(by Jenny Schroedel)
In college I had a rigidly enforced personal policy. When nature forced me to use campus bathrooms with their lurid florescent lighting, I averted my eyes from the mirrors. Glimpsing my pale, blemished reflection was to be avoided at all costs. Now and then, I’d sneak past some brave soul primping inches from one of those inexcusably unflattering mirrors and I’d wonder how she endured such exposure. As I scoured campus seeking the least distressing bathroom, I wondered why candlelight was never considered — so economical, so flattering, and so atmospheric.
One of the many nice things about the Garden of Eden was that florescent lighting was not in the blueprints (God, at least, has taste). A world without florescent lighting is a small stretch of the imagination, but it is a much greater leap to imagine the shameless nakedness of Adam and Eve, before sin crept into the garden. I am convicted by these words from Genesis: “And God saw that it was good.”
These words stand in direct opposition to the legacy of self-loathing infecting college campuses across the nation. Students starve or gorge themselves. They sleep around, falling prey to nasty diseases. They waste themselves on booze, waking up in strange places with dried vomit in their hair.
The phenomenon of the Freshman Fifteen (the average weight gain during the first year) as well as the infamous Sophomore Spread, do nothing to improve matters. At my school, cooks fortified salad greens with extra protein and fat because so many women ate only lettuce—no dressing, no bacon bits, and certainly no hard-boiled eggs. A Christian friend of mine starved herself so brutally that she ended up falling down a granite staircase and being taken to the hospital by ambulance.
Few people are able to accept their physical selves completely — most of us can rattle off a list of body parts we’d gladly exchange for new ones. A friend of mine with an abusive father has a tragic inheritance of self-loathing. When he was a child, his father regularly criticized him, saying, “You’re so ugly. One of your eyes is bigger than the other and your ears stick out.” To this day he can’t be convinced otherwise.
One Hard Fall
“God don’t make junk,” another friend of mine says. But if God created us so well, why do we have such trouble believing it? Some theologians point to Eden’s fall. They say that just as we were not created to sin, but only with the capacity to sin, so too, we were not created ugly, but only with the capacity to become ugly.
Sometimes we feel ugly because of lies fed to us as children, like my friend with the critical father. Other times our perspective is warped: we call ourselves ugly because we don’t look like Kate Moss or Leonardo DiCaprio. Often, we actually choose to become ugly by sinning. A case in point: binge drinking and chronic sleep deprivation lead to bloodshot eyes with sagging bags, jaundiced skin, and hazy minds. Just as abusing creation transforms clear lakes into frothing cesspools, abusing our bodies transforms unfolding glory into festering flesh.
Still, one can be physically attractive but spiritually ugly. Satan can pose as an angel of light, and we are capable of similar charades. We can invest time and money into our bodies and wardrobes but neglect our souls, becoming dazzling to look at, but empty inside.
In the fourth century, the great Christian apologist Athanasius described Adam and Eve’s fall in vivid terms. He said their sin was a denial of God’s intention for them. It was a self-inflicted identity crisis. Instead of living pure and innocent lives, they sinned, trashing their “birthright of beauty.” Madeleine L’Engle echoed his sentiments: “One of the great sorrows which came to human beings when Adam and Eve left the Garden was the loss of memory, memory of all that God’s children are meant to be.”
Hope for an Ugly Duckling
During my awkward years, a beautiful woman told me that she passed through an ugly-duckling stage. Her handsome husband confessed that when he was young he didn’t like himself because he was short. The fact that they had faced similar struggles gave me hope that I might one day be able to make peace with my own reflection.
I no longer flee mirrors. Somehow, God’s bold affirmation of His creation (and that includes me) eventually penetrated my psyche. I finally understand the psalmist’s words: “You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:13-14).
Even so, zits, wrinkles and flab remain as evidence of the fall. I’ve decided that’s OK. Some of the world’s most striking people had wrinkles. Take Mother Teresa, a frail 87-year-old woman, almost bent double by the time she died. Age spots and all, she shone with a transcendent, almost irresistible beauty. Photographers sought to capture her hands clasped in prayer, skin sagging like crushed tissue paper. They wanted to retain the curve of her back, bent in perpetual prayer and service. Even her feet, cracked nails and oddly hooked toes, did not escape the photographers’ gaze. Amazingly, Christ was also physically nondescript. Isaiah prophesied a homely Messiah: “He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him” (Is. 53:2).
