(by Meg Wilson)
Tracy, an attractive brunette, sat in Sue’s living room pouring out her disappointment in round salty drops. Sue was her friend from college, and they had shared many joys and tears over the years.
“I thought I did it right,” Tracy sobbed. “I dated only Christian guys with marriage potential. Once I found Mr. Right, we waited for the wedding before becoming involved physically. He seemed like such a godly man.”
Then came her bombshell.
“We didn’t even make it to our second anniversary before he cheated on me. Then I found out he was looking at pornography on the internet and has been since he was a teen. I feel like I married a traitor. How many nights has he come home to me after being with her, or looking at countless images, only to give me a Judas kiss? My folks told me we were going too fast. Even you tried to tell me.”
Sue worked with the college girls at her church, and as she listened to Tracy’s story, her mind raced to recent conversations with a girl in her group. Brittany talked about her “Mr. Right” and nothing else.
“He is such a good Christian,” Brittany often said. “I just love to watch him play the guitar with the church worship team. I can SO see myself with this guy.”
At the next youth meeting, with Tracy’s story fresh in Sue’s mind, she decided to ask Brittany some basic questions. Their conversation went something like this.
“How long have you known Jeff?” Sue asked.
“Two wonderful months.”
“What makes him a good Christian?”
“He loves to worship the Lord and he likes going to church.”
“What is one fault that you’ve found?”
Brittany looked confused, “Oh, I can’t think of anything. He is everything I prayed for in a guy.”
Sue paused, “What about his family, how do you get along with them?”
“Oh, we hardly see them. We just love being together. Why so many questions, Sue?”
Sue gathered her thoughts before she spoke.“Brittany, it’s great that you’ve found someone special, but now’s the time to really get to know Jeff and his family. If you did get married, it would be a package deal. You would not only get Jeff, but also a mother and father-in-law. Not to mention his siblings and other family members.”
“I never thought about it like that,” Brittany said.
Sue asked, “What will you do when the first real test comes?"
“What kind of test?”
“Brittany, you both will let the other down at some point. Every one of Jesus’ disciples who loved him betrayed Him after his crucifixion.”
Brittany stared at Sue with a puzzled expression. Then she said, “I haven’t really given this relationship enough thought. It’s all been about my feelings and dreams. Thanks for being real. I’m going to have to open my eyes and ask some hard questions.”
Sue decided to see how the other girls felt about finding their future husbands. How many other young women, like Brittany, approached dating with only idealistic notions about marriage? Their search for “Mr. Right” had turned into a search for “Mr. Feel Right.” These dreamy ideas come from movies, romance novels, even fairy-tales — all based in fantasy! Christian women often add the ideal of Jesus on top of these romantic notions, forgetting He was the only perfect Man. And He won’t be found at the altar in a rented tux.
Many young women also envision their future husband, their prince, as a new and improved version of their dad — assuming they had a healthy relationship. If the relationship was poor or damaged, then they choose a “prince” that they think is a polar opposite of Dad.
With these common approaches to finding “Mr. Right” in mind, Sue broached another important subject with the group. She decided to start with a question. “How did you choose where to go to college?”
Emily, one of the quietest girls, spoke first. “My parents have been saving for me to go to college since I was born. It was never ‘if’ I would go, only ‘when.’ I researched different colleges for months with good nursing programs. Then my folks and I visited a couple of my top choices to get a feel for the campus.”
The rest of the girls spelled out similar plans. They all seemed to have taken the time to research colleges and majors carefully. Most of the girls even visited more than one college. They didn’t want to make a mistake. This conversation stood in stark contrast to the ideas expressed about how to find “Mr. Right.”
Sue decided to put together some topics to discuss with the girls over the next few weeks. After researching some of the issues godly men struggle with, she had clear direction for their discussions. The statistics on young men who view pornography were off the charts. It is clear that drug use and oral sex among teens have skyrocketed. Alcoholism, gambling ... the list of potential traps is a lengthy one. She wondered if young women knew how to set boundaries, appreciate their worth, watch for red flags, and ask difficult questions before they walk down the aisle wearing white.
