Gospel of Sight: What the eye values is the most important truth; the image — our image — is what matters most.

Though I don't dislike the media (I love movies. I watch TV), I take what I have assumed to be G.K. Chesterton's observation to heart: "The thinking person always resists the most dominant thing in his culture because the most dominant thing is always too dominant." I see "the most dominant thing" as the way images have influenced the way we think and behave. In light of our longing for and our need to develop authenticity (a virtue I define as "the courage to love with a rigorous inside-out consistency"), two consequences seem especially important.

The Gospel of Sight teaches us that appearances are all-in-all. We are image-driven, image-obsessed, image-conscious to a fault. The obvious needs to be asserted: We have defined "being attractive" in visual terms. Most commercials tell us that all that matters is being as beautiful and young and thin and fit and ripped as possible. That and being rich.

How can we be deeply authentic if we think that "how we look" is top priority? Of course, caring about our appearance is not unimportant or "beneath us." God made us to notice beauty and appreciate style. We each have our own personal "way of being," our God-given uniqueness, much of which is related to our image. Everything has a kind of style: dresses, cars, sermons, governments. If we wish to communicate well, we must attend to what sounds pleasing to others and to what our body "says." But our culture has grossly overstated the role of the image. As exercise guru Jack LaLanne says: "I can't die. It would ruin my image."

We are outside-in focused, instead of inside-out. Parents have said for years that it's what's on the inside that counts, but their voices get drowned out by the thousands of voices we hear every day to the contrary. We need better skin, brighter teeth, more glowing hair. We hear that everything in our future rests on our attractiveness. A woman admiring herself in an ad for Avia shoes wants it both ways: "She knows true beauty comes from the inside — but she doesn't mind finding it in the mirror."

Inevitably, this outside-in orientation makes our sense of self dependent on external forces. We need to be noticed, to be praised for our image — and we conspire to get that attention. Over a century ago, Henry Ward Beecher got it right: "Clothes do not make the man, but once he is made, they greatly improve his appearance."

We suffer a perfectionism exacerbated by the manipulation of pixels. Every commercial photo of a face or body is altered, enhanced, made more visually stunning. Yet the more perfect the image, the greater the distance from our imperfect lives. This disparity discourages and corrupts us, especially women. I have watched my three daughters struggle with these issues. It's hard enough to live up to a good friend's beauty; but how does one compare to a digitalized "perfection" that even the supermodel doesn't possess?

And analysis is not enough. Though I know the supermodel's skin is not impeccably unblemished, that her original image might have a pimple or tired eyes, I still say, "Wow, she's beautiful." Perfectionistic words are also associated with the images: "For flawless looks, spotless skin," etc. We cannot measure up so we bury ourselves in the guilt of starvation diets and persistent self-deprecation.

We may be paying a higher price as well. Recently I asked one of my classes why so many of their generation were committing suicide. Their responses surprised me. They said that because so many resources were at their disposal, they had no good reason not to make the world better. And they should be able to make themselves better as well — perfect even — and they couldn't bear the weight.

The resonance in the classroom seemed profound to me. Yes, the world's problems overwhelm them. But the depressing tipping point is that they feel they should be dramatically other than they are. They have no excuse not to live up to the consistent messages that they ought to be perfect.

The Gospel of Sight presents "illusion" as preferable to the authentic. When my family is on vacation, someone often says, "Ooh, look at the scenery! That would make such a good picture." My typical response is, "Yes, but isn't it a good landscape? I mean, isn't it worthy without being a photograph?" It's not that I dislike photographs or images — really. It's just that they have changed the way we experience the world, and we ought to do our best to understand these ways.

The illusion becomes the standard. This last Christmas, my wife and younger daughters and I visited my eldest daughter who, at that time, was living in St. Petersburg, Russia. After getting robbed in the Metro and negotiating the somewhat uninviting city for eight days, I was delighted to spend the next five days in London before returning home to California. I said, "Ah, London is wonderful; it's like Disneyland." Ouch. Shouldn't I have said that Disneyland was like London? For shame! Somehow, the faux-reality of Disneyland has burrowed into my head as the higher standard of excellence.

This "standard of illusion" can be seen in every day life. If the norms for the speed of romance are adopted from film, we may think our own plodding efforts ought to be pumped up. And nature television has become the norm for nature. Real nature just doesn't measure up. It is not populated with enough "cute" or "fierce" beasts, nor do the wild things perform for us as they should.

Perhaps our declining participation in authentic experiences makes being authentic more difficult. We're uncomfortable in the wilderness of genuineness. We tend to be either too blunt or too evasive. At any rate, inexorably, the standard of illusion leads to my next point.

We prefer illusion. As a freshman in college, I had on my wall a newspaper photo of my girlfriend as she was receiving her crown as Homecoming princess. To this day, I am convinced that I broke up with her because she failed to live up to the photograph. You may think me shallow but I had constructed my fantasy and I was sticking with it. When we were together, she didn't look as idyllically beautiful, nor did she treat me as I imagined she should: with that radiant smile, those perfect eyes, that facial expression that let me know I was the center of her life. In person, she was, well, a person, and I preferred my image of her.

Journalist Kiku Adatto says this choice makes a curious kind of sense: "In a media-conscious environment, authenticity means becoming the master of your own artificiality." Why would a fake authenticity become preferable? Charles Williams' cautionary thriller Descent into Hell provides some insight. He tells the story of middle-aged Lawrence Wentworth who has a romantic crush on a much younger woman, Adela. In Williams' supernatural scheme, Wentworth's desire for Adela is so strong that, once Adela rejects him, he "creates" an illusion of Adela who caters to his every desire. Once, during a torrential rain, the real Adela shows up at his door and asks to be let in. Wentworth looks at the phantom Adela in his room and then out at the real one, wet and needy. Williams' says, "He recognized well enough that the real Adela might have given him considerable trouble to lift, but his whole damnation was that he would not choose the trouble to lift the real Adela."

I have been haunted by this line for years. What and who are the "real Adelas" in our lives that we refuse to lift? When do we dwell in our imagined ideal and ignore the plain truth in front of us — or inside of us? In order to live a rigorous inside-out consistency, we have to be willing to face, among other things, tragic realities. If we pretend that we don't have problems or that the world is "just fine," we will be more deeply shaken when tragedy comes our way.

Perhaps this explains some troubled marriages and divorces. Newlyweds can be shocked when they discover the darker sides of their spouse.

At my college, I sometimes hear students say (after the revelation of some terrible event on campus), "I can't believe that could happen at Westmont." I think, "Why? Do you not know that Westmont is inhabited by people?" Many of us prefer the illusion that followers of Jesus lead outwardly better lives, that they always have superior marriages, more fulfilling jobs, less tragedy. We would be better off telling the truth about our humanity, even the difficult, tragic truths. Jesus says that "the truth will set you free" (John 8:32).

