(by Wendy Widder)
I've got a few unanswered questions about my life. I'd like to know if I'll ever be a homemaker and homeowner. I'd like to know how to sell and buy, as well as manage maintenance on, a car as a single woman. I'd like to know if I'll ever walk down the aisle as the main attraction instead of as a member of the supporting cast. I've discovered, though, that I rarely have to ask questions like this. There are plenty of other people in my life asking them for me.
Click Here
At a church event one evening, I was serving punch, stocking cookie trays, and cleaning up messes, when a mere acquaintance asked one. Punch ladle in hand, attention focused on stirring pink sherbet, I heard his voice. "So, isn't it about time you got married?" Glancing left and right with the desperate hope that he was speaking to anyone else, I slowly looked up. Nope, I was the lucky target, and he hit the bull's-eye.
"Isn't it about time you got married?" He voiced one of those questions that lurks in the heart of every single adult who desires to be married. It resides next to half a dozen others we've been asked over the years--questions for which we either don't have the answers or don't like the answers:
* Do you have a boyfriend?
* You're a nice girl; why aren't you dating anyone?
* How's your love life? [Would you dare ask a married person this?!]
* Are you looking for a husband?
* So, you're still single?
* Do you want to get married?
If you are single, you've fielded most of these and countless other remarks for which any answer seems inadequate. You've probably mastered the courtesy laugh and polite smile, and chances are you're an expert at shifting conversations away from your marital status.
While I laugh at both well-meaning friends and rude acquaintances for asking such bold things, they are really only voicing questions I have in my own head. I just don't ask them because I know there aren't answers.
If I'll marry, who I'll marry, when I'll marry, are some of God's question marks in my life, unknown obstacles in my race. That's the way God planned it. After wrestling repeatedly with these and other questions about singleness, I've resigned myself to the fact that God is the only One who knows the answers, and He's not telling. Most days I can live with that. Not everybody in my life has struggled through these issues, though, and so for them, I sometimes just don't fit into a preconceived mold.
One of my sisters is an expert puzzler. She holds the box in one hand and stirs through it with the other, looking for certain pieces. When she strikes, she's rarely wrong. Her practiced eye knows where pieces fit without even trying them. I love puzzles, too, and while I learned much of my skill from watching my sister, I can't compete with her prowess. I have a knack for picking a piece that looks like it should fit, but no matter how many times I try, it doesn't. I turn it and try again. Nope. I set it down in the corner of the board and when I come back to it, I think all over again that it must fit in that place. Like a dull-witted dog chasing parked cars, I keep putting the same right piece in the same wrong place. It makes no sense to me--how a piece with the right coloring and the right shape just doesn't fit.
To married friends and relatives, singles are sometimes those puzzle pieces. It looks to them as if we should fit in a certain place. In attempts to make us fit, they often ask bold questions. At times they answer their own questions when our responses fall short of what they hoped to hear:
* God has someone very special for you.
* You just wait--your day is coming.
* You'll make somebody a perfect wife.
* He just doesn't know what he's missing.
* You never know who you'll meet.
* I hope you meet someone special; I really want you to be happy.
Begging the forgiveness of my friends and family, I don't have nearly as many problems with the unanswered questions in my life as I do with their answers! I wholeheartedly recognize their good intentions. They never mean to be invasive or rude; they really want only the best for me. I love them for it, and I've learned to laugh at them for it, too.
Like I said, most days I can live with God's absence of answers. But sometimes, I allow myself to listen to the well-meaning advice of bystanders, and I choose to hear their answers above the silence of God. When I filter their pieces of intended encouragement through my emotional sieve, I want to believe them. I want to take their statements as divine wisdom.
Maybe time will prove their words correct in my life, but I can't afford to live with that expectation. If I do, chances are good I will park myself on the side of the road or hoist a heavy bag over my shoulder and squander this leg of the race.
Source: Crosswalk
Monday, March 31, 2008
What is a Woman to do if Her Husband is Using Pornography?
(by Erin Roach)
Resources to help men deal with pornography addictions are common, but how should a woman deal with the devastating pain of knowing her husband has been ensnared in one of Satan’s most lethal traps?
Dr. Rebekah Land, a Southern Baptist psychotherapist in private practice in Nashville, Tenn., told Baptist Press that Internet pornography is considered the "crack cocaine" of pornography these days because it’s so addicting and easily accessible. Pastors are not immune to its deceitful allure, tearing apart families every day.