People like Mother Teresa didn’t spend much time in front of the mirror. Instead, she devoted herself to becoming a mirror, reflecting God’s dancing light wherever she went.
Skin, flesh, bone and blood flows from glory to glory, towards beauty unfathomably deep.
Source: boundless
Thursday, January 10, 2008
An Inspiring Articles From Men's Sight
I'm Just Not Attracted To Her
(by Michael Lawrence)
How many times have I talked to a single guy who wants to get married, only to hear him say that he knows lots of great women? He admits these women have godly characters and fantastic personalities. But he's not dating any of them. When I ask why not, the reply comes with a sigh. "I'm just not attracted to them." Pity the single Christian man with high standards and good taste. He can't help it he's single. The godly women he knows just aren't beautiful enough.
This is not just a Christian problem. Debra Dickerson, an African-American writer for Salon magazine, reflected on her sense of sadness after watching the brazenly crude and essentially misogynistic movie, The Wedding Crashers. (It came out a couple of years ago, and I sincerely hope you didn't see it.) Was she depressed at the way women were viewed simply as objects of lust, trophies to be won, conquests to be notched? Unfortunately not. She was depressed because, "by the end of the parade of weddings crashed and women laid, the crashers had seduced their way through every culture and every ethnicity but mine.... Why didn't they want to seduce me, too?" she asks. The answer, left painfully unspoken, was that they didn't find her ethnicity beautiful. While the judgment that black is not beautiful is patently false, that knowledge did not ease Dickerson's pain at being implicitly labeled "undesirable."
The Problem of Attraction
What do immoral wedding crashers, Debra Dickerson, and single Christian men have in common here? They're all operating on the assumption that beauty is altogether in the eye of the beholder. All of us are attracted to beauty. But this assumption says that none of us can help who or what we find beautiful. It's just something that happens. We like what we like, and who's to say why? At a superficial level — the color of hair, the shape of a face — there is some truth to that old adage. One of the reasons that I married my own wife is that I found her beautiful. I didn't need friends or strangers to tell me she was beautiful. I knew she was beautiful and I was attracted to her beauty.
But when we move beyond the accidents of appearance, to the roots of our desire and the motivation for marrying this woman rather than that one, the old adage is both false and dangerous. False, because it defines the beauty of the women around us by the distorted and inadequate measure of our own taste and desires. Dangerous, because it creates in us, as men, a passivity toward beauty. Beauty becomes a thing that the woman we're dating, or thinking about dating, either has or doesn't have. And we are the unimpeachable judge and jury. As long as she is beautiful in our eyes, we appreciate and savor and pursue that beauty. When that beauty fades, our desire slackens and our pursuit turns elsewhere. Like art critics at a gallery, our gaze is captured only until something more interesting appears. We are responders, not producers, without obligation or responsibility. After all, we can't help who we're attracted to. Or can we?
This is the logic that Debra Dickerson accepts and bemoans in her critique of The Wedding Crashers. It's also the logic that contributes to prolonged singleness and serial dating in search of the "right chemistry" and the perfect mate. Later on this same logic leads to mid-life divorce, trophy wives and work-place affairs. Surely there must be more to beauty and attraction than what first meets the eye.
The Purpose of Beauty
Everyone knows Christianity has a lot to say about truth and holiness, but did you know it also has a lot to say about beauty and attraction? And I'm not just talking about "inner beauty." Moses, David, Jesus and Paul all talk about beauty and the power of attraction. Solomon spends an entire book celebrating the beauty and desire that exists at the heart of marriage. And in a profound sense, you could say that Jesus' entire ministry can be explained under the category of attraction to beauty.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Fundamental to the Christian concept of beauty is that beauty is not so much passively found and appreciated as it is actively created and cherished. Genesis 1 tells us that when God created the world, He created it good. That word includes the idea of beautiful. Trees, for example, were both "pleasant to the sight and good for food" (Genesis 2:9). So God's creation wasn't merely functional, it was (and in many ways still is) beautiful! Why would God build beauty into creation and give us the ability to recognize it? Perhaps so that we would be attracted to it, and so care for it well as stewards. Ultimately God wanted his creation to be a reflection of his own beauty (glory); He wants us to be attracted to Him!
But there's more. Genesis 1 also tells us that God created us in his image. Among other things, that means he gave us the ability to not only appreciate His beautiful world, but to make things beautiful as well. Not just ability. Responsibility. In Genesis 2, Adam was commanded to make the Garden of Eden flourish and grow. Let that sink in for a minute. In the middle of a perfect world, Adam was responsible for the expansion of Paradise. Far from being the passive critic and consumer of God's beautiful world, he was in the business of actively growing that beauty and even creating more. He didn't have to come up with perfection. He was in charge of developing it!
