(by Joel Osteen)
Years ago I went into a government building that had two sets of double doors spaced about fifteen feet apart. The doors opened automatically as I approached, but for security reasons, when I went through the first set of doors, I had to let them close tightly before the next set of doors would open in front of me. As long as I stayed at the first set of doors, the second set would not open.
In many ways, life operates in a manner similar to those automatic doors. You have to let go of your disappointments, let go of your failures, and let those doors totally close behind you. Step forward into the future that God has for you, knowing there’s nothing you can do about past disappointments. You cannot change the past, but you can do something about the future. What’s in front of you is far more important than what is behind you. Where you are going is more significant than where you came from or where you have been.
If you will have the right attitude, you will give birth to more in the future than you’ve lost in the past. Quit looking back. This is a new day. It may seem like your dreams have died, but God can resurrect your dead dreams or give you brand-new ones. He is a supernatural God, and when we believe, all things are possible.
You will give birth to more in the future than you’ve lost in the past.
God has not given up on you; He knows that He put seeds of greatness in you. You have something to offer that nobody else has. He’s given you noble dreams and desires. Too often, however, we allow adversities, disappointments, and setbacks to deter us, and before long, we find that we’re not pressing forward anymore. We’re not stretching; we’re not believing we will rise any higher in life.
Ironically, some of the most gifted, talented people go through some of the most unfair, unfortunate experiences: divorce, abuse, neglect. And it’s easy for such a person to think, Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve any of this?
Unfortunately, the enemy knows something about what’s on the inside of you as well. He knows the potential you’re carrying, so he does everything he can to keep that seed from taking root. He doesn’t want your gifts and talents to flourish. He doesn’t want you to accomplish your dreams. He wants you to live an average, mediocre life.
But understand this: God did not create any person without putting something extremely valuable on the inside. Life may have tried to push you down through disappointments or setbacks. In the natural, you don’t know how you could rise any higher. You don’t see how you’re ever going to be happy. You need to dig your heels in and say, “I know what I have on the inside. I’m a child of the Most High God. I’m full of His ‘can-do’ power, and I’m going to rise up to become everything God has created me to be.”
The apostle Paul urged his young understudy Timothy, “Stir up the gift within you.” Similarly, you need to stir up your gifts, talents, dreams and desires—in short, the potential within you. Maybe these qualities and traits are buried beneath depression and discouragement, negative voices of people telling you that you can’t; beneath weaknesses; beneath failures or fears. But the good things of God are still there. Now you’ve got to do your part and start digging them out.
Source: Joyce Meyer Magz
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Conflict Free Living: Choose Life
All of us have experienced some disappointments in life. And some of us have experienced greater levels of disappointments when we’ve been involved in a natural or personal form of disaster. In every instance, it’s up to us how we will respond—it’s our choice. The Bible says, I have set before you life and death…choose life (Deuteronomy 30:19).
You may be thinking, How can I choose when these things just happen? People don’t ask to be disappointed or involved in disasters. And yes, it’s true that most of the time people don’t choose to be involved in hurtful circumstances. However, they do occur and these experiences bring death into our lives—physical, spiritual or emotional. And if we sit on the sidelines thinking we have no choice, we may lose even more than we realize. If you and I don’t purposefully choose life, death can continue to spread in our lives until it affects our spiritual life, health and personal relationships.
When Life Takes a Detour
Several years ago, I suddenly found myself in a situation that required me to make a decision between life and death. It was time for my yearly physical, and I resisted going because I’d rather spend my time doing something else. However, Dave was adamant that I go, and my visit included a mammogram.
The day after the examination, I was notified that my doctor had seen something on the test that looked suspicious. He wanted me to return for a biopsy. But I didn’t want to do that either, and once again, my husband insisted I have it checked out. So with full expectation that everything was fine, I went for the biopsy. We prayed, believed God, and asked several others to pray with us. I continued my daily routines and believed there would be a good report from the doctor. But when I returned home one day from an outing, I found a note telling me to call the doctor immediately. When I called, he told me that I had a tumor of a very fast-growing type of cancer and advised me to have surgery as soon as possible to remove my breast. Now, this report was not good, and it was not what I had been expecting.
Dave and I sought God and prayed. For me, the easiest thing to do would have been to trust God and not have the recommended surgery. But that wasn’t the way God was leading me or my entire family. My husband, all four of my children, and a handful of close friends all agreed that I should have the surgery. It was definitely not the route I wanted to take.
Be Grounded in the Word
During this situation, fear started to grip me so strong at times that it almost knocked me down, and my mind started to battle negative thoughts. I was tempted to doubt God’s love for me, to doubt His integrity, and to doubt my own self-worth. The devil tried to convince me that I had to try and figure out the situation by myself. He put questions in my mind like, What have I done wrong? Why has God let this happen? Did God let it happen, or did I open a door for the devil?
These bombarding thoughts were attacks from hell and each one was designed to weaken my faith in God. The devil was trying to get me to be in conflict with God. Gratefully, I was rooted and grounded in Christ, His Word, and in His love for me. It’s important for you and me to be established in Christ, especially when we go through times like these. And that means being prepared ahead of time because usually, we have no warning as to when these challenges will come into our lives.
And when I say “established in Christ,” I don’t mean “established in ministry.” Unfortunately, I believe there are many who minister to others, yet are not rooted and grounded themselves in the very principles they teach. It is easy to tell someone else what to do during a difficult time, but it is another thing entirely to do it yourself in your own distresses.
Do What You Say
Throughout this time God told me, “Joyce, do what you would tell someone else to do in the same situation.” So I had to stop and ask myself, “What would I tell someone else to do in this exact same situation?” And I knew what I would tell them to do. I would say, “Trust God! Don’t try to figure it out. Ask God to reveal to you anything He may want you to see, but if He shows you nothing, remain at peace and walk it out.” I would also say, “It will all work out for good in the end if you don’t give up. Be positive, give praise and continue to be a blessing to others.”
I taught the evening before I went into the hospital. And as recommended by my doctor, family and friends, I did have the surgery and recovered much faster than my doctor had expected. I even stopped at the shopping mall on the way home from the hospital to buy clothing suitable for my recovery. Two weeks after surgery I ministered at an all-day Christmas banquet where I taught twice.
Because I chose life, I kept my joy. My family and I walked it out step-by-step and trusted that God was in charge. When all the test results came back, the report stated, “No more cancer. No problem with lymph nodes. No radiation or chemotherapy needed.” And even though I spent the next year preparing for reconstructive surgery, I didn’t miss any of my scheduled meetings, my routine stayed normal, and God was able to work mightily through my situation.
He provided born-again, Spirit-filled doctors and nurses at every phase of my surgery. I also experienced a tremendous display of love from the body of Christ and learned a new dependence on God that I wouldn’t have learned without going through this difficult circumstance.
Resist Conflict
Still, I can’t answer why God allowed me to go through this experience because I don’t know why. First Corinthians 13:12 tells us that we can only know in part. But I’m grateful that it’s not up to me to figure it out. The cancer in my body was a portion of death, but I didn’t have to let it spread more death in my life by becoming angry with God. His grace was there for me to choose life and resist strife, and as a result, my life moved forward in God.
And cancer isn’t the only death that can try to take hold of our lives. There’s also bitterness about adultery, divorce, death, lack, childlessness, miscarriage, abuse and more. If circumstances have opened the doorway to more death in your life, run to God—not away from Him. Trust Him and He will give you His peace that can carry you through any situation.
What a wonderful privilege it is to trust God! And when unfortunate things come into our lives, even though we don’t have control over every circumstance, we can control our reactions to them. We can resist conflict with God and choose life.
Source: Joyce Meyer Magz
You may be thinking, How can I choose when these things just happen? People don’t ask to be disappointed or involved in disasters. And yes, it’s true that most of the time people don’t choose to be involved in hurtful circumstances. However, they do occur and these experiences bring death into our lives—physical, spiritual or emotional. And if we sit on the sidelines thinking we have no choice, we may lose even more than we realize. If you and I don’t purposefully choose life, death can continue to spread in our lives until it affects our spiritual life, health and personal relationships.
When Life Takes a Detour
Several years ago, I suddenly found myself in a situation that required me to make a decision between life and death. It was time for my yearly physical, and I resisted going because I’d rather spend my time doing something else. However, Dave was adamant that I go, and my visit included a mammogram.
The day after the examination, I was notified that my doctor had seen something on the test that looked suspicious. He wanted me to return for a biopsy. But I didn’t want to do that either, and once again, my husband insisted I have it checked out. So with full expectation that everything was fine, I went for the biopsy. We prayed, believed God, and asked several others to pray with us. I continued my daily routines and believed there would be a good report from the doctor. But when I returned home one day from an outing, I found a note telling me to call the doctor immediately. When I called, he told me that I had a tumor of a very fast-growing type of cancer and advised me to have surgery as soon as possible to remove my breast. Now, this report was not good, and it was not what I had been expecting.
Dave and I sought God and prayed. For me, the easiest thing to do would have been to trust God and not have the recommended surgery. But that wasn’t the way God was leading me or my entire family. My husband, all four of my children, and a handful of close friends all agreed that I should have the surgery. It was definitely not the route I wanted to take.
Be Grounded in the Word
During this situation, fear started to grip me so strong at times that it almost knocked me down, and my mind started to battle negative thoughts. I was tempted to doubt God’s love for me, to doubt His integrity, and to doubt my own self-worth. The devil tried to convince me that I had to try and figure out the situation by myself. He put questions in my mind like, What have I done wrong? Why has God let this happen? Did God let it happen, or did I open a door for the devil?
These bombarding thoughts were attacks from hell and each one was designed to weaken my faith in God. The devil was trying to get me to be in conflict with God. Gratefully, I was rooted and grounded in Christ, His Word, and in His love for me. It’s important for you and me to be established in Christ, especially when we go through times like these. And that means being prepared ahead of time because usually, we have no warning as to when these challenges will come into our lives.
And when I say “established in Christ,” I don’t mean “established in ministry.” Unfortunately, I believe there are many who minister to others, yet are not rooted and grounded themselves in the very principles they teach. It is easy to tell someone else what to do during a difficult time, but it is another thing entirely to do it yourself in your own distresses.
Do What You Say
Throughout this time God told me, “Joyce, do what you would tell someone else to do in the same situation.” So I had to stop and ask myself, “What would I tell someone else to do in this exact same situation?” And I knew what I would tell them to do. I would say, “Trust God! Don’t try to figure it out. Ask God to reveal to you anything He may want you to see, but if He shows you nothing, remain at peace and walk it out.” I would also say, “It will all work out for good in the end if you don’t give up. Be positive, give praise and continue to be a blessing to others.”
I taught the evening before I went into the hospital. And as recommended by my doctor, family and friends, I did have the surgery and recovered much faster than my doctor had expected. I even stopped at the shopping mall on the way home from the hospital to buy clothing suitable for my recovery. Two weeks after surgery I ministered at an all-day Christmas banquet where I taught twice.
Because I chose life, I kept my joy. My family and I walked it out step-by-step and trusted that God was in charge. When all the test results came back, the report stated, “No more cancer. No problem with lymph nodes. No radiation or chemotherapy needed.” And even though I spent the next year preparing for reconstructive surgery, I didn’t miss any of my scheduled meetings, my routine stayed normal, and God was able to work mightily through my situation.
He provided born-again, Spirit-filled doctors and nurses at every phase of my surgery. I also experienced a tremendous display of love from the body of Christ and learned a new dependence on God that I wouldn’t have learned without going through this difficult circumstance.
Resist Conflict
Still, I can’t answer why God allowed me to go through this experience because I don’t know why. First Corinthians 13:12 tells us that we can only know in part. But I’m grateful that it’s not up to me to figure it out. The cancer in my body was a portion of death, but I didn’t have to let it spread more death in my life by becoming angry with God. His grace was there for me to choose life and resist strife, and as a result, my life moved forward in God.
And cancer isn’t the only death that can try to take hold of our lives. There’s also bitterness about adultery, divorce, death, lack, childlessness, miscarriage, abuse and more. If circumstances have opened the doorway to more death in your life, run to God—not away from Him. Trust Him and He will give you His peace that can carry you through any situation.
What a wonderful privilege it is to trust God! And when unfortunate things come into our lives, even though we don’t have control over every circumstance, we can control our reactions to them. We can resist conflict with God and choose life.
Source: Joyce Meyer Magz
I Think I Can...
(by Linda Mintle)
Don't let negative self-talk control who you are.
We are told in Scripture to be anxious about nothing (see Philippians 4:6). This directive is more than a simple request from God. It is something God believes we can actually attain! With that said, many of us really don’t believe that we can walk in God’s peace—free from anxiety. We have too many thoughts that trouble us and cause us to worry. With God’s help, we can change our way of thinking.
When I ask a worrier what they are thinking, the reply is usually, “I just feel anxious. I’m not thinking anything.” Wrong answer! You may not be aware of it, but you have thoughts behind those anxious feelings.
Negative self-talk is usually the culprit behind anxious feelings, and those negative thoughts cause us to be anxious. When we feel anxious, we see our world in a more negative light. That negative light affects our thoughts. This vicious cycle keeps anxiety going.
In order to stop anxiety, you’ve got to learn to take anxious thoughts captive. You can do this by “grabbing” an anxious thought and pretending to hold it in your hand. Throw the thought away and replace it with something positive and encouraging.
Does this process sound easy? It’s not. Anxious thoughts are automatic for most people, so the work is to first identify your thought prior to the anxious feeling. The thought won’t always be obvious—search for it.
For example, John sat in a meeting with several of his superiors. He was nervous about his presentation and flashed back to a time early in his career when he botched a presentation. These thoughts started running through John’s head, What if I mess up again? I could get fired. I will embarrass myself. The more John allowed these thoughts, the more anxious he became. By the time he stood up to give his presentation, he was close to panic.
Had John changed his self-talk, he may have warded off anxiety. He could have thought, I messed up early in my career. I’m much more experienced. I have done these presentations many times with good outcomes. I have every reason to believe these people will like what I have to say and be impressed. God, help me in my weakness. You are strong in me.
Can you see the difference in self-talk? The first creates or reinforces anxious feelings. The second example dismisses anxious thoughts and builds confidence because of Christ in us. Self-talk is powerful in that it can produce worry and anxiety, but it can also calm us down.
If you struggle with worry or anxiety, check your self-talk. If you notice the following themes, make changes!
I should have… I could have… You are the classic perfectionist who always falls short of the job and worries about your failures. Allow for mistakes.
I can’t believe I did that… What an idiot I am. You are far too critical of yourself and need a shot of God-esteem.
I can’t… I don’t have what it takes… I won’t be able to do it… You believe you can’t meet the challenge. It’s all about you, and God is not in the picture. Insert God.
What about…? You are the classic worrier. Nothing can happen without you bringing out all the possibilities for disaster or problems. This is a lack of trust in God. God’s promise is to be with us through difficulty.
If you find yourself identifying with these statements, write down positive statements that will counter the negative possibilities. For example, instead of thinking, I can’t do that because it’s too scary, say, “It looks scary, but I can meet a new challenge. The worst possible thing that can happen is that I’ll feel scared for a moment and then it will pass. However, I will have accomplished something new.”
After you’ve written down positive statements to counter your negative thoughts, practice saying the positive statements. I suggest using scriptures. Here’s one I use with my kids when they tell me they can’t do something: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13 NKJV). Then I ask, “Is this thing you think you can’t do one of all things? Yes? So you can do it.”
Next time you feel anxious, stop and ask, “What was I thinking before I felt this way?” Chances are it was a negative thought that needs to be taken captive—replace it with a positive “I can” thought.
Source: Joyce Meyer Magz
Don't let negative self-talk control who you are.
We are told in Scripture to be anxious about nothing (see Philippians 4:6). This directive is more than a simple request from God. It is something God believes we can actually attain! With that said, many of us really don’t believe that we can walk in God’s peace—free from anxiety. We have too many thoughts that trouble us and cause us to worry. With God’s help, we can change our way of thinking.
When I ask a worrier what they are thinking, the reply is usually, “I just feel anxious. I’m not thinking anything.” Wrong answer! You may not be aware of it, but you have thoughts behind those anxious feelings.
Negative self-talk is usually the culprit behind anxious feelings, and those negative thoughts cause us to be anxious. When we feel anxious, we see our world in a more negative light. That negative light affects our thoughts. This vicious cycle keeps anxiety going.
In order to stop anxiety, you’ve got to learn to take anxious thoughts captive. You can do this by “grabbing” an anxious thought and pretending to hold it in your hand. Throw the thought away and replace it with something positive and encouraging.
Does this process sound easy? It’s not. Anxious thoughts are automatic for most people, so the work is to first identify your thought prior to the anxious feeling. The thought won’t always be obvious—search for it.
For example, John sat in a meeting with several of his superiors. He was nervous about his presentation and flashed back to a time early in his career when he botched a presentation. These thoughts started running through John’s head, What if I mess up again? I could get fired. I will embarrass myself. The more John allowed these thoughts, the more anxious he became. By the time he stood up to give his presentation, he was close to panic.
Had John changed his self-talk, he may have warded off anxiety. He could have thought, I messed up early in my career. I’m much more experienced. I have done these presentations many times with good outcomes. I have every reason to believe these people will like what I have to say and be impressed. God, help me in my weakness. You are strong in me.
Can you see the difference in self-talk? The first creates or reinforces anxious feelings. The second example dismisses anxious thoughts and builds confidence because of Christ in us. Self-talk is powerful in that it can produce worry and anxiety, but it can also calm us down.
If you struggle with worry or anxiety, check your self-talk. If you notice the following themes, make changes!
I should have… I could have… You are the classic perfectionist who always falls short of the job and worries about your failures. Allow for mistakes.
I can’t believe I did that… What an idiot I am. You are far too critical of yourself and need a shot of God-esteem.
I can’t… I don’t have what it takes… I won’t be able to do it… You believe you can’t meet the challenge. It’s all about you, and God is not in the picture. Insert God.
What about…? You are the classic worrier. Nothing can happen without you bringing out all the possibilities for disaster or problems. This is a lack of trust in God. God’s promise is to be with us through difficulty.
If you find yourself identifying with these statements, write down positive statements that will counter the negative possibilities. For example, instead of thinking, I can’t do that because it’s too scary, say, “It looks scary, but I can meet a new challenge. The worst possible thing that can happen is that I’ll feel scared for a moment and then it will pass. However, I will have accomplished something new.”