"It used to be that if a guy wanted to look at pornography he’d have to go to some seedy, XXX theater and watch awful B-grade or C-grade films," Land said.
But today, the most common pornography users wouldn’t dare go to a theater or creepy bookstore; the average man can be swept up and his marriage shattered without even leaving his office.
In this kind of environment, it’s all the more necessary that wives become armed with the knowledge of how to react to such potential infidelity before they’re taken down by despair.
"A lot of times the first thing that happens when a wife finds out, they’re just devastated," Land said. "Before they can even get to what they need to do as far as their husband is concerned, they need to deal with it themselves. They have to deal with the hurt, the devastation, the embarrassment, the anger. It feels like a betrayal, it feels like he’s had an affair. Probably the first thing they have to do is try to get their own head together and identify their feelings and what it means to them."
Land said pornography use is not an instant justification for divorce because God says in His Word to forgive no matter how hard it seems. Situations vary, she said, and something a woman needs to consider is the reason why her husband has turned to pornography.
If the husband’s sin is an indiscretion, Land said, that’s different than if it’s an indication of a pattern of addiction. Some men simply fall into the trap of lusting after multiple women, while for others their addiction is the result of a deeper, lifelong pattern of sin, she said.
"If you uncovered what looked like maybe a lifelong pattern, it would be a little harder to accept that he’s going to get over it because that’s one of the issues," Land said. "The behavior has to stop. So if you realize that he’s got maybe multiple addictions and you didn’t realize he did, if it looks like a pattern that’s been there for years and years -- I’m not saying that justifies you leaving, it’s just realistically you may have a whole lot bigger mountain to climb than somebody else."
Women almost automatically think that if their husbands use pornography it’s because the wife doesn’t measure up physically. But Land said that’s not always the case.
"That may not be what he’s saying. The problem with Internet stuff or just print pornography, what happens is it’s easier to do that than to work at a relationship with your wife," she said. "It’s not necessarily that it’s more satisfying than she is, that may not be what he’s saying. It’s more convenient, a picture doesn’t talk back to you."
One factor that can lead men into pornography use as adults is if they were exposed to it at an early age, Land said.
"If he finds a stack of magazines that his dad has under the bed or in the closet or something, what can happen is that awakens sexual feelings and attaches them to a picture as opposed to a person," she said. "That is a very difficult thing to pry loose."
Land said that in today’s culture pornography is so prevalent that often it’s hard for a woman to notice warning signs that her husband is keeping the secret from her.
"Sometimes what will happen is maybe the husband stays up later and is on the computer or he goes upstairs to his study and the rest of the family is downstairs," she said. "But that wouldn’t necessarily tell you a thing.
"Sometimes you’ll see clues on the surface like maybe it seems like a guy has an eye for women, like he goes to a football game and he’s watching the cheerleaders or he seems to look too long at waitresses, something that tells you there’s an issue there," Land added.
Once a woman realizes that her husband is using pornography and once she gets her own head together, Land said the next step is to confront the husband -- something that will take different forms for different personalities. And if a husband wants to stop his addiction, he must first tell his wife, she said.
"There is no way to start the process of working on that and your wife not know about it," Land said. "But that’s a difficult thing because you know there’s a real possibility that that’s going to blow things open and she’s not going to be too happy with you."
An exception, she said, would be if a woman had been sexually abused as a child and such knowledge of her husband would reopen wounds.
"But in general, he would need to be aboveboard about that and show her the steps that he was going to take and involve her in the process of him overcoming that," she said. "Ideally, if that was dealt with well, they could grow through that just like anything else.
"A lot of times I think when things hit the fan in a marriage, the potential is if they work through whatever it is, the relationship will be stronger than it ever has been because something was wrong that it got to the place where whatever it is happened," Land told BP. "So it was an illusion that they were happy and everything was OK. Everything wasn’t OK."
Some steps toward healing that a couple can take include contacting their pastor and asking him to recommend a reliable Christian therapist. The couple doesn’t even have to tell the pastor what the problem is, Land said, and the therapist can then refer the couple to someone who may specialize in the field of pornography addiction if that therapist does not feel qualified to take them on as patients. By that point, the couple’s names don’t even have to be mentioned, Land said.