As we grow increasingly comfortable with illusion, we may find that we are more concerned with creating ourselves than with knowing ourselves. We alter our outer selves incessantly: our hair color, facial features, body shapes — anything to keep looking young. And we also alter our inner selves. We affirm a version of "the Good Life" that keeps our souls in a gated community, safe from the need to deal with uncomfortable realities. We may also distance ourselves from friends who tell us disagreeable truths, especially truths about ourselves. And since we know how far we are from the image we present, we know others are distant also and so, ironically, we don't trust them.

Living in the age of the image is often thrilling and pleasing. But when its qualities dominate all others — when the Gospel of Sight reigns supreme — authenticity is threatened. The loud and flashy world shouts down this quiet virtue. A sincere effort will be required of us if we hope to be more genuine.

Let It Be With Me Just As You Say

2008-12-10T12:05:00.001+07:00

(by Wendy Blight)

“Yes, I see it all now: I am the Lord’s maid, ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say.” Luke 1:38 (MSG)

Have you read the Christmas story yet this season? Join me today for a fresh look at this familiar story.

In Luke’s first chapter, he introduces us to a young woman named Mary. We can glean from the gospels that she was an ordinary girl, much like you and me. Scripture tells us she was betrothed to a man named Joseph. Luke does not tell us much about her every day life, but we can beleive one thing...Mary knew and loved God. How do we know this? By the truths taught in her story.

In one moment in time, this ordinary girl who lived an ordinary life came face to face with an extraordinary God. The angel Gabriel greeted Mary with these words: “You will become pregnant and give birth to a Son and call His name Jesus. He will be great, be called ‘Son of the Highest.’”

Mary asked Gabriel how this would happen since she had never slept with a man. He answered that the Holy Spirit would come upon her, hover over her, and place the child within her. He then told her, “…the child you bring forth will be called Holy, Son of God.”

Considering the immediate impact this message would have on Mary’s ordinary life – she’d have to explain to her family and her fiancé that she was pregnant – her response is powerful and such a witness for you and me. She told Gabriel, “Yes, I see it now: I’m the Lord’s maid, ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say.” How could she have so quickly and easily put aside all that this surprising proclamation would mean and surrender her will to God’s?

How did Mary come to that place? I believe that in her journey up to that point there were many small steps of obedience where she had experienced and witnessed God’s faithfulness. Perhaps places where she said, “Yes, Lord,” even when it was difficult or did not make sense. Choosing to say “yes” on ordinary days prepared her heart to say “yes” on this extraordinary day!

You and I have those ordinary moments in our lives too ... moments that in and of themselves do not seem significant but when weaved together create a heart of obedience. One day God will ask us to trust Him for something extraordinary. Where will our heart be? Will we be ready to say “yes” to God, even when what He is asking seems impossible?

My prayer for you and for me is that we use this day to prepare our hearts for those moments when our extraordinary God will invite us to join Him on an extraordinary journey. Say “yes” to Him today.

Source: crosswalk

From My Love

2008-12-09T14:51:00.000+07:00

(By George Halitzka)

Tonya was a gorgeous brunette with a pixie haircut and penetrating blue eyes. Spunky and sweet with an appetite for German literature, she had brains and personality to spare. Chad was the class clown type with a spontaneous wit and unshakeable confidence. He possessed just a touch of street attitude, and his Asian heritage gave him a unique look that Tonya loved.

Chad and Tonya were high school sweethearts, and their closest friends thought they made a great couple. Even when she shipped off to college and he joined the Army, they stayed together. Finally, Chad mustered the courage to pop the question — and she said "yes"!

Tonya happily started planning a wedding. The groom-to-be headed to his base in Kentucky.

Now, to understand the rest of the story, you should know a few things about Tonya. Her Mom maintained very strict discipline: Tonya was perpetually grounded (even from church). Her Dad was so easy-going that he rarely said "no" to anything. Forgive me for the psychoanalysis, but I don't think Tonya felt loved by either parent.

You also need to know a few things about Chad. His folks probably loved each other once, but by the time he came along, their marriage was a mutually-beneficial cohabitation. Dad was a workaholic who was never home; Mom was there but unaffectionate. Chad learned to be popular to make people notice him.

There were some warning signs before the engagement came crashing down. Chad and Tonya shared a clingy, only-time-for-one-another dependence. They never hung out with other friends, yet Chad admitted later that he still never knew Tonya. Her feelings were an enigma. Chad's jealousy and temper were issues, too — once, he had to be physically restrained when he thought he saw a guy checking Tonya out.

But through the fights that defined their engagement, the couple stuck together. When Tonya was afraid of losing him and Chad's birthday was coming, she wrapped a bow around herself, handed him a card that said "open your present," and laid down on the bed.

It was her last-ditch attempt to make the relationship last ... but it didn't work. Soon afterwards, Chad confessed to cheating on her with a girl he'd met in Kentucky. Tonya finally told him to hit the road.

The Aftermath

Chad almost immediately jumped into another relationship; he met and married Katie in less than a year. They had a son and a daughter together before things fell apart.

Then Katie discovered that Chad was hooked on internet porn. Later, he had a fling with a divorcee 10 years his senior. Chad started to see guys he'd never met dropping Katie off after her nights out. She finally left him with the kids and moved in with a new boyfriend.

As for Tonya, she was devastated by her breakup. She moved on to date other guys — supposedly, good Christian guys. One after another, they broke off the romances and left her alone. So finally, she got mad at God — how could he let her heart get ripped from her chest by one Christian after another? She started seeing an agnostic named David, got pregnant, and married him.

Today, Tonya has given up on God. She e-mailed one of her old girlfriends once: "If God doesn't care about me, at least I've finally found a guy who does." But for how long?1

Kumbayah?

Chad and Tonya's story is true. Maybe you skimmed it and shook your head, wondering how two people could be so stupid. Or maybe you read the words with the uncomfortable feeling that they described your life.

Oh, it may be friends and family who kicked you to the curb instead of your exes. But you still try not to remember the time Dad blamed you for his failing marriage. You'd like to forget the moment somebody backstabbed you for the first time. Then there was the day you and your best friend had the big fight ... and as the dust cleared, you realized you didn't have a best friend anymore.

After that, you were done with people. You decided real relationships were a nice accessory to life, but ultimately not worth the pain.

Yet is there anything that could change your mind? Anything at all that would make you give authentic community one more shot; try again to know and be known?

The only way to really solve the problem would be to return to a time before the hurt. Personally, I have great memories of childhood — before the bullies of adolescence and backstabbers of adulthood. Being a kid had its drawbacks, but community was simpler then. You could count on a best friend who knew your name to say it ... and mean it. Forgiveness, humility and integrity came a little easier before you learned why people don't do these things.

Unfortunately, I don't have a time machine to offer for a trip to first grade.

Yet maybe there's one more option to find the courage for community — a dangerous one. If you could believe, really believe, that one person loved you without a shadow of betrayal, would that give you courage to seek community one more time? Would knowing you could come home to the arms of a faithful friend change anything?

Yeah, you've heard this pitch before. God loves you right where you're at; Kumbayah and pass the tissues.

But do you believe it? Clearly, Chad and Tonya didn't.