After you’ve written down positive statements to counter your negative thoughts, practice saying the positive statements. I suggest using scriptures. Here’s one I use with my kids when they tell me they can’t do something: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13 NKJV). Then I ask, “Is this thing you think you can’t do one of all things? Yes? So you can do it.”
Next time you feel anxious, stop and ask, “What was I thinking before I felt this way?” Chances are it was a negative thought that needs to be taken captive—replace it with a positive “I can” thought.
Source: Joyce Meyer Magz
Friday, January 25, 2008
Self Talk
(by Vincent M. Newfield)
Without a doubt, God LOVES us. His Word is His endless “love letter” to you and me, and throughout it He repeatedly proclaims His love for us. But knowing God loves us in our head is not the same as knowing He loves us in our heart. There are a number of things that keep us from having a heartfelt revelation of God’s love, but I believe one of the greatest things is our self-talk—the way we talk to ourselves.
All of us talk to ourselves; we do it externally, or out loud, and internally with our thoughts. It’s the internal conversation of 600 to 2,000 words a minute that paints a clear picture of how we see ourselves and paves the way for what we say about ourselves out loud. As Jesus said in Luke 6:45, …out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart [the] mouth speaks.
What Words Are Whirling Around in You?
Are they negative words of self-criticism, judgment, condemnation, anger and aggravation? Or are they positive words of God’s love and acceptance? For years I had a mental monologue of criticism and condemnation repeatedly playing in my head. Negative phrases bombarded my brain, such as, You’re ugly. You’re stupid. Nobody likes you. You’re weird. Words of doubt and distrust danced in my mind daily, like, I can‘t believe you did that! You’ll never change. You make the same stupid mistakes over and over. What’s wrong with you?
Sound familiar? But where does this negative chatter come from? For me, negative self-talk resulted from believing the cruel and spiteful words spoken to me over the years. While there were numerous people who spoke positive words into my life, for some reason the negative words seemed to carry greater weight. Satan saw the soreness it brought to my soul and continued to use both peers and professors to deepen the wounds with more hurtful words.
Out of ignorance and in a weakened state, I accepted their cutting comments as true and began repeating them both internally and externally. It was as if a “CD” of discouragement, despair and destruction had been burned on my brain—and the songs were set on repeat. I knew God loved me, but the truth of His love was drowned out by thoughts of rejection, insecurity, fear, doubt and even self-hatred. I began to believe I was defective, unattractive and that something was wrong with me. Through my negative self-talk, I became my own worst enemy.
Let God’s Love Be Unleashed in You!
If you’re in the midst of a mental and emotional mess like I was, I encourage you to cry out to God. When I did, He began to show me the truth of His great love. He helped me see that …I am fearfully and wonderfully made….(Psalm 139:14) He showed me that before He formed me in my mother’s womb, He knew and approved of me as His chosen instrument.(Jeremiah 1:5) He explained that He has …indelibly imprinted (tattooed a picture of) [me] on the palm of each of [His] hands, (Isaiah 49:16) and that His thoughts toward me are continual and uncountable. (Psalms 40:5; 139:17-18) As His child, I am special and He protects me like the apple of His eye. (Deuteronomy 32:10; Psalm 17:8; Zechariah 2:8)
As I meditated on and spoke aloud the truth of God’s Word, an understanding of the Father’s love for me moved from my head to my heart and destroyed the lies Satan had sown into my soul. Slowly but surely, the wounds of rejection, criticism, condemnation and the like were healed by the power of God’s Word and Spirit. Every now and then, the enemy tries to reopen those old wounds. But like David, I encourage and strengthen myself in the love of the Lord.(1 Samuel 30:6)
Please realize that nobody’s words carry more weight or power in your life than YOURS! Why? Because next to God, you have the greatest amount of authority in and over your life, and with that authority comes power. Your words, spoken out of your mouth, will either produce death or life in you. (Proverbs 18:21) So I challenge you to dig deep into God’s Word and discover for yourself His immeasurable love. Let Him put a new song in your heart filled with the lyrics of His overwhelming love!
Source: Joyce Meyer
Without a doubt, God LOVES us. His Word is His endless “love letter” to you and me, and throughout it He repeatedly proclaims His love for us. But knowing God loves us in our head is not the same as knowing He loves us in our heart. There are a number of things that keep us from having a heartfelt revelation of God’s love, but I believe one of the greatest things is our self-talk—the way we talk to ourselves.
All of us talk to ourselves; we do it externally, or out loud, and internally with our thoughts. It’s the internal conversation of 600 to 2,000 words a minute that paints a clear picture of how we see ourselves and paves the way for what we say about ourselves out loud. As Jesus said in Luke 6:45, …out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart [the] mouth speaks.
What Words Are Whirling Around in You?
Are they negative words of self-criticism, judgment, condemnation, anger and aggravation? Or are they positive words of God’s love and acceptance? For years I had a mental monologue of criticism and condemnation repeatedly playing in my head. Negative phrases bombarded my brain, such as, You’re ugly. You’re stupid. Nobody likes you. You’re weird. Words of doubt and distrust danced in my mind daily, like, I can‘t believe you did that! You’ll never change. You make the same stupid mistakes over and over. What’s wrong with you?
Sound familiar? But where does this negative chatter come from? For me, negative self-talk resulted from believing the cruel and spiteful words spoken to me over the years. While there were numerous people who spoke positive words into my life, for some reason the negative words seemed to carry greater weight. Satan saw the soreness it brought to my soul and continued to use both peers and professors to deepen the wounds with more hurtful words.
Out of ignorance and in a weakened state, I accepted their cutting comments as true and began repeating them both internally and externally. It was as if a “CD” of discouragement, despair and destruction had been burned on my brain—and the songs were set on repeat. I knew God loved me, but the truth of His love was drowned out by thoughts of rejection, insecurity, fear, doubt and even self-hatred. I began to believe I was defective, unattractive and that something was wrong with me. Through my negative self-talk, I became my own worst enemy.
Let God’s Love Be Unleashed in You!
If you’re in the midst of a mental and emotional mess like I was, I encourage you to cry out to God. When I did, He began to show me the truth of His great love. He helped me see that …I am fearfully and wonderfully made….(Psalm 139:14) He showed me that before He formed me in my mother’s womb, He knew and approved of me as His chosen instrument.(Jeremiah 1:5) He explained that He has …indelibly imprinted (tattooed a picture of) [me] on the palm of each of [His] hands, (Isaiah 49:16) and that His thoughts toward me are continual and uncountable. (Psalms 40:5; 139:17-18) As His child, I am special and He protects me like the apple of His eye. (Deuteronomy 32:10; Psalm 17:8; Zechariah 2:8)
As I meditated on and spoke aloud the truth of God’s Word, an understanding of the Father’s love for me moved from my head to my heart and destroyed the lies Satan had sown into my soul. Slowly but surely, the wounds of rejection, criticism, condemnation and the like were healed by the power of God’s Word and Spirit. Every now and then, the enemy tries to reopen those old wounds. But like David, I encourage and strengthen myself in the love of the Lord.(1 Samuel 30:6)
Please realize that nobody’s words carry more weight or power in your life than YOURS! Why? Because next to God, you have the greatest amount of authority in and over your life, and with that authority comes power. Your words, spoken out of your mouth, will either produce death or life in you. (Proverbs 18:21) So I challenge you to dig deep into God’s Word and discover for yourself His immeasurable love. Let Him put a new song in your heart filled with the lyrics of His overwhelming love!
Source: Joyce Meyer
Loving Who You Are and Who God Made You To Be
How do you like yourself? Do you love yourself in a balanced way? I’m not talking about a selfish, self-centered way or having a bad attitude toward yourself. God wants you to love yourself, because you are the one person that you are never going to get away from. So you better learn to like yourself. Face it—you’re stuck with you!
Come as You Are
The Bible tells us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. (See Matthew 22:39.) However, if we don’t love ourselves, how can we love anyone else? You and I have to like ourselves and believe that God didn’t create a bunch of junk but that He made us special. He had something in mind when He made us. No, we’re not perfect. But God didn’t make us imperfect. The imperfection is because of sin in the world and its effects on us, which includes bodies that don’t always behave right. However, Jesus came for imperfect people who have problems and who have needs.
The Bible tells us to come as we are to Jesus (see Matthew 11:28), and He will make us what we need to be. When we have problems, we shouldn’t run away from God but rather run to Him with our problems.
Me, Myself & I
Too many people don’t like themselves, and you and I will never like or enjoy anyone else if we don’t first enjoy ourselves. Of course I’m not talking about this in a me-me-me-me-me kind of way, but I’m talking about just loving ourselves as the person God has created us to be. Even though we’re not where we need to be, we can accept where we are right now and keep working with God to get to where He’s taking us. There’s no point in hating ourselves while we’re on the journey.
I believe the single greatest problem that most people have is that deep down inside, they don’t like who they are. I still don’t like a lot of my behavior, but I have learned to like who I am. I love the “me” that God has created me to be, and I could not be ministering to you properly if I could not say that. A lot of people think, Oh, you shouldn’t say you love yourself. Yes, we should. We don’t need to go around saying, “Oh, I love myself.” That’s not what I’m talking about. But why is it that we are so much more comfortable saying, “I hate myself”? Or, “I hate this about myself”? Or, “I don’t like this about myself,” rather than saying, “Well, you know, I like this about myself. I like my personality.” The last thing you and I need to do is talk negatively about ourselves.
There are so many insecure people in our society today. It’s like an epidemic and it is causing big problems. Insecure people need to be told twenty-four hours a day that they’re loved, that they’re pretty, and on and on. If you’re married to an insecure person, it can ruin your marriage because you have to spend all your time trying to fix them. Sooner or later you’ll get tired of having to keep that person fixed. I know because I used to be like that.
Connect the Dots
Do you have trouble getting along with people? Do you know that our relationships with God, ourselves, and other people are all interconnected, meaning they affect each other? First Peter 3:11 states that we need to strive to be at peace with God, with ourselves, and with our fellow man. However, if we’re not at peace with ourselves, we can’t possibly be at peace with others. I know this for a fact because I used to be such a hard person to get along with, yet it seemed that everyone else had a problem. I thought if all of them would just straighten up, then I could be happy. People frustrated me and I couldn’t understand why I had such a hard time getting along with everyone. I just wished they would stop making me mad! Then God gave me a revelation. He showed me that I can’t give something away that I don’t have myself. Also, I didn’t like anyone else because deep down inside, I really didn’t like myself. I couldn’t get along with anyone else because I couldn’t get along with myself.
Many of us have strife inside ourselves, which causes us to not be at peace. Instead we continually judge, analyze and criticize ourselves. Some of us also keep a running record of all our faults, causing us to live under continual guilt and condemnation.
Judge Not
Many of us need to have better opinions of ourselves. Hebrews 12:2 says, Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith. That’s a pretty awesome scripture because it tells us that when we take our eyes off of Jesus and look at everything that is wrong with us, it distracts us from Him, from the call of God on our lives, from prayer, and from fulfilling our destinies.
This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t examine ourselves, but it’s another thing to judge ourselves. Examining means we know our faults and we take them to God and let Him change us. But judging ourselves means that we pass a sentence on ourselves. So when we judge ourselves, we determine that we don’t deserve to be blessed and God can’t use us because we’re too bad.
When we choose to judge, it means we are setting ourselves up as God. Judgment belongs to God and not to man. We are to stop judging ourselves, and we’re told in the Bible that the apostle Paul said he would not judge himself because he didn’t sit in judgment of any man. He didn’t judge himself because God alone is his judge. (See 1 Corinthians 4:3,4.)
We need to get our eyes off of everything that’s wrong with us, as well as everything that we think is right with us, because our eyes need to be on Jesus. If we concentrate on all we think is wrong with us, we’ll feel insecure and depressed. If we look at all we think is right with us, then we risk becoming proud and haughty. We need to look at Jesus because He’s the Author and Finisher of our faith.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T Yourself
Take a moment to seriously ask yourself, “How do I feel about me?” It’s important because you and I will never get along with other people if we don’t first get along with ourselves.
It’s awesome when we think about how God wants us to feel about ourselves. He wants us to feel right about ourselves, so that we can feel right about other people and have a right relationship with Him. You might as well decide today that you are going to have a good relationship with yourself because no matter what you do, you are not going to be able to shake yourself free from you. Make up your mind that you are going to start having more respect for yourself even though you may not be spiritually, physically or emotionally where you’d like to be. Thank God that you’re not where you used to be, and remind yourself that you’re making some progress, you’re growing, you’re changing, and you’re learning.
He started this work in you and He’s the only One who can finish it. (See Philippians 1:6.) Life is constantly changing, we’re always changing, and we’re always going to be changing. The Bible tells us to keep pressing toward the mark of perfection until Jesus returns. (See Philippians 3:14.)
It’s interesting because we are pressing toward something that we know will never arrive until we’re with Jesus. But a person whose heart is right toward God can’t keep themselves from wanting to improve. We should want to improve but not let it frustrate us. Even though we want to be perfect and do what’s right, it’s a paradox because we know we won’t achieve it until we see Jesus. You might be saying, “Well, that doesn’t make sense, Joyce.” It doesn’t make sense to the natural mind and that’s why we have to look at things spiritually speaking. If our hearts are right, we can’t help but want to be like Jesus, yet I know that in me, my flesh, dwells no good thing. (See Romans 7:18.)
Keep Pressing On
We are all at different places on the road of life. When we meet Jesus, whatever is wrong with us is going to instantly be fixed. Whatever needs to be finished will completely be finished at that point. God showed me that He’s not going to be mad at anyone because they have not arrived but disappointed if they don’t keep pressing on.
We need to stop thinking about everything that’s wrong with ourselves. Yes, you and I have plenty of things wrong with us. But do you know what? Don’t sit around anymore and take inventory of it. If you ask me right now all that is wrong with me, to be honest, I’d have to sit and think awhile.
I want to encourage you to keep your eyes on the finish line. Philippians 3:3 instructs us to put no confidence in our flesh, which means to stop having confidence in what we are and what we aren’t. Our confidence needs to be based in God, and when it is we can be secure in Him.
God loves with an everlasting love. Even when we do dumb stuff, He sees our heart. This doesn’t mean He won’t correct us, but we know He is full of forgiveness and mercy, which we continually need in life. He loves us just the way we are right now and who He is making us to be.
JESUS LOVES ME
Testimony
Jennifer B.
Lewiston, ID
Although I was a Christian, I couldn’t comprehend that God, the Creator of the universe, really loved me or was interested in ME. How could He love me? I had a huge hole in my heart because I thought I had to earn His love and salvation.
After two divorces, I began using food to ease the ache in my heart and quickly became a slave to bulimia. Because I had diabetes, I figured out that I could usurp the unpleasant purging process by simply withholding my insulin. On almost a nightly basis for nine years, I would binge on food and then pass out and sleep it off.
My third husband committed suicide and my fourth husband abandoned me after six months. I hit absolute rock bottom and contemplated how to kill myself, but God led me to a counselor at church. The Holy Spirit, through this counselor, led me step-by-step on my journey to healing. It was also during this time that I began watching Joyce’s television show in the morning and getting “fed” with good, solid, biblical truth.
Last year on Valentine’s Day, my heart was aching and I felt lonely. While walking on a treadmill, I was listening to a CD from Keys to Enjoying Every Single Day of Your Life, and Joyce said, “Maybe you aren’t really born again,” and the Holy Spirit stirred within me. He led me to my knees, and I asked Jesus—really asked Him, not just saying words but pleading with my heart, my soul and my spirit for Him to come into my heart and change me, fill me up and make me new.
The Holy Spirit gave me a vision of myself as a little girl, all by myself in a dark room. There was a door, and when I opened it, Jesus was standing there. I let Him in, and He knelt down in front of me and took me in His arms, and I started to cry. Jesus then said, “Just let me love you, Jennifer. Let me love you.”
Jesus touched my heart and healed me. I could literally feel His love surrounding me, filling me up and filling my heart where that hole and that ache used to be. What a Valentine! God’s love—God’s truth—has set me free. It was nothing I did on my own. God set me free, and I am FREE INDEED!
Source: Joyce Meyer
Come as You Are
The Bible tells us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. (See Matthew 22:39.) However, if we don’t love ourselves, how can we love anyone else? You and I have to like ourselves and believe that God didn’t create a bunch of junk but that He made us special. He had something in mind when He made us. No, we’re not perfect. But God didn’t make us imperfect. The imperfection is because of sin in the world and its effects on us, which includes bodies that don’t always behave right. However, Jesus came for imperfect people who have problems and who have needs.
The Bible tells us to come as we are to Jesus (see Matthew 11:28), and He will make us what we need to be. When we have problems, we shouldn’t run away from God but rather run to Him with our problems.
Me, Myself & I
Too many people don’t like themselves, and you and I will never like or enjoy anyone else if we don’t first enjoy ourselves. Of course I’m not talking about this in a me-me-me-me-me kind of way, but I’m talking about just loving ourselves as the person God has created us to be. Even though we’re not where we need to be, we can accept where we are right now and keep working with God to get to where He’s taking us. There’s no point in hating ourselves while we’re on the journey.
I believe the single greatest problem that most people have is that deep down inside, they don’t like who they are. I still don’t like a lot of my behavior, but I have learned to like who I am. I love the “me” that God has created me to be, and I could not be ministering to you properly if I could not say that. A lot of people think, Oh, you shouldn’t say you love yourself. Yes, we should. We don’t need to go around saying, “Oh, I love myself.” That’s not what I’m talking about. But why is it that we are so much more comfortable saying, “I hate myself”? Or, “I hate this about myself”? Or, “I don’t like this about myself,” rather than saying, “Well, you know, I like this about myself. I like my personality.” The last thing you and I need to do is talk negatively about ourselves.
There are so many insecure people in our society today. It’s like an epidemic and it is causing big problems. Insecure people need to be told twenty-four hours a day that they’re loved, that they’re pretty, and on and on. If you’re married to an insecure person, it can ruin your marriage because you have to spend all your time trying to fix them. Sooner or later you’ll get tired of having to keep that person fixed. I know because I used to be like that.
Connect the Dots
Do you have trouble getting along with people? Do you know that our relationships with God, ourselves, and other people are all interconnected, meaning they affect each other? First Peter 3:11 states that we need to strive to be at peace with God, with ourselves, and with our fellow man. However, if we’re not at peace with ourselves, we can’t possibly be at peace with others. I know this for a fact because I used to be such a hard person to get along with, yet it seemed that everyone else had a problem. I thought if all of them would just straighten up, then I could be happy. People frustrated me and I couldn’t understand why I had such a hard time getting along with everyone. I just wished they would stop making me mad! Then God gave me a revelation. He showed me that I can’t give something away that I don’t have myself. Also, I didn’t like anyone else because deep down inside, I really didn’t like myself. I couldn’t get along with anyone else because I couldn’t get along with myself.