There's more we need to say about our experience of beauty and attraction now that we're no longer in Eden. I'll take that up in the next article. But I want to stop here and draw two implications for us as men.
The Power of Attraction
Most all of us have experienced the powerful pull of attraction, especially when it comes to a woman we consider beautiful. There's nothing quite like it for producing immediate change in a man. Everything's up for grabs — hair style, clothes, movie preferences, jobs, friends. I've even watched men change churches and rethink their theology for the sake of a woman, though I don't recommend the latter.
We shouldn't be surprised that attraction has such power over us. God designed us that way. He didn't want us to merely know the truth and do what was right. He wanted us to love the truth; He wanted us to be powerfully attracted to the good. Ultimately, He made us to love and be attracted to the most beautiful person in the universe — Him! So He created beauty in this world, not as an end in itself for our selfish pleasure, but as a means to the end of our ultimate pleasure in Him (Psalm 16:11).
So what are you attracted to in a woman? Make a list and then prioritize it. Now do it again and be honest. How many things on your list are matters of mere preference — eye color, body type, etc., and how many are qualities that point beyond the woman to the God whose image she reflects — character, sense of humor, virtues, etc.? What are your highest priorities? There's nothing wrong with having physical and personality traits on your list of what makes a woman attractive. In fact, you need to be physically and personally attracted to the woman you marry. If you're not, marriage won't provide the kind of protection against sexual sin that Paul speaks of (1 Corinthians 7:1-9).
But if the physical or personal is entirely (or mainly) what attracts you and these are your highest priorities, then your problem is not with the women around you. Your problem is with God. The more you are in love with the beauty of Jesus Christ, the more you will be attracted to what you see of Him in the woman you're dating and the more important it will be to you. The less you love Him, the more important other things about her will become, things like her figure or style.
Attraction has a powerful pull on all of us. So be careful what you allow to become attractive to you. Cultivate your attraction to Jesus Christ in the gospel. You may just be surprised at how some women you know seem to become more beautiful as you do.
The Promise of Beauty
Earlier I said that Jesus' entire ministry could be explained as attraction to beauty. That's because the Bible describes Jesus as a groom who came the first time to win His bride, the Church, and who will come a second time to take her home to be with Him forever (see Mat. 25:1-13, John 3:29-30; Rev. 21-22).
No one in his right mind ever marries a woman he doesn't find beautiful. And it's no different with Jesus. Except for one problem. We aren't attractive. In our sin and rebellion, we are downright ugly. So what's up with Jesus?
I said earlier that Adam started off as a developer, making the beauty of Paradise flourish and grow. Adam failed, and we'll think more about what that means next time. But where Adam failed, Jesus succeeded. Only this second Adam had a much more difficult job. Not expanding perfection, but cleansing the dirty, forgiving the guilty, and making the ugly beautiful again. Paul tells us that like a husband, "Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless" (Ephesians 5:25-27).
Think about what that means. Jesus didn't come to earth looking for a beautiful bride, going back to heaven disappointed because no one lived up to His standards. No, He worked actively creating beauty through His death on the cross and the power of the gospel. He gave His life so that whoever repents of their sin and puts their faith in His finished work on the cross might become part of His dazzlingly beautiful bride! It's a promise He made and it's a promise He will keep.
As Christian men we can't do what Christ did, nor do we need to. But we are called to be like Him. That means we need to stop being beauty critics and get busy creating, honoring, and guarding real beauty in the women around us. How do we do that? We do it by appreciating women who resemble Christ more than a Vogue model. We do it by encouraging modesty rather than sexiness. We do it by extending grace to imperfect bodies and flawed personalities. We do it by rejecting the worldly values of beauty that lead women to starve themselves or spend a small fortune on clothes.
Whether you like it or not, whether you know it or not, you are a creator of beauty in the women around you. It's just a question of what kind. Take a look at the single women in your church or circle of friends. What kind of beauty are they focused on? Is it the beauty of what Peter calls "outward adornment" or is it the beauty of Christ in the gospel (1 Peter 3:3-5)? No doubt women have their own sinful motives in pursuing shallow forms of beauty. But the promise of beauty we make as men is heard loud and clear by our girlfriends and wives, even if we never open our mouths.