From there, a Christian therapist can help the couple walk down the road to recovery. Also, Land recommended two resources couples could consult. The first is a book for women by Marsha Means called "Living with Your Husband’s Secret Wars," and the second is a workbook for men by Mark Laaser titled "Faithful and True: Sexual Integrity in a Fallen World."
The bottom line in guarding a marriage against pornography, Land said, is open and honest communication between a husband and wife.
"Very often it’s the nature of this kind of thing to be secret. So if you had a marriage where it felt safe to be vulnerable or safe to acknowledge what was going on with you or struggles that you were having, that would be ideal," Land said.
It also wouldn’t hurt for a husband to do all he can to avoid images that could cause him to lust, she added, because today’s culture is saturated with sensuality.
"It’s a matter of having a filter on your computer, not watching certain programs, not going to certain movies and not thinking that you’re not susceptible to it," Land said.
Source: Crosswalk
Resources to help men deal with pornography addictions are common, but how should a woman deal with the devastating pain of knowing her husband has been ensnared in one of Satan’s most lethal traps?
Dr. Rebekah Land, a Southern Baptist psychotherapist in private practice in Nashville, Tenn., told Baptist Press that Internet pornography is considered the "crack cocaine" of pornography these days because it’s so addicting and easily accessible. Pastors are not immune to its deceitful allure, tearing apart families every day.
"It used to be that if a guy wanted to look at pornography he’d have to go to some seedy, XXX theater and watch awful B-grade or C-grade films," Land said.
But today, the most common pornography users wouldn’t dare go to a theater or creepy bookstore; the average man can be swept up and his marriage shattered without even leaving his office.
In this kind of environment, it’s all the more necessary that wives become armed with the knowledge of how to react to such potential infidelity before they’re taken down by despair.
"A lot of times the first thing that happens when a wife finds out, they’re just devastated," Land said. "Before they can even get to what they need to do as far as their husband is concerned, they need to deal with it themselves. They have to deal with the hurt, the devastation, the embarrassment, the anger. It feels like a betrayal, it feels like he’s had an affair. Probably the first thing they have to do is try to get their own head together and identify their feelings and what it means to them."
Land said pornography use is not an instant justification for divorce because God says in His Word to forgive no matter how hard it seems. Situations vary, she said, and something a woman needs to consider is the reason why her husband has turned to pornography.
If the husband’s sin is an indiscretion, Land said, that’s different than if it’s an indication of a pattern of addiction. Some men simply fall into the trap of lusting after multiple women, while for others their addiction is the result of a deeper, lifelong pattern of sin, she said.
"If you uncovered what looked like maybe a lifelong pattern, it would be a little harder to accept that he’s going to get over it because that’s one of the issues," Land said. "The behavior has to stop. So if you realize that he’s got maybe multiple addictions and you didn’t realize he did, if it looks like a pattern that’s been there for years and years -- I’m not saying that justifies you leaving, it’s just realistically you may have a whole lot bigger mountain to climb than somebody else."
Women almost automatically think that if their husbands use pornography it’s because the wife doesn’t measure up physically. But Land said that’s not always the case.
"That may not be what he’s saying. The problem with Internet stuff or just print pornography, what happens is it’s easier to do that than to work at a relationship with your wife," she said. "It’s not necessarily that it’s more satisfying than she is, that may not be what he’s saying. It’s more convenient, a picture doesn’t talk back to you."
One factor that can lead men into pornography use as adults is if they were exposed to it at an early age, Land said.
"If he finds a stack of magazines that his dad has under the bed or in the closet or something, what can happen is that awakens sexual feelings and attaches them to a picture as opposed to a person," she said. "That is a very difficult thing to pry loose."
Land said that in today’s culture pornography is so prevalent that often it’s hard for a woman to notice warning signs that her husband is keeping the secret from her.
"Sometimes what will happen is maybe the husband stays up later and is on the computer or he goes upstairs to his study and the rest of the family is downstairs," she said. "But that wouldn’t necessarily tell you a thing.
"Sometimes you’ll see clues on the surface like maybe it seems like a guy has an eye for women, like he goes to a football game and he’s watching the cheerleaders or he seems to look too long at waitresses, something that tells you there’s an issue there," Land added.
Once a woman realizes that her husband is using pornography and once she gets her own head together, Land said the next step is to confront the husband -- something that will take different forms for different personalities. And if a husband wants to stop his addiction, he must first tell his wife, she said.