Many of us have strife inside ourselves, which causes us to not be at peace. Instead we continually judge, analyze and criticize ourselves. Some of us also keep a running record of all our faults, causing us to live under continual guilt and condemnation.
Judge Not
Many of us need to have better opinions of ourselves. Hebrews 12:2 says, Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith. That’s a pretty awesome scripture because it tells us that when we take our eyes off of Jesus and look at everything that is wrong with us, it distracts us from Him, from the call of God on our lives, from prayer, and from fulfilling our destinies.
This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t examine ourselves, but it’s another thing to judge ourselves. Examining means we know our faults and we take them to God and let Him change us. But judging ourselves means that we pass a sentence on ourselves. So when we judge ourselves, we determine that we don’t deserve to be blessed and God can’t use us because we’re too bad.
When we choose to judge, it means we are setting ourselves up as God. Judgment belongs to God and not to man. We are to stop judging ourselves, and we’re told in the Bible that the apostle Paul said he would not judge himself because he didn’t sit in judgment of any man. He didn’t judge himself because God alone is his judge. (See 1 Corinthians 4:3,4.)
We need to get our eyes off of everything that’s wrong with us, as well as everything that we think is right with us, because our eyes need to be on Jesus. If we concentrate on all we think is wrong with us, we’ll feel insecure and depressed. If we look at all we think is right with us, then we risk becoming proud and haughty. We need to look at Jesus because He’s the Author and Finisher of our faith.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T Yourself
Take a moment to seriously ask yourself, “How do I feel about me?” It’s important because you and I will never get along with other people if we don’t first get along with ourselves.
It’s awesome when we think about how God wants us to feel about ourselves. He wants us to feel right about ourselves, so that we can feel right about other people and have a right relationship with Him. You might as well decide today that you are going to have a good relationship with yourself because no matter what you do, you are not going to be able to shake yourself free from you. Make up your mind that you are going to start having more respect for yourself even though you may not be spiritually, physically or emotionally where you’d like to be. Thank God that you’re not where you used to be, and remind yourself that you’re making some progress, you’re growing, you’re changing, and you’re learning.
He started this work in you and He’s the only One who can finish it. (See Philippians 1:6.) Life is constantly changing, we’re always changing, and we’re always going to be changing. The Bible tells us to keep pressing toward the mark of perfection until Jesus returns. (See Philippians 3:14.)
It’s interesting because we are pressing toward something that we know will never arrive until we’re with Jesus. But a person whose heart is right toward God can’t keep themselves from wanting to improve. We should want to improve but not let it frustrate us. Even though we want to be perfect and do what’s right, it’s a paradox because we know we won’t achieve it until we see Jesus. You might be saying, “Well, that doesn’t make sense, Joyce.” It doesn’t make sense to the natural mind and that’s why we have to look at things spiritually speaking. If our hearts are right, we can’t help but want to be like Jesus, yet I know that in me, my flesh, dwells no good thing. (See Romans 7:18.)
Keep Pressing On
We are all at different places on the road of life. When we meet Jesus, whatever is wrong with us is going to instantly be fixed. Whatever needs to be finished will completely be finished at that point. God showed me that He’s not going to be mad at anyone because they have not arrived but disappointed if they don’t keep pressing on.
We need to stop thinking about everything that’s wrong with ourselves. Yes, you and I have plenty of things wrong with us. But do you know what? Don’t sit around anymore and take inventory of it. If you ask me right now all that is wrong with me, to be honest, I’d have to sit and think awhile.
I want to encourage you to keep your eyes on the finish line. Philippians 3:3 instructs us to put no confidence in our flesh, which means to stop having confidence in what we are and what we aren’t. Our confidence needs to be based in God, and when it is we can be secure in Him.
God loves with an everlasting love. Even when we do dumb stuff, He sees our heart. This doesn’t mean He won’t correct us, but we know He is full of forgiveness and mercy, which we continually need in life. He loves us just the way we are right now and who He is making us to be.
JESUS LOVES ME
Testimony
Jennifer B.
Lewiston, ID
Although I was a Christian, I couldn’t comprehend that God, the Creator of the universe, really loved me or was interested in ME. How could He love me? I had a huge hole in my heart because I thought I had to earn His love and salvation.
After two divorces, I began using food to ease the ache in my heart and quickly became a slave to bulimia. Because I had diabetes, I figured out that I could usurp the unpleasant purging process by simply withholding my insulin. On almost a nightly basis for nine years, I would binge on food and then pass out and sleep it off.
My third husband committed suicide and my fourth husband abandoned me after six months. I hit absolute rock bottom and contemplated how to kill myself, but God led me to a counselor at church. The Holy Spirit, through this counselor, led me step-by-step on my journey to healing. It was also during this time that I began watching Joyce’s television show in the morning and getting “fed” with good, solid, biblical truth.
Last year on Valentine’s Day, my heart was aching and I felt lonely. While walking on a treadmill, I was listening to a CD from Keys to Enjoying Every Single Day of Your Life, and Joyce said, “Maybe you aren’t really born again,” and the Holy Spirit stirred within me. He led me to my knees, and I asked Jesus—really asked Him, not just saying words but pleading with my heart, my soul and my spirit for Him to come into my heart and change me, fill me up and make me new.
The Holy Spirit gave me a vision of myself as a little girl, all by myself in a dark room. There was a door, and when I opened it, Jesus was standing there. I let Him in, and He knelt down in front of me and took me in His arms, and I started to cry. Jesus then said, “Just let me love you, Jennifer. Let me love you.”
Jesus touched my heart and healed me. I could literally feel His love surrounding me, filling me up and filling my heart where that hole and that ache used to be. What a Valentine! God’s love—God’s truth—has set me free. It was nothing I did on my own. God set me free, and I am FREE INDEED!
Source: Joyce Meyer
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Redefining "Beautiful"
(by Terri Urban; Kimberly Jordan; Jeanette Campbell; Lynn Shaw; Calista Baker)
Through my missions work with hungry, uneducated children in developing countries, I've learned that worrying about a skin blemish or my oversized nose is a superficial waste of energy. I need my passion for more important things!
(Terri Urban, Colorado)
My daughter, Hannah, was 5 months old and I was still pudgy, jiggly, and lumpy from what I call "the 4th trimester," when I discovered I was pregnant again. As I hung up the maternity clothes I'd put in storage only days earlier, my size-6 jeans taunted me in my closet.
Hannah is now 18 months, and sweet baby Sarah is 4-1/2 months old. Yesterday, Hannah touched my cheek and said, "Mama pretty!" Her sincerity made me feel like a queen. Last night, Sarah's entire face lit up with a radiant smile as I walked into the room. This morning, my husband looked at me with love in his eyes, silently telling me I'm a beautiful wife and mother. I'm blessed with a family that reflects the God-given beauty within me.
And those before-baby jeans? I gave them away. Last time I checked, God's beauty didn't come packaged in size 6!
(Kimberly Jordan, Arizona)
A few months ago, I joined a weight-loss program and started going to the gym every day so I could look beautiful. Soon after, I realized I was trying to live up to the world's impossible standard of beauty, not God's. Proverbs 31:30 says, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Now when I exercise, my focus isn't fitting into a certain clothing size, it's staying healthy so I can live long enough to watch my children grow up and have children of their own.
(Jeanette Campbell, Ohio)
Every year our town selects a woman to reign over its 4th of July festivities. Last year my professional women's group asked me to represent them in this competition. Though I thought it would be a great way to highlight our group, I almost didn't participate, because I have what author Liz Curtis Higgs calls an "abundantly blessed body."
When my name was announced as the winner, I was stunned. I'd prayed I'd represent women of all sizes who struggle with the idea that beauty is only external, but I had no idea I'd actually win! Receiving so many well wishes since that night has helped me be able to look at the pictures of my crowning and see the glow of my spirit instead of the size of my body.
When I rode in the 4th of July parade with my husband and our boys, I didn't dwell on whether or not I looked good. I simply had fun waving and celebrating the first Independence Day of the new millennium. We had a blast!
(Lynn Shaw, Indiana)
My mom taught me a lot about beauty as she cared for her own ailing mother a few years ago. Real beauty was the way Mom unselfishly spent day after day at the nursing home. Real beauty was my mom stroking her mom's hair and singing "Family of God" in her ear. Real beauty was evident in this woman who never complained about putting her life on hold for several months. As I watched Mom nurturing her mom during the days before Grandma's death, I knew this was true beauty in action.
(Calista Baker, Kansas)
Source: christianwomentoday
Through my missions work with hungry, uneducated children in developing countries, I've learned that worrying about a skin blemish or my oversized nose is a superficial waste of energy. I need my passion for more important things!
(Terri Urban, Colorado)
My daughter, Hannah, was 5 months old and I was still pudgy, jiggly, and lumpy from what I call "the 4th trimester," when I discovered I was pregnant again. As I hung up the maternity clothes I'd put in storage only days earlier, my size-6 jeans taunted me in my closet.
Hannah is now 18 months, and sweet baby Sarah is 4-1/2 months old. Yesterday, Hannah touched my cheek and said, "Mama pretty!" Her sincerity made me feel like a queen. Last night, Sarah's entire face lit up with a radiant smile as I walked into the room. This morning, my husband looked at me with love in his eyes, silently telling me I'm a beautiful wife and mother. I'm blessed with a family that reflects the God-given beauty within me.
And those before-baby jeans? I gave them away. Last time I checked, God's beauty didn't come packaged in size 6!
(Kimberly Jordan, Arizona)
A few months ago, I joined a weight-loss program and started going to the gym every day so I could look beautiful. Soon after, I realized I was trying to live up to the world's impossible standard of beauty, not God's. Proverbs 31:30 says, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Now when I exercise, my focus isn't fitting into a certain clothing size, it's staying healthy so I can live long enough to watch my children grow up and have children of their own.
(Jeanette Campbell, Ohio)
Every year our town selects a woman to reign over its 4th of July festivities. Last year my professional women's group asked me to represent them in this competition. Though I thought it would be a great way to highlight our group, I almost didn't participate, because I have what author Liz Curtis Higgs calls an "abundantly blessed body."
When my name was announced as the winner, I was stunned. I'd prayed I'd represent women of all sizes who struggle with the idea that beauty is only external, but I had no idea I'd actually win! Receiving so many well wishes since that night has helped me be able to look at the pictures of my crowning and see the glow of my spirit instead of the size of my body.
When I rode in the 4th of July parade with my husband and our boys, I didn't dwell on whether or not I looked good. I simply had fun waving and celebrating the first Independence Day of the new millennium. We had a blast!
(Lynn Shaw, Indiana)
My mom taught me a lot about beauty as she cared for her own ailing mother a few years ago. Real beauty was the way Mom unselfishly spent day after day at the nursing home. Real beauty was my mom stroking her mom's hair and singing "Family of God" in her ear. Real beauty was evident in this woman who never complained about putting her life on hold for several months. As I watched Mom nurturing her mom during the days before Grandma's death, I knew this was true beauty in action.
(Calista Baker, Kansas)
Source: christianwomentoday
Friday, January 11, 2008
Need a Confidence Boost?
(by Verla Gillmor)
Discover these secrets to liking yourself more
Recently I turned to a friend who was riding in my car and asked her, "What do you like about yourself?" We rode in silence for several minutes. Finally, she turned to me and said, apologetically, "I can't think of anything."
I was stunned. My friend is intelligent, charming, and compassionate—yet she couldn't see any of that.
I know she's not alone. Low self-esteem has become the number-one issue plaguing Christian women. Despite God's assurance that he's absolutely crazy about us, most of us can't believe he means us. It's like the cynical editor who tells the cub reporter, "If your mother says she loves you, check it out."
Check Out Your Sources
I was a reporter for 12 years. One of the first things I learned in researching a story was "garbage in, garbage out." If your raw data is flawed, you end up with a faulty conclusion. The same is true with how we see ourselves. If we lack self-confidence, maybe we're working with flawed data.
The reality is, in hundreds of subtle ways, our culture, family, friends—even our thought life—conspire to undermine our confidence. We grow up in families void of affirmation, encouragement, and respect—the building blocks to self-confidence. Then we find ourselves smack dab in the middle of a world that lionizes Size Two Hollywood starlets and Barbie-doll figures. Our paycheck, our title, our designer labels, or some other artificial yardstick gives us temporary entree into the world of The Accepted. But in our hearts, we know it isn't real. How do we find our way to the truth?
In the J.B. Phillips translation of the Bible, Romans 12:3 reads, "Try to have a sane estimate of your capabilities by the light of the faith that God has given to you all." Our relationship with Jesus sheds new light on who we are and what we do.
Before we can "hear" it, though, we have to identify the "dirty data" we've believed. We need to expose ways in which we've inadvertently contributed to the problem:
Comparison traps.
I'm technophobic. My brother got all the genes required to understand operating manuals, to repair things, or (gasp!) to make sense of computers. When I first had to learn how to use a computer for my job, I was convinced it was the end of life as I knew it.
I remember with painful clarity a beginner's computer class where the instructor told us to "press any key." I searched in vain for the "any" key. By the end of the class, I was certain I wasn't smart enough to drive myself home, much less dress for work the next day. This was despite the fact that I managed a home, a family, a job, and a professional staff.
Why was it so humiliating? Because I compared myself to the 10-year-old girl next door who effortlessly surfed the Net to research her term papers while I struggled just to log on. Instead of simply concluding that technical prowess is not one of my strengths, I concluded I must be stupid. It was a lie.
The art of the put-down.
People respect us as much as we respect ourselves. That's why the absence of self-confidence can telegraph to others not to believe in us.
For years I struggled to receive a compliment graciously. If someone complimented my hair, I'd discount it. I'd say my hairstyle made my face look fat or that my hair was a mousy color. What I really meant was, There must be some mistake. I'm not worth your regard. I don't like myself and can't really believe you do, either. The trouble is, if we persist in putting ourselves down, eventually people start to believe we're right.
Self-doubt.
Sometimes the problem isn't faulty data. We have an accurate picture of ourselves or a situation, but we capitulate the first time someone challenges us.
Several years ago, I discovered a grape-sized lump on my left breast. My doctor scheduled outpatient surgery right away. A month later, when I resumed periodic self-examination, I felt the same lump in the same hard-to-reach place. I was certain of it! When I called the doctor to suggest he might have missed the lump in question, he insisted I was wrong. It could not possibly be a lump, he said, because he had removed it. After all, he was the doctor.
I got off the phone, doubting what I'd felt with my own hand. But fear of lethal consequences gave me the courage to insist he re-examine me, at which point he reluctantly acknowledged that, yes, it did seem to be the original lump. He removed it in a second surgery.
RECLAIM THE TRUTH
It's time to go on the offensive and regain the confidence God wants for you. Here are a few ways to get started:
Name the lies—and give them to God.
Make a list of the falsehoods others have said about you (and what you've believed about yourself). Be specific. Then, agree with God that it's not how he sees you. Tell him, "God, I know you made me and you don't make junk. These lies have got to go. I want to see myself the way you see me. Please begin the process of changing my mind."
Eugene Petersen, in The Message paraphrase of Romans 12:2, urges us to reject the flawed thinking of our culture and those around us: "Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out."
Grieve the loss of what you'll never have and never be.
I once knew a woman who believed the lie that she was a victim. She wasn't in an abusive situation; she wasn't poor or ill or alone. But she felt as though the world always let her down. Eventually, she confessed to God the truth—playing the victim was easier for her than dealing with her own emotional "junk." But that was only the first step. Next she had to grieve the loss of a "crutch" she couldn't use anymore. She had to find a whole new way to live.
In my case, I had to confess the lie that I was stupid because I didn't understand technical things. Yet, even after acknowledging that I'm actually a pretty intelligent person, I still had to grieve the fact that no amount of classes or training would ever completely solve my technical ineptitude!
Another lie I believed about myself was that I'd been selfish for having only one child. The truth is, I nearly died giving birth to my daughter, and my husband didn't want to adopt. Still, I spent years feeling like an inferior mother—like I should have trusted God to protect me in subsequent childbirths.
I now believe that—in my case—one child was God's will for me. I've rejected the condemnation. Nevertheless, I had to grieve that I'd never have the houseful of children I'd always wanted.
Replace the lies with the truth.
God's Word is full of information about your identity and position as a believer in Jesus Christ. Let the wonder of God's perspective on you soak in. Do you fully realize what it means to be …
* Fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)
* Precious to God (Isaiah 43:4)
* Cared about since your conception (Isaiah 46:3)
* God's child (John 1:12)
* Jesus' friend (John 15:15)
* Chosen by Jesus (John 15:16)
* Loved dearly by God (John 16:27)
* Free from condemnation (Romans 8:1)
* A temple—a dwelling place—of God's Spirit (1 Corinthians 3:16)
* Redeemed and forgiven of all your sins (Colossians 1:14)
Maybe you'd prefer God say he's crazy about dishwater blondes who are 20 pounds overweight. Then you'd know he meant you. But God didn't get that specific in describing Eve! All he tells us about her in Gen. 1:27, 31 is that she was made in his image and it was very good!
He feels the same way about you.
Celebrate you!
During my years as a radio news anchor and reporter in Chicago, I occasionally was called upon to participate in annual fundraising telethons. Telethon producers would round up as many media types as possible to answer phones. Most were TV news anchors with recognizable faces—the thought being they would attract viewers who would then pledge dollars to the cause. Because I worked for one of the major network affiliates, at times I was pressed into service, even though I worked in radio.
During one particular event, I stood off-camera, waiting to be told what to do. It happened during a season in my life when I was trying to figure out who I was and whether I truly liked myself. I'd been in counseling and had been studying God's Word to learn about my identity in Christ.
A twentysomething junior producer came over to me, clipboard in hand, and looked me up and down with obvious disdain. He scanned his list of "celebrity guests," then said, "Are you anybody?"
My mouth dropped open in disbelief. "Well … no … I'm not anybody," I said. Suddenly, the absurdity of his comment hit me and I started to laugh. "You know, once I was nobody. Does that help you? But, listen," I whispered, leaning toward him, "Now I'm somebody! I'm just not somebody you know." He shook his head, clueless, and walked away.