What promise of beauty are you making and who will keep it? Too many men are promising, "I'll be attracted to you if you're a size 2," and then waiting for the woman who will work hard to meet the condition. Jesus calls us to make a different kind of promise. "I'm attracted to you because of how much of Christ I already see in you and I promise to work hard to see even more of Christ in you."
Is there no one you're attracted to? Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. Get out there and give yourself to the job of making someone really, truly forever beautiful. And then pray she finds you attractive too!
Source: boundless
(by Michael Lawrence)
How many times have I talked to a single guy who wants to get married, only to hear him say that he knows lots of great women? He admits these women have godly characters and fantastic personalities. But he's not dating any of them. When I ask why not, the reply comes with a sigh. "I'm just not attracted to them." Pity the single Christian man with high standards and good taste. He can't help it he's single. The godly women he knows just aren't beautiful enough.
This is not just a Christian problem. Debra Dickerson, an African-American writer for Salon magazine, reflected on her sense of sadness after watching the brazenly crude and essentially misogynistic movie, The Wedding Crashers. (It came out a couple of years ago, and I sincerely hope you didn't see it.) Was she depressed at the way women were viewed simply as objects of lust, trophies to be won, conquests to be notched? Unfortunately not. She was depressed because, "by the end of the parade of weddings crashed and women laid, the crashers had seduced their way through every culture and every ethnicity but mine.... Why didn't they want to seduce me, too?" she asks. The answer, left painfully unspoken, was that they didn't find her ethnicity beautiful. While the judgment that black is not beautiful is patently false, that knowledge did not ease Dickerson's pain at being implicitly labeled "undesirable."
The Problem of Attraction
What do immoral wedding crashers, Debra Dickerson, and single Christian men have in common here? They're all operating on the assumption that beauty is altogether in the eye of the beholder. All of us are attracted to beauty. But this assumption says that none of us can help who or what we find beautiful. It's just something that happens. We like what we like, and who's to say why? At a superficial level — the color of hair, the shape of a face — there is some truth to that old adage. One of the reasons that I married my own wife is that I found her beautiful. I didn't need friends or strangers to tell me she was beautiful. I knew she was beautiful and I was attracted to her beauty.
But when we move beyond the accidents of appearance, to the roots of our desire and the motivation for marrying this woman rather than that one, the old adage is both false and dangerous. False, because it defines the beauty of the women around us by the distorted and inadequate measure of our own taste and desires. Dangerous, because it creates in us, as men, a passivity toward beauty. Beauty becomes a thing that the woman we're dating, or thinking about dating, either has or doesn't have. And we are the unimpeachable judge and jury. As long as she is beautiful in our eyes, we appreciate and savor and pursue that beauty. When that beauty fades, our desire slackens and our pursuit turns elsewhere. Like art critics at a gallery, our gaze is captured only until something more interesting appears. We are responders, not producers, without obligation or responsibility. After all, we can't help who we're attracted to. Or can we?
This is the logic that Debra Dickerson accepts and bemoans in her critique of The Wedding Crashers. It's also the logic that contributes to prolonged singleness and serial dating in search of the "right chemistry" and the perfect mate. Later on this same logic leads to mid-life divorce, trophy wives and work-place affairs. Surely there must be more to beauty and attraction than what first meets the eye.
The Purpose of Beauty
Everyone knows Christianity has a lot to say about truth and holiness, but did you know it also has a lot to say about beauty and attraction? And I'm not just talking about "inner beauty." Moses, David, Jesus and Paul all talk about beauty and the power of attraction. Solomon spends an entire book celebrating the beauty and desire that exists at the heart of marriage. And in a profound sense, you could say that Jesus' entire ministry can be explained under the category of attraction to beauty.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Fundamental to the Christian concept of beauty is that beauty is not so much passively found and appreciated as it is actively created and cherished. Genesis 1 tells us that when God created the world, He created it good. That word includes the idea of beautiful. Trees, for example, were both "pleasant to the sight and good for food" (Genesis 2:9). So God's creation wasn't merely functional, it was (and in many ways still is) beautiful! Why would God build beauty into creation and give us the ability to recognize it? Perhaps so that we would be attracted to it, and so care for it well as stewards. Ultimately God wanted his creation to be a reflection of his own beauty (glory); He wants us to be attracted to Him!