The Orphan

Try to imagine, just for a moment, that you're a kid again. Recess is the best part of your day and a new box of crayons is a rare treat. A cardboard box is enough to take you to Mars and back! But there is one big problem in your life:

When the 3 p.m. bell rings, you don't have a Mommy or Daddy to meet you at the door.

So many of us feel orphaned from relationships in our lives; now suppose you really are an orphan. You live with some people who are nice most of the time and keep food in your tummy, but it's not the same as what the kids at school have at their houses. You know that if you could find a Dad or Mom, everything would be different. You'd love better and live stronger ... because at least one person would always be there to catch you when you fall!

One day, just as you're sitting down to dinner at the group home where you live, you hear some big news. Tomorrow, there's a man coming to adopt one of the children from this house! The room is abuzz with anticipation.

Now, a few of the kids say they don't care; they like things just the way they are. But you're not so jaded yet. You're young enough to believe it could be you, and you go to bed with an incredible dream in your heart: Tomorrow, you might find a Daddy.

The next morning, the man everyone has been talking about arrives. He's tall and imposing; just a little scary — but he has a broad smile that banishes any uncertainty. He talks with all the kids in the house; even gets down to play with the girls' dollies and heads out back for a quick game of pick-up football with the boys.

You stand off to the side, but all the while, you're thinking, "Please, pick me ... please choose me as your very own." Your eyes reach out pleadingly, but you know he couldn't possibly want you. You can't throw the ball like Dakota or read thick books like Brandy. You're not a smart or good or handsome kid — never the one who gets picked for special things.

But suddenly, the man who came to pick a child is standing directly in front of you. You look 'way up into his eyes as he smiles and extends his hand, motioning for you to come along.

You wordlessly point at yourself — "Me?" He can't possibly be choosing you! But he nods and you step away from the group. He takes your tiny hand in his, and as all of the other kids look on with unfulfilled longing, you walk out of the house hand-in-hand. He has chosen you to be his child!

"What's your name, sir?" you ask timidly.

"Hmmm ... I guess I have a few," he says. "But why don't you call me 'Daddy'?"

You are amazed. "Daddy" is the one who the kids at school talk about tucking them into bed every night. He's the one who takes you cool places and pushes you really high on the swing! Your friend Taylor says Dads can fix whatever goes wrong, from a skinned knee to a flat bike tire.

You hardly dare believe you finally have a parent of your own.

The Inheritance

The days pass quickly as you spend time with your new Daddy. You begin to realize that something is different about him; he's no ordinary man. He's much, much bigger than you thought at first.

One day he takes you to the beach, and you reach the sand just as the sun is going down. You watch the colors change and the red ball dip below the horizon. You know by now Daddy is more than just a nice man who cares for you. So you turn to him and ask timidly: "Daddy, is it true ... did you make this sunset?"

He looks down at you and smiles: "I did. Do you like it?" You nod in mute wonder, overwhelmed with the magnificence of your Father's world.

Then he musses your hair and says something even more remarkable. "You know, kid, someday all of this is going to be yours. This beauty, this joy and awe, this fleeting glimpse of eternity — you'll enjoy it every day for a trillion trillion years. One day, you'll join me in ruling a kingdom greater than any the world has ever known."

You look up at your Daddy and take his big hand in yours, so proud of everything he's made, and strangely humbled that one day you'll share in his heaven.

When you get home, you unpack your book bag and show Daddy your papers from school. He tells you he wants you to try harder in math, and you feel a little ashamed. But you understand — sometimes, Daddies have to discipline their kids to help them get better.

Yet he doesn't end with a rebuke. He takes one of your coloring worksheets from the stack of homework and hangs it up with a fridge magnet, telling you he's very proud of that one.

You're puzzled — the lines were really tiny on that paper and you couldn't quite stay inside them with your crayons; the teacher gave you a frowny-face. "Daddy, why do you like this one?" you ask timidly.

"Because on that picture, I know you tried your hardest," he says.

Nothing Can Separate

Later that night as your Daddy tucks you into bed, there's one thing bothering you. You know that even when you do your best, you can't be good all the time. Some of the kids in your group home talked about their Daddies hitting them, or calling them bad words that hurt more than the hitting. And because of their stories, you can't shake off a hidden fear that one day, your new Daddy will stop loving you and send you back to the home, deciding you aren't worth the trouble anymore.

So just before he turns out the light, you screw up all your courage and ask a question: "Daddy ... what makes you stop loving your kids?"

"Me?" he says. "Absolutely nothing."

"But what about when I do something really bad?"

"Nothing can separate you from my love," he replies.

"What if I can't figure things out in math and get an F?"

"Nothing can separate you from my love."

"What if I get hit by a car and die?"

"Nothing can separate you from my love."

"What about when I come home and it doesn't look like you're here, and I wonder if you went away?"

"Nothing can separate you from my love."

Your Daddy can tell you've run out of questions for now, so he gives you a kiss on the forehead and a big hug. But before he leaves the room, he sits down on the edge of the bed and looks you in the eyes.

"I love you, kiddo," he says. "I love you in good times and bad. I love seeing you seek after me; helping you and comforting you. I loved you before the world began, and I'll love you all the way through eternity."

Then he starts to leave the room, but before he goes, you have to say — not just because it's habit, but because it's the deep truth in your heart — "I love you, Daddy."

And he responds, "I love you too, my chosen one."

True Story

Just like Tonya and Chad's sad tale, just like your own narrative of broken relationships, this happy story is true. If you follow Jesus, you can call God "Daddy" because He's adopted you. It has nothing to do with the circumstances of your birth or how "spiritual" you are. According to Romans 8, God chose you to be his child and by faith you followed Him.

I'd like to finish Chad and Tonya's stories with a "happily ever after." The truth is, I don't know where they are today. It's my belief that they're still adopted by Jesus, but last I heard, that truth hadn't sunk in. And so they continue living only the losses and labeling of community.

Yet hope isn't gone, because the wonder of adoption by grace is standing in mute testimony to love. And so someday, Chad and Tonya may see the Source of Agape in a whole new way, and gain the courage to try one more time for something better as they contemplate God's unfailing love.

They've spent a long time not believing it — not really. Maybe you have, too. But if you ever allow it to seize your life, that won't be the end of your story. Instead, it's a new beginning — the beginning of a fresh start to community, and a much, much deeper relationship with the Friend that never leaves or forsakes you. In fact, you can call this Friend "Daddy" if you want, because nothing can separate you from his love.

That's what God is whispering to your heart. Do you believe it?

Source: Boundless

Back to Just Friends

2008-12-09T14:44:00.001+07:00

(by Candice Watters)

I am writing in response to one of the inbox questions from the Boundless Show podcast.

I also am in a situation where I am trying to "get over" a guy. We dated for a few months a year ago. He was very intentional — he called my dad, whom he had never met, and asked for permission to court me. However, he abruptly broke up with me, with little explanation, a few months later.

I immediately cut off all communication with him (e-mail, Facebook, phone) because I recognized that this would make things more difficult for both of us. We are in the same circle of friends, however, attend the same church, the same young adults group and it is impossible to completely avoid him.

