Love the Skin You're In

(by Kim Gaines Eckert)
6 steps toward a healthier body image.

Last week I engaged in an activity every woman dreads: swimsuit shopping. After flipping through several racks of tiny suits that would look wonderful on a 90-pound preteen, I selected a few more grown-up suits. As I tried them on, battling my longing for certain body parts to be bigger and others to be smaller, I overheard a group of adolescent girls.

"These pants are too tight," a frustrated voice said.

"I'm sure they look fine, Tasha. Come show us," one of her friends replied.

"My butt is huge!" Tasha replied without coming out of the dressing room.

"There's nothing wrong with a little back, girl! Come out and model for us."

"No way. I'm not coming out. I'm too fat to come out. I hate my body!"

When I heard those words, I felt the urge to burst into Tasha's dressing room and give her a hug. How many times did I stand in a dressing room as an adolescent and critique my body from every angle? How many times as an adult have I wished for the elusive "perfect body"?

Unfortunately, most of us can relate to Tasha. According to the National Eating Disorders Association, 80 percent of women are unhappy with their appearance. If you've tried to lose weight to improve your appearance, you're not alone. Approximately 45 percent of women are dieting on any given day.

That's because no matter what size we are, when we turn on the television, we're confronted with a world where more than 75 percent of female sitcom characters are underweight. The average American woman is 5'4" and weighs 140 pounds, yet the average American model is 5'11" and weighs 117 pounds. It's no surprise girls and women experience a drop in self-esteem and an increase in depression when they view these images.

My journey with body-image issues began in college. I'd never been tiny, but I'd gained the "freshman 15" and then some. My wake-up call was discovering I was no longer just overweight. I was considered obese, meaning 20 percent or more over the healthy weight for my height. With my body-hating mentality, unhealthy eating, and sedentary lifestyle, I was a poor steward of the gift God had entrusted to me. By learning to love and care for my body, I lost 50 pounds with healthier eating and exercise.

If you hate the skin you're in, these six strategies can help you develop a more positive body image:

1. Focus on what your body does instead of how it looks.
List specific things your body can do. It really is remarkable! I began jogging in college, and when I focus on how my legs can carry my body a mile, I appreciate my body's function more than its appearance.

Overwhelmed with what her body could do after she gave birth to her son, author Anne Lamott wrote in Operating Instructions, "I'm going to have an awards banquet for my body when all of this is over." Our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made; they do deserve an awards banquet for what they accomplish every day!

2. Buy clothes that fit the real you right now.
Don't shop for the fantasy you that's ten pounds lighter, and don't wait to lose those ten pounds to buy a nice swimsuit or a pretty dress for your vacation. Wear comfortable clothes you feel good in.

Kathleen, a 55-year-old woman I saw in counseling years ago, had always been thin, but a new medication caused her to gain 15 pounds. None of her clothes fit, but she didn't want to give in and buy "big clothes." However, because Kathleen didn't have anything to wear, she stopped going to social events. When she arrived one week wearing a tailored brown pantsuit instead of her warm-up suit, she looked like a new woman. Kathleen watched her diet and walked daily, but she decided to stop letting her weight keep her from enjoying life.

3. List ten things you like about you that have nothing to do with appearance.
You're a person, not just a body. Post this list on a mirror for when you start mentally attacking your body. When I feel un-happy with how I look, I think of what's important to me—my family, my friends, and the work to which God's called me.

Although our culture can make us feel as though beauty is everything, I remind myself my relationships and my work are about who I am, not what I look like. My husband loves me because I'm caring, not because I wear a size 4 (which I don't!). I connect with people in the counseling office because I genuinely care for them, not because of my size.

4. Pick five things you can do to enjoy your body this week.
When I want to feel pampered and rejuvenated, I light vanilla-scented candles, turn on a Sarah McLachlan CD, fill the tub with bubble bath, and soak.

What can you do to treat your body well this week? Maybe it's going for a massage or a manicure. If a salon isn't in your budget, whip up some home spa treatments. Or enjoy a long walk or an intimate night with your husband. Figure out what makes your body feel good, and make time for those things.

5. Stop making unfair comparisons.
Don't measure yourself against airbrushed models. Even they don't look as good in person as they do in magazines! If you constantly compare yourself to other women, at least look at the real women around you—all of them, not just those who are skinnier or fitter than you—and admire the beauty in their bodies, too.

6. Ban body-bashing! Reframe your negative thoughts into positives.
If you're constantly telling yourself, Your rear end is too big. Nobody will like you when you look like this, think of all the reasons people do like you: People like me because I'm a kind person. Or, I'm a loyal friend.

When I look at my postpregnancy tummy and feel the negative body messages cueing up, I remember how that belly looked with my precious baby inside it. I try to replace "I have a flabby stomach" with "I have a body that nurtured a beautiful baby. That stomach is amazing!" I think of my not-quite-the-same-tummy as a reminder of the gift of motherhood.

Reflect for a moment on how much time you spend thinking about your body—what it looks like, what you wish it looked like, or perhaps what it used to look like. What would happen if you channeled that time and energy into something more productive? Our body is part of the unique way God made us. We aren't meant to worship, ignore, misuse, or hate it, but to embrace it as a gift. Even when we're swimsuit shopping!

Are You a Body-Hater?

Take this short quiz to find out if a poor body image interferes with your daily life:

1. Are you constantly trying to lose weight, even if you're in the healthy weight range for your height?
2. When people compliment you, especially on your appearance, do you find it hard to believe them?
3. Do you avoid situations that make you feel self-conscious about your body, such as going to the beach?
4. Do you compare yourself with the other women in a room? Do you take note of who's thinner or more attractive than you?
5. Do you avoid looking in mirrors, or do you always find something to critique when you look in a mirror or see yourself in photos?
6. Is your self-talk filled with critical comments about your appearance?
7. Do you find yourself thinking that if you just lost ten pounds, you'd feel content and secure?
8. Does your negative body image affect your relationships? For example, do you avoid physical intimacy with your husband because you're ashamed of your body?
9. If you were asked to list ten things you really like about your appearance, would it be difficult for you?
10.If you were asked to list ten things you really dislike about your appearance, would it be easy for you?

If you answered "yes" to a majority of these questions, you're in a battle with your body. Become your body's friend by committing to try one of the six strategies for a week. When you master that strategy, move on to another. Reward yourself for success at each stage. Success breeds success, and soon you'll be loving your body and treating it well!

Source: christianitytoday