Expressing the Authentic You

(by Christopher Hopkins)

"When how you appear reflects who you are, you are beautiful." - Christopher Hopkins

Not long after my second appearance on Oprah, a woman flew to Minneapolis from Virginia for a makeover. She was a 54-year-old pastor’s wife who had grown her hair for six months to “give me something to work with.” We didn’t click at first.

She seemed to contradict herself, explaining she liked the length but wanted to look classy. She didn’t want a color change (it was salt and pepper), but wanted to look more youthful. She wanted easy care and to look natural, but she enjoyed setting it in hot rollers and the feel of moving, voluminous hair. She then wanted me to tell her what I would do if she hadn’t said anything.

Guess what? She needed to go short and blonde. She dragged her feet and was extremely indecisive. There was more going on here than just a haircut. After much repetitious dialogue, I pulled out my last stop, which usually goes something like, “Well, you flew all the way here for a makeover. You can go home looking basically the same or you can look great. Which do you want?”

“To look great”, she replied tentatively.
“Then you need to let go and let me make it happen.”

Letting go

She agreed but with trepidation, which is not the best way to begin a new look. So, with more than a little concern, I spun her away from the mirror and began to cut her hair. First the nape, then the sides. When I turned her back toward the mirror, she began to cry.
“What’s wrong?” I asked while taking deep, cleansing breaths.
“I’m so embarrassed,” she whispered “I’m crying because I love it! It’s as if you’ve unlocked part of me that has been missing for years!”

With a sigh of relief, I turned to those pretending they weren’t really looking and said, “Happy tears, tears of joy. Chat amongst yourselves.”

Months later she sent me this letter:

Dear Christopher,
On the 15th of January of this year, I came to your salon for the thrill and fun of a makeover. Little did I know you would work a ransom. Over the years, some forty-six of them, a cry has gone on inside me for just the right look, the one that would suit who I was. As I sat in your chair that Saturday morning, you worked your expertise and I began to cry: You were working a magic that made me feel like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon. I am so grateful to you. It may have been simply a pairing of face shape to hairstyle on your side of the chair, but on my side it was a touching of the soul.

Sending ourselves mixed messages

Like many, this woman was in denial. Her mind was mixed with messages of aging gracefully vs. fighting it every step of the way. But at some point, often in my chair, a woman is literally face-to-face with reality. Her self-esteem and self-image inseparably intertwined.

Studies confirm that strong self-esteem determines in large part our personal and professional fulfillment. Certainly, we all have good days and bad days, and days when we feel more assured than others. But managing the image you reflect in the mirror better equips you to face the day with confidence.

There is something magical that happens when you look right. You stand taller, your best self seems to come out naturally. You laugh easier and are less self-conscious. The problem is, as we age, it is more and more difficult to define you. It was easy to be you when you looked like you. But you have changed. And with that change comes uncertainty. To look right, you need to know what right is for you. And what is right is what reflects who you are now – your best self at the moment.

Finding what’s right for you

One of the first questions I ask a woman who sits in my chair is, “What do you want this haircut to say about you?” I want to know how she sees herself. I have discovered something in this questioning process. Many women just do not know for sure. They want my opinion on what will look best. That gives me about three minutes to determine who they are. What I know will look best is not necessarily what will feel best to them.

Many women are not giving the message of who they are, because they have not, for various reasons, sat down and figured it out. Often, they just haven’t changed their style to match their growth as a woman. I often hear women say, “I like who I am, just as I am.” Ok, great. But do people see who you are when you walk into a room? Being who you are is one thing, but letting others see who you are takes a little more thought.

If I took a photo of you right now and passed it around asking for words that describe you, would they be the adjectives you’d want to hear? If you want to be appreciated for who you are, it helps to present those qualities in how you look. No matter how our lives change, or how unimportant it seems to make the effort, people who see us deserve to appreciate us without having to spend hours figuring it out.

Source: christianwomentoday