You, too, are somebody—somebody worth the sacrifice of what was most precious to God—his only Son. God may be the only person you'll ever know who loves you unconditionally. But once this truth soaks in, God's opinion becomes the only one that really matters.
REALITY CHECKS
Pinpoint the ways you may be sabotaging yourself by answering the following questions:
* What judgments do I make about myself that are, in fact, untrue? What's something wonderful about me that I've undervalued?
* How do I typically respond when someone brags about me? Is it hard for me to receive a compliment—and why?
* Do I fail to stick up for myself when someone challenges what I know to be true?
Source: christianitytoday
Discover these secrets to liking yourself more
Recently I turned to a friend who was riding in my car and asked her, "What do you like about yourself?" We rode in silence for several minutes. Finally, she turned to me and said, apologetically, "I can't think of anything."
I was stunned. My friend is intelligent, charming, and compassionate—yet she couldn't see any of that.
I know she's not alone. Low self-esteem has become the number-one issue plaguing Christian women. Despite God's assurance that he's absolutely crazy about us, most of us can't believe he means us. It's like the cynical editor who tells the cub reporter, "If your mother says she loves you, check it out."
Check Out Your Sources
I was a reporter for 12 years. One of the first things I learned in researching a story was "garbage in, garbage out." If your raw data is flawed, you end up with a faulty conclusion. The same is true with how we see ourselves. If we lack self-confidence, maybe we're working with flawed data.
The reality is, in hundreds of subtle ways, our culture, family, friends—even our thought life—conspire to undermine our confidence. We grow up in families void of affirmation, encouragement, and respect—the building blocks to self-confidence. Then we find ourselves smack dab in the middle of a world that lionizes Size Two Hollywood starlets and Barbie-doll figures. Our paycheck, our title, our designer labels, or some other artificial yardstick gives us temporary entree into the world of The Accepted. But in our hearts, we know it isn't real. How do we find our way to the truth?
In the J.B. Phillips translation of the Bible, Romans 12:3 reads, "Try to have a sane estimate of your capabilities by the light of the faith that God has given to you all." Our relationship with Jesus sheds new light on who we are and what we do.
Before we can "hear" it, though, we have to identify the "dirty data" we've believed. We need to expose ways in which we've inadvertently contributed to the problem:
Comparison traps.
I'm technophobic. My brother got all the genes required to understand operating manuals, to repair things, or (gasp!) to make sense of computers. When I first had to learn how to use a computer for my job, I was convinced it was the end of life as I knew it.
I remember with painful clarity a beginner's computer class where the instructor told us to "press any key." I searched in vain for the "any" key. By the end of the class, I was certain I wasn't smart enough to drive myself home, much less dress for work the next day. This was despite the fact that I managed a home, a family, a job, and a professional staff.
Why was it so humiliating? Because I compared myself to the 10-year-old girl next door who effortlessly surfed the Net to research her term papers while I struggled just to log on. Instead of simply concluding that technical prowess is not one of my strengths, I concluded I must be stupid. It was a lie.
The art of the put-down.
People respect us as much as we respect ourselves. That's why the absence of self-confidence can telegraph to others not to believe in us.
For years I struggled to receive a compliment graciously. If someone complimented my hair, I'd discount it. I'd say my hairstyle made my face look fat or that my hair was a mousy color. What I really meant was, There must be some mistake. I'm not worth your regard. I don't like myself and can't really believe you do, either. The trouble is, if we persist in putting ourselves down, eventually people start to believe we're right.
Self-doubt.
Sometimes the problem isn't faulty data. We have an accurate picture of ourselves or a situation, but we capitulate the first time someone challenges us.
Several years ago, I discovered a grape-sized lump on my left breast. My doctor scheduled outpatient surgery right away. A month later, when I resumed periodic self-examination, I felt the same lump in the same hard-to-reach place. I was certain of it! When I called the doctor to suggest he might have missed the lump in question, he insisted I was wrong. It could not possibly be a lump, he said, because he had removed it. After all, he was the doctor.
I got off the phone, doubting what I'd felt with my own hand. But fear of lethal consequences gave me the courage to insist he re-examine me, at which point he reluctantly acknowledged that, yes, it did seem to be the original lump. He removed it in a second surgery.
RECLAIM THE TRUTH
It's time to go on the offensive and regain the confidence God wants for you. Here are a few ways to get started:
Name the lies—and give them to God.
Make a list of the falsehoods others have said about you (and what you've believed about yourself). Be specific. Then, agree with God that it's not how he sees you. Tell him, "God, I know you made me and you don't make junk. These lies have got to go. I want to see myself the way you see me. Please begin the process of changing my mind."
Eugene Petersen, in The Message paraphrase of Romans 12:2, urges us to reject the flawed thinking of our culture and those around us: "Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out."
Grieve the loss of what you'll never have and never be.
I once knew a woman who believed the lie that she was a victim. She wasn't in an abusive situation; she wasn't poor or ill or alone. But she felt as though the world always let her down. Eventually, she confessed to God the truth—playing the victim was easier for her than dealing with her own emotional "junk." But that was only the first step. Next she had to grieve the loss of a "crutch" she couldn't use anymore. She had to find a whole new way to live.
In my case, I had to confess the lie that I was stupid because I didn't understand technical things. Yet, even after acknowledging that I'm actually a pretty intelligent person, I still had to grieve the fact that no amount of classes or training would ever completely solve my technical ineptitude!
Another lie I believed about myself was that I'd been selfish for having only one child. The truth is, I nearly died giving birth to my daughter, and my husband didn't want to adopt. Still, I spent years feeling like an inferior mother—like I should have trusted God to protect me in subsequent childbirths.
I now believe that—in my case—one child was God's will for me. I've rejected the condemnation. Nevertheless, I had to grieve that I'd never have the houseful of children I'd always wanted.
Replace the lies with the truth.
God's Word is full of information about your identity and position as a believer in Jesus Christ. Let the wonder of God's perspective on you soak in. Do you fully realize what it means to be …
* Fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)
* Precious to God (Isaiah 43:4)
* Cared about since your conception (Isaiah 46:3)
* God's child (John 1:12)
* Jesus' friend (John 15:15)
* Chosen by Jesus (John 15:16)
* Loved dearly by God (John 16:27)
* Free from condemnation (Romans 8:1)
* A temple—a dwelling place—of God's Spirit (1 Corinthians 3:16)
* Redeemed and forgiven of all your sins (Colossians 1:14)
Maybe you'd prefer God say he's crazy about dishwater blondes who are 20 pounds overweight. Then you'd know he meant you. But God didn't get that specific in describing Eve! All he tells us about her in Gen. 1:27, 31 is that she was made in his image and it was very good!
He feels the same way about you.
Celebrate you!
During my years as a radio news anchor and reporter in Chicago, I occasionally was called upon to participate in annual fundraising telethons. Telethon producers would round up as many media types as possible to answer phones. Most were TV news anchors with recognizable faces—the thought being they would attract viewers who would then pledge dollars to the cause. Because I worked for one of the major network affiliates, at times I was pressed into service, even though I worked in radio.
During one particular event, I stood off-camera, waiting to be told what to do. It happened during a season in my life when I was trying to figure out who I was and whether I truly liked myself. I'd been in counseling and had been studying God's Word to learn about my identity in Christ.
A twentysomething junior producer came over to me, clipboard in hand, and looked me up and down with obvious disdain. He scanned his list of "celebrity guests," then said, "Are you anybody?"
My mouth dropped open in disbelief. "Well … no … I'm not anybody," I said. Suddenly, the absurdity of his comment hit me and I started to laugh. "You know, once I was nobody. Does that help you? But, listen," I whispered, leaning toward him, "Now I'm somebody! I'm just not somebody you know." He shook his head, clueless, and walked away.
You, too, are somebody—somebody worth the sacrifice of what was most precious to God—his only Son. God may be the only person you'll ever know who loves you unconditionally. But once this truth soaks in, God's opinion becomes the only one that really matters.
REALITY CHECKS
Pinpoint the ways you may be sabotaging yourself by answering the following questions:
* What judgments do I make about myself that are, in fact, untrue? What's something wonderful about me that I've undervalued?
* How do I typically respond when someone brags about me? Is it hard for me to receive a compliment—and why?
* Do I fail to stick up for myself when someone challenges what I know to be true?
Source: christianitytoday
Love the Skin You're In
(by Kim Gaines Eckert)
6 steps toward a healthier body image.
Last week I engaged in an activity every woman dreads: swimsuit shopping. After flipping through several racks of tiny suits that would look wonderful on a 90-pound preteen, I selected a few more grown-up suits. As I tried them on, battling my longing for certain body parts to be bigger and others to be smaller, I overheard a group of adolescent girls.
"These pants are too tight," a frustrated voice said.
"I'm sure they look fine, Tasha. Come show us," one of her friends replied.
"My butt is huge!" Tasha replied without coming out of the dressing room.
"There's nothing wrong with a little back, girl! Come out and model for us."
"No way. I'm not coming out. I'm too fat to come out. I hate my body!"
When I heard those words, I felt the urge to burst into Tasha's dressing room and give her a hug. How many times did I stand in a dressing room as an adolescent and critique my body from every angle? How many times as an adult have I wished for the elusive "perfect body"?
Unfortunately, most of us can relate to Tasha. According to the National Eating Disorders Association, 80 percent of women are unhappy with their appearance. If you've tried to lose weight to improve your appearance, you're not alone. Approximately 45 percent of women are dieting on any given day.
That's because no matter what size we are, when we turn on the television, we're confronted with a world where more than 75 percent of female sitcom characters are underweight. The average American woman is 5'4" and weighs 140 pounds, yet the average American model is 5'11" and weighs 117 pounds. It's no surprise girls and women experience a drop in self-esteem and an increase in depression when they view these images.
My journey with body-image issues began in college. I'd never been tiny, but I'd gained the "freshman 15" and then some. My wake-up call was discovering I was no longer just overweight. I was considered obese, meaning 20 percent or more over the healthy weight for my height. With my body-hating mentality, unhealthy eating, and sedentary lifestyle, I was a poor steward of the gift God had entrusted to me. By learning to love and care for my body, I lost 50 pounds with healthier eating and exercise.
If you hate the skin you're in, these six strategies can help you develop a more positive body image:
1. Focus on what your body does instead of how it looks.
List specific things your body can do. It really is remarkable! I began jogging in college, and when I focus on how my legs can carry my body a mile, I appreciate my body's function more than its appearance.
Overwhelmed with what her body could do after she gave birth to her son, author Anne Lamott wrote in Operating Instructions, "I'm going to have an awards banquet for my body when all of this is over." Our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made; they do deserve an awards banquet for what they accomplish every day!
2. Buy clothes that fit the real you right now.
Don't shop for the fantasy you that's ten pounds lighter, and don't wait to lose those ten pounds to buy a nice swimsuit or a pretty dress for your vacation. Wear comfortable clothes you feel good in.
Kathleen, a 55-year-old woman I saw in counseling years ago, had always been thin, but a new medication caused her to gain 15 pounds. None of her clothes fit, but she didn't want to give in and buy "big clothes." However, because Kathleen didn't have anything to wear, she stopped going to social events. When she arrived one week wearing a tailored brown pantsuit instead of her warm-up suit, she looked like a new woman. Kathleen watched her diet and walked daily, but she decided to stop letting her weight keep her from enjoying life.
3. List ten things you like about you that have nothing to do with appearance.
You're a person, not just a body. Post this list on a mirror for when you start mentally attacking your body. When I feel un-happy with how I look, I think of what's important to me—my family, my friends, and the work to which God's called me.
Although our culture can make us feel as though beauty is everything, I remind myself my relationships and my work are about who I am, not what I look like. My husband loves me because I'm caring, not because I wear a size 4 (which I don't!). I connect with people in the counseling office because I genuinely care for them, not because of my size.
4. Pick five things you can do to enjoy your body this week.
When I want to feel pampered and rejuvenated, I light vanilla-scented candles, turn on a Sarah McLachlan CD, fill the tub with bubble bath, and soak.
What can you do to treat your body well this week? Maybe it's going for a massage or a manicure. If a salon isn't in your budget, whip up some home spa treatments. Or enjoy a long walk or an intimate night with your husband. Figure out what makes your body feel good, and make time for those things.
5. Stop making unfair comparisons.
Don't measure yourself against airbrushed models. Even they don't look as good in person as they do in magazines! If you constantly compare yourself to other women, at least look at the real women around you—all of them, not just those who are skinnier or fitter than you—and admire the beauty in their bodies, too.
6. Ban body-bashing! Reframe your negative thoughts into positives.
If you're constantly telling yourself, Your rear end is too big. Nobody will like you when you look like this, think of all the reasons people do like you: People like me because I'm a kind person. Or, I'm a loyal friend.
When I look at my postpregnancy tummy and feel the negative body messages cueing up, I remember how that belly looked with my precious baby inside it. I try to replace "I have a flabby stomach" with "I have a body that nurtured a beautiful baby. That stomach is amazing!" I think of my not-quite-the-same-tummy as a reminder of the gift of motherhood.
Reflect for a moment on how much time you spend thinking about your body—what it looks like, what you wish it looked like, or perhaps what it used to look like. What would happen if you channeled that time and energy into something more productive? Our body is part of the unique way God made us. We aren't meant to worship, ignore, misuse, or hate it, but to embrace it as a gift. Even when we're swimsuit shopping!
Are You a Body-Hater?
Take this short quiz to find out if a poor body image interferes with your daily life:
1. Are you constantly trying to lose weight, even if you're in the healthy weight range for your height?
2. When people compliment you, especially on your appearance, do you find it hard to believe them?
3. Do you avoid situations that make you feel self-conscious about your body, such as going to the beach?
4. Do you compare yourself with the other women in a room? Do you take note of who's thinner or more attractive than you?
5. Do you avoid looking in mirrors, or do you always find something to critique when you look in a mirror or see yourself in photos?
6. Is your self-talk filled with critical comments about your appearance?
7. Do you find yourself thinking that if you just lost ten pounds, you'd feel content and secure?
8. Does your negative body image affect your relationships? For example, do you avoid physical intimacy with your husband because you're ashamed of your body?
9. If you were asked to list ten things you really like about your appearance, would it be difficult for you?
10.If you were asked to list ten things you really dislike about your appearance, would it be easy for you?
If you answered "yes" to a majority of these questions, you're in a battle with your body. Become your body's friend by committing to try one of the six strategies for a week. When you master that strategy, move on to another. Reward yourself for success at each stage. Success breeds success, and soon you'll be loving your body and treating it well!
Source: christianitytoday
6 steps toward a healthier body image.
Last week I engaged in an activity every woman dreads: swimsuit shopping. After flipping through several racks of tiny suits that would look wonderful on a 90-pound preteen, I selected a few more grown-up suits. As I tried them on, battling my longing for certain body parts to be bigger and others to be smaller, I overheard a group of adolescent girls.
"These pants are too tight," a frustrated voice said.
"I'm sure they look fine, Tasha. Come show us," one of her friends replied.
"My butt is huge!" Tasha replied without coming out of the dressing room.
"There's nothing wrong with a little back, girl! Come out and model for us."
"No way. I'm not coming out. I'm too fat to come out. I hate my body!"
When I heard those words, I felt the urge to burst into Tasha's dressing room and give her a hug. How many times did I stand in a dressing room as an adolescent and critique my body from every angle? How many times as an adult have I wished for the elusive "perfect body"?
Unfortunately, most of us can relate to Tasha. According to the National Eating Disorders Association, 80 percent of women are unhappy with their appearance. If you've tried to lose weight to improve your appearance, you're not alone. Approximately 45 percent of women are dieting on any given day.
That's because no matter what size we are, when we turn on the television, we're confronted with a world where more than 75 percent of female sitcom characters are underweight. The average American woman is 5'4" and weighs 140 pounds, yet the average American model is 5'11" and weighs 117 pounds. It's no surprise girls and women experience a drop in self-esteem and an increase in depression when they view these images.
My journey with body-image issues began in college. I'd never been tiny, but I'd gained the "freshman 15" and then some. My wake-up call was discovering I was no longer just overweight. I was considered obese, meaning 20 percent or more over the healthy weight for my height. With my body-hating mentality, unhealthy eating, and sedentary lifestyle, I was a poor steward of the gift God had entrusted to me. By learning to love and care for my body, I lost 50 pounds with healthier eating and exercise.
If you hate the skin you're in, these six strategies can help you develop a more positive body image:
1. Focus on what your body does instead of how it looks.
List specific things your body can do. It really is remarkable! I began jogging in college, and when I focus on how my legs can carry my body a mile, I appreciate my body's function more than its appearance.
Overwhelmed with what her body could do after she gave birth to her son, author Anne Lamott wrote in Operating Instructions, "I'm going to have an awards banquet for my body when all of this is over." Our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made; they do deserve an awards banquet for what they accomplish every day!
2. Buy clothes that fit the real you right now.
Don't shop for the fantasy you that's ten pounds lighter, and don't wait to lose those ten pounds to buy a nice swimsuit or a pretty dress for your vacation. Wear comfortable clothes you feel good in.
Kathleen, a 55-year-old woman I saw in counseling years ago, had always been thin, but a new medication caused her to gain 15 pounds. None of her clothes fit, but she didn't want to give in and buy "big clothes." However, because Kathleen didn't have anything to wear, she stopped going to social events. When she arrived one week wearing a tailored brown pantsuit instead of her warm-up suit, she looked like a new woman. Kathleen watched her diet and walked daily, but she decided to stop letting her weight keep her from enjoying life.
3. List ten things you like about you that have nothing to do with appearance.
You're a person, not just a body. Post this list on a mirror for when you start mentally attacking your body. When I feel un-happy with how I look, I think of what's important to me—my family, my friends, and the work to which God's called me.
Although our culture can make us feel as though beauty is everything, I remind myself my relationships and my work are about who I am, not what I look like. My husband loves me because I'm caring, not because I wear a size 4 (which I don't!). I connect with people in the counseling office because I genuinely care for them, not because of my size.
4. Pick five things you can do to enjoy your body this week.
When I want to feel pampered and rejuvenated, I light vanilla-scented candles, turn on a Sarah McLachlan CD, fill the tub with bubble bath, and soak.
What can you do to treat your body well this week? Maybe it's going for a massage or a manicure. If a salon isn't in your budget, whip up some home spa treatments. Or enjoy a long walk or an intimate night with your husband. Figure out what makes your body feel good, and make time for those things.