"There is no way to start the process of working on that and your wife not know about it," Land said. "But that’s a difficult thing because you know there’s a real possibility that that’s going to blow things open and she’s not going to be too happy with you."
An exception, she said, would be if a woman had been sexually abused as a child and such knowledge of her husband would reopen wounds.
"But in general, he would need to be aboveboard about that and show her the steps that he was going to take and involve her in the process of him overcoming that," she said. "Ideally, if that was dealt with well, they could grow through that just like anything else.
"A lot of times I think when things hit the fan in a marriage, the potential is if they work through whatever it is, the relationship will be stronger than it ever has been because something was wrong that it got to the place where whatever it is happened," Land told BP. "So it was an illusion that they were happy and everything was OK. Everything wasn’t OK."
Some steps toward healing that a couple can take include contacting their pastor and asking him to recommend a reliable Christian therapist. The couple doesn’t even have to tell the pastor what the problem is, Land said, and the therapist can then refer the couple to someone who may specialize in the field of pornography addiction if that therapist does not feel qualified to take them on as patients. By that point, the couple’s names don’t even have to be mentioned, Land said.
From there, a Christian therapist can help the couple walk down the road to recovery. Also, Land recommended two resources couples could consult. The first is a book for women by Marsha Means called "Living with Your Husband’s Secret Wars," and the second is a workbook for men by Mark Laaser titled "Faithful and True: Sexual Integrity in a Fallen World."
The bottom line in guarding a marriage against pornography, Land said, is open and honest communication between a husband and wife.
"Very often it’s the nature of this kind of thing to be secret. So if you had a marriage where it felt safe to be vulnerable or safe to acknowledge what was going on with you or struggles that you were having, that would be ideal," Land said.
It also wouldn’t hurt for a husband to do all he can to avoid images that could cause him to lust, she added, because today’s culture is saturated with sensuality.
"It’s a matter of having a filter on your computer, not watching certain programs, not going to certain movies and not thinking that you’re not susceptible to it," Land said.
Source: Crosswalk
Christ: The True Source of Women's Liberation
(Dr. Janice Shaw Crouse)
Nearly 40 years ago, the so-called “women’s movement” took by storm and we still see flotsam wash ashore from the shattered lives of women who crash their lives on the shoals of faulty reasoning about the path to power. Far too many women find that their grasping attempts to seize power lead not to self-actualization but disillusionment and cynicism. In the wake of their frustration, ordinary women who want simple respect, dignity and fulfillment find it in their faith and in their homes, families, careers, and communities. Without faith, they are left to lead lives of quiet, or not so quiet, desperation.
Click Here
For a cadre of elites, “feminism” becomes a rallying cry to crush “patriarchy” as the source of women’s problems and to champion all women as “victims.” These views quickly coalesce into an extremist agenda that is both radically chic and politically correct. Even today, the early views of Gloria Steinem influence college coeds.
Steinem, though eventually she married, used to say, “You become a semi-nonperson when you get married.” She also talked about married women being “part-time prostitutes” and called marital bedrooms “settings for nighttime rape.” Steinem, also a champion of women’s “reproductive choice,” had an abortion just out of college and remains childless. One of her personal friends told me that she said, “Once I realized that I wanted children, it was too late.” Now she is dabbling in Wicca and seeking to find spiritual “fulfillment” in a “coven” of likeminded women.
Steinem’s own divergence from the values she lauded for over 30 years should be a red flag to any person who looks for life’s meaning in the principles she so adamantly and forcefully paraded before women for three decades. Yet sadly, her popularity among college student remains high; she regularly fills up auditoriums when she is scheduled to speak and her increasingly more outrageous and radical ideas remain influential.
We have to ask: Why do the messages of self-absorption and personal power resonate so profoundly? Why are feminists still celebrated when their lives and messages have not stood the tests of time?
According to conventional wisdom, women have been an oppressed class throughout much of history. There is no denying the truth in this characterization. But then how do we explain the seemingly contradictory sayings: “Never underestimate the power of a woman,” and “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world?”
History is replete with examples of women who have had a powerful impact on the world around them. And, amazingly few of these powerful women have held positions of status and worldly power.
Motherhood today is often disdained. Mothers report feeling disrespected or patronized. But witness the books that have been written and the monuments erected in homage to the influence of mothers whose children grew up to change the world.