Sue sought to raise her group’s awareness without creating fear. She reminded them to let God direct every aspect of their life’s journey, keeping in mind, “There’s not one totally good person on earth, not one who is truly pure and sinless” (Ecclesiastes 7:20). Allowing Christ to be their Matchmaker makes the most sense. He will choose the best. Even seemingly strong marriages face trials because we are broken people living in a broken world — a world full of betrayers.
So the question is not, “How can I avoid marrying a Judas?” The question is, “How can one broken person marry another broken person and stay together in spite of their sinfulness?”
The goal is to be transformed from being like a Judas to a Peter — restored by the hand of Christ. Peter betrayed Jesus just as Judas did, but his repentant heart sought change. He never forgot where he came from. Only when both husband and wife are honest with themselves and with each other can they grow stronger. Their life long goal should be to reflect Christ more each day. Only when God is central can a marriage survive the bumps in the road. “A three-stranded rope isn't easily snapped” (Ecclesiastes 4:12d).
Later, Sue called her friend, Tracy, to see how she was doing. Tracy’s voice sounded stronger as she spoke. “I am happy to report that my husband and I are in counseling. He seems genuinely sorry and willing to work on his issues. I’m not kidding myself, though, about our future. I have decided to take each day as it unfolds trusting the Lord to guide me.”
“You can’t go wrong waiting for God’s voice.” Sue added.
Tracy responded, “I had to be willing to do my part to heal. Christ has been showing me the ways I’ve enabled my husband to be unhealthy by not recognizing the red flags and setting boundaries. My counselor helped me to see that I wanted the dream so much that I ignored the truth in front of me -- it’s humbling. I’m not as quick to throw stones at my husband.”
As she hung up, Sue thought she heard a new confidence in Tracy’s voice. She was amazed again at how the Lord works. Next week's conversation with the girls was going to be, “the dream vs. reality.”
Tools You Can Use:
Once in a serious relationship that feels like “the one,” then:
1. Take the time for a serious second look.
2. Seek Godly counsel and listen to those who are trustworthy.
3. Ask some difficult questions (see below).
Asking Unromantic Questions
Ask one or two questions over several weeks so it doesn’t feel like the third degree. Pray and let God guide the conversation. I guarantee you will know more about each other when you are through. Be willing to be vulnerable as you share your side of the same question. This list isn’t complete, but it’s a good place to start.
When dating:
What’s most important to you in a relationship?
What quality found in your mom and or dad do you want to emulate?
What is the one thing in your past you most regret?
Describe your idea of the perfect spouse.
What does romance mean to you? Do you consider yourself romantic?
What are your physical boundaries before marriage?
When engaged:
What one thing do you want to be different in your marriage than in your parents?
If there were a conflict in our marriage we couldn’t work out, would you be willing to seek godly counseling?
What do you think about a man hitting a woman? Is it ever okay?
Do you want kids? If so, describe your idea of a good parent.
How do you handle your money? Are you a spender or saver?
How do you feel about lottery tickets, social drinking, smoking pot, etc?
What are your views on sex before to marriage?
Have you ever looked at pornography of any kind?
Do you think it’s okay to have a stripper at a bachelor party?
What, if any, are your past sexual experiences?
When were you the angriest? What did you do or how did you respond?
If you haven’t talked about these issues — do. Please don’t assume you already know the answer. The reality is there will be at least one answer you don’t like. This is a sign there is work to do -- not necessarily that you should call things off. The best situation is a couple living firmly in reality, willing to work on their issues.
*All names (other than the author’s) have been changed.
Source: crosswalk
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Keep On Trusting!
(by Bayless Conley)
If you’re like me, there's been a time in your life when trusting God has been tough. Perhaps that time is right now!