The challenge is aggravated by the fact that I don't really know why he broke up with me, and I still have feelings for him. I've shared my feelings only with a few close female accountability partners, who have prayed with me through this time. I have not been playing games or putting out feelers in any way.

I feel now like I am ready to start being friends with him again, but I don't know how. It has been almost a year. I have avoided him, to a large extent, so to move back toward platonic friendship feels a little awkward. How do I begin opening up communication again? And how do I put aside all remaining feelings for him so that I can just be friends? Because, honestly, he still isn't seeing anyone else and I can't completely crush the hope in my heart that he is still interested in me, after all this time. I feel like I am trying to balance on a fence, but fall off every time I attempt to take a step forward.

I would appreciate some wisdom for my situation.

REPLY

I'm glad you wrote and know from my own experience how hard it is to backtrack to "just friends" with a former boyfriend. It's made even trickier when the two of you occupy the same social circles and Christian community. Let me start by commending your decision to stop e-mailing, Facebooking and phoning him following the break up. Everything you've done till now to stop acting like his girlfriend is wise.

As hard as it is, it's best that you not relate to him the same way you did when you were dating. If he followed the wisdom Scott Croft and others have given on Boundless about biblical dating (here and here), that change should be minimal and the possibility that you could return to a platonic friendship will be greatly enhanced. If, however, you spent those months of dating acting married, then how you relate now should be dramatically different than it was then. It will also make it harder to return to being just friends.

You've said you still harbor hope that he's still interested in dating you again. That adds to the difficulty of relating platonically. Despite your hope, if he hasn't given you reason to think you'll get back together, the worst thing you could do — both for your own heart as well as any future relationship that might be restored with him or developed with another young man — is to give him access to your affections. Any level of intimacy without stated intentions on his part will certainly give you false hope. So the question remains — how do you go back to being friends? I'm not sure you can. I think a few other questions must be answered first.

So a couple of questions:

How physically and emotionally intimate were you when you were dating? How you answer this question will have a lot to do with whether you're likely to be able to relate to him as just a friend. The more intimate you were, the less likely normal, uncomplicated friendship is. If, however, you avoided the temptation to act married, friendship is possible.

Has he expressed interest in restoring your friendship? This is key to how he will interpret any efforts you make to change the way you've been relating since the breakup. You said you've been avoiding him up till now, so to start befriending him again if he hasn't asked you to may cause him to think you're trying to renew your romantic relationship.

Has he done anything to indicate an ongoing interest? Asking for a renewed friendship might mean nothing more than that he wants a platonic relationship. But it could be a subtle indication that he misses you and wants you back as more than a friend.

I do think the fact that he ended the relationship so abruptly — after starting it off so intentionally with a phone call to your dad — is a bad sign. That and the fact that he has allowed your friendship to lapse to the extent that you've been avoiding him for the past year.

Ideally your dad would have called him a year ago when he exited without much explanation. It would have been appropriate then for him to ask the young man some questions on your behalf. I'm afraid now it's too late for that conversation. But you could still ask your dad (and mom) to hold you accountable when it comes to how you move forward.

If it were me, I'd say a year is plenty of time for this guy to miss you, decide he made a mistake and ask you to give him another chance at dating. Absent such a change of heart, I think it may be best to move on. It may be time to stop hoping for something that's not likely to happen and open your eyes, and your heart, to other eligible Christian men in your life. It may be time to stop allowing yourself to be kept "off the market" by a man who hasn't given you a reason to. What opportunities might you be missing by pining for him?

Finally, a word about how you proceed with him when you are together (at church, small group, etc.): Just be kind. Treat him like you treat all the other men in your life, with respect as a brother in Christ. That's far less awkward and painful than avoidance or ignoring and much more sustainable.

May God heal the places in your heart that are wounded and give you the grace and desire to move into the plans He has for you.

Source: Boundless

Behind the Mask

2008-11-22T06:54:00.001+07:00

(by George Halitzka)

I had a best friend once. It was kindergarten and he lived next door and we played every day in the front yard, except for afternoons when he tried to get his own way by crowing, "I ain't gonna be your friend no more" because I wouldn't let him use my cool magnifying glass. Of course, I got wise to that: I knew he'd be back the next day knocking at my door. So I crossed my stubborn arms and let him stomp away.

Yes, Luke had his flaws, but he was a good pal; a made-to-order companion for a 5-year-old. Unfortunately, he moved across town after first grade.

I didn't see him again until junior high. By then, I'd turned into a brainy geek while he'd become a slacker too cool to be alive. He occasionally visited my lunch table with new buds, but only because he found me a convenient target for trash-talk.

I had another best friend in third grade. Jeremy walked a few blocks to my house every day after school; we pretended we were the heroes in a make-believe world and talked about how cool computers were.

Then one day something happened — I don't remember what — and we got in a fight in my backyard. With a distinct lack of weapons available, we threatened each other with pieces of rope. (Welts are a big deal in third grade, OK?) There was a prolonged standoff. Finally, we finally made a truce — Jeremy and I would lay down our ropes at the same time.

I put mine on the ground. But instead of complying with the terms, he picked both of them up and chased me across the driveway. So I played the only card I had left: I threw him off our property with threats of hollering for my mother.

After that, Jeremy didn't come over to play anymore.

All of us would love to find some real friends, an authentic community — a place to know and be known. Even as adults we're longing for folks to call us by name. But we discovered in grade school that life hurts, and grown-ups can do far worse than pick up your welting-rope.

Take a third-grader's word for it: If you trust people, you're a dummy-pants.

Knowing and Being Known

Knowing another person is a fearsome proposition. When I meet someone new, he's already been living for years on a screwed-up planet. What bruises has he picked up along the way? I've formed the beginning of relationships only to discover people were clingy addicts or incorrigible gossips ... and I had no idea at first. It's enough to make me afraid to shake hands after church.

Being known means revealing your own scars from 20-odd years of wading through life. You're opening yourself up to rejection on a deeper level than those junior high insults when people said your Mama dressed you funny. The eighth-grade clowns could only pick on your looks. If a person knows you, he has power to stomp your dreams.

So most of us crave intimacy at the same time we're running from it, and who can blame us? We've tried to be more open and gotten ignored in return. We figured church might to be a safe place to build relationships, then found out most "Life Groups" should be called "Pretending-I've-Got-My-Life-Together Groups." If you share your real prayer requests, you'll earn three super-spiritual lectures and a rumor that you're a prideful doubter.

Yet we instinctively realize there's something greater than surface conversations! There must be hope for penetrating the platitudes.

Personally, I've found three major keys to building community, whether it's with one friend or an entire group: forgiveness, integrity, and humility. If you're longing for depth, try them at church. Try them with your friends or family or fiancé. They can bring intimacy that you've never experienced before!

But getting there is a rocky road, because you'll have to adopt a new approach to life. Your profound openness is liable to get your heart run over before you encounter the community you're longing for.