But there's more. Genesis 1 also tells us that God created us in his image. Among other things, that means he gave us the ability to not only appreciate His beautiful world, but to make things beautiful as well. Not just ability. Responsibility. In Genesis 2, Adam was commanded to make the Garden of Eden flourish and grow. Let that sink in for a minute. In the middle of a perfect world, Adam was responsible for the expansion of Paradise. Far from being the passive critic and consumer of God's beautiful world, he was in the business of actively growing that beauty and even creating more. He didn't have to come up with perfection. He was in charge of developing it!
There's more we need to say about our experience of beauty and attraction now that we're no longer in Eden. I'll take that up in the next article. But I want to stop here and draw two implications for us as men.
The Power of Attraction
Most all of us have experienced the powerful pull of attraction, especially when it comes to a woman we consider beautiful. There's nothing quite like it for producing immediate change in a man. Everything's up for grabs — hair style, clothes, movie preferences, jobs, friends. I've even watched men change churches and rethink their theology for the sake of a woman, though I don't recommend the latter.
We shouldn't be surprised that attraction has such power over us. God designed us that way. He didn't want us to merely know the truth and do what was right. He wanted us to love the truth; He wanted us to be powerfully attracted to the good. Ultimately, He made us to love and be attracted to the most beautiful person in the universe — Him! So He created beauty in this world, not as an end in itself for our selfish pleasure, but as a means to the end of our ultimate pleasure in Him (Psalm 16:11).
So what are you attracted to in a woman? Make a list and then prioritize it. Now do it again and be honest. How many things on your list are matters of mere preference — eye color, body type, etc., and how many are qualities that point beyond the woman to the God whose image she reflects — character, sense of humor, virtues, etc.? What are your highest priorities? There's nothing wrong with having physical and personality traits on your list of what makes a woman attractive. In fact, you need to be physically and personally attracted to the woman you marry. If you're not, marriage won't provide the kind of protection against sexual sin that Paul speaks of (1 Corinthians 7:1-9).
But if the physical or personal is entirely (or mainly) what attracts you and these are your highest priorities, then your problem is not with the women around you. Your problem is with God. The more you are in love with the beauty of Jesus Christ, the more you will be attracted to what you see of Him in the woman you're dating and the more important it will be to you. The less you love Him, the more important other things about her will become, things like her figure or style.
Attraction has a powerful pull on all of us. So be careful what you allow to become attractive to you. Cultivate your attraction to Jesus Christ in the gospel. You may just be surprised at how some women you know seem to become more beautiful as you do.
The Promise of Beauty
Earlier I said that Jesus' entire ministry could be explained as attraction to beauty. That's because the Bible describes Jesus as a groom who came the first time to win His bride, the Church, and who will come a second time to take her home to be with Him forever (see Mat. 25:1-13, John 3:29-30; Rev. 21-22).
No one in his right mind ever marries a woman he doesn't find beautiful. And it's no different with Jesus. Except for one problem. We aren't attractive. In our sin and rebellion, we are downright ugly. So what's up with Jesus?
I said earlier that Adam started off as a developer, making the beauty of Paradise flourish and grow. Adam failed, and we'll think more about what that means next time. But where Adam failed, Jesus succeeded. Only this second Adam had a much more difficult job. Not expanding perfection, but cleansing the dirty, forgiving the guilty, and making the ugly beautiful again. Paul tells us that like a husband, "Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless" (Ephesians 5:25-27).
Think about what that means. Jesus didn't come to earth looking for a beautiful bride, going back to heaven disappointed because no one lived up to His standards. No, He worked actively creating beauty through His death on the cross and the power of the gospel. He gave His life so that whoever repents of their sin and puts their faith in His finished work on the cross might become part of His dazzlingly beautiful bride! It's a promise He made and it's a promise He will keep.
As Christian men we can't do what Christ did, nor do we need to. But we are called to be like Him. That means we need to stop being beauty critics and get busy creating, honoring, and guarding real beauty in the women around us. How do we do that? We do it by appreciating women who resemble Christ more than a Vogue model. We do it by encouraging modesty rather than sexiness. We do it by extending grace to imperfect bodies and flawed personalities. We do it by rejecting the worldly values of beauty that lead women to starve themselves or spend a small fortune on clothes.
Whether you like it or not, whether you know it or not, you are a creator of beauty in the women around you. It's just a question of what kind. Take a look at the single women in your church or circle of friends. What kind of beauty are they focused on? Is it the beauty of what Peter calls "outward adornment" or is it the beauty of Christ in the gospel (1 Peter 3:3-5)? No doubt women have their own sinful motives in pursuing shallow forms of beauty. But the promise of beauty we make as men is heard loud and clear by our girlfriends and wives, even if we never open our mouths.