Radical feminists have argued for decades that a woman’s search for power and her struggle for equality can only be satisfied externally -- in the marketplace, in relationships, in monetary terms. Phrases like “my goals,” “my body,” and “my self-fulfillment” run like threads through most radical feminist writings.
Click Here
In our modern culture, many women consider self-fulfillment a basic entitlement. The concept of “doing your own thing” has been lifted to the level of a constitutional right or a theological truth.
As a result, many are engaged in a relentless pursuit of pleasure and self-fulfillment, or domination and oppression, or of simply trying to live life on their own terms regardless of the consequences or personal costs.
It’s a seductive, fruitless philosophy that confounds and often ensnares women -- sometimes even the most ardent women of faith.
Jesus demonstrated that all “power and authority” belong to Him. Nothing could be clearer: any philosophy or form of deceptive thinking which places self at the center instead of adopting the servant’s posture modeled by Christ -- the One who humbled Himself and washed the feet of His disciples, disciples who called Him “Master” -- is diametrically opposed to the wisdom of God and doomed to fail.
Betty Friedan’s biographer asserts that prior to Friedan and the women’s movement, “women celebrated in American history books were footnotes.” While there is truth in that observation, the problem, of course, is in the writing of the history books, not in the accomplishments of women.
As surprising as it may seem to some, radical feminists did not invent the idea of the powerful women. God did!
Long before Betty Friedan or Gloria Steinem brought their definitions to bear on who we are as women, God raised up women who exemplified His definition of a woman’s true strength and power. Women don’t have to rant and roar; through Him, we are all overcomers. God gave women the power to soar!
And, long before there was any kind of feminism, Jesus established real women’s liberation. Paul wrote to the Galations emphasizing that through faith we all now share in God’s glorious new covenant that provides freedom for those who believe: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female: for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
Source: Crosswalk
Nearly 40 years ago, the so-called “women’s movement” took by storm and we still see flotsam wash ashore from the shattered lives of women who crash their lives on the shoals of faulty reasoning about the path to power. Far too many women find that their grasping attempts to seize power lead not to self-actualization but disillusionment and cynicism. In the wake of their frustration, ordinary women who want simple respect, dignity and fulfillment find it in their faith and in their homes, families, careers, and communities. Without faith, they are left to lead lives of quiet, or not so quiet, desperation.
Click Here
For a cadre of elites, “feminism” becomes a rallying cry to crush “patriarchy” as the source of women’s problems and to champion all women as “victims.” These views quickly coalesce into an extremist agenda that is both radically chic and politically correct. Even today, the early views of Gloria Steinem influence college coeds.
Steinem, though eventually she married, used to say, “You become a semi-nonperson when you get married.” She also talked about married women being “part-time prostitutes” and called marital bedrooms “settings for nighttime rape.” Steinem, also a champion of women’s “reproductive choice,” had an abortion just out of college and remains childless. One of her personal friends told me that she said, “Once I realized that I wanted children, it was too late.” Now she is dabbling in Wicca and seeking to find spiritual “fulfillment” in a “coven” of likeminded women.
Steinem’s own divergence from the values she lauded for over 30 years should be a red flag to any person who looks for life’s meaning in the principles she so adamantly and forcefully paraded before women for three decades. Yet sadly, her popularity among college student remains high; she regularly fills up auditoriums when she is scheduled to speak and her increasingly more outrageous and radical ideas remain influential.
We have to ask: Why do the messages of self-absorption and personal power resonate so profoundly? Why are feminists still celebrated when their lives and messages have not stood the tests of time?
According to conventional wisdom, women have been an oppressed class throughout much of history. There is no denying the truth in this characterization. But then how do we explain the seemingly contradictory sayings: “Never underestimate the power of a woman,” and “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world?”
History is replete with examples of women who have had a powerful impact on the world around them. And, amazingly few of these powerful women have held positions of status and worldly power.
Motherhood today is often disdained. Mothers report feeling disrespected or patronized. But witness the books that have been written and the monuments erected in homage to the influence of mothers whose children grew up to change the world.
Radical feminists have argued for decades that a woman’s search for power and her struggle for equality can only be satisfied externally -- in the marketplace, in relationships, in monetary terms. Phrases like “my goals,” “my body,” and “my self-fulfillment” run like threads through most radical feminist writings.