5. Stop making unfair comparisons.
Don't measure yourself against airbrushed models. Even they don't look as good in person as they do in magazines! If you constantly compare yourself to other women, at least look at the real women around you—all of them, not just those who are skinnier or fitter than you—and admire the beauty in their bodies, too.
6. Ban body-bashing! Reframe your negative thoughts into positives.
If you're constantly telling yourself, Your rear end is too big. Nobody will like you when you look like this, think of all the reasons people do like you: People like me because I'm a kind person. Or, I'm a loyal friend.
When I look at my postpregnancy tummy and feel the negative body messages cueing up, I remember how that belly looked with my precious baby inside it. I try to replace "I have a flabby stomach" with "I have a body that nurtured a beautiful baby. That stomach is amazing!" I think of my not-quite-the-same-tummy as a reminder of the gift of motherhood.
Reflect for a moment on how much time you spend thinking about your body—what it looks like, what you wish it looked like, or perhaps what it used to look like. What would happen if you channeled that time and energy into something more productive? Our body is part of the unique way God made us. We aren't meant to worship, ignore, misuse, or hate it, but to embrace it as a gift. Even when we're swimsuit shopping!
Are You a Body-Hater?
Take this short quiz to find out if a poor body image interferes with your daily life:
1. Are you constantly trying to lose weight, even if you're in the healthy weight range for your height?
2. When people compliment you, especially on your appearance, do you find it hard to believe them?
3. Do you avoid situations that make you feel self-conscious about your body, such as going to the beach?
4. Do you compare yourself with the other women in a room? Do you take note of who's thinner or more attractive than you?
5. Do you avoid looking in mirrors, or do you always find something to critique when you look in a mirror or see yourself in photos?
6. Is your self-talk filled with critical comments about your appearance?
7. Do you find yourself thinking that if you just lost ten pounds, you'd feel content and secure?
8. Does your negative body image affect your relationships? For example, do you avoid physical intimacy with your husband because you're ashamed of your body?
9. If you were asked to list ten things you really like about your appearance, would it be difficult for you?
10.If you were asked to list ten things you really dislike about your appearance, would it be easy for you?
If you answered "yes" to a majority of these questions, you're in a battle with your body. Become your body's friend by committing to try one of the six strategies for a week. When you master that strategy, move on to another. Reward yourself for success at each stage. Success breeds success, and soon you'll be loving your body and treating it well!
Source: christianitytoday
The Thin Cage
(by Jane Johnson Struck)
Constantly thinking about how much you weigh? A former chronic dieter takes on our obsession with being skinny.
Chances are, if you're not on a diet when you read this, you just were—or will be soon. According to a study published in the International Journal of Eating Disorders, on any given day, 64.5 million American women are on a diet and will spend billions on diet and diet-related products each year. For way too many of us, dieting is our lifestyle of choice as we constantly focus on how much we eat, how much we weigh, and how we look.
That's why Constance Rhodes, 31, a wife and mom of a toddler son, founded the faith-based organization Finding Balance in January 2001. Her passion is to counter the mistaken belief that the chronic dieting done by those who don't meet clinical criteria for more extreme eating disorders is normal and healthy. She knows firsthand it isn't—she lived much of her young-adult life as a chronic dieter obsessed with staying thin. Along with the publication of Life Inside the "Thin" Cage (Shaw Books), which provides a candid look into her disordered eating and subsequent journey toward change, Constance speaks frequently on the issue, maintains a website, and provides resources and referrals to help others find the hope and healing she's found. Here's what Constance had to share with TCW.
What do you mean by "thin cage?" It's that dark prison in your mind where everything's off-limits and everything's based on performance. I spent 12 years in it by dieting constantly even though I didn't need to lose weight. I existed on water and carefully planned meals every day, and never allowed myself to enjoy a piece of cake or a slice of pizza. I was so paranoid about gaining weight that I even limited myself to ten grams of fat daily. But instead of bringing me happiness, staying thin kept me from enjoying life.
For example, one Sunday our church held a spaghetti dinner, but I was so afraid of eating something I shouldn't that my husband and I skipped it. I desperately wanted friends in our new church, but I was too worried I would overeat if we attended.
Even though I was a Christian, I didn't trust God with this area of my life. I was afraid that if I relinquished control, I would gain weight. And I really didn't want that to happen; I equated thinness with happiness and success.
Overweight women may have trouble relating to a "thin cage." Is their struggle completely different? Not really. I suspect that many overweight women also struggle with an unhealthy relationship with food. Women at both ends of the spectrum feel as though weight and value are tied together in some way. So even if you're thin and everybody thinks you look great, you don't necessarily feel better about yourself.
Then why do we equate thinness with happiness? Everything in our culture promotes it. We see thin, attractive women in almost every commercial, television program, and movie. But if you look around, you realize not everyone looks like they do in Hollywood. Yet we're bombarded by these images every day.
I hear from teens on my website that they feel they need to be really thin to fit in with their peers or to be on the sports team. I've even heard from a 70-year-old woman who had to bring a pillow to church to sit on because the pew was too hard for her bony behind! She told me she wants to let go of her fear of gaining a few pounds—but she's just not ready. She's been living in the thin cage for 50 years!
When I struggled with chronic dieting, I had a love-hate relationship with my mirror. If I was undressed, I'd turn sideways, relax my belly, and obsess over how it looked as big as a basketball. Of course it didn't—but that's how distorted my thinking was.
How did you become consumed by your weight? I was naturally thin as a teen and received lots of affirmation because of it. But when I went to college, I put on the "freshman 15," and the attention I used to receive was gone. So one semester, I ate only Malt-o-Meal three times a day for four months. I was proud to see my body shrink and relieved to have my periods stop, though these were signs I'd developed anorexia. But one day I allowed myself to eat a doughnut, and everything broke loose. I started bingeing, and soon my weight ballooned by 28 pounds. By the end of college, I finally got a handle on my bingeing. But by the time I got my weight down to where it needed to be, I was too afraid to trust my body to maintain it. That's when I crossed the line into a subclinical eating disorder.
What do you mean by "subclinical"? While I technically was no longer anorexic, I was consumed by the fear of regaining weight and put myself on an endless, unforgiving diet. If someone suggested I was overly concerned with dieting, I'd say, "I don't have an eating disorder—I just watch what I eat."
Technically, I was right. Clinical eating disorders such as anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating have specific criteria for diagnosis. For example, with anorexia, in addition to other symptoms, you must miss three consecutive menstrual cycles and weigh less than 85 percent of your expected body weight. While I didn't meet those two criteria, because I displayed several other anorexic behaviors, I fell into the category experts call Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS). This is a broad category that includes basically any type of obsession with food.
When does dieting become destructive? When it dictates how you live your life. For example, if you eat something that isn't on your diet, do you suddenly panic or fall into despair? Do you schedule your meals a certain way and when you miss your scheduled time, force yourself to skip eating altogether until you hit the next scheduled time? Are the rules taking over your life?
Dieting can become cultlike. You've got "gurus" who help you achieve thinness through whatever method they preach. You develop a ritual—such as exercising a certain number of times a week or counting your calories carefully. While in moderation those things are okay, it's problematic when you become obsessed by them and gradually define everything you do based on how it fits in with your goal of being thin. In a sense, your body becomes your god. It begins to master you.
How does this impact other relationships? There's a woman I know who felt her thighs were really fat—even though she actually was slim. If her husband touched her thighs, she recoiled and was sure he was thinking about how fat she was. Another man told me when he's feeling romantic and tells his wife, who's a bit overweight, that she's beautiful, she says, "How can you think that?" Immediately he's out of the mood.
My husband told me I was always miserable. And because I had such high standards for my body, if I saw him gaining weight, I'd nag him. He began to feel as though I didn't love him unconditionally; he felt manipulated too, because I'd act like I was joking, but we both knew I wasn't.
When our weight is very important to us, we tend to judge others based on their weight. I didn't have many girlfriends because women assumed I wouldn't want to be around them if they weighed more, or because they felt intimidated by me. And if someone was thinner than I, I was jealous.
Did this affect your spiritual health? Sure. I got irritated with people who said, "God loves you just the way you are"—as if that would solve everything. I already knew God loved me. But at the end of the day, I didn't care what he thought as much as I cared what my peers thought or what the scale said.
But I finally realized I had expended so much energy thinking about calories, skipping church if I felt fat, and avoiding relationships with friends and fellow Christians that God simply couldn't speak to me through others. And when you spend that much time thinking about what you should or shouldn't eat, there's not a whole lot left to dive into any kind of spiritually rewarding experience. For instance, when I'd try to have a quiet time during this period, inevitably I'd end up thinking about my weight. A typical conversation would go: Hello, Jesus. Oh, my pants feel tight right now. Oh, no, what if I've gained a few pounds … ?
Christians often tell me they think God's disappointed in them because they struggle with disordered eating. The truth is, we're all prone to an area of weakness in our life. It's important for people to know that you can love God and still be consumed with what you eat, because you're allowing thinness to define who you are. But God wants to set you free from that so you can experience the abundant life he promises.
How did you find that abundant life? It all came down to God renewing my mind. He did that through his Word. Two Scriptures especially spoke to me: "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10), and "'I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord, 'plans to prosper you … to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11). I saw a Christian counselor and prayed God would readjust my perception of thin. The more I relaxed my stubborn hold on this area, the more God spoke to me. He began showing me how other women, even if they weren't thin, had a happy life. I started to see the difference between my expectations and what was real and healthy. As God set me free, I reached a healthier weight.
Do you feel you have a normal relationship with food now? I do. But it hasn't happened overnight. The truth is, it's a process. I still need to be aware of what triggers fears about gaining weight. For me it's fashion magazines and certain television shows. For others, it can be as simple as going swimsuit shopping or seeing someone thinner than you.
Certain friends or family members also may be triggers. Perhaps you have a really thin friend you always feel fat next to. You've got to learn how to interact with these people in a healthy way. Identify who or what your triggers are, then give yourself a good talk before you encounter one of them.
What else can a woman do to break the cycle of chronic dieting? An obsession of any kind takes time away from doing something that would bring you true happiness. So list all the ways your life would be different if you didn't think about eating, weight, and food all the time. Look at that list and think about the way you've been living. God's promised you an abundant life. Do you feel as though you're living it? Is there a chance you'd experience more of it if you just let go of your fear?
If you're afraid of gaining weight and you eat a piece of pizza, your fear will tell you, Oh no, you ate that pizza. You'd better do something about it or you'll gain weight. But if you're not afraid of gaining weight and you eat a piece of pizza, you'll think, That was really good. I might not want to eat this all the time, but I enjoyed it. If the fear's not there, you're not inclined either to starve yourself the next day or, for some women, to throw it up. Likewise, if you want to lose weight, if you don't use food to comfort your fears, you're more likely to eat the right amount of food to get to a healthier weight.
Did this affect your spiritual health? Sure. I got irritated with people who said, "God loves you just the way you are"—as if that would solve everything. I already knew God loved me. But at the end of the day, I didn't care what he thought as much as I cared what my peers thought or what the scale said.
But I finally realized I had expended so much energy thinking about calories, skipping church if I felt fat, and avoiding relationships with friends and fellow Christians that God simply couldn't speak to me through others. And when you spend that much time thinking about what you should or shouldn't eat, there's not a whole lot left to dive into any kind of spiritually rewarding experience. For instance, when I'd try to have a quiet time during this period, inevitably I'd end up thinking about my weight. A typical conversation would go: Hello, Jesus. Oh, my pants feel tight right now. Oh, no, what if I've gained a few pounds … ?
Christians often tell me they think God's disappointed in them because they struggle with disordered eating. The truth is, we're all prone to an area of weakness in our life. It's important for people to know that you can love God and still be consumed with what you eat, because you're allowing thinness to define who you are. But God wants to set you free from that so you can experience the abundant life he promises.
How did you find that abundant life? It all came down to God renewing my mind. He did that through his Word. Two Scriptures especially spoke to me: "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10), and "'I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord, 'plans to prosper you … to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11). I saw a Christian counselor and prayed God would readjust my perception of thin. The more I relaxed my stubborn hold on this area, the more God spoke to me. He began showing me how other women, even if they weren't thin, had a happy life. I started to see the difference between my expectations and what was real and healthy. As God set me free, I reached a healthier weight.
There's freedom in not being defined by what you weigh. The truth is, yes, it's good to eat healthy and to exercise, because God wants us to take care of our bodies and to feel good in them. But we shouldn't operate out of fear. If we can somehow remove that fear, then it becomes easier to find a balance in what we eat and how we feel.
Is counseling important? Sometimes just talking with your spouse or a friend can help. But if you're constantly battling thoughts of weight and you feel your value's tied to what you weigh, talk to a professional counselor.
Any advice for a mom of a daughter who's struggling with her weight? Say, "I've noticed you might have some concerns about food. Are you afraid of gaining weight?" Do it in a conversational, relational way. Don't act too afraid if you think she's doing something unhealthy. If she knows she can be honest with you, she's more likely to let you know what's going on. If she's bulimic or anorexic, get her to talk to a professional quickly. But if she's just struggling with her self-worth, share any similar struggles you may have, as well as anything you've learned to combat them.
How has your relationship with God changed over the last few years? Now that I'm not obsessed with my weight, my love for God and my relationship with him are growing deeper. I'm seeing God change me. And that wasn't happening when all my time was consumed with staying thin. It's exciting—and now I yearn to help other women who struggle daily to accept their bodies as they are.
Source: christianitytoday
Constantly thinking about how much you weigh? A former chronic dieter takes on our obsession with being skinny.
Chances are, if you're not on a diet when you read this, you just were—or will be soon. According to a study published in the International Journal of Eating Disorders, on any given day, 64.5 million American women are on a diet and will spend billions on diet and diet-related products each year. For way too many of us, dieting is our lifestyle of choice as we constantly focus on how much we eat, how much we weigh, and how we look.
That's why Constance Rhodes, 31, a wife and mom of a toddler son, founded the faith-based organization Finding Balance in January 2001. Her passion is to counter the mistaken belief that the chronic dieting done by those who don't meet clinical criteria for more extreme eating disorders is normal and healthy. She knows firsthand it isn't—she lived much of her young-adult life as a chronic dieter obsessed with staying thin. Along with the publication of Life Inside the "Thin" Cage (Shaw Books), which provides a candid look into her disordered eating and subsequent journey toward change, Constance speaks frequently on the issue, maintains a website, and provides resources and referrals to help others find the hope and healing she's found. Here's what Constance had to share with TCW.
What do you mean by "thin cage?" It's that dark prison in your mind where everything's off-limits and everything's based on performance. I spent 12 years in it by dieting constantly even though I didn't need to lose weight. I existed on water and carefully planned meals every day, and never allowed myself to enjoy a piece of cake or a slice of pizza. I was so paranoid about gaining weight that I even limited myself to ten grams of fat daily. But instead of bringing me happiness, staying thin kept me from enjoying life.
For example, one Sunday our church held a spaghetti dinner, but I was so afraid of eating something I shouldn't that my husband and I skipped it. I desperately wanted friends in our new church, but I was too worried I would overeat if we attended.
Even though I was a Christian, I didn't trust God with this area of my life. I was afraid that if I relinquished control, I would gain weight. And I really didn't want that to happen; I equated thinness with happiness and success.
Overweight women may have trouble relating to a "thin cage." Is their struggle completely different? Not really. I suspect that many overweight women also struggle with an unhealthy relationship with food. Women at both ends of the spectrum feel as though weight and value are tied together in some way. So even if you're thin and everybody thinks you look great, you don't necessarily feel better about yourself.
Then why do we equate thinness with happiness? Everything in our culture promotes it. We see thin, attractive women in almost every commercial, television program, and movie. But if you look around, you realize not everyone looks like they do in Hollywood. Yet we're bombarded by these images every day.
I hear from teens on my website that they feel they need to be really thin to fit in with their peers or to be on the sports team. I've even heard from a 70-year-old woman who had to bring a pillow to church to sit on because the pew was too hard for her bony behind! She told me she wants to let go of her fear of gaining a few pounds—but she's just not ready. She's been living in the thin cage for 50 years!
When I struggled with chronic dieting, I had a love-hate relationship with my mirror. If I was undressed, I'd turn sideways, relax my belly, and obsess over how it looked as big as a basketball. Of course it didn't—but that's how distorted my thinking was.
How did you become consumed by your weight? I was naturally thin as a teen and received lots of affirmation because of it. But when I went to college, I put on the "freshman 15," and the attention I used to receive was gone. So one semester, I ate only Malt-o-Meal three times a day for four months. I was proud to see my body shrink and relieved to have my periods stop, though these were signs I'd developed anorexia. But one day I allowed myself to eat a doughnut, and everything broke loose. I started bingeing, and soon my weight ballooned by 28 pounds. By the end of college, I finally got a handle on my bingeing. But by the time I got my weight down to where it needed to be, I was too afraid to trust my body to maintain it. That's when I crossed the line into a subclinical eating disorder.
What do you mean by "subclinical"? While I technically was no longer anorexic, I was consumed by the fear of regaining weight and put myself on an endless, unforgiving diet. If someone suggested I was overly concerned with dieting, I'd say, "I don't have an eating disorder—I just watch what I eat."
Technically, I was right. Clinical eating disorders such as anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating have specific criteria for diagnosis. For example, with anorexia, in addition to other symptoms, you must miss three consecutive menstrual cycles and weigh less than 85 percent of your expected body weight. While I didn't meet those two criteria, because I displayed several other anorexic behaviors, I fell into the category experts call Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS). This is a broad category that includes basically any type of obsession with food.
When does dieting become destructive? When it dictates how you live your life. For example, if you eat something that isn't on your diet, do you suddenly panic or fall into despair? Do you schedule your meals a certain way and when you miss your scheduled time, force yourself to skip eating altogether until you hit the next scheduled time? Are the rules taking over your life?
Dieting can become cultlike. You've got "gurus" who help you achieve thinness through whatever method they preach. You develop a ritual—such as exercising a certain number of times a week or counting your calories carefully. While in moderation those things are okay, it's problematic when you become obsessed by them and gradually define everything you do based on how it fits in with your goal of being thin. In a sense, your body becomes your god. It begins to master you.
How does this impact other relationships? There's a woman I know who felt her thighs were really fat—even though she actually was slim. If her husband touched her thighs, she recoiled and was sure he was thinking about how fat she was. Another man told me when he's feeling romantic and tells his wife, who's a bit overweight, that she's beautiful, she says, "How can you think that?" Immediately he's out of the mood.