Forgiveness

It was April Fool's Day 2002, and I hadn't pulled a decent pranks since college. So I decided it was time to go toilet papering. I stopped at Walgreen's for 20 rolls, then headed for church, where my friend Kevin was the tech director.

I already knew Kevin's "studio" would be the perfect place for my redecorating project. It was best described as a starship control room masquerading as a sanitary landfill. Filled with everything from high-end computers to mountains of scrap paper to dismantled sound gear, Kevin's hangout was the perfect environment for hanging Charmin.

When I arrived, the office was wide open — and empty. It was almost like Kevin was expecting me. I kept wishing I had a camera. The TP went in and out of filing cabinets, over and around audio equipment. It was one of the best indoor jobs I've ever seen.

Unfortunately, when Kevin got back to his office, he was not amused. He'd been stressed all week and couldn't believe he was facing this enormous mess. He wasn't sure about the guilty party, but was so mad he went to his boss, who suspected the youth pastor.

The next day, I got a terse e-mail: "George, are you the one who messed up my office? I need to know."

I was in trouble.

It had been really juvenile to do that at someone's workplace — Kevin had every right to be ticked. I apologized to him, because he was my bud, but I figured we were through. I'd embarrassed us both, caused him extra work, and screwed up his whole week.

But Kevin modeled a little bit of God's forgiveness for me when he demonstrated — not in words or a single moment, but in actions — that he accepted my apology. We could move on, continuing to thread the treacherous road of friendship-building.

Forgiveness may be the hardest part of community. Some of us have gotten hurt so many times the smallest slight makes us look for the door. Yet canceling a debt is the first key to taking your relationship beneath the surface.

Without grace, no friendship can last a month.

Integrity

An anonymous writer penned these words in an essay called "Please Hear What I'm Not Saying":

Don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the mask I wear. For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks — masks that I am afraid to take off, and none of them are me. Pretending is an art that's second nature to me. But don't be fooled, for God's sake, don't be fooled! I give you the impression that I'm secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without, that confidence is my name and coolness is my game, that the water is calm and I'm in command, and that I need no one. But don't believe me. Please.

When we think about integrity, we usually figure that means we don't lie or cheat. And hopefully, we'll dare to confront a friend when he's screwing up his life. But there's one more dimension to integrity that's far rarer: the courage to be yourself.

Pretending you're invulnerable is easy; we spend most of our lives convincing people we're more intelligent and attractive than we really are. But we're also dying to be known the whole time. Our masks prevent people from ever calling us by name.

I was a skilled mask artist in my younger days. I corresponded with a cute friend during college, and one day she wrote, "George, your letters are funny, but I don't see any part of you in them. They're like a string of one-liners."

She was right. I couldn't tell people what I was really feeling 300 miles away from Mom, or the doubts about my faith that were scaring me. I was sure people would think I was a freak and a lousy Christian.

Vulnerability is still hard for me. It's easy to sit on a pedestal as the Bible College Graduate in Ministry. It's hard to admit sins and how little I understand about life with God. Vulnerability is an invitation for rejection.

If you're the first one in your relationship to share a secret joy, you might be rewarded with blank stares and derision. Your integrity may be someone's excuse to turn you into their personal target. Yet until you take off the mask, you'll never get past the surface to build an authentic community.

The anonymous writer said it best: "Don't be fooled by the mask I wear. Don't believe me ... please."

Humility

Six or eight years ago I signed up for an accountability group, and got paired with two random guys from church. When I met one of them — I'll call him "Bill" — my first thought was, "I never believed I would so stoop so low."

Oh, Bill's a nice guy, but he's a maintenance man. Never went to college, a recovering alcoholic. He's 40-something with a long scraggly beard and a pot belly. Bill doesn't talk a lot until you get to know him, so — if you're judgmental like me — you figure it's because he's not bright enough to say much.

When I met him, I knew we had nothing in common. Why should we bother building a friendship?

Uh ... maybe because I was wrong.

Bill and I actually share a lot. We both love Jesus poorly, but long to do better. We struggle with lust about every day and are prone to depression. Bill and I love telling bad jokes — but his are usually about somebody walking into a bar, proving that I'm more spiritual. He's a phenomenal listener; Bill has endured my venting for almost our entire weekly meeting sometimes. He may seem "simple" on the surface, but then he unexpectedly spouts wisdom from the school of hard knocks.

One week something extraordinary happened. At the end of our meeting, we were having such an interesting conversation that he invited me to ride along while he picked up his daughter for volleyball practice. Now, I'm sure he was embarrassed to have a friend in his work van. I sat on a wooden bench covered in dirty shag carpet, the best seating he could offer. But as he drove, we talked ... about our shared faith; about ideas that, in my arrogance, I had thought were over Bill's head. I saw a new part of his world for the first time while we rattled and bumped along.

It was one of those defining moments in a friendship where you recognize, only in the aftermath, that you've been invited deeper into someone's world than you've ever been before. I knew then I was proud to be called Bill's friend. Of course, I almost missed the opportunity ... because I was far too good for him.

If you're too good for someone in your life, guess who deserves the blame for your lack of community?

Love and Loss

So if you want to know and be known, try practicing forgiveness, integrity, and humility. Your friendships are guaranteed to reach a deeper level.

But remember that without one more quality — love — community is still an empty word. Friendships can't hurt nearly so bad ... and they also won't mean a thing.

Grandpa was one of my heroes. He was always well-spoken and well-dressed; the respectable gentleman who wore a suit to church every Sunday. Practically everyone we met knew and loved the guy behind the counter at his corner store. Fred's Food and Variety was an old-fashioned place where the owner was usually present; where you could run a tab if you were behind that month; where you might even find an anonymous bag of groceries on your porch while you were between jobs.

When we went to his house, where the driveway seemed as long as a city block, he had bicycles standing by that we could ride up and down the blacktop. Sometimes he took me and my brother into the backyard to play football. Sure, he had to throw underhand because of his back, but that was OK — we were more likely to catch it anyway.

Well into retirement, Grandpa rented a booth at the flea market and designed custom-made trophies in his wood shop. I tried to keep up by opening a stationery store in my bedroom and publishing my monthly newspaper, The Halitzka Journal, in grade school. Without ever realizing it, he got me started as a freelancer.

Few people embodied forgiveness, integrity, and humility in my life like Fred Holfelder. I remember looking forward to the day when we could relate as adults; when Grandpa could be proud of me for making my way in the world. But unfortunately, when I was a sophomore in college, Grandpa had one more lesson for me about living in community, and it was the hardest one:

Loss.

Every relationship has an ending. That's why community is so rare — and so painful. We hire undertakers to handle our dead so we don't have to face mortality. If you dare to form intimate friendships, those people will move out of state someday. If you don't break up with your boyfriend, you'll marry him. Then years hence, when you love him far more than you do now, he'll die.

I remember standing up at Grandpa's funeral with my voice breaking and sharing memories. I loved him too much not to cry. Today, I still wish he was here to see how I've followed in his footsteps and maybe become a man he could be proud of. I hope he's looking down from heaven to enjoy the view.