Click Here
In our modern culture, many women consider self-fulfillment a basic entitlement. The concept of “doing your own thing” has been lifted to the level of a constitutional right or a theological truth.
As a result, many are engaged in a relentless pursuit of pleasure and self-fulfillment, or domination and oppression, or of simply trying to live life on their own terms regardless of the consequences or personal costs.
It’s a seductive, fruitless philosophy that confounds and often ensnares women -- sometimes even the most ardent women of faith.
Jesus demonstrated that all “power and authority” belong to Him. Nothing could be clearer: any philosophy or form of deceptive thinking which places self at the center instead of adopting the servant’s posture modeled by Christ -- the One who humbled Himself and washed the feet of His disciples, disciples who called Him “Master” -- is diametrically opposed to the wisdom of God and doomed to fail.
Betty Friedan’s biographer asserts that prior to Friedan and the women’s movement, “women celebrated in American history books were footnotes.” While there is truth in that observation, the problem, of course, is in the writing of the history books, not in the accomplishments of women.
As surprising as it may seem to some, radical feminists did not invent the idea of the powerful women. God did!
Long before Betty Friedan or Gloria Steinem brought their definitions to bear on who we are as women, God raised up women who exemplified His definition of a woman’s true strength and power. Women don’t have to rant and roar; through Him, we are all overcomers. God gave women the power to soar!
And, long before there was any kind of feminism, Jesus established real women’s liberation. Paul wrote to the Galations emphasizing that through faith we all now share in God’s glorious new covenant that provides freedom for those who believe: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female: for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
Source: Crosswalk
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
All The Pretty Girls
(Natalie Llyod)
Have you ever had a moment when you felt like you were standing outside looking in through a tiny window at the rest of the world? I felt that way in junior high. Looking back, I wouldn’t describe myself as popular or unpopular — just neutral. Writing, drama and public- speaking competitions provided the perfect opportunity for me to go wild with creativity. I made good grades and sat with the same friends at lunch every day. But what made me different from my classmates was that I was just learning to walk.
I was born with a rare bone disease called osteogenesis imperfecta (OI). The disease comes in several different forms and severities. At its worst, those who have it can hardly put a sock on without breaking their ankle. My form of OI is mild. I had about 13 fractures by the time I was 11. Thanks to a few years of physical therapy, you probably wouldn’t look at me now and know I have a disability. Back then it was different. Junior high was when my breaks stopped and when I started walking.
A Walk to Remember
I can remember everything about the day I really felt like I was staring in at the rest of the world. I was using a walker, and despite the balance it helped me attain, I was still a bit wobbly. Walking is harder than you think! As I reached the door of my classroom I heard a girl say, “She walks like a duck.”
As soon as I heard the words, every part of me wanted to burst into tears. The two girls watching me started laughing, which only made it hurt worse. I couldn’t think of anything for the rest of the day. Suddenly, I hated my body. I hated the scars on my legs and the slight twist at my knee from years of breaking. I wasn’t focused on the good anymore — that I was walking, that someday my walk would probably be close to normal, that a few little setbacks could never match the freedom I felt. All I could think was that I looked like a freak and no one would love me unless I was perfect. I obsessed over more than just my body; I started thinking of everything I could change about my face. I wanted to cover my freckles. I tried using lip liner to make my lips bigger or my eyes a little smaller. I never smiled because of the tiny space between my teeth. I hated pictures. I was convinced I was totally ugly and spent hours in front of my mirror in tears wishing I could be anybody but me.
Pretty Girls
I’d love to say that this story’s happy ending is that I’m a total knockout with a major high confidence. Neither of those is entirely accurate. Actually, I look pretty normal. I’m 5 feet tall with reddish-brown hair and usually have a cute haircut. My weight is normal. I like to play with makeup and have always been into fashion, but the way I dress certainly isn’t magazine worthy. Like every other girl I’ve ever known, getting past the awkwardness of junior high helped me find my own unique way to be pretty. Most days, I’m OK with myself.
I had to learn a long time ago my body would never be “perfect.” We live in a world obsessed with look-a-like plastic appeal. The real us — the quirks that make us beautiful in the first place — just don’t measure up with the photos we breeze through in magazines or the actresses we watch every night. We go to crazy lengths to lose or gain weight and to add or take away height. One makeup artist says her favorite features to play up on young women are freckles, strong noses and big lips. Instead of loving those quirks, we try to cover or change them.