My husband told me I was always miserable. And because I had such high standards for my body, if I saw him gaining weight, I'd nag him. He began to feel as though I didn't love him unconditionally; he felt manipulated too, because I'd act like I was joking, but we both knew I wasn't.
When our weight is very important to us, we tend to judge others based on their weight. I didn't have many girlfriends because women assumed I wouldn't want to be around them if they weighed more, or because they felt intimidated by me. And if someone was thinner than I, I was jealous.
Did this affect your spiritual health? Sure. I got irritated with people who said, "God loves you just the way you are"—as if that would solve everything. I already knew God loved me. But at the end of the day, I didn't care what he thought as much as I cared what my peers thought or what the scale said.
But I finally realized I had expended so much energy thinking about calories, skipping church if I felt fat, and avoiding relationships with friends and fellow Christians that God simply couldn't speak to me through others. And when you spend that much time thinking about what you should or shouldn't eat, there's not a whole lot left to dive into any kind of spiritually rewarding experience. For instance, when I'd try to have a quiet time during this period, inevitably I'd end up thinking about my weight. A typical conversation would go: Hello, Jesus. Oh, my pants feel tight right now. Oh, no, what if I've gained a few pounds … ?
Christians often tell me they think God's disappointed in them because they struggle with disordered eating. The truth is, we're all prone to an area of weakness in our life. It's important for people to know that you can love God and still be consumed with what you eat, because you're allowing thinness to define who you are. But God wants to set you free from that so you can experience the abundant life he promises.
How did you find that abundant life? It all came down to God renewing my mind. He did that through his Word. Two Scriptures especially spoke to me: "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10), and "'I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord, 'plans to prosper you … to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11). I saw a Christian counselor and prayed God would readjust my perception of thin. The more I relaxed my stubborn hold on this area, the more God spoke to me. He began showing me how other women, even if they weren't thin, had a happy life. I started to see the difference between my expectations and what was real and healthy. As God set me free, I reached a healthier weight.
Do you feel you have a normal relationship with food now? I do. But it hasn't happened overnight. The truth is, it's a process. I still need to be aware of what triggers fears about gaining weight. For me it's fashion magazines and certain television shows. For others, it can be as simple as going swimsuit shopping or seeing someone thinner than you.
Certain friends or family members also may be triggers. Perhaps you have a really thin friend you always feel fat next to. You've got to learn how to interact with these people in a healthy way. Identify who or what your triggers are, then give yourself a good talk before you encounter one of them.
What else can a woman do to break the cycle of chronic dieting? An obsession of any kind takes time away from doing something that would bring you true happiness. So list all the ways your life would be different if you didn't think about eating, weight, and food all the time. Look at that list and think about the way you've been living. God's promised you an abundant life. Do you feel as though you're living it? Is there a chance you'd experience more of it if you just let go of your fear?
If you're afraid of gaining weight and you eat a piece of pizza, your fear will tell you, Oh no, you ate that pizza. You'd better do something about it or you'll gain weight. But if you're not afraid of gaining weight and you eat a piece of pizza, you'll think, That was really good. I might not want to eat this all the time, but I enjoyed it. If the fear's not there, you're not inclined either to starve yourself the next day or, for some women, to throw it up. Likewise, if you want to lose weight, if you don't use food to comfort your fears, you're more likely to eat the right amount of food to get to a healthier weight.
Did this affect your spiritual health? Sure. I got irritated with people who said, "God loves you just the way you are"—as if that would solve everything. I already knew God loved me. But at the end of the day, I didn't care what he thought as much as I cared what my peers thought or what the scale said.
But I finally realized I had expended so much energy thinking about calories, skipping church if I felt fat, and avoiding relationships with friends and fellow Christians that God simply couldn't speak to me through others. And when you spend that much time thinking about what you should or shouldn't eat, there's not a whole lot left to dive into any kind of spiritually rewarding experience. For instance, when I'd try to have a quiet time during this period, inevitably I'd end up thinking about my weight. A typical conversation would go: Hello, Jesus. Oh, my pants feel tight right now. Oh, no, what if I've gained a few pounds … ?
Christians often tell me they think God's disappointed in them because they struggle with disordered eating. The truth is, we're all prone to an area of weakness in our life. It's important for people to know that you can love God and still be consumed with what you eat, because you're allowing thinness to define who you are. But God wants to set you free from that so you can experience the abundant life he promises.
How did you find that abundant life? It all came down to God renewing my mind. He did that through his Word. Two Scriptures especially spoke to me: "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10), and "'I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord, 'plans to prosper you … to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11). I saw a Christian counselor and prayed God would readjust my perception of thin. The more I relaxed my stubborn hold on this area, the more God spoke to me. He began showing me how other women, even if they weren't thin, had a happy life. I started to see the difference between my expectations and what was real and healthy. As God set me free, I reached a healthier weight.
There's freedom in not being defined by what you weigh. The truth is, yes, it's good to eat healthy and to exercise, because God wants us to take care of our bodies and to feel good in them. But we shouldn't operate out of fear. If we can somehow remove that fear, then it becomes easier to find a balance in what we eat and how we feel.
Is counseling important? Sometimes just talking with your spouse or a friend can help. But if you're constantly battling thoughts of weight and you feel your value's tied to what you weigh, talk to a professional counselor.
Any advice for a mom of a daughter who's struggling with her weight? Say, "I've noticed you might have some concerns about food. Are you afraid of gaining weight?" Do it in a conversational, relational way. Don't act too afraid if you think she's doing something unhealthy. If she knows she can be honest with you, she's more likely to let you know what's going on. If she's bulimic or anorexic, get her to talk to a professional quickly. But if she's just struggling with her self-worth, share any similar struggles you may have, as well as anything you've learned to combat them.
How has your relationship with God changed over the last few years? Now that I'm not obsessed with my weight, my love for God and my relationship with him are growing deeper. I'm seeing God change me. And that wasn't happening when all my time was consumed with staying thin. It's exciting—and now I yearn to help other women who struggle daily to accept their bodies as they are.
Source: christianitytoday
Mad About Me
(by Karen Scalf Linamen)
Learning to love your body can help you feel better about yourself.
The bible tells us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves (Matthew 19:19). But a couple years ago, I took a good look at myself and realized I didn't love myself at all. In fact, if I loved my friends and neighbors as I loved myself, it wouldn't take long for them to stop returning my calls!
The truth is, I'd abused my body with too much food and too little exercise. The reasons had varied through the years—marriage struggles, stress, depression—but the outcome was clear: I'd gained 120 unwanted pounds and I felt exhausted and dumpy, more like an "it" than a woman and a wife.
One evening while I was working in my office, I looked up and saw my reflection in a window. I was sick and tired of hating the way I looked and felt! I vowed to find a way to turn my life around. My goal wasn't to turn myself into a Perfect 10. I didn't want to pursue outer beauty at the expense of inner beauty. But I wanted to appreciate and cherish the body God gave me. Here's how I began to do just that:
Make Peace with the Scale
In previous years I'd started exercise programs with the goal of losing weight. When my scale didn't immediately budge, I usually became frustrated and sought consolation at the nearest Pizza Hut.
This time I threw out the scale. My new goal wasn't to lose weight. Instead, my aim was to gain strength, flexibility, and energy. I wanted to move with greater freedom, so I no longer felt like a stranger in my own body.
My first step toward loving my body was simply this: I got moving. I claimed one of the treadmills at my local gym and began walking every day. I took my Walkman and rocked to my favorite music as I put the miles behind me.
At the beginning, I was hard pressed to walk 15 minutes. That was okay; I didn't push myself. My initial goal was simply to use my body every day. Even if I went home after 15 minutes, I felt like a success. The first change I noticed was that I could breathe and move easier than before. Even if I never lost another pound, these were worthwhile changes. I was on my way!
Feel Feminine
I still weighed 260 pounds. But now I could walk from the television to the refrigerator without getting winded, so I definitely was making progress! It was time for Phase Two of my campaign to learn to love my body: I wanted to feel sexy.
I hadn't felt attractive in a long time. Embarrassed by my body, I was always trying to figure ways to make love to my husband without actually getting naked. Dark rooms helped some, but I felt most comfortable hiding behind several layers of clothing. If I could have made love to him from another room, I would have done that!
Now I wanted to change all that. But how in the world could I begin? For starters, there's nothing that makes me feel less appealing than lily-white skin. The underbelly of a frog has more color than my body without a tan. Deciding a little color would make me feel better, I began experimenting with sunless tanning lotions. I loved the results (I'm hooked on Neutrogena's Sun-less Tanning Foam. Great color and no funny smell! ).
Next step? Beautiful bras and panties. It didn't matter that I was wearing size-24 jeans and hiding behind triple x sweatshirts—I felt more attractive knowing that beneath it all lurked some seriously feminine lingerie. Victoria isn't the only one with a sexy secret—I had one, too!
I splurged on an occasional pedicure, then kept my feet baby-bottom-soft by slathering on Vaseline and wearing thick socks to bed. I bought a gold toe ring and anklet. I also discovered that an occasional new pair of sunglasses made me feel like a million dollars for about $12.99.
No, I didn't look like Cindy Crawford. But I was discovering I didn't need to. I could celebrate my feminine beauty just the way I was.
Think Positive
It was one thing to go to the gym and to wear lacy unmentionables. But I realized that in order to really love my body, I had to change the unhealthy thoughts that ran through my head.
For starters, I needed to take to heart what God says about me—that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made by him (Psalm 139:14) and that my body is his temple (1 Corinthians 3:16). So instead of thinking, Oh, I hate exercise. Why do I have to punish myself this way? I began saying, When I exercise, I'm taking care of myself. Sure, it requires time and effort, but it makes me feel good. I'm worth it!
I also used new thoughts to battle the urge to binge. One day I felt drawn to several Christmas cookies on my kitchen counter. Instead of reaching for them, I closed my eyes and asked, How will I feel 20 minutes from now if I eat all those cookies? I knew the answer: I would feel defeated, hopeless, and ashamed. It wasn't worth it. I left the cookies for the kids.
Of course, there were still days when I lost the battle and downed a dozen Twinkies or a Sam's-sized bag of green-and-red M&Ms in a single sitting. In the past, I would have berated myself with You idiot, look what you've done! My harsh thoughts would only have deepened my self-loathing. Miserable, I would have been driven back to the kitchen for the Haagen Daas or Oreos.
Now I embraced a new way of thinking: So you ate an entire box of Twinkies? That's okay. You must have needed them in some fashion. Now that you've eaten them, you can move on. You're free to eat healthy again. I was realizing that junk food is temporary—eventually it leaves the body. Yet the guilt and shame I heaped on myself had a lasting effect. Embracing a new way of thinking helped me battle the real enemy—self-loathing, not food.
Live Well
It's been two years since I've given myself the gift of falling in love with my body. I still work out at the gym—in fact, I've added strength training to my routine. Hard to believe that the girl who flunked tenth-grade P.E. is hefting dumbbells and pumping iron with the big boys!
I've lost weight—60 pounds, to be exact—but as I've made these lifestyle and attitude changes, I've learned the numbers on my scale don't reflect my worth as a woman, nor should they determine the enjoyment I get out of life. Truth is, 20 years ago, when I weighed 135 pounds, I still hated my thighs. Today, my scale hovers around 200, and I've never felt sexier or more comfortable with my body.
Other rewards of my newfound love affair with myself? My kids are reaping the benefits of a healthier, more active mother. My 13-year-old daughter and I enjoy shopping for clothes at the same stores together. And when we go to the pool at a hotel or during the summer, my five year old doesn't have to beg me to play in the water with her—I'm ready to go.
And when it comes to my love life … well, let me just say that I no longer make my husband turn out the lights and wait for a lunar eclipse before I'll get undressed.
Best yet, I like my body now. We have a good relationship. We're friends. I couldn't have said that two years ago.
King David was right when he penned Psalm 139:14. Pixie, buxom, lanky, large, or thin, you and I can rest assured: At every size and in every shape, we are indeed fearfully and wonderfully made.
Pampering Pointers
Loving your body doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg:
Go cheapskate on some beauty strategies so you can splurge on others. For example, I get $10 haircuts at Supercuts so I can afford acrylic nails. I buy $3 lip gloss but splurge on $14 mascara.
Swap secrets with girlfriends. My friend Linda got me turned on to a great haircolor I buy at my supermarket … Debbie told me about Ponds Age Defying Face Cream from Wal-Mart … Beth showed me how to bleach the hair on my arms and introduced me to a good electrologist in town.
Steal these strategies that don't cost a dime. Stay away from sodas and coffee, and drink lots of water instead. Get plenty of sleep. Stand up straight for better posture. And perhaps the most effective beauty secret of all—smile!
Source: christianitytoday
Learning to love your body can help you feel better about yourself.
The bible tells us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves (Matthew 19:19). But a couple years ago, I took a good look at myself and realized I didn't love myself at all. In fact, if I loved my friends and neighbors as I loved myself, it wouldn't take long for them to stop returning my calls!
The truth is, I'd abused my body with too much food and too little exercise. The reasons had varied through the years—marriage struggles, stress, depression—but the outcome was clear: I'd gained 120 unwanted pounds and I felt exhausted and dumpy, more like an "it" than a woman and a wife.
One evening while I was working in my office, I looked up and saw my reflection in a window. I was sick and tired of hating the way I looked and felt! I vowed to find a way to turn my life around. My goal wasn't to turn myself into a Perfect 10. I didn't want to pursue outer beauty at the expense of inner beauty. But I wanted to appreciate and cherish the body God gave me. Here's how I began to do just that:
Make Peace with the Scale
In previous years I'd started exercise programs with the goal of losing weight. When my scale didn't immediately budge, I usually became frustrated and sought consolation at the nearest Pizza Hut.
This time I threw out the scale. My new goal wasn't to lose weight. Instead, my aim was to gain strength, flexibility, and energy. I wanted to move with greater freedom, so I no longer felt like a stranger in my own body.
My first step toward loving my body was simply this: I got moving. I claimed one of the treadmills at my local gym and began walking every day. I took my Walkman and rocked to my favorite music as I put the miles behind me.
At the beginning, I was hard pressed to walk 15 minutes. That was okay; I didn't push myself. My initial goal was simply to use my body every day. Even if I went home after 15 minutes, I felt like a success. The first change I noticed was that I could breathe and move easier than before. Even if I never lost another pound, these were worthwhile changes. I was on my way!
Feel Feminine
I still weighed 260 pounds. But now I could walk from the television to the refrigerator without getting winded, so I definitely was making progress! It was time for Phase Two of my campaign to learn to love my body: I wanted to feel sexy.
I hadn't felt attractive in a long time. Embarrassed by my body, I was always trying to figure ways to make love to my husband without actually getting naked. Dark rooms helped some, but I felt most comfortable hiding behind several layers of clothing. If I could have made love to him from another room, I would have done that!
Now I wanted to change all that. But how in the world could I begin? For starters, there's nothing that makes me feel less appealing than lily-white skin. The underbelly of a frog has more color than my body without a tan. Deciding a little color would make me feel better, I began experimenting with sunless tanning lotions. I loved the results (I'm hooked on Neutrogena's Sun-less Tanning Foam. Great color and no funny smell! ).
Next step? Beautiful bras and panties. It didn't matter that I was wearing size-24 jeans and hiding behind triple x sweatshirts—I felt more attractive knowing that beneath it all lurked some seriously feminine lingerie. Victoria isn't the only one with a sexy secret—I had one, too!
I splurged on an occasional pedicure, then kept my feet baby-bottom-soft by slathering on Vaseline and wearing thick socks to bed. I bought a gold toe ring and anklet. I also discovered that an occasional new pair of sunglasses made me feel like a million dollars for about $12.99.
No, I didn't look like Cindy Crawford. But I was discovering I didn't need to. I could celebrate my feminine beauty just the way I was.
Think Positive
It was one thing to go to the gym and to wear lacy unmentionables. But I realized that in order to really love my body, I had to change the unhealthy thoughts that ran through my head.
For starters, I needed to take to heart what God says about me—that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made by him (Psalm 139:14) and that my body is his temple (1 Corinthians 3:16). So instead of thinking, Oh, I hate exercise. Why do I have to punish myself this way? I began saying, When I exercise, I'm taking care of myself. Sure, it requires time and effort, but it makes me feel good. I'm worth it!
I also used new thoughts to battle the urge to binge. One day I felt drawn to several Christmas cookies on my kitchen counter. Instead of reaching for them, I closed my eyes and asked, How will I feel 20 minutes from now if I eat all those cookies? I knew the answer: I would feel defeated, hopeless, and ashamed. It wasn't worth it. I left the cookies for the kids.
Of course, there were still days when I lost the battle and downed a dozen Twinkies or a Sam's-sized bag of green-and-red M&Ms in a single sitting. In the past, I would have berated myself with You idiot, look what you've done! My harsh thoughts would only have deepened my self-loathing. Miserable, I would have been driven back to the kitchen for the Haagen Daas or Oreos.
Now I embraced a new way of thinking: So you ate an entire box of Twinkies? That's okay. You must have needed them in some fashion. Now that you've eaten them, you can move on. You're free to eat healthy again. I was realizing that junk food is temporary—eventually it leaves the body. Yet the guilt and shame I heaped on myself had a lasting effect. Embracing a new way of thinking helped me battle the real enemy—self-loathing, not food.
Live Well
It's been two years since I've given myself the gift of falling in love with my body. I still work out at the gym—in fact, I've added strength training to my routine. Hard to believe that the girl who flunked tenth-grade P.E. is hefting dumbbells and pumping iron with the big boys!
I've lost weight—60 pounds, to be exact—but as I've made these lifestyle and attitude changes, I've learned the numbers on my scale don't reflect my worth as a woman, nor should they determine the enjoyment I get out of life. Truth is, 20 years ago, when I weighed 135 pounds, I still hated my thighs. Today, my scale hovers around 200, and I've never felt sexier or more comfortable with my body.
Other rewards of my newfound love affair with myself? My kids are reaping the benefits of a healthier, more active mother. My 13-year-old daughter and I enjoy shopping for clothes at the same stores together. And when we go to the pool at a hotel or during the summer, my five year old doesn't have to beg me to play in the water with her—I'm ready to go.
And when it comes to my love life … well, let me just say that I no longer make my husband turn out the lights and wait for a lunar eclipse before I'll get undressed.
Best yet, I like my body now. We have a good relationship. We're friends. I couldn't have said that two years ago.
