(by Amy Roberts)
Source: Crosswalk
I once heard a talk show host give a very compelling argument for why moms need time away. He said mothers give and give to the point of empty. They must refuel themselves so they can continue to give.
It sounded quite reasonable to me. Then why did my search for this hallowed “me time” always leave me feeling as though I needed more? While taking time for myself, I definitely felt refreshed, but the moment I got home and realized the sink was still full of dirty dishes and I would still have to give baths to all the children before the night would be over, I wanted to head right back out the door.
This left me feeling sorry for myself. Why couldn’t I have one night where I wouldn’t have to do the same things I do every night? Why couldn’t I come home to a spotless and trouble-free place where dishes were washed and children were in bed? Why did I have to go back to my duties so soon? To punish those who were making my life difficult, I would loudly sling dishes and be curt and hurried with everyone until I could get children into bed and escape to the sewing room or the computer for the remainder of the evening.
The next morning, feeling dissatisfied with the amount of me time from the evening prior, I would take my coffee, sit at the computer, and completely ignore my daily duties. I would get irritated with the children because their antics were cutting into my time. I was stressed and edgy and desperate for more. My children would call out for me and I would answer, “She’s not here right now.”
Then, I began staying up much too late in order to squeeze in more alone time. I dreaded going to bed because it meant waking up to children’s needs and a disaster of a house.
I became increasingly upset by my husband’s time off from work, along with the business lunches and the business trips. To compensate for the perceived unfairness of the situation, I chose to do nothing on weekends: no laundry, no dishes, no parenting. Soon, my weekends were spilling over both ends and into the weekdays. All of this only served to overwhelm me even more and feed into my desire to escape.
In a moment of clarity, as only the Lord can offer, I saw my behavior for what it truly was: selfishness. Along with this epiphany came the conviction to quit seeking Me Time.
Me Time is a myth. It is an unattainable, always interruptible, never satisfying piece of junk psychology. Me Time, by its very name, suggests that who we are during the daily grind is not who we truly are. It begs us to search for fulfillment outside of the titles of “wife” and “mother.” It accuses precious little ones and God-given spouses for suppressing us. It reduces motherhood to a disease in which little dirty faces and endless monotonous tasks slowly suck the life out of us. It says we can never be refreshed by spending time in the presence of those we care for day in and day out. It points out a perceived hole in our world that needs to be filled, a tank that must be refueled, a monster that will swallow us if we neglect to feed it Me Time.
The more we indulge the thought that we are somehow owed this time away, the more we will seek after it. The more we seek after it, the more every little opportunity afforded us to take a break will seemingly end too quickly. The everyday life of being a mother will become drudgery. We will dread every aspect of this role. We will snap at our children any time they try to draw us out of our precious time alone. Not getting this time will ruin our day, and if we do manage some time away, we will despise the re-entry.
However, with any lie, there is a certain amount of truth hidden within. There is an emptiness within us that needs to be filled, but only God can fill what you are aching for.
“The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.” Lamentations 3:24–25
Our time away should be spent seeking Him. Anything else we try to fill that emptiness with will fall miserably short. Likewise, the company we seek during our time away should be spent with people who are about the business of edifying and strengthening us in our role as wife and mother, not tearing at the very foundation of our home. We will never gain anything but resentment from the counsel of those who encourage us to seek self.
We must cease to see the role of wife and mother as a job we put aside at the end of the day. We must do our daily tasks cheerfully, as unto the Lord. We must learn to enjoy being home with our families. We must find contentment in serving others. We should spend more time drinking in the beauty of our children, searching their eyes, holding their hands, being Mom. When we do feel neglected or overworked, we must immediately seek the Lord to refresh us and keep us from sin.
There will be days when we are afforded opportunities to do things alone or with other women, but if we are content in our God-given role, we will no longer cling so tightly to these moments as the only way to save our sanity. Our need for Me Time will fade as we begin to see motherhood as a blessing not to be escaped, but embraced.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Dollar Menu Opportunities
(by Mary Beiver)
Source: Crosswalk
“What’s a dollar menu?” a friend’s son asked us years ago as we went through a drive through.
“It’s what we choose our dinner from,” I answered.
“My family doesn’t do discount stores,” a girl told a friend of mine this week “WE don’t shop in such stores, and I won’t go in.”
My children are well educated in dollar menus and discount stores.
Each day, we learn of other friends or family who have lost jobs. It’s harder to be the parent facing limited income and higher bills – and hungry kids who just outgrew their clothes.
We may not realize this is a blessing for our children. In my childhood, I lived in two worlds. The first had excess, privilege, and easy spending. In the second, I had a paper route at age ten, bought all my own clothes in middle school, and left home at 18. I was given the gift of living in vastly different circumstances. Each had its own challenges.