Maybe your marriage isn't where you would like it to be. Perhaps it's far from ideal… even very far from being happy… and you've been praying and trusting God to turn things around.
Maybe you're trusting God for the healing of a physical affliction in your body. Maybe there's a difficult financial situation in which you're trusting God for favor. Maybe it has to do with your kids or some other situation in the home. Maybe it has to do with something that's going on at work and you're trusting God for something to change.
Whatever it is, I want to encourage you with a word from the Lord today. I want to share with you one reason to hold fast. A reason to keep believing. A reason to hold on to the promise that God has put in your heart and to keep trusting Him.
That reason is this: If God ever helped you in the past, He can help you in the now.
I read a true story recently about a guy who was totally distraught over some bills which had come due. And in the midst of his panic he remembered an experience he had as a World War II soldier fighting in the South Pacific.
He had become separated from his comrades, and some enemy soldiers had spotted him. In his attempt not to be caught, he scrambled through the jungle on the island he was on and managed to wedge himself inside a tiny little cave. And being a Christian, he prayed, "God, please protect me."
In that moment, he noticed that a little spider had started to spin a web at the mouth of the cave, and for the next 30 minutes he watched that spider spin a web as his enemy searched the caves around him.
Pretty soon, the enemy soldiers appeared at the mouth of the cave—and in an instant, they were gone. The soldier realized the enemy assumed nobody would have gone into that cave if there was a spider web in front of it!
He had let the distress about his bills overwhelm him… before finally remembering that God had saved him with a spider web! God had been faithful in a situation that had been much worse!
This human tendency to forget God's faithfulness… our failure to trust Him… is the same thing we find in Mark chapter 8, right after Jesus miraculously fed over 4,000 people with a few fish and seven loaves of bread.
Right after that miracle, the disciples had jumped into a boat with Jesus and crossed over to the other side of the Sea of Galilee. And they immediately forgot the miracle they had just watched Him perform.
Let's pick up the story in Mark 8:14…
Now the disciples had forgotten to take bread, and they did not have more than one loaf with them in the boat. Then He charged them, saying, “Take heed, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod.” And they reasoned among themselves, saying, “It is because we have no bread.” But Jesus, being aware of it, said to them, “Why do you reason because you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive nor understand? Is your heart still hardened? Having eyes, do you not see? And having ears, do you not hear? And do you not remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of fragments did you take up?” They said to Him, “Twelve.” “Also, when I broke the seven for the four thousand, how many large baskets full of fragments did you take up?” And they said, “Seven.” So He said to them, “How is it you do not understand?” (v. 14-21)
Jesus is telling His disciples that they don't get it! He has just performed two amazing miracles feeding thousands with a few fish and a couple of loaves of bread. Yet they are panicking because they realize that they only have one loaf of bread now for themselves.
Somehow they have forgotten God's provision… His faithfulness. They are panicking in this situation because it has not dawned on them that what He did before he can do again.
But God does do repeat performances! He is faithful! What He has done in your life He can do again. And that's a good reason to hold fast… to keep believing… and to hold on today to the promise that God has put in your heart!
Source: crosswalk
If you’re like me, there's been a time in your life when trusting God has been tough. Perhaps that time is right now!
Maybe your marriage isn't where you would like it to be. Perhaps it's far from ideal… even very far from being happy… and you've been praying and trusting God to turn things around.
Maybe you're trusting God for the healing of a physical affliction in your body. Maybe there's a difficult financial situation in which you're trusting God for favor. Maybe it has to do with your kids or some other situation in the home. Maybe it has to do with something that's going on at work and you're trusting God for something to change.
Whatever it is, I want to encourage you with a word from the Lord today. I want to share with you one reason to hold fast. A reason to keep believing. A reason to hold on to the promise that God has put in your heart and to keep trusting Him.
That reason is this: If God ever helped you in the past, He can help you in the now.