What promise of beauty are you making and who will keep it? Too many men are promising, "I'll be attracted to you if you're a size 2," and then waiting for the woman who will work hard to meet the condition. Jesus calls us to make a different kind of promise. "I'm attracted to you because of how much of Christ I already see in you and I promise to work hard to see even more of Christ in you."
Is there no one you're attracted to? Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. Get out there and give yourself to the job of making someone really, truly forever beautiful. And then pray she finds you attractive too!
Source: boundless
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Learn to See Yourself as God Sees You
(by Andrea Groenewald)
How do you see yourself? Pause for a moment and think about it. What thoughts have you had about yourself today?
As women, so many of us find ourselves:
* basing our self-worth on how others see us and on our accomplishments
* feeling shame from our past
* defining our value based on our looks
* setting unrealistic standards for ourselves
But it doesn't have to be this way. If only we could see ourselves as God sees us!
I want to look with you at three thought patterns that can act as roadblocks to thinking-- and living- the way God desires for us. These destructive thought patterns were identified by prominent psychologist, Albert Ellis (1973). We will contrast these ideas with what 1 Peter 1 tells us about how we can "prepare our minds for action." Adjusting our thinking to Scripture is the foundation for "be[ing] holy in all we do." (1 Peter 1:15b)
1. "I must be loved or approved by virtually every significant other person in my life."
If we are living to make sure that others love us, we give them permission to evaluate us based what we do - we give people the power to determine our self-worth.
Living to please our parents
Even when we leave home, we have "internalized parents" who are now voices in our heads that tell us what we should do, what is important and how we should do things. Have you ever been in a situation where you have to make a decision and you can hear your parents saying, "That's not responsible… or "I told you that would happen?"
Living to be loved by a man
Many of us are so concerned that we are loved by a man, that we give the opposite sex permission to evaluate our self-worth. As adolescents, girls might sacrifice their own identity to get the attention and acceptance of guys, even to the extent of pretending not to be bright or athletic, because they think guys won't like it. Or, they might deny themselves food to lose weight to try to fit in with the body image that seems to be portrayed in women's magazines. Even as adults, we buy the beauty myth, thinking that our appearance is our number one asset, and what will bring us acceptance and approval from our spouse. Eating disorders abound -- anorexia, bulimia, and the number one eating disorder today, binge eating.
Living to please our church community
We may even feel pressure from our church community to measure ourselves according to a certain image -- to be nurturing, quiet and gentile, to raise well-behaved children, and maybe even do crafts. If we live to please our church community, we may find ourselves negating interests or even gifts that God has given us.
God's truth
Our identity is found in Jesus Christ. It is rooted in the freedom-giving mercy of Jesus Christ. Our identity is that of a child of God and a joint heir with Jesus Christ. Our spiritual inheritance is one of forgiveness, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ and hope of spending all eternity enjoying fellowship with God. It is this truth that gives us unconditional love, intimacy, security and hope. And it is not based on our identity, but on what God has already accomplished at the cross of Jesus Christ.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade - kept in heaven for you" (1 Peter 1:3-4)
2. "My past history is an all-important determiner of my present behavior and because something once strongly affected my life, it should definitely continue to do so."
You may have had something happen to you which you have not told anyone, or only a few people. Perhaps you feel shame about certain aspects of the family you grew up in, or maybe you have sinful habits which you feel embarrassed about, such as gossiping, lusting, pornography or criticizing others. Maybe you have done some things in your past you are ashamed of (an abortion, an affair). Or maybe something has been done to you that you feel ashamed of (sexual assault, emotional abuse). Approximately 30-40% of women experience some kind of sexual assault in their life; 30% experience physical abuse.
If we don't deal with issues in our past, they will continue to control us in some way in our present. But they don't have to. We can deal with past sin, our family histories, as well as past violations to our bodies and minds.
It is important to identify whether what we are feeling in these situations is destructive shame or healthy guilt. Healthy guilt always separates our identity and our behavior. Shame links these two, so wrong behavior taints our image of ourselves. Healthy guilt alerts us to the fact that we have done something against our internalized values.