In this downturn, we can teach our children to be frugal, self reliant, compassionate, and careful with dwindling resources. Gardens may have more food than flowers this year. We learn to celebrate the dollar menu when we have the chance to enjoy it.
We teach our children by our example. They can learn lessons: don’t waste food, spend money you have, buy used and secondhand items, and live within your means. If we eat out less, we can eat in more. The more often we eat meals as a family, with our kids, the less likely they will succumb to temptation as adults. Our hard times now equip them for challenges tomorrow.
My husband and I have owned a small business the past 9 years. We’ve known disasters and blessings. God has been with us in all circumstances, most especially years ago when our home and business burned and we lost almost everything we owned.
Years after Almanzo and Laura Wilder lost their home in a fire, they had boxes for their table and chairs. When they started their apple orchard, they had to work 5 years to turn a profit and took countless odd jobs. Almanzo described their work:
“I think that one thing that has made my orchard a success is that I took individual care of each tree. What that particular tree needed it got. Wife and I were so well acquainted with the trees that if I wished to mention one to her, I would say "that tree with the large branch to the south," or "the tree that leans to the north," etc. The tree that leaned was gently taught to stand straight so that the sun would not burn the bark....The trees came into bearing at seven years old, and the apples were extra well colored and smooth skinned. I have had apple buyers and nursery men tell me that my orchard was the prettiest they ever saw, and my Ben Davis are different from any I have ever seen in being better colored and flavored and in the texture of the flesh.”
Twenty years after they bought Rocky Ridge Farm, the Wilders realized their dream of a self-sustaining farm with dairy, poultry, and fruit and a dream house. Decades later, during the Depression, Rose used her tough childhood knowledge of gardening and food preservation to feed her friends and neighbors.
The twentieth century was the Century of Stuff. We spent money we didn’t have to get Stuff. Then Stuff didn’t meet our needs, so we borrowed more to get new Stuff. Our friends and neighbors got better Stuff, so we ditched what we had to get more in debt for more Stuff. Our homes got too crowded because we had Stuff, so we needed to buy a bigger house, which needed to be filled with more Stuff. The Stuff turned into shackles.
Our world was built upon sand that has collapsed.
Our children can learn not to worship at the False Temple of Stuff. They can learn to distinguish a want from a need. They can honor and worship the one true God and his Son, our Savior. The less distracted we are by Stuff, the more we can see, hear, and experience God.
They will also learn creative problem solving. How do we fix the food chopper after it breaks instead of throwing it out to buy a new one? Can we used milk that’s started to sour for baking? How many meals can a single roast stretch to feed?
Blessings can come from great crises. This year, our kids helped earn the tuition for different classes they took. They learned new skills in the process and suddenly wanted to make the most of their opportunities.
We may face a lifetime of shifting circumstances. God can take all of them and make good things happen. Now’s our chance to show our kids how we can be richer with a simpler world. We have centuries of examples of American ingenuity and tough pioneers.
Less stuff and more God is a good thing. Our struggles now – and our responses to them – can give our children a legacy of character and skills which can impact the world in ways we can’t imagine.
“Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:18
Source: Crosswalk
“What’s a dollar menu?” a friend’s son asked us years ago as we went through a drive through.
“It’s what we choose our dinner from,” I answered.
“My family doesn’t do discount stores,” a girl told a friend of mine this week “WE don’t shop in such stores, and I won’t go in.”
My children are well educated in dollar menus and discount stores.
Each day, we learn of other friends or family who have lost jobs. It’s harder to be the parent facing limited income and higher bills – and hungry kids who just outgrew their clothes.
We may not realize this is a blessing for our children. In my childhood, I lived in two worlds. The first had excess, privilege, and easy spending. In the second, I had a paper route at age ten, bought all my own clothes in middle school, and left home at 18. I was given the gift of living in vastly different circumstances. Each had its own challenges.
In this downturn, we can teach our children to be frugal, self reliant, compassionate, and careful with dwindling resources. Gardens may have more food than flowers this year. We learn to celebrate the dollar menu when we have the chance to enjoy it.
We teach our children by our example. They can learn lessons: don’t waste food, spend money you have, buy used and secondhand items, and live within your means. If we eat out less, we can eat in more. The more often we eat meals as a family, with our kids, the less likely they will succumb to temptation as adults. Our hard times now equip them for challenges tomorrow.
My husband and I have owned a small business the past 9 years. We’ve known disasters and blessings. God has been with us in all circumstances, most especially years ago when our home and business burned and we lost almost everything we owned.