Unfortunately, building a community, with one person or one hundred, is difficult. It calls us to bravely face loss; not running from grief but passing through the Valley of the Shadow. Knowing and being known will wound you so badly you'll never completely heal. Yet if friendships are to be worth having, and life worth living, you need to care anyway. A daring love called agape is the essence of authentic community.

Grandpa probably didn't know the Greek word for God's love; he never went to college. But from a lifetime of experience, he definitely knew what agape was about.

Source: boundless

Preparing to Marry Judas?

2008-11-20T13:25:00.002+07:00

(by Meg Wilson)

Tracy, an attractive brunette, sat in Sue’s living room pouring out her disappointment in round salty drops. Sue was her friend from college, and they had shared many joys and tears over the years.

“I thought I did it right,” Tracy sobbed. “I dated only Christian guys with marriage potential. Once I found Mr. Right, we waited for the wedding before becoming involved physically. He seemed like such a godly man.”

Then came her bombshell.

“We didn’t even make it to our second anniversary before he cheated on me. Then I found out he was looking at pornography on the internet and has been since he was a teen. I feel like I married a traitor. How many nights has he come home to me after being with her, or looking at countless images, only to give me a Judas kiss? My folks told me we were going too fast. Even you tried to tell me.”

Sue worked with the college girls at her church, and as she listened to Tracy’s story, her mind raced to recent conversations with a girl in her group. Brittany talked about her “Mr. Right” and nothing else.

“He is such a good Christian,” Brittany often said. “I just love to watch him play the guitar with the church worship team. I can SO see myself with this guy.”

At the next youth meeting, with Tracy’s story fresh in Sue’s mind, she decided to ask Brittany some basic questions. Their conversation went something like this.

“How long have you known Jeff?” Sue asked.
“Two wonderful months.”
“What makes him a good Christian?”
“He loves to worship the Lord and he likes going to church.”
“What is one fault that you’ve found?”
Brittany looked confused, “Oh, I can’t think of anything. He is everything I prayed for in a guy.”

Sue paused, “What about his family, how do you get along with them?”
“Oh, we hardly see them. We just love being together. Why so many questions, Sue?”

Sue gathered her thoughts before she spoke.“Brittany, it’s great that you’ve found someone special, but now’s the time to really get to know Jeff and his family. If you did get married, it would be a package deal. You would not only get Jeff, but also a mother and father-in-law. Not to mention his siblings and other family members.”

“I never thought about it like that,” Brittany said.
Sue asked, “What will you do when the first real test comes?"
“What kind of test?”
“Brittany, you both will let the other down at some point. Every one of Jesus’ disciples who loved him betrayed Him after his crucifixion.”

Brittany stared at Sue with a puzzled expression. Then she said, “I haven’t really given this relationship enough thought. It’s all been about my feelings and dreams. Thanks for being real. I’m going to have to open my eyes and ask some hard questions.”

Sue decided to see how the other girls felt about finding their future husbands. How many other young women, like Brittany, approached dating with only idealistic notions about marriage? Their search for “Mr. Right” had turned into a search for “Mr. Feel Right.” These dreamy ideas come from movies, romance novels, even fairy-tales — all based in fantasy! Christian women often add the ideal of Jesus on top of these romantic notions, forgetting He was the only perfect Man. And He won’t be found at the altar in a rented tux.

Many young women also envision their future husband, their prince, as a new and improved version of their dad — assuming they had a healthy relationship. If the relationship was poor or damaged, then they choose a “prince” that they think is a polar opposite of Dad.

With these common approaches to finding “Mr. Right” in mind, Sue broached another important subject with the group. She decided to start with a question. “How did you choose where to go to college?”

Emily, one of the quietest girls, spoke first. “My parents have been saving for me to go to college since I was born. It was never ‘if’ I would go, only ‘when.’ I researched different colleges for months with good nursing programs. Then my folks and I visited a couple of my top choices to get a feel for the campus.”

The rest of the girls spelled out similar plans. They all seemed to have taken the time to research colleges and majors carefully. Most of the girls even visited more than one college. They didn’t want to make a mistake. This conversation stood in stark contrast to the ideas expressed about how to find “Mr. Right.”

Sue decided to put together some topics to discuss with the girls over the next few weeks. After researching some of the issues godly men struggle with, she had clear direction for their discussions. The statistics on young men who view pornography were off the charts. It is clear that drug use and oral sex among teens have skyrocketed. Alcoholism, gambling ... the list of potential traps is a lengthy one. She wondered if young women knew how to set boundaries, appreciate their worth, watch for red flags, and ask difficult questions before they walk down the aisle wearing white.

Sue sought to raise her group’s awareness without creating fear. She reminded them to let God direct every aspect of their life’s journey, keeping in mind, “There’s not one totally good person on earth, not one who is truly pure and sinless” (Ecclesiastes 7:20). Allowing Christ to be their Matchmaker makes the most sense. He will choose the best. Even seemingly strong marriages face trials because we are broken people living in a broken world — a world full of betrayers.

So the question is not, “How can I avoid marrying a Judas?” The question is, “How can one broken person marry another broken person and stay together in spite of their sinfulness?”

The goal is to be transformed from being like a Judas to a Peter — restored by the hand of Christ. Peter betrayed Jesus just as Judas did, but his repentant heart sought change. He never forgot where he came from. Only when both husband and wife are honest with themselves and with each other can they grow stronger. Their life long goal should be to reflect Christ more each day. Only when God is central can a marriage survive the bumps in the road. “A three-stranded rope isn't easily snapped” (Ecclesiastes 4:12d).

Later, Sue called her friend, Tracy, to see how she was doing. Tracy’s voice sounded stronger as she spoke. “I am happy to report that my husband and I are in counseling. He seems genuinely sorry and willing to work on his issues. I’m not kidding myself, though, about our future. I have decided to take each day as it unfolds trusting the Lord to guide me.”

“You can’t go wrong waiting for God’s voice.” Sue added.

Tracy responded, “I had to be willing to do my part to heal. Christ has been showing me the ways I’ve enabled my husband to be unhealthy by not recognizing the red flags and setting boundaries. My counselor helped me to see that I wanted the dream so much that I ignored the truth in front of me -- it’s humbling. I’m not as quick to throw stones at my husband.”

As she hung up, Sue thought she heard a new confidence in Tracy’s voice. She was amazed again at how the Lord works. Next week's conversation with the girls was going to be, “the dream vs. reality.”

Tools You Can Use:
Once in a serious relationship that feels like “the one,” then:

1. Take the time for a serious second look.
2. Seek Godly counsel and listen to those who are trustworthy.
3. Ask some difficult questions (see below).

Asking Unromantic Questions

Ask one or two questions over several weeks so it doesn’t feel like the third degree. Pray and let God guide the conversation. I guarantee you will know more about each other when you are through. Be willing to be vulnerable as you share your side of the same question. This list isn’t complete, but it’s a good place to start.