I read a true story recently about a guy who was totally distraught over some bills which had come due. And in the midst of his panic he remembered an experience he had as a World War II soldier fighting in the South Pacific.
He had become separated from his comrades, and some enemy soldiers had spotted him. In his attempt not to be caught, he scrambled through the jungle on the island he was on and managed to wedge himself inside a tiny little cave. And being a Christian, he prayed, "God, please protect me."
In that moment, he noticed that a little spider had started to spin a web at the mouth of the cave, and for the next 30 minutes he watched that spider spin a web as his enemy searched the caves around him.
Pretty soon, the enemy soldiers appeared at the mouth of the cave—and in an instant, they were gone. The soldier realized the enemy assumed nobody would have gone into that cave if there was a spider web in front of it!
He had let the distress about his bills overwhelm him… before finally remembering that God had saved him with a spider web! God had been faithful in a situation that had been much worse!
This human tendency to forget God's faithfulness… our failure to trust Him… is the same thing we find in Mark chapter 8, right after Jesus miraculously fed over 4,000 people with a few fish and seven loaves of bread.
Right after that miracle, the disciples had jumped into a boat with Jesus and crossed over to the other side of the Sea of Galilee. And they immediately forgot the miracle they had just watched Him perform.
Let's pick up the story in Mark 8:14…
Now the disciples had forgotten to take bread, and they did not have more than one loaf with them in the boat. Then He charged them, saying, “Take heed, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the leaven of Herod.” And they reasoned among themselves, saying, “It is because we have no bread.” But Jesus, being aware of it, said to them, “Why do you reason because you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive nor understand? Is your heart still hardened? Having eyes, do you not see? And having ears, do you not hear? And do you not remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of fragments did you take up?” They said to Him, “Twelve.” “Also, when I broke the seven for the four thousand, how many large baskets full of fragments did you take up?” And they said, “Seven.” So He said to them, “How is it you do not understand?” (v. 14-21)
Jesus is telling His disciples that they don't get it! He has just performed two amazing miracles feeding thousands with a few fish and a couple of loaves of bread. Yet they are panicking because they realize that they only have one loaf of bread now for themselves.
Somehow they have forgotten God's provision… His faithfulness. They are panicking in this situation because it has not dawned on them that what He did before he can do again.
But God does do repeat performances! He is faithful! What He has done in your life He can do again. And that's a good reason to hold fast… to keep believing… and to hold on today to the promise that God has put in your heart!
Source: crosswalk
The God that Gives Us Living Hope
(Dr. John Barnett)
Our Great and Mighty God has His Hand reaching down from Heaven to each of us. He says to us:
• I am your Creator (Isaiah 42:5).
God made you just like you are to do what no one else can do. You are my special, precious child. Trust Me, follow Me, worship Me. We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Creator by saying to Him:
I will trust You Lord; and I will follow You Lord; and I will worship You Lord.
• I am your Sustainer (Isaiah 42:6).
God wants to hold your hand and keep you. Trust Me enough to grab My Hand, and love Me enough to let Me shine through your life. We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Sustainer by saying to Him:
I want to by faith, from this moment forward, start reaching up each new day I live and hold onto Your Hand to show that I really do trust You; and I want to love You so that others see Your love in me.
• I am your Redeemer (Isaiah 42:7).
God bought and paid for with Christ's blood, a great price. Realize anew that you are not your own, you belong to Me. Decide anew that what you say, where you go, what you wear, and how you fill your time needs to bring honor to Me as your God. We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Redeemer by saying to Him:
Thank you for buying me, I am unworthy of Your love; and I belong to You so I want You to be pleased today with what I say, where I go, what I wear, and how I spend my priceless moments of life.
• I am your Revealer (Isaiah 42:9).