Years after Almanzo and Laura Wilder lost their home in a fire, they had boxes for their table and chairs. When they started their apple orchard, they had to work 5 years to turn a profit and took countless odd jobs. Almanzo described their work:
“I think that one thing that has made my orchard a success is that I took individual care of each tree. What that particular tree needed it got. Wife and I were so well acquainted with the trees that if I wished to mention one to her, I would say "that tree with the large branch to the south," or "the tree that leans to the north," etc. The tree that leaned was gently taught to stand straight so that the sun would not burn the bark....The trees came into bearing at seven years old, and the apples were extra well colored and smooth skinned. I have had apple buyers and nursery men tell me that my orchard was the prettiest they ever saw, and my Ben Davis are different from any I have ever seen in being better colored and flavored and in the texture of the flesh.”
Twenty years after they bought Rocky Ridge Farm, the Wilders realized their dream of a self-sustaining farm with dairy, poultry, and fruit and a dream house. Decades later, during the Depression, Rose used her tough childhood knowledge of gardening and food preservation to feed her friends and neighbors.
The twentieth century was the Century of Stuff. We spent money we didn’t have to get Stuff. Then Stuff didn’t meet our needs, so we borrowed more to get new Stuff. Our friends and neighbors got better Stuff, so we ditched what we had to get more in debt for more Stuff. Our homes got too crowded because we had Stuff, so we needed to buy a bigger house, which needed to be filled with more Stuff. The Stuff turned into shackles.
Our world was built upon sand that has collapsed.
Our children can learn not to worship at the False Temple of Stuff. They can learn to distinguish a want from a need. They can honor and worship the one true God and his Son, our Savior. The less distracted we are by Stuff, the more we can see, hear, and experience God.
They will also learn creative problem solving. How do we fix the food chopper after it breaks instead of throwing it out to buy a new one? Can we used milk that’s started to sour for baking? How many meals can a single roast stretch to feed?
Blessings can come from great crises. This year, our kids helped earn the tuition for different classes they took. They learned new skills in the process and suddenly wanted to make the most of their opportunities.
We may face a lifetime of shifting circumstances. God can take all of them and make good things happen. Now’s our chance to show our kids how we can be richer with a simpler world. We have centuries of examples of American ingenuity and tough pioneers.
Less stuff and more God is a good thing. Our struggles now – and our responses to them – can give our children a legacy of character and skills which can impact the world in ways we can’t imagine.
“Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:18
How Gratitude Leads to Business Growth
(by Jerry Bowyer)
Source: Crosswalk
I have a friend who was always trying to talk me into being part of his next business idea. Media, finance, health care—it didn’t matter which sector, he’d always say the same thing, “Jerry, it’s gonna be bigger than Microsoft.” I’d always nod and smile. Then I would change the subject back to the insurance firm that he already owned. How are your profits? Who’s your best producer? Are you controlling your costs? I knew that would end the conversation pretty quickly, because talking about the business that he already owned was boring to him. It shouldn’t have been; he’d built it from nothing and was beginning to break into the middle tier of his industry. He never made it, though; he’d siphon all his best people off to his whim of the month, left the running of his core business to one of his mediocre guys, and, in the end – bankruptcy. The problem, I think, was ingratitude.
I know a lot of guys like this: I have another friend who repeatedly tried to recruit a top manager who would be able to take over the business quickly so my friend could move on to other more exciting ventures. He’d hire some young hotshot and in a year or so, the hot shot would leave. “I don’t know why these guys keep leaving, Jerry.” He’d say to me. I told him it’s because he keeps trying to leave, leaving the available successors with the impression that this job wasn’t worth much. Then they’d jump ship. He finally figured out that he had a first class, highly successful company, and was thankful for it and got focused again. The company is doing great now, and he’s hiring far better performers than he’s ever had before.
Another guy I know founded a highly successful state-level news analysis television program, but that wasn’t enough for him. He wanted to start more of them. He imagined sticking pins in a map, until the map was filled with pins. The bone-head got overextended, ran out of money, and had to ask his wife and kids to help him turn the company around. In the end, he became grateful for what he had, and cared for it, and it grew. That last guy, by the way, is me.
Ingratitude, I’d say, is the most common reason for entrepreneurial failure. The studies say that businesses fail because they are undercapitalized, or because they don’t have enough cash flow to pay their debts. But behind those financial indicators, I see a character flaw: an undercapitalized business (if it’s a good business idea) is just a pre-capitalized business. Somebody was unwilling to wait, work and save or sell shares while in their current job for long enough to create the new job.
It’s not just a problem for start-ups. Established businesses suffer from ingratitude as well. After all, debt grows when businesses operating costs grow faster than their customer revenue. The owner ceases to be grateful for his current customers and switches his loyalty away from the real men and women who currently do business with him and toward the imaginary men and women who he hope will do business with him when he makes it big.