I’m learning an interesting concept, though. In reality, anyone can be pretty. Before and after photos aren’t hard to achieve. On the other hand, I’m convinced that there are only a few truly beautiful women in the world. I want to be one of those. Sure they care about their appearance, but they’re more concerned with living an amazing life. They naturally make people feel at ease. They have the kind of personality that draws people in, that isn’t rude. They can be confident without being cocky. They’re cool with doing their own thing — whether it’s marching in the band, collecting rocks from cool places, going to concerts, working on their three- pointers or treating every customer on the other side of the counter like he or she is important. They know how to dress and that modesty and chic can indeed go hand in hand. They’re not obsessed with their jean size.
They’re all about denying themselves and serving other people, whether they’re playing with kids in a tribe along the Amazon River or going out of their way at church to talk to someone new. They dig into God’s Word. They don’t just tote their Bible around for fun; they use it. They memorize it. They go to it for answers.
Ultimately, beautiful girls know how loved they are by God and that gives them the kind of joy and security that shows. Beautiful girls rise above the fake, plastic kind of pretty our world is obsessed with, and they choose something far more wonderful and mysterious: a heart like Jesus’.
Girl Talk
If we could go get a café mocha together, I’d tell you this: You aren’t pretty. You’re beautiful. I love to get letters from Brio readers, and some of the most mind-boggling ones come from girls who aren’t happy with how they look. They usually send a picture, and without fail, they’re gorgeous. You don’t have to do anything, buy anything or change anything to achieve it. You’re there! We just need to start believing that what God says about us is completely true.
I’ve learned that if I spend so much time obsessing over what’s in the mirror, I miss out on the amazing adventure God has for me. If I get too obsessed with myself, I fail to see what He’s doing around me. I wonder how it breaks His heart when we stare in the mirror and call His creation worthless. On the other hand, when I’m spending time with Him every day, I’m thankful for the body He’s given me. I’m actually proud of the scars I have because they remind me of a special journey He and I took together.
It should be enough to know that He dreamed us up in His mind; that He looks at us with total love and adoration; that He loves our laugh, the hump in our nose and the way we love on hurting people. He loved us so much He died in our place — an act too beautiful for words.
Forget the fake plastic smiles and obsession with your jean size. Let’s pursue something more. In the moments you feel alone, He’s holding you close. The face you look at and want to change is a face that fills Him with joy and pride. Pretty girls come and go; beautiful girls leave a legacy. God calls us beautiful. Let’s believe what He says.
(By the way, I would never dream of covering my freckles now. I think they’re way too cute.)
Source: Briomag
Have you ever had a moment when you felt like you were standing outside looking in through a tiny window at the rest of the world? I felt that way in junior high. Looking back, I wouldn’t describe myself as popular or unpopular — just neutral. Writing, drama and public- speaking competitions provided the perfect opportunity for me to go wild with creativity. I made good grades and sat with the same friends at lunch every day. But what made me different from my classmates was that I was just learning to walk.
I was born with a rare bone disease called osteogenesis imperfecta (OI). The disease comes in several different forms and severities. At its worst, those who have it can hardly put a sock on without breaking their ankle. My form of OI is mild. I had about 13 fractures by the time I was 11. Thanks to a few years of physical therapy, you probably wouldn’t look at me now and know I have a disability. Back then it was different. Junior high was when my breaks stopped and when I started walking.
A Walk to Remember
I can remember everything about the day I really felt like I was staring in at the rest of the world. I was using a walker, and despite the balance it helped me attain, I was still a bit wobbly. Walking is harder than you think! As I reached the door of my classroom I heard a girl say, “She walks like a duck.”
As soon as I heard the words, every part of me wanted to burst into tears. The two girls watching me started laughing, which only made it hurt worse. I couldn’t think of anything for the rest of the day. Suddenly, I hated my body. I hated the scars on my legs and the slight twist at my knee from years of breaking. I wasn’t focused on the good anymore — that I was walking, that someday my walk would probably be close to normal, that a few little setbacks could never match the freedom I felt. All I could think was that I looked like a freak and no one would love me unless I was perfect. I obsessed over more than just my body; I started thinking of everything I could change about my face. I wanted to cover my freckles. I tried using lip liner to make my lips bigger or my eyes a little smaller. I never smiled because of the tiny space between my teeth. I hated pictures. I was convinced I was totally ugly and spent hours in front of my mirror in tears wishing I could be anybody but me.