King David was right when he penned Psalm 139:14. Pixie, buxom, lanky, large, or thin, you and I can rest assured: At every size and in every shape, we are indeed fearfully and wonderfully made.
Pampering Pointers
Loving your body doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg:
Go cheapskate on some beauty strategies so you can splurge on others. For example, I get $10 haircuts at Supercuts so I can afford acrylic nails. I buy $3 lip gloss but splurge on $14 mascara.
Swap secrets with girlfriends. My friend Linda got me turned on to a great haircolor I buy at my supermarket … Debbie told me about Ponds Age Defying Face Cream from Wal-Mart … Beth showed me how to bleach the hair on my arms and introduced me to a good electrologist in town.
Steal these strategies that don't cost a dime. Stay away from sodas and coffee, and drink lots of water instead. Get plenty of sleep. Stand up straight for better posture. And perhaps the most effective beauty secret of all—smile!
Source: christianitytoday
When the Monster Attacks
(by Nancy Kennedy)
I kept dwelling on how I should be the one looking that good.
January 3, 2008 |
At a dinner party a few years ago, I encountered an acquaintance whose job involved planning parties and events. She’d lost a lot of weight and looked incredible in her sleek black dress. She didn’t have to do any of the actual work at the party; she had “people” for that.
That’s when the green-eyed monster—envy—attacked. I don’t have “people,” I thought. I don’t even own a black dress.
The more I thought about her, the more I hated her. Even though I know all the biblical admonitions against it, I couldn’t stop envying this woman. The harder I tried, the more envy I felt.
I kept dwelling on how I should be the one looking that good. I stayed across the room from her, avoided her attempts at conversation, growled under my breath, and wished that she’d gain all her weight back or maybe ruin her black dress at the cleaners. And that I’d lose more weight than she had, get my own black dress, and look even better than she did.
At that same dinner, I met another woman. Back then my secret, silent goal was to be the funniest person wherever I went. That meant you could be funny, but, if we were seated at the same table, you couldn’t be funnier than I was.
However, no one informed the funny woman of that. So, as all the guests at the table clutched their sides from laughter at her quips, I sat stone-faced and stone-hearted, filled with envy and venom. I hated her hair; I hated her outfit; I hated her voice and every word coming out of her mouth because those words should have been mine. How dare she usurp my role!
I knew I had a choice: Either I could acknowledge the table was big enough for two funny people, or I could be a jerk. The jerk gene being dominant, every time she cracked a joke, I added a zinger of my own.
Soon we both had everyone at the table laughing, but only I knew she and I were at war. Afterward, she graciously told me she enjoyed meeting me and hoped to meet again. That’s when I knew how a snake felt: I faked my response with a firm handshake and a full-toothed smile. Then I hastily slithered off.
On the ride home, I thought about how envy had thoroughly corrupted my heart. I was ashamed and disgusted, and I cried for forgiveness. I saw my envy, at its core, as an affront to God’s goodness: that all he’d done for me and given me wasn’t enough. Envy poisoned my thinking about and affections for the people God tells me to love—like the woman in the black dress, or the funny woman at my table.
The writer of Hebrews said, “Be content with what you have” (Hebrews 13:5). As I ponder being content with what I have, I realize I have exactly what God wants me to have—not just material things, but talents and gifts and abilities, too. Therefore, to want anything more than what I have actually is to want less.
When I believe that, the monster goes away.
Has envy been monstrous in your life? How has envy affected you and your relationships with others? How have you dealt with it?
Source: christianitytoday
I kept dwelling on how I should be the one looking that good.
January 3, 2008 |
At a dinner party a few years ago, I encountered an acquaintance whose job involved planning parties and events. She’d lost a lot of weight and looked incredible in her sleek black dress. She didn’t have to do any of the actual work at the party; she had “people” for that.
That’s when the green-eyed monster—envy—attacked. I don’t have “people,” I thought. I don’t even own a black dress.
The more I thought about her, the more I hated her. Even though I know all the biblical admonitions against it, I couldn’t stop envying this woman. The harder I tried, the more envy I felt.
I kept dwelling on how I should be the one looking that good. I stayed across the room from her, avoided her attempts at conversation, growled under my breath, and wished that she’d gain all her weight back or maybe ruin her black dress at the cleaners. And that I’d lose more weight than she had, get my own black dress, and look even better than she did.
At that same dinner, I met another woman. Back then my secret, silent goal was to be the funniest person wherever I went. That meant you could be funny, but, if we were seated at the same table, you couldn’t be funnier than I was.
However, no one informed the funny woman of that. So, as all the guests at the table clutched their sides from laughter at her quips, I sat stone-faced and stone-hearted, filled with envy and venom. I hated her hair; I hated her outfit; I hated her voice and every word coming out of her mouth because those words should have been mine. How dare she usurp my role!
I knew I had a choice: Either I could acknowledge the table was big enough for two funny people, or I could be a jerk. The jerk gene being dominant, every time she cracked a joke, I added a zinger of my own.
Soon we both had everyone at the table laughing, but only I knew she and I were at war. Afterward, she graciously told me she enjoyed meeting me and hoped to meet again. That’s when I knew how a snake felt: I faked my response with a firm handshake and a full-toothed smile. Then I hastily slithered off.
On the ride home, I thought about how envy had thoroughly corrupted my heart. I was ashamed and disgusted, and I cried for forgiveness. I saw my envy, at its core, as an affront to God’s goodness: that all he’d done for me and given me wasn’t enough. Envy poisoned my thinking about and affections for the people God tells me to love—like the woman in the black dress, or the funny woman at my table.
The writer of Hebrews said, “Be content with what you have” (Hebrews 13:5). As I ponder being content with what I have, I realize I have exactly what God wants me to have—not just material things, but talents and gifts and abilities, too. Therefore, to want anything more than what I have actually is to want less.
When I believe that, the monster goes away.
Has envy been monstrous in your life? How has envy affected you and your relationships with others? How have you dealt with it?
Source: christianitytoday
Thursday, January 10, 2008
The Eye of The Beholder
(by Bethany Patchin)
"Do I look okay?" I stared at the worried face of the 13-year-old girl. Her rosy cheeks, shiny hair, and flowery shirt were all spotless, in striking contrast to our surroundings — a dusty, dull grey building in the process of becoming a Mexican church. "You look great," I replied as I wiped the cement splatters and sweat from my brow. This is a missions trip, honey. No one cares what you look like. Just get dirty.
Working with a group of teenage girls, you hear an endless number of these comments. "I wish I looked like her." "Does this shirt make me look ugly?" "I hate my figure." It simultaneously tries my patience and encourages my compassion, because it reminds me of myself at that age. I remember what it was like to look in the mirror and dislike what I saw. I remember spending minute upon minute criticizing my features, practicing make-up application, and sighing. Since then I’ve observed just how much of an obstacle self-criticism can be. For instance — a woman who cannot accept God's creative blueprint for her body will have a hard time accepting the honest love of a spouse. If a man tells her that she’s beautiful, she has to assume that he’s either lying or blind. People (this is true for men, too) who are self-depreciating are rarely able to receive the gift of a sincere compliment. They are constantly hindered in their interactions with others because they can’t stop worrying about their own image. Yet so many people never realize this. Why?
Wendell Berry, in The Unsettling of America, points to the physical models we are bombarded with every day and unconsciously trained to measure ourselves against: "Girls are taught to want to be leggy, slender, largebreasted, curly-haired, unimposingly beautiful. Boys are instructed to be 'athletic' in build, tall but not too tall, broad-shouldered, deep-chested, narrow-hipped, square-jawed, straight-nosed, not bald, unimposingly handsome...” A Kentucky farmer, Berry’s own physical ideal is that of good health. “Though many people, in health, are beautiful,” he writes, “very few resemble these models. The result is widespread suffering that does immeasurable damage both to individual persons and to the society as a whole."
Seeing Ourselves
An intense focus on our physical appearance and our failure to conform to (supposed) physical ideals is damaging because it is sinful. The Book of Genesis reveals that man was created in the image and likeness of God. Our bodies are visible reminders of God’s glory. When we constantly complain about them or try to re-fashion them according to our own designs, we disdain God’s greatest creation.
There's nothing wrong with a woman occasionally highlighting her features with makeup. But it’s doubtful that God wants us to spend half the morning covering up the faces he intentionally blessed us with. There is a certain honesty and vulnerability in a clean, unembellished face. It shows humility, and draws attention away from the merely external to the soul shining through the eyes. There's also nothing inherently bad about a man working out to strengthen his muscles. But spending hours in the gym striving for perfectly defined tone is not a good use of one’s time or body. There is much more to be admired in the modest arms of a man who increases his strength by carrying his children, tilling the ground, or maintaining his house. The Apostle Paul calls the body the temple of the Holy Spirit. We should worship with the temple; we must not worship the temple itself. The body is a glorious creation, but its purpose is to glorify the Creator.
Discerning Beauty
Our bodies are meant to be instruments for God, not trophies to attract the opposite sex or to gain admiration from our own. Man was created as a unity of body and soul — the two cannot be separated and looked at apart from each other. For this reason, a truly beautiful body is one that gives shape to a beautiful soul. The Bible teaches that a beautiful woman is one with a quiet and gentle spirit. A handsome man is strong in character, pure in thought, and tender in action. When superficial beauty covers an impure spirit, it becomes a mockery. Proverbs 11 puts it bluntly: “Like a ring of gold in a pig’s snout is a fair woman without discretion.”
There will be people who are more physically attractive, more aesthetically pleasing to the eye than others. But our differences are what make us so very appealing. If all flowers were roses, we would never experience the beauty of a mixed bouquet of contrasting daisies, dahlias, lilacs, tulips and daffodils. Roses are magnificent, but they are not everyone's favorite flower. Charlotte Bronte gives us a picture of true beauty in her novel Jane Eyre. The heroine, Jane, is described as beautiful in spirit but “plain” in appearance — she is nearly the opposite of the physical ideal of the day: the plump, pale and pampered society belle. Next to the lovely and haughty Blanche, her rival for the love of Mr. Rochester, Jane seems nondescript and undesirable. But Mr. Rochester is not deceived by appearances. "To women who please me only with their faces” he explains to Jane, “I am the very devil when I find out they have neither souls nor hearts — when they open to me a perspective of flatness, triviality, and perhaps imbecility, coarseness, and ill temper: but to the clear eye and eloquent tongue, to the soul made of fire, and the character that bends but does not break — at once supple and stable, tractable and consistent — I am ever tender and true."
Proverbs 31 says that charm is deceptive and beauty soon fades. This doesn't mean that physical beauty isn't to be enjoyed or acknowledged (read the Song of Solomon) — but that the truest beauty is found by looking through the body, not at the body.
Distorted Vision
All of this wisdom seems utterly foolish to our culture today. And it is very hard not to believe the culture, when our outlook is shaped by billboards, store window displays, and popular songs; when our coffee tables are strewn about with catalogs and magazines selling “perfection”; when television, movies, and the internet provide an illusionary world full of fascinating, adventurous, and beautiful people; when all around us, the human body is exploited for the purpose of seducing customers, reducing the image of God to a mere object — and a common, cheap one at that.
If we were to honor and guard our bodies for what they truly are, striving for good health and an honest presentation of ourselves, we wouldn’t need to spend money on “improving” or disguising them. By making an object of the body (whether of worship or denigration — these are two sides of the same coin), they hope to make us forget that our bodies aren’t plastic, that we will age and eventually die. They want us to believe that happiness is found in bodily pleasure, physical beauty, and self-love, so that we will pour our money into fashion, cosmetics, entertainment, and self-help. Who are “they”? Call them Hollywood, call them the media. Their lies are ancient. In The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis describes the Evil One's strategy for distorting our perceptions:
It is the business of {Satan's lowerarchy} to produce in every age a general misdirection of what may be called sexual 'taste.' This they do by working through the small circle of popular artists, dressmakers, actresses, and advertisers who determine the fashionable type. The aim is to guide each sex away from those members of the other with whom spiritually helpful, happy, and fertile marriages are most likely. Thus we have now for many centuries triumphed over nature to the extent of making certain secondary characteristics of the male (such as the beard) disagreeable to nearly all the females — and there is more in that than you might suppose. As regards the male taste we have varied a good deal... We now teach men to like women whose bodies are scarcely distinguishable from those of boys. Since this is a kind of beauty even more transitory than most, we thus aggravate the female's chronic horror of growing old (with many excellent results) and render her less willing and less able to bear children. We are more and more directing the desires of men to something which does not exist — making the role of the eye in sexuality more and more important and at the same time making its demands more and more impossible.
Unfortunately, most of us buy into what they sell us, both figuratively and literally. This is particularly obvious when you look at the rooms of young women. Their walls are plastered with pictures of movie stars and singers, their counters are covered with beauty products, their floors are piled high with trendy clothes and fashion magazines.
Our environments have a tremendous impact upon the condition and sensitivity of our souls. I spend a lot of time in my room — it is my sanctuary, the center of my home and living. If, everywhere I turned, I saw pictures of supermodels and movie stars, I would probably be embarrassed to show my face outside without carefully applied makeup and spritzed hair. I would feel unappealing in the loose shirts and frumpy jeans that are the staples of my wardrobe. In short, I would be unhappy with the package God gave me.
We have to be careful of the images we expose ourselves to and surround ourselves with, because it is extremely difficult (if not impossible) to gain a truthful perspective on beauty and the body while we are immersed in the popular culture. Only by stepping back from the world can we hope to see things from the perspective of heaven.
Sight Restored
"Faced with the sacredness of life and of the human person” Pope John Paul II asserts, “...wonder is the only appropriate attitude." What right do any of us have to look with disgust upon a creation as magnificent and priceless as the human body? Each of us, like Adam, is hand-fashioned by God Himself. Not only are we an amazing feat of biological engineering, but each of us is a singular masterpiece, one that will never be seen again on this earth. Our countenance, our body shape, our unique combination of hair, eye, and skin colors — they are exclusive to us. These little facets reflect the beauty of the Creator as a prism reflects light.
Everyone is familiar with the fairy tale of Beauty and the Beast. Near the story’s end, as the beast lies dying, Beauty at last pronounces her love for him: the spell is broken and the beast is transformed into a prince. This is a beloved story partly because it is our story. We are all Beasts in the sense that we need the magical love of another to transform us into beautiful creatures. But the fairy tales fail us when we look for that love in another human being. The cause of our ugliness is sin, and only the love of the Creator can restore us to wholeness. Jesus sacrificed himself not just for our souls but for the whole of us. Our bodies will rise again, glorified. This doesn’t mean that in heaven we’ll all look like immortal Barbie and Ken dolls; a glorified body is one cleansed of sin and free from corruption and death. The kingdom of heaven does not take its standards of perfection from fallen man. Why would we need to lose the wonderful quirks and unique features that distinguish us as individuals? Who knows — in heaven our appearance might not change at all, only our eyesight.
Because when we truly look at ourselves and each other as God sees us, we will not see faults and blemishes — we will see the image of Christ, dazzling and radiant in beauty.
Source: Boundless
"Do I look okay?" I stared at the worried face of the 13-year-old girl. Her rosy cheeks, shiny hair, and flowery shirt were all spotless, in striking contrast to our surroundings — a dusty, dull grey building in the process of becoming a Mexican church. "You look great," I replied as I wiped the cement splatters and sweat from my brow. This is a missions trip, honey. No one cares what you look like. Just get dirty.
Working with a group of teenage girls, you hear an endless number of these comments. "I wish I looked like her." "Does this shirt make me look ugly?" "I hate my figure." It simultaneously tries my patience and encourages my compassion, because it reminds me of myself at that age. I remember what it was like to look in the mirror and dislike what I saw. I remember spending minute upon minute criticizing my features, practicing make-up application, and sighing. Since then I’ve observed just how much of an obstacle self-criticism can be. For instance — a woman who cannot accept God's creative blueprint for her body will have a hard time accepting the honest love of a spouse. If a man tells her that she’s beautiful, she has to assume that he’s either lying or blind. People (this is true for men, too) who are self-depreciating are rarely able to receive the gift of a sincere compliment. They are constantly hindered in their interactions with others because they can’t stop worrying about their own image. Yet so many people never realize this. Why?
Wendell Berry, in The Unsettling of America, points to the physical models we are bombarded with every day and unconsciously trained to measure ourselves against: "Girls are taught to want to be leggy, slender, largebreasted, curly-haired, unimposingly beautiful. Boys are instructed to be 'athletic' in build, tall but not too tall, broad-shouldered, deep-chested, narrow-hipped, square-jawed, straight-nosed, not bald, unimposingly handsome...” A Kentucky farmer, Berry’s own physical ideal is that of good health. “Though many people, in health, are beautiful,” he writes, “very few resemble these models. The result is widespread suffering that does immeasurable damage both to individual persons and to the society as a whole."
Seeing Ourselves
An intense focus on our physical appearance and our failure to conform to (supposed) physical ideals is damaging because it is sinful. The Book of Genesis reveals that man was created in the image and likeness of God. Our bodies are visible reminders of God’s glory. When we constantly complain about them or try to re-fashion them according to our own designs, we disdain God’s greatest creation.
There's nothing wrong with a woman occasionally highlighting her features with makeup. But it’s doubtful that God wants us to spend half the morning covering up the faces he intentionally blessed us with. There is a certain honesty and vulnerability in a clean, unembellished face. It shows humility, and draws attention away from the merely external to the soul shining through the eyes. There's also nothing inherently bad about a man working out to strengthen his muscles. But spending hours in the gym striving for perfectly defined tone is not a good use of one’s time or body. There is much more to be admired in the modest arms of a man who increases his strength by carrying his children, tilling the ground, or maintaining his house. The Apostle Paul calls the body the temple of the Holy Spirit. We should worship with the temple; we must not worship the temple itself. The body is a glorious creation, but its purpose is to glorify the Creator.
Discerning Beauty
Our bodies are meant to be instruments for God, not trophies to attract the opposite sex or to gain admiration from our own. Man was created as a unity of body and soul — the two cannot be separated and looked at apart from each other. For this reason, a truly beautiful body is one that gives shape to a beautiful soul. The Bible teaches that a beautiful woman is one with a quiet and gentle spirit. A handsome man is strong in character, pure in thought, and tender in action. When superficial beauty covers an impure spirit, it becomes a mockery. Proverbs 11 puts it bluntly: “Like a ring of gold in a pig’s snout is a fair woman without discretion.”