When dating:

 What’s most important to you in a relationship?
 What quality found in your mom and or dad do you want to emulate?
 What is the one thing in your past you most regret?
 Describe your idea of the perfect spouse.
 What does romance mean to you? Do you consider yourself romantic?
 What are your physical boundaries before marriage?

When engaged:

 What one thing do you want to be different in your marriage than in your parents?
 If there were a conflict in our marriage we couldn’t work out, would you be willing to seek godly counseling?
 What do you think about a man hitting a woman? Is it ever okay?
 Do you want kids? If so, describe your idea of a good parent.
 How do you handle your money? Are you a spender or saver?
 How do you feel about lottery tickets, social drinking, smoking pot, etc?
 What are your views on sex before to marriage?
 Have you ever looked at pornography of any kind?
 Do you think it’s okay to have a stripper at a bachelor party?
 What, if any, are your past sexual experiences?
 When were you the angriest? What did you do or how did you respond?

If you haven’t talked about these issues — do. Please don’t assume you already know the answer. The reality is there will be at least one answer you don’t like. This is a sign there is work to do -- not necessarily that you should call things off. The best situation is a couple living firmly in reality, willing to work on their issues.

*All names (other than the author’s) have been changed.

Source: crosswalk

Keep On Trusting!

2008-11-10T08:51:00.001+07:00

(by Bayless Conley)

If you’re like me, there's been a time in your life when trusting God has been tough. Perhaps that time is right now!

Maybe your marriage isn't where you would like it to be. Perhaps it's far from ideal… even very far from being happy… and you've been praying and trusting God to turn things around.

Maybe you're trusting God for the healing of a physical affliction in your body. Maybe there's a difficult financial situation in which you're trusting God for favor. Maybe it has to do with your kids or some other situation in the home. Maybe it has to do with something that's going on at work and you're trusting God for something to change.

Whatever it is, I want to encourage you with a word from the Lord today. I want to share with you one reason to hold fast. A reason to keep believing. A reason to hold on to the promise that God has put in your heart and to keep trusting Him.

That reason is this: If God ever helped you in the past, He can help you in the now.

I read a true story recently about a guy who was totally distraught over some bills which had come due. And in the midst of his panic he remembered an experience he had as a World War II soldier fighting in the South Pacific.

He had become separated from his comrades, and some enemy soldiers had spotted him. In his attempt not to be caught, he scrambled through the jungle on the island he was on and managed to wedge himself inside a tiny little cave. And being a Christian, he prayed, "God, please protect me."

In that moment, he noticed that a little spider had started to spin a web at the mouth of the cave, and for the next 30 minutes he watched that spider spin a web as his enemy searched the caves around him.

Pretty soon, the enemy soldiers appeared at the mouth of the cave—and in an instant, they were gone. The soldier realized the enemy assumed nobody would have gone into that cave if there was a spider web in front of it!

He had let the distress about his bills overwhelm him… before finally remembering that God had saved him with a spider web! God had been faithful in a situation that had been much worse!

This human tendency to forget God's faithfulness… our failure to trust Him… is the same thing we find in Mark chapter 8, right after Jesus miraculously fed over 4,000 people with a few fish and seven loaves of bread.

Right after that miracle, the disciples had jumped into a boat with Jesus and crossed over to the other side of the Sea of Galilee. And they immediately forgot the miracle they had just watched Him perform.

Let's pick up the story in Mark 8:14…

Now the disciples had forgotten to take bread, and they did not have more than one loaf with them in the boat. Then He charged them, saying, “Take heed, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod.” And they reasoned among themselves, saying, “It is because we have no bread.” But Jesus, being aware of it, said to them, “Why do you reason because you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive nor understand? Is your heart still hardened? Having eyes, do you not see? And having ears, do you not hear? And do you not remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of fragments did you take up?” They said to Him, “Twelve.” “Also, when I broke the seven for the four thousand, how many large baskets full of fragments did you take up?” And they said, “Seven.” So He said to them, “How is it you do not understand?” (v. 14-21)

Jesus is telling His disciples that they don't get it! He has just performed two amazing miracles feeding thousands with a few fish and a couple of loaves of bread. Yet they are panicking because they realize that they only have one loaf of bread now for themselves.

Somehow they have forgotten God's provision… His faithfulness. They are panicking in this situation because it has not dawned on them that what He did before he can do again.

But God does do repeat performances! He is faithful! What He has done in your life He can do again. And that's a good reason to hold fast… to keep believing… and to hold on today to the promise that God has put in your heart!

Source: crosswalk

The God that Gives Us Living Hope

2008-11-10T08:49:00.002+07:00

(Dr. John Barnett)

Our Great and Mighty God has His Hand reaching down from Heaven to each of us. He says to us:

• I am your Creator (Isaiah 42:5).

God made you just like you are to do what no one else can do. You are my special, precious child. Trust Me, follow Me, worship Me. We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Creator by saying to Him:

I will trust You Lord; and I will follow You Lord; and I will worship You Lord.

• I am your Sustainer (Isaiah 42:6).

God wants to hold your hand and keep you. Trust Me enough to grab My Hand, and love Me enough to let Me shine through your life. We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Sustainer by saying to Him:

I want to by faith, from this moment forward, start reaching up each new day I live and hold onto Your Hand to show that I really do trust You; and I want to love You so that others see Your love in me.

• I am your Redeemer (Isaiah 42:7).

God bought and paid for with Christ's blood, a great price. Realize anew that you are not your own, you belong to Me. Decide anew that what you say, where you go, what you wear, and how you fill your time needs to bring honor to Me as your God. We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Redeemer by saying to Him:

Thank you for buying me, I am unworthy of Your love; and I belong to You so I want You to be pleased today with what I say, where I go, what I wear, and how I spend my priceless moments of life.

• I am your Revealer (Isaiah 42:9).

God has spoken in this Word you hold. He leads you through His Word, comforts and keeps you with His Word, and changes you into more usefulness only by His Word. He says, "Let My Word fill your mind and life". We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Revealer by saying to Him:

I want to get into Your Word today and spend time with You my Lord; and I want to feel your comfort; and I want to follow Your will for my life; and I want you to change me a little more to be like Jesus today than I was yesterday.

• I am your Leader (Isaiah 48:17c).

God has given to us the pathway we are to follow in life (Psalm 16:11); and He alone is the guide we can safely follow. The Lord wants to guide and keep us; and often, it is much more than we want to follow and trust. We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Leader by saying to Him:

I want to follow Your Path. I will submit to You as my Leader today. And when the path gets rough, or I begin to fear, I want to reach up again and take Your Hand stretched out to me.

• I am your Peace-Giver (Isaiah 48:17).

God has told us over and over that great peace belongs to all who will love and obey His Word (Psalm 119:165). He offers peace that flows like a river through every part of our lives; and He offers a cleansing wave of His grace across the beaches of our lives--so that we can walk on each new day of life with a fresh, new beginning. We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Peace-Giver by saying to Him:

I want Your peace every moment. Keep me in that perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3), and I will do my part-I will keep my mind focused on You. When I feel restless I will repent of whatever wickedness prompted that feeling, look back at You and thank you for Your river of peace, and waves of righteousness.