Pretty Girls
I’d love to say that this story’s happy ending is that I’m a total knockout with a major high confidence. Neither of those is entirely accurate. Actually, I look pretty normal. I’m 5 feet tall with reddish-brown hair and usually have a cute haircut. My weight is normal. I like to play with makeup and have always been into fashion, but the way I dress certainly isn’t magazine worthy. Like every other girl I’ve ever known, getting past the awkwardness of junior high helped me find my own unique way to be pretty. Most days, I’m OK with myself.
I had to learn a long time ago my body would never be “perfect.” We live in a world obsessed with look-a-like plastic appeal. The real us — the quirks that make us beautiful in the first place — just don’t measure up with the photos we breeze through in magazines or the actresses we watch every night. We go to crazy lengths to lose or gain weight and to add or take away height. One makeup artist says her favorite features to play up on young women are freckles, strong noses and big lips. Instead of loving those quirks, we try to cover or change them.
I’m learning an interesting concept, though. In reality, anyone can be pretty. Before and after photos aren’t hard to achieve. On the other hand, I’m convinced that there are only a few truly beautiful women in the world. I want to be one of those. Sure they care about their appearance, but they’re more concerned with living an amazing life. They naturally make people feel at ease. They have the kind of personality that draws people in, that isn’t rude. They can be confident without being cocky. They’re cool with doing their own thing — whether it’s marching in the band, collecting rocks from cool places, going to concerts, working on their three- pointers or treating every customer on the other side of the counter like he or she is important. They know how to dress and that modesty and chic can indeed go hand in hand. They’re not obsessed with their jean size.
They’re all about denying themselves and serving other people, whether they’re playing with kids in a tribe along the Amazon River or going out of their way at church to talk to someone new. They dig into God’s Word. They don’t just tote their Bible around for fun; they use it. They memorize it. They go to it for answers.
Ultimately, beautiful girls know how loved they are by God and that gives them the kind of joy and security that shows. Beautiful girls rise above the fake, plastic kind of pretty our world is obsessed with, and they choose something far more wonderful and mysterious: a heart like Jesus’.
Girl Talk
If we could go get a café mocha together, I’d tell you this: You aren’t pretty. You’re beautiful. I love to get letters from Brio readers, and some of the most mind-boggling ones come from girls who aren’t happy with how they look. They usually send a picture, and without fail, they’re gorgeous. You don’t have to do anything, buy anything or change anything to achieve it. You’re there! We just need to start believing that what God says about us is completely true.
I’ve learned that if I spend so much time obsessing over what’s in the mirror, I miss out on the amazing adventure God has for me. If I get too obsessed with myself, I fail to see what He’s doing around me. I wonder how it breaks His heart when we stare in the mirror and call His creation worthless. On the other hand, when I’m spending time with Him every day, I’m thankful for the body He’s given me. I’m actually proud of the scars I have because they remind me of a special journey He and I took together.
It should be enough to know that He dreamed us up in His mind; that He looks at us with total love and adoration; that He loves our laugh, the hump in our nose and the way we love on hurting people. He loved us so much He died in our place — an act too beautiful for words.
Forget the fake plastic smiles and obsession with your jean size. Let’s pursue something more. In the moments you feel alone, He’s holding you close. The face you look at and want to change is a face that fills Him with joy and pride. Pretty girls come and go; beautiful girls leave a legacy. God calls us beautiful. Let’s believe what He says.
(By the way, I would never dream of covering my freckles now. I think they’re way too cute.)
Source: Briomag
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Beauty Tips
Below is a wonderful poem Audrey Hepburn wrote
when asked to share her "beauty tips."
It was read at her funeral years later.
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness...
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone...
People, even more than things, have to be restored,
renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed;
never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older,you will discover that you have two hands;
one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.
If you share this with another woman,
something good will happen.
You will boost another woman's self esteem,
and she will know that you care about her
Love, Hugs, and Blessings...
when asked to share her "beauty tips."
It was read at her funeral years later.
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness...
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone...
People, even more than things, have to be restored,
renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed;
never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older,you will discover that you have two hands;
one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.
If you share this with another woman,
something good will happen.
You will boost another woman's self esteem,
and she will know that you care about her
Love, Hugs, and Blessings...
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