There will be people who are more physically attractive, more aesthetically pleasing to the eye than others. But our differences are what make us so very appealing. If all flowers were roses, we would never experience the beauty of a mixed bouquet of contrasting daisies, dahlias, lilacs, tulips and daffodils. Roses are magnificent, but they are not everyone's favorite flower. Charlotte Bronte gives us a picture of true beauty in her novel Jane Eyre. The heroine, Jane, is described as beautiful in spirit but “plain” in appearance — she is nearly the opposite of the physical ideal of the day: the plump, pale and pampered society belle. Next to the lovely and haughty Blanche, her rival for the love of Mr. Rochester, Jane seems nondescript and undesirable. But Mr. Rochester is not deceived by appearances. "To women who please me only with their faces” he explains to Jane, “I am the very devil when I find out they have neither souls nor hearts — when they open to me a perspective of flatness, triviality, and perhaps imbecility, coarseness, and ill temper: but to the clear eye and eloquent tongue, to the soul made of fire, and the character that bends but does not break — at once supple and stable, tractable and consistent — I am ever tender and true."
Proverbs 31 says that charm is deceptive and beauty soon fades. This doesn't mean that physical beauty isn't to be enjoyed or acknowledged (read the Song of Solomon) — but that the truest beauty is found by looking through the body, not at the body.
Distorted Vision
All of this wisdom seems utterly foolish to our culture today. And it is very hard not to believe the culture, when our outlook is shaped by billboards, store window displays, and popular songs; when our coffee tables are strewn about with catalogs and magazines selling “perfection”; when television, movies, and the internet provide an illusionary world full of fascinating, adventurous, and beautiful people; when all around us, the human body is exploited for the purpose of seducing customers, reducing the image of God to a mere object — and a common, cheap one at that.
If we were to honor and guard our bodies for what they truly are, striving for good health and an honest presentation of ourselves, we wouldn’t need to spend money on “improving” or disguising them. By making an object of the body (whether of worship or denigration — these are two sides of the same coin), they hope to make us forget that our bodies aren’t plastic, that we will age and eventually die. They want us to believe that happiness is found in bodily pleasure, physical beauty, and self-love, so that we will pour our money into fashion, cosmetics, entertainment, and self-help. Who are “they”? Call them Hollywood, call them the media. Their lies are ancient. In The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis describes the Evil One's strategy for distorting our perceptions:
It is the business of {Satan's lowerarchy} to produce in every age a general misdirection of what may be called sexual 'taste.' This they do by working through the small circle of popular artists, dressmakers, actresses, and advertisers who determine the fashionable type. The aim is to guide each sex away from those members of the other with whom spiritually helpful, happy, and fertile marriages are most likely. Thus we have now for many centuries triumphed over nature to the extent of making certain secondary characteristics of the male (such as the beard) disagreeable to nearly all the females — and there is more in that than you might suppose. As regards the male taste we have varied a good deal... We now teach men to like women whose bodies are scarcely distinguishable from those of boys. Since this is a kind of beauty even more transitory than most, we thus aggravate the female's chronic horror of growing old (with many excellent results) and render her less willing and less able to bear children. We are more and more directing the desires of men to something which does not exist — making the role of the eye in sexuality more and more important and at the same time making its demands more and more impossible.
Unfortunately, most of us buy into what they sell us, both figuratively and literally. This is particularly obvious when you look at the rooms of young women. Their walls are plastered with pictures of movie stars and singers, their counters are covered with beauty products, their floors are piled high with trendy clothes and fashion magazines.
Our environments have a tremendous impact upon the condition and sensitivity of our souls. I spend a lot of time in my room — it is my sanctuary, the center of my home and living. If, everywhere I turned, I saw pictures of supermodels and movie stars, I would probably be embarrassed to show my face outside without carefully applied makeup and spritzed hair. I would feel unappealing in the loose shirts and frumpy jeans that are the staples of my wardrobe. In short, I would be unhappy with the package God gave me.
We have to be careful of the images we expose ourselves to and surround ourselves with, because it is extremely difficult (if not impossible) to gain a truthful perspective on beauty and the body while we are immersed in the popular culture. Only by stepping back from the world can we hope to see things from the perspective of heaven.
Sight Restored
"Faced with the sacredness of life and of the human person” Pope John Paul II asserts, “...wonder is the only appropriate attitude." What right do any of us have to look with disgust upon a creation as magnificent and priceless as the human body? Each of us, like Adam, is hand-fashioned by God Himself. Not only are we an amazing feat of biological engineering, but each of us is a singular masterpiece, one that will never be seen again on this earth. Our countenance, our body shape, our unique combination of hair, eye, and skin colors — they are exclusive to us. These little facets reflect the beauty of the Creator as a prism reflects light.
Everyone is familiar with the fairy tale of Beauty and the Beast. Near the story’s end, as the beast lies dying, Beauty at last pronounces her love for him: the spell is broken and the beast is transformed into a prince. This is a beloved story partly because it is our story. We are all Beasts in the sense that we need the magical love of another to transform us into beautiful creatures. But the fairy tales fail us when we look for that love in another human being. The cause of our ugliness is sin, and only the love of the Creator can restore us to wholeness. Jesus sacrificed himself not just for our souls but for the whole of us. Our bodies will rise again, glorified. This doesn’t mean that in heaven we’ll all look like immortal Barbie and Ken dolls; a glorified body is one cleansed of sin and free from corruption and death. The kingdom of heaven does not take its standards of perfection from fallen man. Why would we need to lose the wonderful quirks and unique features that distinguish us as individuals? Who knows — in heaven our appearance might not change at all, only our eyesight.
Because when we truly look at ourselves and each other as God sees us, we will not see faults and blemishes — we will see the image of Christ, dazzling and radiant in beauty.
Source: Boundless
Not Enough Beauty
(Answered by Candice Z. Watters)
DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS
I consider myself to be a very plain-looking young woman. I've never been one to wear makeup, style my hair, wear fashionable clothes, etc. In addition, I'm overweight. I was never popular, and I never wanted to stand out in a crowd. I emerged from junior high and high school relatively "unscathed" by the typical cattiness of the other girls mostly by remaining unnoticed.
I've heard countless messages about how a girl shouldn't put too much emphasis on physical beauty. But is it possible that this message can be taken too far? Shouldn't we temper what we say depending on our audience? I feel like no one has tempered his or her words regarding beauty for someone like me — someone who's already disinclined to try to be beautiful.
I find myself at 24 just as I was at 17 — still overweight, still plain-looking and still detesting the time, effort and money required to "beautify" myself in the world's eyes. I still have never been on a date, and I still stubbornly insist that a man should get to know me and love me for what's on the inside, rather than what's on the outside. The only thing that's changed is that now I find myself wanting to someday be married and have children as God has designed (a result of having come across the Boundless webzine this summer). And I wonder: Have I done something wrong? Have I mismanaged the body God has given me?
All these "anti-beauty" messages I've heard make it sound like it's a sin to constantly strive to be beautiful in the world's eyes. But is it equally a sin to NEVER try to be beautiful in the world's eyes? Have I unconsciously been fighting the whole "beauty" thing too hard all these years?
What tempered message can you give to me and others like me? (I can't be the only one, right?)
REPLY
Thank you for writing. A couple of weeks ago I answered a beauty question from someone whose friend had no interest in her outward appearance and thought anyone who broached the subject was unworthy of her friendship. This week's reply reads like a part 2 to that exchange. And given all the questions about beauty in my inbox, I could easily do parts 3, 4 and 5. This is clearly a topic that's on the mind of lots of our female readers.
You asked if the beauty message should be tempered depending on the audience. I believe the message should remain the same regardless of who you're talking to, whether women who emphasize their looks too much or too little. The principles of stewardship and modesty are universal and apply to both crowds. It's just that the former needs to pay more attention to their modesty, while women like you need encouragement to be good stewards.
Beauty is not sinful. God made it. Many of the women in the Old Testament were singled out for their physical appearance. Sarah and Rebekah were so beautiful that their husbands feared they might be killed by other powerful, lustful men. Esther's beauty had everything to do with why King Xerxes chose her among all the virgins and Abigail's beauty surely played a role in staying David's murderous hand.
As my government professor from graduate school used to say, the Old Testament shows how beauty plays a key role in diplomacy.
But as I've written before, Scripture is equally clear that when we make the creature our focus — rather than the Creator — we're guilty of idolatry. And the consequences that follow are ugly. (See Ezekiel 16 and Isaiah 3:16-26.)
Yes, there are lots of Christian women who struggle with the problem of overemphasis on beauty. But you're right that others fall into the category of "mismanagement" or neglect. And as you're discovering, this has a profound effect on some of your other goals, most notably your growing desire for marriage and family.
You wrote, "I still stubbornly insist that a man should get to know me and love me for what's on the inside, rather than what's on the outside." You then ask, "have I unconsciously been fighting the whole 'beauty' thing too hard all these years?"
I think your two questions are related.
First, about men. They are visual.
Think about that. More than most women, most men are stimulated, animated and activated by what they see. It's hard for women to fully grasp what this means because it's not our nature to be equally aroused by the images around us. We're more relational.
Granted, some would insist there is no difference between men and women. And our hyper-sexualized culture has altered the way some, even many, women react to what their eyes see. But generally speaking, men get their primary input through their eyes, while we get it through our hearts and minds. A woman who feels loved and accepted by her husband is much more willing and ready to respond to him sexually than is a woman who feels threatened, unappreciated or ridiculed. It has everything to do with her feelings. Even if he looks like Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise or (put the name of your favorite actor, sports hero or musician here), if she feels unloved, she will be less likely to respond.
There's been a host of books and studies that confirm this. Both anecdotal and scientific evidence abounds: Men and women are different. Everything from their brain chemistry to their emotional responses confirms it.
This is not to say it's OK for men to be sexually aroused by any and all women. Jesus was clear that lust is a sin saying that "everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). But it follows that Jesus knew He needed to address the issue of looking at a woman with lust because He knows of a man's propensity for it.
That said, knowing that men have to fight their sin nature (Job 31:1) is not justification for women to neglect their outward appearance. As you've discovered, being overweight and unattractive does little to attract a man's attention and ultimately, affection. Yes, there are men for whom externals mean nothing. But most men do want to marry a woman they find attractive. And it's not just that they want someone pleasant to look at. How you care for your externals sends powerful messages to men about your stewardship of what God's given you.
As you suspect, you can go overboard in both directions. A woman with abundant natural beauty who piles on the makeup and dresses seductively is just as poor a steward as a plain woman who "detests" all efforts to make the most of her appearance.
The kind of man a Godly woman should want to marry would esteem a woman who strives to be lovely, both inside and out.
This is not, however, about the world's standard of beauty. It's about making the most of what God has given you. I think it's safe to say most men would be equally turned off by a woman who obviously neglects her appearance. But as to what each defines as lovely, men are as varied in their taste as women are. Some like a more natural, clean-scrubbed look while others appreciate the enhancements of makeup. Some go for athletic and lean, others prefer a rounder, more huggable woman. You should not fear that if you embrace whatever loveliness God has given you, you will fail to appeal to a man.
I used to think that and found it easier to simply do what I wanted (which included too much junk food and not enough exercise) and then blame the men around me for being shallow and more concerned about my looks than my heart when any failed to ask me out.
Yes, my heart and character is a key part of what attracted Steve, but I'd be omitting half the story if I didn't also say that as I grew my severe, short and sassy haircut out to a more feminine length, he began to find me more attractive. And increasing my commitment to a healthy diet and daily exercise didn't hurt either.
What you need is help knowing what's appropriate attention to your looks as opposed to our culture's current obsession. That includes daily exercise for health and well-being, not hours of compulsive training at the gym. It also means giving your body good fuel, so it has the best shot at running well for a long time. If you fill it with junk, it won't. Consume the food and drink your body was designed for (whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, lean protein, plenty of water) and steer clear of those things that leave it sluggish and diseased (refined sugars, hydrogenated oils, white flour — basically pre-packaged junk food). The human body is like a high-performance vehicle; You're a Ferrari, not a Yugo. You need to treat yourself accordingly.
When you do, you not only model stewardship, you also show that what matters to men matters to you. And often, that communicates a respect that's the most attractive thing of all.
Source: Boundless
DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS
I consider myself to be a very plain-looking young woman. I've never been one to wear makeup, style my hair, wear fashionable clothes, etc. In addition, I'm overweight. I was never popular, and I never wanted to stand out in a crowd. I emerged from junior high and high school relatively "unscathed" by the typical cattiness of the other girls mostly by remaining unnoticed.
I've heard countless messages about how a girl shouldn't put too much emphasis on physical beauty. But is it possible that this message can be taken too far? Shouldn't we temper what we say depending on our audience? I feel like no one has tempered his or her words regarding beauty for someone like me — someone who's already disinclined to try to be beautiful.
I find myself at 24 just as I was at 17 — still overweight, still plain-looking and still detesting the time, effort and money required to "beautify" myself in the world's eyes. I still have never been on a date, and I still stubbornly insist that a man should get to know me and love me for what's on the inside, rather than what's on the outside. The only thing that's changed is that now I find myself wanting to someday be married and have children as God has designed (a result of having come across the Boundless webzine this summer). And I wonder: Have I done something wrong? Have I mismanaged the body God has given me?
All these "anti-beauty" messages I've heard make it sound like it's a sin to constantly strive to be beautiful in the world's eyes. But is it equally a sin to NEVER try to be beautiful in the world's eyes? Have I unconsciously been fighting the whole "beauty" thing too hard all these years?
What tempered message can you give to me and others like me? (I can't be the only one, right?)
REPLY
Thank you for writing. A couple of weeks ago I answered a beauty question from someone whose friend had no interest in her outward appearance and thought anyone who broached the subject was unworthy of her friendship. This week's reply reads like a part 2 to that exchange. And given all the questions about beauty in my inbox, I could easily do parts 3, 4 and 5. This is clearly a topic that's on the mind of lots of our female readers.
You asked if the beauty message should be tempered depending on the audience. I believe the message should remain the same regardless of who you're talking to, whether women who emphasize their looks too much or too little. The principles of stewardship and modesty are universal and apply to both crowds. It's just that the former needs to pay more attention to their modesty, while women like you need encouragement to be good stewards.
Beauty is not sinful. God made it. Many of the women in the Old Testament were singled out for their physical appearance. Sarah and Rebekah were so beautiful that their husbands feared they might be killed by other powerful, lustful men. Esther's beauty had everything to do with why King Xerxes chose her among all the virgins and Abigail's beauty surely played a role in staying David's murderous hand.
As my government professor from graduate school used to say, the Old Testament shows how beauty plays a key role in diplomacy.
But as I've written before, Scripture is equally clear that when we make the creature our focus — rather than the Creator — we're guilty of idolatry. And the consequences that follow are ugly. (See Ezekiel 16 and Isaiah 3:16-26.)
Yes, there are lots of Christian women who struggle with the problem of overemphasis on beauty. But you're right that others fall into the category of "mismanagement" or neglect. And as you're discovering, this has a profound effect on some of your other goals, most notably your growing desire for marriage and family.
You wrote, "I still stubbornly insist that a man should get to know me and love me for what's on the inside, rather than what's on the outside." You then ask, "have I unconsciously been fighting the whole 'beauty' thing too hard all these years?"
I think your two questions are related.
First, about men. They are visual.
Think about that. More than most women, most men are stimulated, animated and activated by what they see. It's hard for women to fully grasp what this means because it's not our nature to be equally aroused by the images around us. We're more relational.
Granted, some would insist there is no difference between men and women. And our hyper-sexualized culture has altered the way some, even many, women react to what their eyes see. But generally speaking, men get their primary input through their eyes, while we get it through our hearts and minds. A woman who feels loved and accepted by her husband is much more willing and ready to respond to him sexually than is a woman who feels threatened, unappreciated or ridiculed. It has everything to do with her feelings. Even if he looks like Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise or (put the name of your favorite actor, sports hero or musician here), if she feels unloved, she will be less likely to respond.
There's been a host of books and studies that confirm this. Both anecdotal and scientific evidence abounds: Men and women are different. Everything from their brain chemistry to their emotional responses confirms it.
This is not to say it's OK for men to be sexually aroused by any and all women. Jesus was clear that lust is a sin saying that "everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). But it follows that Jesus knew He needed to address the issue of looking at a woman with lust because He knows of a man's propensity for it.
That said, knowing that men have to fight their sin nature (Job 31:1) is not justification for women to neglect their outward appearance. As you've discovered, being overweight and unattractive does little to attract a man's attention and ultimately, affection. Yes, there are men for whom externals mean nothing. But most men do want to marry a woman they find attractive. And it's not just that they want someone pleasant to look at. How you care for your externals sends powerful messages to men about your stewardship of what God's given you.
As you suspect, you can go overboard in both directions. A woman with abundant natural beauty who piles on the makeup and dresses seductively is just as poor a steward as a plain woman who "detests" all efforts to make the most of her appearance.
The kind of man a Godly woman should want to marry would esteem a woman who strives to be lovely, both inside and out.
This is not, however, about the world's standard of beauty. It's about making the most of what God has given you. I think it's safe to say most men would be equally turned off by a woman who obviously neglects her appearance. But as to what each defines as lovely, men are as varied in their taste as women are. Some like a more natural, clean-scrubbed look while others appreciate the enhancements of makeup. Some go for athletic and lean, others prefer a rounder, more huggable woman. You should not fear that if you embrace whatever loveliness God has given you, you will fail to appeal to a man.
I used to think that and found it easier to simply do what I wanted (which included too much junk food and not enough exercise) and then blame the men around me for being shallow and more concerned about my looks than my heart when any failed to ask me out.
Yes, my heart and character is a key part of what attracted Steve, but I'd be omitting half the story if I didn't also say that as I grew my severe, short and sassy haircut out to a more feminine length, he began to find me more attractive. And increasing my commitment to a healthy diet and daily exercise didn't hurt either.
What you need is help knowing what's appropriate attention to your looks as opposed to our culture's current obsession. That includes daily exercise for health and well-being, not hours of compulsive training at the gym. It also means giving your body good fuel, so it has the best shot at running well for a long time. If you fill it with junk, it won't. Consume the food and drink your body was designed for (whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, lean protein, plenty of water) and steer clear of those things that leave it sluggish and diseased (refined sugars, hydrogenated oils, white flour — basically pre-packaged junk food). The human body is like a high-performance vehicle; You're a Ferrari, not a Yugo. You need to treat yourself accordingly.
When you do, you not only model stewardship, you also show that what matters to men matters to you. And often, that communicates a respect that's the most attractive thing of all.
Source: Boundless
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