Biblical guilt is a God-given emotion that "red flags" a behavior and tells us it is an act of rebellion against God. It spurs us to confess our sin and experience the love and forgiveness that God has provided for us through Jesus Christ. 1 John 1:9 tells us, "If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." After we've confessed our sin, feelings of guilt are not from God, but may be from ourselves or from the Evil One. Now, we still have to live with the consequences of our sin, but God does not punish us for our sin. God disciplines us to get us back on track so we can continue to experience God's love and plan for our lives. Our struggles can bring us closer to God and heighten our faith as we experience His faithfulness in forgiving us and drawing us closer to Himself.
"In this you greatly rejoice, though for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith -- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire -- may be proven genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed" (1 Peter 1:6-7).
3. "I should be thoroughly competent, adequate and achieving in all possible respects in order to consider myself worthwhile."
One quarter of women will struggle with clinical depression in their lifetime. Depression can be biological or situational, and often can be the result of both. However, one of the leading causes of depression is having your standards so high that you cannot live up to them. You are constantly striving for a standard that is unattainable, but you wear yourself out trying anyway. One of the messages that can play over and over in our minds is that we have to "be perfect."
As women, we often fall into the trap of feeling responsible not just for ourselves, but the lives of others, whether our co-workers, friends, children, or husband. We take on the weight of everyone's world!
It is often difficult for us to separate our identity from our behavior. We feel if we don't measure up, it reflects on who we are as individuals.
God's truth
God's grace, "charis," is a gift. It is through God's grace that He heals us and brings freedom to live a new life. Sometimes grace does not come easily to us. We have to work at changing our thinking to cut ourselves some slack. We need to humble ourselves to accept God's grace and give grace to ourselves when we don't measure up.
"Concerning this salvation, the prophets who spoke of the grace that was to come to you, searched intently and with the greatest care" (1 Peter 1:10).
Removing the roadblocks
1. Identify which roadblock affects you most.
2. Think of new ways to look at that situation and thought pattern that would be more helpful to you.
3. Whenever you recognize that pattern of thinking or behaving, interrupt it and substitute your new way of thinking and behaving.
We need to try to begin to align our view of ourselves with God's view of us. God uses various metaphors to describe His love and care for us, that of a nursing mother, a nurturing mother, a loving father, a shepherd, etc. Here are some verses to meditate on:
* Jeremiah 1:5
* Matthew 10:28-31
* 1 Peter 5:7
Once we extend grace to ourselves, we will be able to live a life of extending grace to those around us, both those in the church community and those outside. We need to take our lives back from trying to live up to these distorted beliefs and line our thinking up with the way God views us. Instead of being so focused on ourselves and our own failure, we will be able to extend a helping hand to those around us and be God's vessel of grace to those we come into contact with wherever we go.
Source: christianwomentoday
How do you see yourself? Pause for a moment and think about it. What thoughts have you had about yourself today?
As women, so many of us find ourselves:
* basing our self-worth on how others see us and on our accomplishments
* feeling shame from our past
* defining our value based on our looks
* setting unrealistic standards for ourselves
But it doesn't have to be this way. If only we could see ourselves as God sees us!
I want to look with you at three thought patterns that can act as roadblocks to thinking-- and living- the way God desires for us. These destructive thought patterns were identified by prominent psychologist, Albert Ellis (1973). We will contrast these ideas with what 1 Peter 1 tells us about how we can "prepare our minds for action." Adjusting our thinking to Scripture is the foundation for "be[ing] holy in all we do." (1 Peter 1:15b)
1. "I must be loved or approved by virtually every significant other person in my life."
If we are living to make sure that others love us, we give them permission to evaluate us based what we do - we give people the power to determine our self-worth.
Living to please our parents
Even when we leave home, we have "internalized parents" who are now voices in our heads that tell us what we should do, what is important and how we should do things. Have you ever been in a situation where you have to make a decision and you can hear your parents saying, "That's not responsible… or "I told you that would happen?"
Living to be loved by a man
Many of us are so concerned that we are loved by a man, that we give the opposite sex permission to evaluate our self-worth. As adolescents, girls might sacrifice their own identity to get the attention and acceptance of guys, even to the extent of pretending not to be bright or athletic, because they think guys won't like it. Or, they might deny themselves food to lose weight to try to fit in with the body image that seems to be portrayed in women's magazines. Even as adults, we buy the beauty myth, thinking that our appearance is our number one asset, and what will bring us acceptance and approval from our spouse. Eating disorders abound -- anorexia, bulimia, and the number one eating disorder today, binge eating.