When my oldest son was about ten I bought a little plastic toy frog for him. While we were driving home from the store together he started complaining about it. Let me see it, I said. I took it looked it over and said “you’re right, not good enough for you”, and I threw it out the car window. In our house, I told him, when you complain about something, you lose it.
1900 years ago a traveling Rabbi wrote a letter to a small community of Jews who lived in Rome. Rome had, by that time, torn down even the vestigial organs associated with the Republic and had become a full-blooded dictatorial empire. Many philosophers and statesmen offered whispered explanations for the fall of the Republic, but I think the Rabbi’s letter got to the essence of it “They did not acknowledge God, neither were they grateful”. The Romans didn’t really know what they had inherited and therefore when Julius Caesar offered them peace and plenty without toil in exchange for republican legal institutions, they heartily accepted.
The foundation of asset management is gratitude. If you’re grateful for something then you’ll appreciate it; if you appreciate something then you’ll care for it; if you care for something then you will (more than likely) get more of it. In other words, if you show appreciation for the assets under your care, they’ll probably return the favor and show appreciation for you.
Source: Crosswalk
I have a friend who was always trying to talk me into being part of his next business idea. Media, finance, health care—it didn’t matter which sector, he’d always say the same thing, “Jerry, it’s gonna be bigger than Microsoft.” I’d always nod and smile. Then I would change the subject back to the insurance firm that he already owned. How are your profits? Who’s your best producer? Are you controlling your costs? I knew that would end the conversation pretty quickly, because talking about the business that he already owned was boring to him. It shouldn’t have been; he’d built it from nothing and was beginning to break into the middle tier of his industry. He never made it, though; he’d siphon all his best people off to his whim of the month, left the running of his core business to one of his mediocre guys, and, in the end – bankruptcy. The problem, I think, was ingratitude.
I know a lot of guys like this: I have another friend who repeatedly tried to recruit a top manager who would be able to take over the business quickly so my friend could move on to other more exciting ventures. He’d hire some young hotshot and in a year or so, the hot shot would leave. “I don’t know why these guys keep leaving, Jerry.” He’d say to me. I told him it’s because he keeps trying to leave, leaving the available successors with the impression that this job wasn’t worth much. Then they’d jump ship. He finally figured out that he had a first class, highly successful company, and was thankful for it and got focused again. The company is doing great now, and he’s hiring far better performers than he’s ever had before.
Another guy I know founded a highly successful state-level news analysis television program, but that wasn’t enough for him. He wanted to start more of them. He imagined sticking pins in a map, until the map was filled with pins. The bone-head got overextended, ran out of money, and had to ask his wife and kids to help him turn the company around. In the end, he became grateful for what he had, and cared for it, and it grew. That last guy, by the way, is me.
Ingratitude, I’d say, is the most common reason for entrepreneurial failure. The studies say that businesses fail because they are undercapitalized, or because they don’t have enough cash flow to pay their debts. But behind those financial indicators, I see a character flaw: an undercapitalized business (if it’s a good business idea) is just a pre-capitalized business. Somebody was unwilling to wait, work and save or sell shares while in their current job for long enough to create the new job.
It’s not just a problem for start-ups. Established businesses suffer from ingratitude as well. After all, debt grows when businesses operating costs grow faster than their customer revenue. The owner ceases to be grateful for his current customers and switches his loyalty away from the real men and women who currently do business with him and toward the imaginary men and women who he hope will do business with him when he makes it big.
When my oldest son was about ten I bought a little plastic toy frog for him. While we were driving home from the store together he started complaining about it. Let me see it, I said. I took it looked it over and said “you’re right, not good enough for you”, and I threw it out the car window. In our house, I told him, when you complain about something, you lose it.
1900 years ago a traveling Rabbi wrote a letter to a small community of Jews who lived in Rome. Rome had, by that time, torn down even the vestigial organs associated with the Republic and had become a full-blooded dictatorial empire. Many philosophers and statesmen offered whispered explanations for the fall of the Republic, but I think the Rabbi’s letter got to the essence of it “They did not acknowledge God, neither were they grateful”. The Romans didn’t really know what they had inherited and therefore when Julius Caesar offered them peace and plenty without toil in exchange for republican legal institutions, they heartily accepted.
The foundation of asset management is gratitude. If you’re grateful for something then you’ll appreciate it; if you appreciate something then you’ll care for it; if you care for something then you will (more than likely) get more of it. In other words, if you show appreciation for the assets under your care, they’ll probably return the favor and show appreciation for you.
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