God has spoken in this Word you hold. He leads you through His Word, comforts and keeps you with His Word, and changes you into more usefulness only by His Word. He says, "Let My Word fill your mind and life". We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Revealer by saying to Him:
I want to get into Your Word today and spend time with You my Lord; and I want to feel your comfort; and I want to follow Your will for my life; and I want you to change me a little more to be like Jesus today than I was yesterday.
• I am your Leader (Isaiah 48:17c).
God has given to us the pathway we are to follow in life (Psalm 16:11); and He alone is the guide we can safely follow. The Lord wants to guide and keep us; and often, it is much more than we want to follow and trust. We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Leader by saying to Him:
I want to follow Your Path. I will submit to You as my Leader today. And when the path gets rough, or I begin to fear, I want to reach up again and take Your Hand stretched out to me.
• I am your Peace-Giver (Isaiah 48:17).
God has told us over and over that great peace belongs to all who will love and obey His Word (Psalm 119:165). He offers peace that flows like a river through every part of our lives; and He offers a cleansing wave of His grace across the beaches of our lives--so that we can walk on each new day of life with a fresh, new beginning. We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Peace-Giver by saying to Him:
I want Your peace every moment. Keep me in that perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3), and I will do my part-I will keep my mind focused on You. When I feel restless I will repent of whatever wickedness prompted that feeling, look back at You and thank you for Your river of peace, and waves of righteousness.
Source: crosswalk
Our Great and Mighty God has His Hand reaching down from Heaven to each of us. He says to us:
• I am your Creator (Isaiah 42:5).
God made you just like you are to do what no one else can do. You are my special, precious child. Trust Me, follow Me, worship Me. We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Creator by saying to Him:
I will trust You Lord; and I will follow You Lord; and I will worship You Lord.
• I am your Sustainer (Isaiah 42:6).
God wants to hold your hand and keep you. Trust Me enough to grab My Hand, and love Me enough to let Me shine through your life. We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Sustainer by saying to Him:
I want to by faith, from this moment forward, start reaching up each new day I live and hold onto Your Hand to show that I really do trust You; and I want to love You so that others see Your love in me.
• I am your Redeemer (Isaiah 42:7).
God bought and paid for with Christ's blood, a great price. Realize anew that you are not your own, you belong to Me. Decide anew that what you say, where you go, what you wear, and how you fill your time needs to bring honor to Me as your God. We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Redeemer by saying to Him:
Thank you for buying me, I am unworthy of Your love; and I belong to You so I want You to be pleased today with what I say, where I go, what I wear, and how I spend my priceless moments of life.
• I am your Revealer (Isaiah 42:9).
God has spoken in this Word you hold. He leads you through His Word, comforts and keeps you with His Word, and changes you into more usefulness only by His Word. He says, "Let My Word fill your mind and life". We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Revealer by saying to Him:
I want to get into Your Word today and spend time with You my Lord; and I want to feel your comfort; and I want to follow Your will for my life; and I want you to change me a little more to be like Jesus today than I was yesterday.
• I am your Leader (Isaiah 48:17c).
God has given to us the pathway we are to follow in life (Psalm 16:11); and He alone is the guide we can safely follow. The Lord wants to guide and keep us; and often, it is much more than we want to follow and trust. We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Leader by saying to Him:
I want to follow Your Path. I will submit to You as my Leader today. And when the path gets rough, or I begin to fear, I want to reach up again and take Your Hand stretched out to me.
• I am your Peace-Giver (Isaiah 48:17).
God has told us over and over that great peace belongs to all who will love and obey His Word (Psalm 119:165). He offers peace that flows like a river through every part of our lives; and He offers a cleansing wave of His grace across the beaches of our lives--so that we can walk on each new day of life with a fresh, new beginning. We need to from our spirits respond to Him as Peace-Giver by saying to Him:
I want Your peace every moment. Keep me in that perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3), and I will do my part-I will keep my mind focused on You. When I feel restless I will repent of whatever wickedness prompted that feeling, look back at You and thank you for Your river of peace, and waves of righteousness.
Source: crosswalk
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