Source: crosswalk

Does God Guide or Do We Decide?

2008-10-20T18:08:00.001+07:00

(by Kevin Brennfleck and Kay Marie Brennfleck)

Bored with his desk job, Glen was thinking seriously about becoming a fire fighter. His wife was deeply concerned about his proposed career change. He took a walk one winter morning, and found a child’s toy in the snow. He picked it up, and was astonished to see that it was a fireman action figure. Although he didn’t usually think thoughts like this, he wondered if God was trying to tell him to go ahead with his plans in spite of his wife’s reservations.

The Dilemma of Decision Making

When we are faced with making a decision about which direction to go with our lives, many Christians aren’t sure how to choose a path to pursue. People may become hyper-sensitive to circumstances as they seek to perceive divine guidance. Or, they may hope others can tell them what they should do.

In our career counseling and coaching practice, we have found that people often resist taking responsibility to make big decisions. Why? Because decision-making can be difficult. There is often a lot at stake. Our decisions have the power to change our lives for the better—or for the worse. Making a decision inescapably means taking a risk. We may fear not succeeding, experiencing disapproval from family or friends, or being ultimately disappointed by our choice.

Also, many people have never been taught specifically how to make decisions, especially decisions about their vocational calling. When we are unsure what criteria to use in choosing a career, for example, we may look primarily at objective factors like salary and benefits, or ultimately make decisions based on our intuition or feelings about the options. We may know that there are other things we should consider, but not be sure what they are.

To further complicate the situation, we want to do what God wants us to do with our lives. So how do we take His will into account when contemplating a career choice or change? Is it up to God to guide or up to us to decide? The key to resolving this dilemma is realizing that it is both: God promises to guide and you are called to decide.

Called to be a Decision-Maker

God certainly can indicate supernaturally which job or career path you should pursue. At times, He may choose to do so. More typically, however, He calls us to take responsibility for making good decisions about how to use our gifts in the world. In the absence of direct supernatural guidance, we need to assume that God wants us to prayerfully and thoughtfully decide which work or ministry/service option is the best choice. “It is possible to pray, read God's Word, seek counsel, and still not feel led by God,” says Dr. Bruce Waltke. “That's the time to rely on sound judgment. God gave each of us a brain, and He expects us to put it to good use.”

Scripture illustrates that even biblical “superstars” like the Apostle Paul saw making decisions to be a natural, normal and necessary part of life. While Paul did receive divine guidance (see Acts 16:7 and 20:22), he and others also made decisions (Acts 19:21, 20:16, and Titus 3:12). Developing the ability to make wise decisions is a critical skill for Christian life and ministry. A track record of making good, biblically-grounded decisions is evidence of spiritual growth and maturity.

Guidance for Your Career Decisions

How can the Bible be helpful to you in making career decisions and other life calling choices today? After all, you won’t find a Bible verse that tells you specifically which college major to choose, whether you should change jobs in mid-life, or which career option will be best for you. In addition, the world of work in biblical times was very different from our own.

In Jesus’ time, for example, most men went into the family business whether it was becoming a merchant, rabbi, carpenter or shepherd. Most women married early, had children and took care of their home and family. “What should I do with my life?” was not a burning question of the time. The biblical world was very different than our own, yet the principles revealed in Scripture for making career and life decisions are still relevant for our contemporary lives.

The Bible plays a critical role in our decision-making by showing us what is important to God. For example, the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25) clearly illustrates that God calls us to proactive stewardship of our gifts. To apply this biblical principle to making decisions about work and ministry/service activities abilities, we need to ask ourselves a question such as: At this time in my life, how can I best use my gifts, abilities and other resources to further God’s purposes in this world? God gave you your gifts to do His work on earth, not for your own career success and advancement.

God uses His Word to enlarge the frame in which we see our work and our lives, transforming our perspective from the temporal to the eternal. The Holy Spirit within makes it possible for us to understand God’s revealed will and apply it to the specific circumstances of our lives. God can also guide us through the wise counsel of others who help us put biblical principles into practice within the decisions we face.

We partner with God in discerning our calling when we work through a reasoned process of evaluating options in light of Scripture and our design. With each step, we seek God’s guidance in His Word and through prayer. We remain receptive to the Lord’s instruction should He choose at any point to indicate specifically what He wants us to do. When we are willing to be obedient, regardless of what God calls us to do, we become people He can guide and use to fulfill His purposes here on earth.

If Money Were No Object...

2008-10-20T17:42:00.000+07:00

(by Dan Miller)

Does this reader question/comment ring any bells with you?

“I have never understood the question (or variations on it) of 'What would you do if you didn’t have to worry about money?' as advice for finding one’s calling. I guess it’s because I would stay in bed, eat junk food, and watch TV. I’ve never seen any job that had any real purpose either, so who I would want to trade places with is meaningless as well. Can’t really say I’ve ever felt alive.”

Here’s why the question makes sense. In as much as you may think you really would lie around the house, eat Twinkies and watch Seinfeld reruns – my observation is that no one enjoys doing that for more than a couple of weeks. I’ve had the pleasure of working with lots of people over the years for whom making money was no longer an issue. But that really brings to the forefront the question: “ What would you do if you didn’t have to worry about money?” Those people don’t have the easy out that, “I only work because I have to.”

See it’s actually a whole lot easier to just barely squeak by week after week – having no extra time and certainly no extra money. In that situation no one expects you to deal with the important questions of life – you’re just doing what you have to do, right? But when confronted with having more time and money than ever needed, a person has to really decide, “How am I going to invest my time – and money?” "How can I make the world a better place?" “How am I going to make my life matter?” Yes, you really can have only so many cars, cruises, houses, and pieces of art. And my observation is that those people are immediately attracted to ideas that serve others. I don’t see many who want to plan to spend it all selfishly and just die on the same day the last dollar is spent. Rather, they, like some of you are already doing, look for ways to:

Share your time and money with those who have not had your same advantages
Bring hope and encouragement to others
Volunteer in a worthy church or community program
Start a social entrepreneurship venture
Sponsor a children’s sports program
Revitalize the downtown area of your town
Give money strategically – not just 10% dropped into the collection plate
Teach life skills to those with self-defeating patterns
’Feeling Alive’ is one of those interesting by-products. It’s not something we can approach directly – it flows out of a meaningful life. You may think you are eagerly awaiting ‘retirement.’ But time invested in meaningful activities makes ‘retirement’ diminish in its attraction.

So go ahead: spend three days staying in bed, eating Moon Pies, and watching the political drivel the news teams conjure up. See how quickly you feel worthless in body, mind and spirit.

But here’s the deal. You don’t have to wait until retirement or until you win the lottery to decide what you would do if money were no longer the issue. You really can just make those decisions now – live as if you have an abundance of time and money. Start one of the above activities today. And you might be surprised at what happens to your actual bank account when you realize what you already have to give and share.

And if you want to see what can happen to someone who just wants to eat, drink and be merry, check this out: Eat, Drink and Be Merry (Luke 12: 18)