Living to please our church community
We may even feel pressure from our church community to measure ourselves according to a certain image -- to be nurturing, quiet and gentile, to raise well-behaved children, and maybe even do crafts. If we live to please our church community, we may find ourselves negating interests or even gifts that God has given us.
God's truth
Our identity is found in Jesus Christ. It is rooted in the freedom-giving mercy of Jesus Christ. Our identity is that of a child of God and a joint heir with Jesus Christ. Our spiritual inheritance is one of forgiveness, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ and hope of spending all eternity enjoying fellowship with God. It is this truth that gives us unconditional love, intimacy, security and hope. And it is not based on our identity, but on what God has already accomplished at the cross of Jesus Christ.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade - kept in heaven for you" (1 Peter 1:3-4)
2. "My past history is an all-important determiner of my present behavior and because something once strongly affected my life, it should definitely continue to do so."
You may have had something happen to you which you have not told anyone, or only a few people. Perhaps you feel shame about certain aspects of the family you grew up in, or maybe you have sinful habits which you feel embarrassed about, such as gossiping, lusting, pornography or criticizing others. Maybe you have done some things in your past you are ashamed of (an abortion, an affair). Or maybe something has been done to you that you feel ashamed of (sexual assault, emotional abuse). Approximately 30-40% of women experience some kind of sexual assault in their life; 30% experience physical abuse.
If we don't deal with issues in our past, they will continue to control us in some way in our present. But they don't have to. We can deal with past sin, our family histories, as well as past violations to our bodies and minds.
It is important to identify whether what we are feeling in these situations is destructive shame or healthy guilt. Healthy guilt always separates our identity and our behavior. Shame links these two, so wrong behavior taints our image of ourselves. Healthy guilt alerts us to the fact that we have done something against our internalized values.
Biblical guilt is a God-given emotion that "red flags" a behavior and tells us it is an act of rebellion against God. It spurs us to confess our sin and experience the love and forgiveness that God has provided for us through Jesus Christ. 1 John 1:9 tells us, "If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." After we've confessed our sin, feelings of guilt are not from God, but may be from ourselves or from the Evil One. Now, we still have to live with the consequences of our sin, but God does not punish us for our sin. God disciplines us to get us back on track so we can continue to experience God's love and plan for our lives. Our struggles can bring us closer to God and heighten our faith as we experience His faithfulness in forgiving us and drawing us closer to Himself.
"In this you greatly rejoice, though for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith -- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire -- may be proven genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed" (1 Peter 1:6-7).
3. "I should be thoroughly competent, adequate and achieving in all possible respects in order to consider myself worthwhile."
One quarter of women will struggle with clinical depression in their lifetime. Depression can be biological or situational, and often can be the result of both. However, one of the leading causes of depression is having your standards so high that you cannot live up to them. You are constantly striving for a standard that is unattainable, but you wear yourself out trying anyway. One of the messages that can play over and over in our minds is that we have to "be perfect."
As women, we often fall into the trap of feeling responsible not just for ourselves, but the lives of others, whether our co-workers, friends, children, or husband. We take on the weight of everyone's world!
It is often difficult for us to separate our identity from our behavior. We feel if we don't measure up, it reflects on who we are as individuals.
God's truth
God's grace, "charis," is a gift. It is through God's grace that He heals us and brings freedom to live a new life. Sometimes grace does not come easily to us. We have to work at changing our thinking to cut ourselves some slack. We need to humble ourselves to accept God's grace and give grace to ourselves when we don't measure up.
"Concerning this salvation, the prophets who spoke of the grace that was to come to you, searched intently and with the greatest care" (1 Peter 1:10).
Removing the roadblocks
1. Identify which roadblock affects you most.
2. Think of new ways to look at that situation and thought pattern that would be more helpful to you.
3. Whenever you recognize that pattern of thinking or behaving, interrupt it and substitute your new way of thinking and behaving.
We need to try to begin to align our view of ourselves with God's view of us. God uses various metaphors to describe His love and care for us, that of a nursing mother, a nurturing mother, a loving father, a shepherd, etc. Here are some verses to meditate on:
* Jeremiah 1:5
* Matthew 10:28-31
* 1 Peter 5:7
Once we extend grace to ourselves, we will be able to live a life of extending grace to those around us, both those in the church community and those outside. We need to take our lives back from trying to live up to these distorted beliefs and line our thinking up with the way God views us. Instead of being so focused on ourselves and our own failure, we will be able to extend a helping hand to those around us and be God's vessel of grace to those we come into contact with wherever we go.
Source: christianwomentoday
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